by Bella Jewel
“Excuse me?” the cab driver says. “That’s eighty dollars.”
Hendrix lets me go and shoves a hand into his pocket, pulling out two fifty dollar bills. “Keep the change.”
“Why . . . thanks,” the cab driver says, getting back into the car and driving off.
Hendrix turns back to me, and his hands reach out and take mine. Then he starts turning my arms over and staring at them. He’s seeing if I’m hurt.
“I’m okay, he didn’t hurt me,” I whisper.
“Come inside, we have to talk.”
I nod and follow him inside. He tells the girl at the front desk that he wants a room for me, and when we have the keys we head up. On the elevator, he turns to me and cups my cheeks. “Fuckin’ scared, every fuckin’ second.”
“I know,” I whisper. “I’m okay.”
The elevator dings and we both exit, heading to the room. When we get in, I take only a moment to look around. It’s a nice room, with a king-sized bed and warm tones. The bathroom is a warm caramel-type color and there’s a massive bath. There’s a small fridge and a kettle, as well as a two-person sofa. A set of large sliding doors open onto a deck with a great view.
“Sit,” Hendrix orders.
I walk over to the sofa and I sit. He drops down beside me and turns to face me. His beautiful eyes scan my face. “What happened?”
I swallow. “He took me on the ship for a few weeks, looking for you. He couldn’t find you so we came back here. He fights and . . . that’s where we were tonight. It was going fine until . . .”
“Until what, Jess?”
I feel more tears slide down my cheeks. Hendrix reaches over and takes my hand. “Until what?”
“He’s still alive, Hendrix. I saw him.”
He shakes his head. “Who?”
“My foster father.”
He sucks in a breath. “Fuck, Jess. Did he hurt you?”
“No, he was giving Dimitri information. I took the chance to run.”
I don’t tell him all of what went on tonight because it’s just details he doesn’t need to know. I don’t want him to be upset with me. I don’t want him to think that I’ve betrayed him for kissing Dimitri. Well, for even feeling anything but hatred for Dimitri.
“Can he find you?”
“Which one?” I laugh, but it’s broken and sad.
“Both.”
“No, I don’t think so.”
“Then you need to come back with me. We’ll figure out a way to bring Dimitri down and—”
My phone rings suddenly, cutting him off. I feel my eyes widen and I pull it from my pocket. It’s Dimitri. I stare at the screen and then hit reject. Before I can hide it, a message flashes on the screen.
Dimitri—Baby, hide as much as you want. I’ll track you.
“Baby?” Hendrix breathes.
Oh. Shit.
I drop the phone and dare to look up at him. His expression is wild.
“It’s not—”
“Not what!” he roars. “I’ve been fuckin’ lookin’ for you and you’ve been shackin’ up with my psycho son?”
“It’s not like that, Hendrix. I’ve wanted you to find me more than anything.”
“Are you sure about that?”
My eyes water and my lips tremble. Hendrix sighs and drops his head into his hands.
“You need to be honest with me, Jess. I can’t help you if you’re not honest,” he manages, even though his voice is strained and full of disappointment.
I open my mouth and croak out, “I’m being honest, Hendrix. I’ve wanted you to find me. Hell, I tried to kill him so you wouldn’t risk your own life. For you to think I’d just forget you . . .”
“I’m sorry,” he says, turning to me. “I didn’t mean to yell at you. But shit, I’ve been beside myself . . . thinking he was hurtin’ you.”
“He didn’t,” I whisper.
“I have to end this with him, Jess.”
I nod. “I’m aware of that, but if you do it now, he’ll kill you. Or, worse, you’ll kill him.”
“He’s upending my life, he took something that was mine. I can’t just let this go on.”
I shake my head, reaching over and taking his hand. “Then let me stay.”
“What?” he says, eyes wide. “Over my dead fuckin’ body.”
