“What?” Cassie asked defensively.
“Just be careful. And let him know I know what he looks like, so he better not try anything.”
Cassie rolled her eyes. “We know his roommates. I’m pretty sure he knows he’d be easy to find.”
“Oh. Good point.” Jenna smiled impishly. “Fine. But I do want to know what happens tomorrow. And try to ask him if he enjoys driving alone into empty parking lots at night.”
Cassie sat on her bed thinking after Jenna had left. First, she wondered why she didn’t want to talk to Jenna about Kyler. She didn’t normally have a problem discussing the boys she dated. But it made her nervous to treat Kyler like any other boy. She liked him. She didn’t even know why, though. He was good-looking and seemed nice enough, but so were many of the boys she dated. Maybe it was because she didn’t feel confident in his interest in her. He’d asked her on a date, yes, but that didn’t mean he really liked her. Maybe it was just to annoy Paul, who Kyler didn’t seem to like much. But since when did she care just how much some boy liked her?
She threw herself back onto her comforter and flung her pillow over her head. Things were getting weird. What was up with her?
Then she wondered about Kyler’s behavior. He seemed disturbed by her question about his family, and she felt stupid for having asked. She liked to ask people about themselves. She liked that if you ask a person to tell you one thing about themselves, you learn a lot about them in their answer. For example, the one thing Kyler valued most in his family is his sister. He’d not only told Cassie he had a sister, but that they were close. Maybe something awful had happened to her.
Chapter 4: A Date
The next morning Cassie woke up early. She wanted to finish her homework with plenty of time to prepare for her three o’clock date. She felt more rested than she had for a while. She’d had no troubling French dreams, and she tried to put her past out of her mind so she could focus. She hadn’t been this excited for a date in a long time. In fact, she couldn’t remember a time she’d ever been this excited to go out. She was sitting at her desk by the window finishing up a difficult chemistry assignment when her phone rang.
“Hello?” she said absently.
“Hi Cassie!”
“Zach, hey, what’s up?” It was silly that she was hoping he had to cancel. “Is everything still on for tonight?”
“Yeah, of course!” He sounded excited and she felt bad for wanting to ditch him. “I just wanted to be sure you’d remembered!”
“Nah, I wouldn’t forget. But listen; can I meet you at the play?”
“Uh, yeah,” he said, disappointed. “Why? You’re not staying in again, are you?”
“No. I just have something going on at 3, and I don’t know if I’ll be able to get home in time, so I’ll just head straight over to the play.” Cassie wasn’t sure why she didn’t just tell him. He always knew about her dates. She told herself that she didn’t want another lecture about dating strangers.
“Oh. Okay. So you probably can’t go to dinner before the play?” He sounded positively miserable.
“Oh Zach! No, I can’t, I made plans! Sorry. Listen, I gotta go, I’m trying to get a lot of work done.”
It seemed like he wanted to add more, but he just said, “Meet me at eight. I’ll see you tonight.”
“Alright, bye.” She hung up feeling unaccountably guilty. She thought about Zach. They’d been friends for almost three years now. She met him in a history class freshman year, and he was one of the few boys she knew that didn’t want to date her. It was refreshing, and was the reason she’d hung out with him in the beginning. But as time went on, they became very close friends. He was nice and candid, and quick to laugh. He was always there for her when she needed a friend or an honest opinion. They laughed about the same things. Just like her, he had been on a lot of dates. And just like her, he had never consistently dated anyone for more than a couple of weeks.
Cassie sighed. Every once in a while, Zach would get annoyed with her for no apparent reason. Last year he hadn’t talked to her or returned her calls for almost a month. Then he returned and acted like there was nothing wrong. After her bouts of silence, she could hardly blame him. Still, she hoped another bout of the silent treatment wasn’t on the way. She looked at the clock and realized it was noon, so she stopped thinking and hurried to finish her last assignment.
