Forgotten

by Jessica Carbine

  “But enough about my secrets. It’s time to move on to yours,” he said.

  She laughed, “I hope you won’t be too disappointed, but I don’t really have any,” Cassie lied. “I’m glad I got you to talk about yours, though. Even if I didn’t really understand.”

  “You have secrets! You may not consider them that, but to me, everything I don’t know about you is a secret,” he contradicted.

  “Okay, what do you want to know?” She asked.

  He took a deep breath. His face hardened and he asked, “What happened to you when you were 15 that made you and your dad so close?”

  “Wow, you remembered?” She asked, stalling a bit. She thought it a little strange that he’d picked the one thing she never wanted to talk about.

  “Of course.”

  “Well, it’s kind of hard to describe,” she said, realizing that she might as well tell him now, but not knowing how to start.

  “Why?”

  “Because I don’t really know what happened.” She sighed, and dove into her story, adding the latest details that she had recently found out. It was the first time she’d put it together out loud. “When I was fifteen years old I went missing for a while. My school called my mom to let her know I’d missed class. I had missed the whole day of school and my parents had no idea where to find me. They reported me missing, but I hadn’t been gone a full 24 hours when they got a call from a hospital a ways away from our house. It was after 2 a.m., telling them that I had been in an accident.” As she talked, she realized with surprise that she wanted to tell him this story. She wanted him to know everything about her. “Apparently I was in the passenger seat of a car when it was hit head-on. They don’t know who or what happened to the driver. Or if there even was a driver.”

  Kyler was barely watching the road. He was staring at her in open amazement. Like he couldn’t believe the story he was hearing, which she found odd since she hadn’t yet arrived at the amazing part.

  “So when they arrived at the hospital, I was unconscious. I had only woken up for a few minutes before, which I don’t remember. I jabbered some nonsense and fell back asleep. I woke up two days later.”

  Kyler still didn’t say anything.

  “But the worst part,” she continued, “was that when I did wake up, I didn’t recognize them. I didn’t remember them at all. And to this day I don’t remember anything that happened before the accident.”

  “But... what was that like? Were you okay?”

  “It was terrifying,” Cassie said, surprising herself with her openness. “I didn’t recognize anyone. But I remembered so many regular things. Just nothing about me. Or my parents. And it was more than that. I was so crushingly lonely. It was like everyone I’d ever cared about was gone. Which they kind of were, since I couldn’t remember them. I jumped every time my parents touched me. They were so freaked out they had me stay in the hospital for a couple weeks.”

  “Oh.” He sat pensive and thinking for a while.

  “So that’s that. Only secret I’ve got,” she said flippantly. “That, and the entire void that is my childhood.”

  “Cass…” He trailed off, then he said in barely a whisper, “I’m so sorry.”

  “It’s okay. It’s my life and I really don’t remember anything else so I deal with it.”

  “No memories even after all this time?” He wondered, louder, but his face still looked tragically upset.

  “Nope,” she said cheerfully. “But I do have some crazy dreams sometimes.”

  He nodded, as though he’d been expecting this response, then said, “Oh yeah?”

  “I have dreams of places I’ve never been. Of people speaking languages I’ve never heard. It makes for a fun night,” She grinned. “But that is my only secret. Honest.”

  “How did you deal with that? With not knowing where you came from or who anyone was? Did you have any friends?” He worried.

  “Well, my parents moved right after the accident. So I didn’t have to deal with any of my old friends. They told them all what happened, though. When I moved to my new school I just made new friends and tried to figure out who I was. I mean, it’s weird to not know how you would normally react in any given situation. I had to figure all of that out.”

  “And who did you decide you were?” He asked.

  Cassie thought for a moment. “I decided I was outgoing and friendly. But I think that might have been because I was trying so hard.”

  “No,” He said quietly.

  “'No' what?”

  “I just don’t think that you were ever shy. You must have always been outgoing.”

  She smiled broadly. “Thanks.”

  “What was the hardest part?” His face looked troubled. Almost guilty.

  “Hmm. That’s hard to say. I guess it would be the feeling that I was all alone. Not remembering any friends or family, I felt abandoned, torn apart. If it hadn’t been for my dad I don’t think I would have ever gotten over it. I was depressed for months.”