“Listen to me, Hendrix,” I plead. “He . . . we’ve grown close. I’m beginning to understand him, to break down his barriers. I think . . . well . . . I hope that I can change his mind about all this. If I can spend more time with him, then I can maybe get him to come to you in a calmer frame of mind.”
“It’s too big a risk,” he says, shaking his head.
“No, it’s not. He won’t hurt me, Hendrix.”
“You don’t know his level of fucked up, Jess. I can’t trust that he won’t snap.”
I laugh bitterly. “But I do understand his level of fucked up, because I’m the same.”
Hendrix’s eyes soften. “Shit, Jess. This is dangerous.”
“It’s not. He won’t hurt me.”
“Do you care about him? Is that why you want to stay?”
I look away, staring out the window. “I do care about him, yes. But more than that, I care about you, Hendrix. I don’t want either of you hurt. He’s damaged, he thinks you left him to get hurt. You’re angry because he’s interfered in your life and started a war. If I go back with you, it will fuel his rage. If I go back to him, I might just have a chance to calm this.”
He grumbles and runs his fingers down his chin. “Shit, Jess, you’re asking me to put a lot of trust in you here.”
“I need you to do this for me, Hendrix. Please?”
He meets my gaze. “If he hurts you . . .”
“He won’t.”
He sighs. “Fine. I’ll give you a month. If I don’t hear from you by then, I’m coming back for you, Jess. I can’t just leave you there . . .”
“I’ll do everything I can.”
He shakes his head and leans back, then he murmurs, “Don’t fall in love with him.”
I stare at him. “Pardon?”
“I can see it, in your eyes. There’s a connection forming but it’s not a healthy one. He took you . . . for revenge—”
“I know, Hendrix,” I all but snap.
He puts his hands up. “I just want you to see this how it is. I don’t want you to go into this blind.”
“I’m not blind, Hendrix.”
“Then answer me this: If I was in front of him, and you were too, and something bad was happening to you but he had the chance to take me out, do you believe he would sacrifice that to save you?”
My eyes water again, because I can’t honestly answer that. I don’t know what Dimitri would do.
“I can’t answer that, Hendrix, because I don’t honestly know. But I believe there’s a chance. I need you to let me have this.”
“And I’m giving it to you. Just don’t close your eyes, Jessie. Keep them wide open.”
I smile at his pet name for me—it’s been a while since he’s used it. At my smile, he smiles too and pulls me in for a hug.
“We’ve been worried about you. Indi has missed you.”
“I’ve missed her too. Tell her I’m okay. Tell her I said hi.”
“After she beats me, you mean?”
I giggle softly. “Yeah.”
We sit quietly for a moment, before I decide to ask him a question I’ve been needing an answer to.
“Hendrix?”
“Hmmm?”
“You weren’t out on the ocean. He looked for you, for two weeks . . . but you weren’t there.”
“I didn’t doubt Dimitri’s sources, Jessie. I knew he would be able to find me if he needed to, so leaving myself open was stupid. I needed to be smart and hit him on land—where he least expected it. I knew if he went out there and couldn’t find me, he would go back. So, I was tracking him. I kept myself hidden, but I have my contacts too. When he was heading toward Los Angeles, I knew he’d sto
p so I came too. I was tracking his location when you called.”
“I thought as much,” I admit. “I didn’t think you would have just left yourself open. Well . . . that’s not entirely true. There was a time there, when I saw all Dimitri’s weapons and contacts, I worried for you.”
He chuckles. “Don’t worry about me. I’m the ultimate, baby.”
I laugh. “I’m happy you’re here and I got to let you know I’m okay.”
“Me too, Jessie. Me too.”
Hendrix leaves after we eat something together. I hold back the tears as he walks out the door, promising to keep tracking me. He’s placed a device on my phone that will allow him to follow me if he needs to get to me at any time. He’s given me a month to change his mind, otherwise he’s coming back in to take me out. No doubt Dimitri too.