When Kyler arrived at three o’clock, Cassie was sitting in front of her dorm building with Jenna. It was sunny and nice outside, so they had brought out a blanket to talk and wait for Kyler. The trees were in full bloom and the air had finally warmed up.
“Hello there,” he said, looking at them both. Cassie noticed that he looked different in the daylight. He had naturally pale skin, with dark hair. His eyes were much more noticeably blue in the light.
“Hi! You remember Jenna?” Cassie felt nervous. It was a strange pre-date feeling for her. She normally didn’t care how she came off. It was disconcerting to feel like she was on the other side now.
“Of course. Nice to see you again.” He sounded very formal. “You ready?”
“Yeah. I’ll see you later Jenn,” Cassie said, ignoring the smirk Jenna was sending her way. When they were in his car, she asked, “So what are we doing?”
“We are first going to the store, where you are going to help me make some very important decisions about dinner.”
About a half hour later, at Kyler’s apartment, Cassie, feeling more comfortable, started to question Kyler again. Clichéd first date questions or not, she wanted to get to know him. And she knew she’d need answers for Hannah or she’d suspect all sorts of hanky-panky.
“You said you moved around a lot, but where were you the longest?” Cassie asked him as he put the cake in the oven.
“New Mexico, mostly,” he answered, and then he asked, “Have you ever been to New Mexico?”
“No. I’ve never been further from home than I am right now.”
“And home is Virginia?” He inquired thoughtfully. He sounded as though he was putting the pieces of her puzzle together in his mind. She didn’t see why it would be puzzling, he didn’t even know the wild parts!
She nodded and they went to sit at the table which was set for their early dinner. As the meal started, Kyler was quiet. The opposite of the night before. Her anxiety grew. Had she done something wrong? Was this how the men she went out with normally felt?
“What’s on your mind?” She asked, trying to sound nonchalant and confident.
He looked at her uncertainly. “I have a question for you.” Cassie was surprised, since the first time she’d seen him, he’d always been very charming and sure of himself.
“What is that?
“I figure it’s fair. You asked me yesterday,” he said, defending himself before he got started.
Cassie laughed, now thinking she knew what he would ask. “I’m pretty sure you can ask me anything.”
“Well... I was just wondering about your love life.” His typical calm exterior was slipping. He looked afraid of her answer.
“My love life? My love life…” she paused, enjoying his squirming. He was definitely into her. “I go on a lot of dates. But it’s just fun, nothing serious.”
He didn’t relax. “Really? Why is that, do you think?”
“I don’t know, I guess I’ve just never really clicked with anyone, you know?” These were common questions from friends, strangers, and most of all her mother.
“Never?” He asked, quickly picking up on the word with intense attention.
“No. Never.” She felt kind of sad as she said it. She wondered if this was a good thing or a bad thing from his perspective. If she’d never been in love maybe there was some sort of defect in her.
“What’s wrong?” He asked with the same intensity.
“Nothing, really. I was just wondering if there is something wrong with me.”
“Well that depends. Do you love anyone in your life? Is there anyone you do ‘click with�
�?” He looked nervous about this answer, too. And he asked the question with almost a guilty air.
“Of course. I love my mom. I loved my dad.” She paused, running faces through her mind. “And I guess I love Jenna and Zach.”
“Zach?” He asked raising his eyebrows.
She laughed at the look. “Yes, Zach. You sound like you care!”
He smiled back, “Just curious about the competition.”
“Zach is not competition. He’s just a really good friend.”
“Just a good friend?” He repeated.
“Yes. It’s not like we’re dating or anything. He’s just like me; he never dates anyone for long. We get along well.” She immediately wished she could take the words back. She never dated anyone because she never liked anyone, but she liked Kyler and she didn’t want him to think she was fickle.
“What about you?” She said, quickly changing the subject off of her. “You loved someone once, but no one since then?”
He cocked his head to the side and looked at her intently for a moment before responding. “No. No one since.”
