After Midnight

by Lacy Hart

  “I’m not saying you should forget about it, Sarah. What they did was wrong, there’s no doubt about it. But are you honestly going the rest of your life without talking to either of them? How can they apologize if you never give them a chance to?”

  “Did Mom say she was going to apologize?” I stated, putting my hands on my hips.

  “Well, not in so many words.”

  “You mean not in any words,” I said as I tossed the dish towel down on the counter. “Forget about it, James. It’s not worth arguing about. I need to go shower and start getting ready for work.”

  I walked out of the kitchen and made my way up the stairs to my room, closing the door and locking it behind me. I stood with my back to the door for a moment, trying not to let the angry and upset feelings I was having get the better of me.

  They are not disrupting my life anymore, I said to myself firmly.

  I walked over and checked my work clothes to see if the blouse or pants needed ironing, and I took out my ironing board and pressed them anyway, just to give myself something to do and hopefully take my mind off my parents. By the time I was done ironing, I had taken my frustrations out on my shirt and pants, and they looked like they had been pressed at the dry cleaner.

  Taking my shower didn’t help as much either, and I had a hard time shaking the thoughts of my parents and that day when we had our falling out. I aggressively brushed my hair in the mirror, getting it straightened out, and got myself dressed, checking myself in the mirror to make sure everything looked its best. I then tied my hair back into the ponytail I always wore to work, tying it with a black ribbon.

  My shift at the diner didn’t start until 10 PM, so I sat down at my desk, typed out some notes for one of my classes, gave one last check of my email, and that was it. I gathered up my purse, slipped into my comfortable shoes and left the bedroom. I walked down the stairs, catching the end of James and Denise having a heated “discussion.”

  “You always take their side, James,” Denise spoke. “You know I don’t think she’s a good influence on Lizzie; I have said it all along. Maybe it’s time for her to go. She’s been here five years now. When is she moving on?”

  “Denise,” James said quietly. “She’s my sister. I’m not going to tell her to leave the house. She has nowhere to go. She works hard, goes to school, helps around here constantly, and I think she’s been great for Lizzie. You need to put whatever personal beef you have with her aside. You sound as bad as my parents.”

  “Did you ever think that maybe they were right?” Denise shot back.

  I tried to get down the stairs as quickly and quietly as possible so I could sneak out the front door without being seen. The last step on the stairs groaned loudly as I stepped on it, and James and Denise both turned quickly to look towards the noise and saw me. Denise gave me a sneer and went back towards their bedroom while James walked over to me.

  “Heading to work?” he said, trying to put the other discussion behind him.

  “Yes,” I said, trying not to let on that I had heard part of their discussion. “I guess I’ll see you in the morning.” I walked towards the front door, opening it before James grabbed the edge of the door and held it for a second.

  “Sarah,” he said to me. “I’m sorry if you heard that. You know I would never…”

  “Don’t worry about it, James,” I said interrupting him. “I know how it is. I’ve kind of grown used to it. Have a good night.”

  I hurried out the door and down the steps of the porch so I could get to the street as quickly as possible. I took a quick glance at my old beat up Honda, the car I have had for years now, and thought for a second about climbing in and driving off to go somewhere, anywhere where nobody knew me or anything about me.

  Instead, I kept walking down the street, pacing the short blocks until I made the left onto Oak Street. Most of the businesses were closed for the night, so the walk was generally quiet until I passed Whisper’s, one of the bars located in a town that catered to the college kids. Whisper’s name always struck me funny since it was anything but quiet at the place no matter when you seemed to go by. There was lots of noise and music, and a few people pushing their way out onto the street. Even for a Wednesday, the place had a good crowd.

  It was just another block down until I came upon the Moonlight Diner, where I worked. I could see that there were a few cars parked in the lot since it was still early by the standards of a place open twenty-four hours.

  I made my way up the stone steps to the glass doors, sighed, pulled the door open, and went inside, hoping to put what had been dredged up tonight behind me so I could have a good night at work.

  3

  Caleb

  Before I knew it, it was 6 PM and the headlights from Linda’s car were passing their beams of light just as the car began its ascent into the driveway. The lights always startled me a bit when I saw them unexpectedly, making me think back to times when our battalion would be crouching low, looking to avoid potential searchlights and flashlights scanning for troops in the area. There were many times, even after I was home, where I felt like I had to squat down or lay low on the floor just out of instinct.

  To be honest, when I saw the lights today, it snapped me out of something of a trance that I seem to fall into lately. I couldn’t even recall what I did to pass the time between the moment I saw Adam in the kitchen and now. I knew I hadn’t fallen asleep, and I was sitting on the couch, but for the life of me, I could not recall what I did for that time.