I sit on the bed and lean against the soft pillows. My mind won’t sway from Dimitri, and my heart won’t stop aching. He hurt me. He doesn’t realize how much. I know I have to call him, though, because he will turn this city upside down trying to find me if I don’t. I pull out the phone and stare down at the thirty missed calls on the screen.
With a deep breath, I lift the phone and dial his number, pressing it to my ear.
“Where the fuck are you?” he barks the minute he answers.
“If you’re going to talk to me like that, I’m not telling you.”
He’s silent and takes a deep breath. “Jess, where are you?”
I give him the address for the hotel.
“How did you get into a hotel?”
I hesitate. Shit, I never even thought of that.
“I, um, knew my credit card details by heart. They accepted it.”
“Yeah,” he says hesitantly. “Well, I’ll be there in a bit.”
“Okay.”
I hang up the phone and place it beside me, then I lean back into the pillows. I honestly don’t know what I’ll feel when I see Dimitri. My chest is constricting, my heart is pounding, and my head is telling me Hendrix is right. I close my eyes and focus on taking a few deep breaths. It’s important I don’t break down, that I approach Dimitri right about all this.
Or I’ll fail—and failing isn’t an option.
“Jess!”
I jerk my eyes open, and it seems like half an hour has passed in a blur. I must have drifted off. I stumble out of the bed and hurry to the door, swinging it open. Dimitri is standing, wearing a pair of faded jeans, a tight black tee, and unlaced boots. It looks like he’s just thrown some clothes on and run out. I stare up at his face, and gasp. His eye is black and his jaw is bruising.
“You’re hurt.”
He shrugs. “It happens. Can I come in?”
I nod, pushing the door open. He steps in, glancing around the room before turning to me.
“We need to talk.”
“Yeah,” I whisper. “I know.”
I sit on the edge of the bed and he stands in front of me, shoving his hands into his pockets.
“I fucked up, Jess.”
I look up at him with wide eyes. “What?”
“I said I fucked up. I should have killed that son of a bitch without hesitation.”
I look away, feeling my cheeks heat. “Your revenge came first, Dimi.”
“Yeah, but I said I fucked up.”
I look up at him, and he stares right into my eyes. I can see the regret there. I sigh and rub my hands over my legs.
I hesitate for a moment, but I know this might be the only chance I have of getting things out of Dimitri that I haven’t been able to before. “Can I ask you something?”
He takes a step forward and sits beside me. “Yeah.”
“Will you answer me honestly?”
He sits on my question for a minute, before answering, “Yeah.”
I gather my courage and then I speak. “If I was in front of you, and I was in trouble, and Hendrix appeared too, what would you do?”
“I don’t follow,” he says, looking puzzled.
“Would you take the chance to get Hendrix or would you save me?”
He narrows his eyes, like he’s shocked. A look of pure horror crosses his face.
“What kind of man do you think I am, Jess?” he almost whispers, his voice is so low.
“I . . .”
“Clearly not what I thought,” he mutters, standing.
“Dimi,” I say, standing too.
He spins around. He’s angry now. “The fact that you honestly thought I’d take him over saving you tells me you have learned nothing about me.”
“You haven’t exactly given me anything other than ‘revenge, revenge, revenge’.”
He shakes his head, glaring at me. “I won’t deny revenge is all I’ve thought about. But if you were ever in trouble, nothing . . . nothing would stop me from fuckin’ getting to you.”
I feel my body tingle all over.
“It wouldn’t?”
He turns and walks to the door. “No, and you shoulda known that.”
I rush toward him. “Dimitri, don’t just walk out.”
He doesn’t listen to me.
“You hurt me tonight,” I yell, causing him to stop. “You let that . . . that . . . man . . . go. You took his side for information. Did you really think I wouldn’t question what this is that’s between us?”
He spins around. “I’d have never let him touch you.”
“It’s beside the point!” I yell.
“Fuck, Jess, what do you want from me? I stole you. At what point did I go from being the enemy to fucking Prince Charming?”