“Well, this is kind of a second date and it matters to me,” Cassie couldn’t help but be blunt. “So, are you still in love?”
He was quiet for a moment, looking down. When he spoke, he looked up at her and deliberately said, “The only woman I’m remotely interested in now is you.”
Cassie looked down, blushing faintly. When she looked back up at him, he was still looking intently at her. "Good to hear,” she said trying to sound offhand, then she changed the subject. “What about your family?”
“Well, my parents are both dead, but I have a sister and we’re very close,” he said with a look of fondness.
“Tell me about her,” Cassie requested.
“Her name is Halle. She’s just a year and a half younger than me. Right now she’s running around Europe somewhere. I haven’t seen her for almost a year.” He looked sad about that. “But we talk a couple of times a week.”
“What’s she doing in Europe?” Cassie asked.
“Just... running.” He stopped suddenly.
“Running? From life?” Cassie asked after an extended pause. She understood the urge to just run away from problems.
“Yeah, I guess.” He looked thoughtful. “What is your major?”
The conversation shifted to lighter topics as they finished dinner, and then ate dessert. While they were cleaning up, Kyler asked a few more questions.
“Cassie, what were your parents like growing up?”
“Hmm. They were... protective. They were suspicious. They loved me. Especially my dad.” She looked down at her hands. “He was always so worried about me. He’d just talk to me for hours. About everything. About my friends, schoolwork, any boys I liked, what I wanted to do with my future. Everything I did was to make him proud of me.”
“When did he die?” Kyler asked quietly, he took her right hand, which had been twisting around the other, and held it loosely in both of his.
“He was diagnosed with Lou Gehrig’s disease a few years back. He died two years ago.” She was quiet. She wasn’t a crier, and she certainly didn’t want Kyler to see it. He pulled her over to the couch and they sat down.
“I’m sorry. That must have been tough. You sound like you were close.”
“We were. Ever since I was fifteen he was my closest confidant. He was like my psychiatrist. I told him everything, and he wanted to hear it. And ALS—it wasn’t pretty.” She stopped talking.
“Since you were fifteen? What happened then?” He asked. His emphasis was deliberate and she realized it seemed a late age to become close to your father.
“Yeah, that’s a long story and not for today. But he was diagnosed when I was 14, and had progressed enough that he was home a lot.” She sighed, and hoped he would change the subject. Cassie hated telling people about her past. Especially guys she dated. The only people around her who knew about the accident were Jenna, Zach and her mother. It was strange, normally she wouldn’t even have told him that much about her father, but he seemed so sincerely interested that it just spilled out.
“Not today?” He said with a smile. She thought the mood in the room warmed several degrees with his grin. It was only then she noticed that her hand in his. “How about tomorrow?”
“Tomorrow might be good,” she said. She loved that he was holding her hand. The last three guys who had kissed her had completely skipped holding her hand. In her mind hands should come first, and then if you like that you move on. His touch gave her the strange, familiar feeling again, but she liked that, too.
“Great. Now, we have a foosball table in the basement, and I am the reigning champ…” He seemed to sense that she didn’t want to talk about serious things anymore.
“Oh, your reign of terror is over,” she said grinning; he stood and pulled her up after him.
An hour and a half later Cassie arrived at the university playhouse. She arrived just minutes before the beginning of the play. She hurried up the stairs to will-call to pick up her ticket. She was elated from her date, and not just because she’d beaten Kyler 4 games to 2. Breathless, she walked in looking for Zach. The theatre was full and it took her a while to find him. He was down near the stage. Cassie realized uncomfortably that he must have arrived much earlier to have gotten such a good seat.
“Hey Zach,” she said as she sat next to him. When he didn’t respond she continued, “Nice seats. What time did you get here?”
“7:45. We were supposed to meet at 8.” He answered shortly. Cassie glanced at her watch. It was 8:28.