  When I saw the headlights, I got up and headed out the door of the apartment to greet Linda downstairs. Most of the time Linda was bringing home some sort of takeout for us to eat for dinner, at least since I had been home. I can’t say that I blame her for doing it. She’s much too tired to get involved in cooking anything after she had worked all day, and, to be honest, I simply did not have the cooking skills. When I was home, Ella always did all the cooking. In the military, we either had our meals in the mess area, ate our MREs when we were out in the field, or sometimes ate nothing at all because we were too busy doing whatever it was we needed to get done.

  I felt like I needed to pitch in more around the house while I was here, but I wasn’t even sure where to start when it came to the meals. Even in my apartment, where there was a small galley kitchen, I barely had anything in there other than some beverages, a couple snacks, and a few frozen entrees in the freezer.

  I met Linda in the driveway as she was getting out of her car. She smiled when she saw me standing there, and I opened the back door of the car and took the bags out she had there. There were a couple of bags from the local Chinese restaurant, one of her favorite stops since it was right near her office.

  “Hey little brother,” she said to me as she slammed the car door shut. Even though I was a good five or six inches taller than her, I had always been the little brother to Linda, and I think I always will be. Linda reached in and grabbed her briefcase and waited for me to secure the packages of food before we walked together up the walkway towards the house.

  We walked up the stone path to the front porch in silence. The sun was pretty much set in the sky at this point, and a light breeze blew the just-budding branches of the trees on the front lawn as we walked up to the porch. I held the door open for Linda and let her walk in ahead of me, and she gave me a quick, tired smile as she entered the house. Linda set her bag down just next to the stairs and turned to me.

  “I’m going to run up and get changed,” she said to me, tossing her brown hair back out of her eyes. “Can you get dinner set up? I’ll roust Adam out and bring him down with me.”

  “Sure, no problem,” I told her as I carried the bags down the hallway into the kitchen. I flipped the light switch, and the overhead lights in the kitchen bolted to life, making the room seem very bright suddenly. My eyes squinted as I adjusted to the brightness after the darkness in my apartment and the relative dark outside.

  I placed the bags on the table and turned to the cabin
ets to grab some plates and silverware. After setting the three places, I pulled the familiar white cartons out of the bags. The smell of sweet and salty sauces immediately hit me, and I put everything out on the table so each person could just grab what they wanted. By the time I was done, Adam was coming into the kitchen, with Linda not far behind him.

  We each slid into our customary spots at the table, with Adam already breaking open a couple of the cartons so he could grab some of the sesame chicken he wanted and some fried rice. Linda and I just glanced over at Adam, watching him dig in right away so he could devour his meal. His plate was practically empty by the time Linda and I had even put some food on ours, and he was already going back in for seconds.

  “No practice tonight?” Linda said to Adam as she bit into an egg roll.

  “No,” Adam answered. “Coach gave us the night off. We’ll practice hard tomorrow before the game on Friday.”

  “Oh, that’s right,” Linda offered. “It’s the big game against Union on Friday.”

  I was feeling a bit lost in the conversation since I didn’t know that much about Adam’s playing beyond that he was good. I hadn’t been to any of the games since I had been home. I knew I should go, but I always felt like I was out of place there.

  “Yep,” Adam said to us. “Coach said he thinks there will be a few college scouts there. It’s a big deal for a few of us.”

  “You feel like you’re ready?” I asked, trying to say something and add to the conversation. I looked over at Adam, and he locked eyes with me for a moment before looking back at his plate.

  “Yeah, of course,” he told me assertively. I wasn’t sure if he was saying it to me with confidence or if it was like I was crazy for even asking him the question to start with. I went back to pushing around the pepper steak I had on my plate, spearing one of the green peppers covered in brown sauce onto my fork and bringing it up to my mouth.

  Adam finished scarfing down the rest of his meal as we sat quietly. He then looked up at Linda and me. “I’ve got some homework to finish up,” he said to us as he got up and carried his plate over to the sink.

  “Okay, I’ll talk to you later,” Linda told him as he walked by and headed back upstairs. Adam had spent all of about 8 minutes sitting at the table with us and directed three words at me.

  “That was fun,” I said to Linda as I took another helping of pepper steak.

  “You weren’t exactly jumping in with things to say, Caleb,” Linda expressed.

  “What am I supposed to talk about?”

  “There are lots of topics you could talk about, Caleb. The trick is you actually have to say something to him for a conversation to start. You have plenty you can ask him about. You haven’t been around much for all seventeen years of life. Pretty much any topic will provide new information for you.”

  “I know,” I told her. “I just can’t seem to find anywhere to start. Ella was so much better at this than I was.”

  Linda sighed and patted my hand as she got up and brought her dish over to the sink.

  “I know she was better at it, Caleb, but it’s time for you to step up and start doing the parenting you need to do. She’s been gone for two years now. I was more than happy to step in and help, you know that, and Adam needed it. But you’re here now, and he needs you to take on that role.”