I shake my head, letting tears leak out. They run down my cheeks and drip off my chin, but I don’t stop them.
“I never said I wanted Prince Charming. Hell, I never even said I wanted the bad guy. I just want honesty, Dimi. I want to know why I’m still here talking to you, when I had the chance to run.”
He walks toward me until he stops in front of me. He looks down at me, his blue eyes intense. “You tell me,” he breathes. “Why didn’t you run?”
I shake my head, staring at him through blurred vision. “Because I can see beyond what everyone else sees. I can see the side to you that you’ve pushed down. I can see a part of me in you. I feel a connection when I’m with you, an understanding . . . but more than anything, I feel you, Dimitri. With everything I am.”
Before another word can leave my lips, he lunges forward, wrapping his hands around my shoulders and crushing my body against his. Then his lips descend toward mine. The moment they connect, I forget everything. My knees become weak and I find myself curling my fingers into his shirt, being careful not to touch his chest. He groans and takes a step forward, causing me to take a step backwards.
We hit the bed and tumble down, and the weakness in my body quickly turns to fear as his body slams over mine. To most, this is a beautiful moment. To me, it’s pure terror. I gasp and wrench my mouth from his, putting my hands to his chest and shoving him hard. He flinches at my contact, and his body, too, stiffens. He jackknifes off me and stumbles backwards. I sit up, panting.
We both look like we’ve just relived something awful.
God. How fucked up are we?
I rub my hands over my chest and stare at Dimi, who is looking down at the floor, his fists clenched. It bothered him too, when I touched him. It brought back something he doesn’t want to face. Just like his body over mine did. I sigh deeply and drop my head into my hands. What can I say right now to make this better? Is there even a way to make it better?
“Well, aren’t we just a picture of fucked up-ness,” I mutter.
I lift my head to see Dimitri staring at me, his lip quirking.
“Fucked up-ness?”
“Yeah,” I say, lying back on the bed. “Fucked up-ness.”
He walks over and surprises me by dropping down onto the bed beside me. We both lie, side by side, staring at the ceiling.
“We make an interesting . . .” I halt, trying to think of a word.
“Couple?
” he offers.
“We’re not a couple, we can’t even fuck.”
He makes a choking sound and I glance over to see him grinning. “I can’t stand being touched and you can’t stand being fucked.”
I laugh softly. “Could make for an interesting union.”
“Do you want me to fuck you, Jess?”
My cheeks flush. It takes me a moment to answer, because it’s not something I ever thought I’d feel. The very idea of sex terrifies me, yet a huge part of my body wants him, so much so that I want to know what it feels like to have a man who’s genuine take my body. I know it’s different, I know he’s not . . . he’s not Roger. So, I answer him with full honesty. “Oh, Dimi, yes.”
He turns to me, his eyes blazing. “Don’t know how we could work it.”
I shake my head, struggling to control my breathing. “No, I don’t either.”
“Most of the women I fuck just lie there, or they ride me with their hands on their legs.”
“Thanks for that information,” I murmur.
“We can’t do those things because you don’t want my body over yours . . .”
“It’s not that I don’t . . . it was just . . . it was how you came over me so fast and—”
“I get it,” he interrupts. “I do.”
We’re both silent. When I turn and look at him, he’s watching me, his face gentle but equally lusty. “You can do one thing for me.”
“I can?” I whisper. “And what’s that?”
“You can kiss me again, baby.”
Oh. Yes. That I can do.
I roll toward him and I lean forward, pressing our lips together. He shifts closer to me so we’re not touching, but we’re close enough that we can kiss comfortably. He starts out with a slow, deep kiss involving some tongue action that has my body burning for him. As things heat up, the kiss turns more intense. My body becomes aware of his, and I find myself wanting to press myself against him. Things ache in my body that only Dimitri could get to ache.
Pulling his mouth from mine, he murmurs, “How about we try something?”