“I know. I’m really sorry!” She wished she could blame it on her date, but she didn’t want to make Kyler look bad. And it really wasn’t his fault. She’d insisted on a tie-breaking game. And then they did one more because she didn’t want to leave. Now she didn’t know what to say.
Zach was waiting for her to explain her lateness. When she didn’t, he asked, “So where’ve you been?”
“I had a date. And he wasn’t a stranger,” she added before he had time to respond, “I hung out with him in a group last night.”
“A date?” He said, with a strange expression.
“Yeah! And I just got distracted,” she whispered quietly as the theatre went dark. When he didn’t answer, she peered through the darkness at his face. It was stony, his eyes staring straight forward. Cassie figured he was still angry she’d been late. She was quiet for a while as the introductions to the play began. When they were told to turn their cell phones off, she decided that if she explained, he’d understand. After all, he’d never found someone he was interested in either; if anyone could understand it would be him.
“This isn’t a date?” Zach asked suddenly. The curtain rose on the stage.
“What?” Cassie looked at him in surprise. “Well... I guess so. But, not really?”
He didn’t respond; he just stared at the actors on stage. If it weren’t for the look on his face, she would have thought he was just enjoying the scene.
“Zach, what’s wrong?” She asked, he didn’t normally get angry with her and this was twice now in a month.
“What about my asking you out to a play isn’t a date?” He asked in a fierce whisper. “A date with some guy you’ll never see again matters more than coming with me... to what? To play? To hang out?” He said it with heavy sarcasm. She could see he was furious, but she didn’t understand it.
“I’m confused. I was just a little late. I’m here, right? It’s not like it mattered more. I didn’t brush you off for a date! You’re one my best friends!” Her defensive side took over as she felt his unjustified anger. But she couldn’t help feeling guilty at her words as she remembered her urge to ditch him this morning. But I didn’t, she told herself virtuously.
“Yeah, you’re here. A half hour after we agreed to meet. And you forgot that we were supposed to go out to eat beforehand. I’d made reservations at La Boehm.” His tone was still belligerently angry.
“I told you about that this morning,” she said, but he was right, she had forgotten.
“So a date is what you had at three?” He asked, the biting tone back.
“Look, Zach, I’m sorry. Really, I am. I completely forgot. I actually had to change the date with Kyler from an evening to a day date so I wouldn’t ditch you. But I’m sorry you were here alone for a while.” She peered through the gloom of the theatre to read his face. He still looked upset. Cassie sighed. What else did he want from her? She gave up and decided to just watch the play.
They didn’t speak again throughout the first two acts: Zach in an irate silence, and Cassie in a confused and concerned one. When the curtain fell and the lights came on for the intermission Cassie could see that Zach’s fierce anger was replaced by something else. She couldn’t quite put her finger on what it was.
“Do you want me to buy some treats?” She asked, trying to restore the peace. He shrugged. “Alright, I’ll be right back.”
She hopped up and squeezed her way past the row of knees, going to join a throng in front of the concession stand. When she left the line grasping her treats Zach was waiting for her.
“Hey. Do you mind if we don’t finish?” He asked.
“You mean just leave now?” She responded, surprised again. “Why?”
“I just want to talk to you,” he said, going unaccountably red in the face.
“Alright. Sure,” Cassie said, eager to be agreeable. She didn’t really care what they did, as long as Zach wasn’t angry at her anymore. She followed behind him as he led the way out. He didn’t head to the parking lot as she expected, but instead walked toward the middle of campus in silence. For someone who wanted to talk, he wasn’t very forthcoming.
“My robotics class is going surprisingly well. I wasn’t sure if I could handle it when I signed up. It’s supposed to be one of the hardest. But I guess we’ll see after the test next week,” Cassie said cordially. It was nervous chatter: Zach was normally very laid back and his behavior made her uneasy. “But my Chem. 495 class isn’t going great. Which is also surprising becau—”
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