  I sat silently staring at my plate, looking at the patterns the trail of sauce had left at the empty pockets of my plate. Even just looking at that made me think back to looking at maps and a GPS for locations. My army life and my outside life were so closely tied together still that it was hard to shake.

  “Did you hear me, Caleb?” Linda said as she came over and sat back down at the table, facing me in her chair.

  “I’m sorry, Linda,” I said, turning my face away from the plate and back up to her. “I guess I kind of zoned out there.”

  “I said I wanted to talk to you about Ella,” she said to me. “The civil case looks like it is going to come to a close. Now that there is finally a trial date, they are getting worried that the story will get out, there will be a court case, and what not. They want to settle it. Their lawyer is supposed to send me the proposal in the morning.”

  I hadn’t even thought about the civil case since it was filed. It was Linda who had pushed for it last year, saying there was a strong case and that the statute of limitations was only two years so that if we wanted to file something, we should do it soon. Personally, I didn’t care about it. We didn’t need the money if we would get any. Ella and I had always made sure to carry appropriate life insurance policies, just in case something were to happen to either of us based on what I did for a living. After she died in the accident, a lot was going on, and I was only allowed a brief time to come back from overseas to attend to everything. Linda, thankfully, picked up the slack once again and made sure all the legal matters were attended to. After the young man who caused the accident got away without getting charged for anything, Linda felt justice had to be done in some way and went after this suit with a vengeance.

  “Whatever you think is best, Linda,” I told her. “You know how I feel about it.”

  “I know you just want it over with, but I think it’s important, from a legal standpoint and for you, Adam and for me for some closure.”

  “Money isn’t going to change what happened, or the fact that he got away with it,” I said with a hint of contempt in my voice.

  “No it won’t,” Linda said, “but even if it is just money, it makes a difference. It won’t change the experience or the pain, but it is a bit of justice getting served, and we have to take some solace in that.”

  “I suppose so.” I stood up and brought my plate over to the sink, rinsing it off and watching the map on my plate got washed down the sink before I placed the plate in the dishwasher. I turned as if to leave and go back to my apartment.

  “Caleb, wait,” Linda called to me. I turned around and saw her sitting at the table. She had that look in her eyes that she used to get when we were younger, and she was worried about me.

  “Sit and talk to me for a few minutes, please,” she pleaded.

  I sat back down in the chair and looked over at her. I could see the wheels spinning behind her eyes as she tried to figure things out and what to say.

  “You know that I am here for you, no matter what, right?” she said to me.

  “You always have been Linda, ever since we were kids. I know I can always count on you.”

  “Then don’t be afraid to let me in and let me know what is going on with you. It kills me to see you like this.”

  “Like what? I’m the same that I have always been.”

  “No, you’re not, Caleb, not even close. When we were younger, you were the scared little kid that I took care of when Mom and Dad were going at it. Once you went to the military that fear went away and you were strong, proud, capable of handling anything. You were the one everyone turned to for guidance and protection. But now… I don’t know who you are now.”

  Linda clearly had a worried look on her face, and she waited for me to answer her, but there was no good answer right there for me.

  “I’m… I’m just a little lost right now, Linda. I’m trying to figure it all out.”

  “You don’t have to figure it out on your own, Caleb. I’m here for you, and Adam is too, but you have to let us in for that to happen.” Linda reached over and took my hand. I could see she was tearing and fearful.

  “I’ll be okay, Linda, I promise,” I said to her quietly. “I just need some time.”

  “I can’t tell you that I can understand everything you have gone through, Caleb, or what you are still going through. I’m sure you have seen things that would change anyone for the rest of their lives. But that doesn’t mean I can’t be here to help you. Maybe seeing Dr. Weber will change that for you.”

  I had forgotten about Dr. Weber until Linda just brought it up. I was going to have to go and see him tomorrow to appease her.

  “Maybe,”
I told her. “We’ll see how it goes.”

  “Caleb, at least make an effort with him,” Linda said. “I can tell by the tone of your voice how you think it is going to go already. It’s the same tone you used to take with me when we were kids. Promise me you will make an effort. Arnold Weber is a good guy. He’s worked with other clients of mine in the past that have gone through trauma and has always been a big help.”

  “Linda, I’ve talked with enough psych guys in my life to know how it is going to go. I told you I would go see him and I will. What happens after that, well, I can’t make any promises.”

  “Fair enough,” she replied, smiling at me. “Do you want some coffee? I’m making a cup; I’ve got some briefs to read that will keep me up for a while.”

  “No, thanks,” I said to her. “I have a hard enough time getting sleep or finding any type of sleep schedule. Coffee at night probably wouldn’t help that much.”