  “Depressed? You?” He asked as though that was impossible, like he didn’t want to believe it.

  “Yeah,” She said, feeling guilty. He didn’t really know her at all. He only knew the bright, happy Cassie that she’d been for weeks now. Maybe she did have another secret.

  “What happened when he died?” Kyler carefully took her hand as he said it, as though she were more fragile than she’d previously been.

  “Funny you should ask. It came back,” Cassie said with her head down and her eyes on their hands.

  “What? Your memory?” He said surprised.

  “Oh no. That has never come back and probably never will. Especially not with my mom’s help. The loneliness came back. I was depressed for a few months. But I managed to move on. And here I am.” She looked up at him and smiled brightly.

  “Depressed…” He whispered inaudibly. “I’m so sorry.”

  Cassie sat quietly. His reaction made her like him even more. He wasn’t fascinated with her, or freaked out. He was just concerned.

  The silence stretched for a few minutes until Kyler cleared his throat and said, “What do you mean, with your mom’s help?”

  “She doesn’t want me to try and remember. I think she thinks that if it happens it should happen naturally. She really doesn’t believe in therapy.” It was easy to tell she was frustrated. “And I think she’s afraid of the depression returning.”

  “But wouldn’t remembering help that feeling?” He said hopefully.

  “I think so.”

  “After all this time, do you want to remember? Wouldn’t you be angry at your friends for never visiting?” He went on hesitantly. “And whoever was driving you just left you….”

  “But don’t you see? That is the most frustrating thing. Where was I going? Who was I with? And if I was injured and they weren’t, why would they leave? Was I with them voluntarily or was I kidnapped?” She wondered aloud. “But then, maybe I was delinquent before the accident. And running off wasn’t that unusual. I want to know. I feel like I have to know.”

  “You don’t know? Didn’t your parents finish the story for you?”

  “No. They really didn’t like talking about before the accident. Or about it. I barely know anything about my life beforehand. They just want me to move forward and leave the past forgotten.”

  He nodded.

  “I’ve tried looking it up in the news, but I can’t find anything. Probably because I wasn’t gone for very long. The police hadn’t even officially started searching yet. Anyway, where are we driving?” Cassie said, abruptly finished with the subject.

  “To the Appalachian Trail, actually,” He answered. Then, unwilling to drop it, he asked, “But you’re happy now?”

  “Very. Especially now.” Still trying to move on, she commented about the trail, “Appalachian Trail, huh? Feeling like a hike?”

  “Just a short one. According to one of my roommates, there’s a beautiful place about a mile off the trail. I figured we could find i
t together.” He smiled.

  ”What is it?”

  “You’ll just have to wait and see.”

  “Mm, I love surprises. But….” She stopped. She was hungry but didn’t want to ruin the date.

  “What?”

  “Never mind.”

  He looked at her carefully, then smiled to himself and let it drop.

  A few minutes later he pulled the car over into a park. A big sign advertised that the Appalachian Trail was to their east. They both got out of the car, and Cassie went to the side while Kyler retrieved something from the trunk.

  “Is that a picnic basket?” Cassie asked hopefully.

  “Sure is!”

  “Oh, you’re the best!” She exclaimed, eyeing it happily.

  “Don’t even think about opening it until we get there,” he threatened.

  “And where was ‘there’ again?”

  “Not a chance. Be patient.”

  They quickly found the Appalachian Trail, and Cassie was surprised when they immediately crossed it, moving into the wilderness beyond.

  “Just a mile?” She clarified as her stomach rumbled.

  “Possibly less,” He assured her. They hiked through the trees and undergrowth for about ten minutes before Cassie heard running water. A few minutes later they stepped out of the trees. A wide river now stood in their way, Kyler turned to follow it upstream. Just around the first bend Cassie glimpsed what lay ahead. Kyler didn’t comment, but she was sure it was it their destination. In the middle of the river there was a mound of earth with four or five freshly blooming trees growing out of it.

  “You’ll need to take your shoes off, unless you want them to get wet,” Kyler said, smiling at her delight in the tiny island.

  They both shed their shoes and Cassie followed him as he stepped into the cool water. It flowed smoothly over the tops of her feet as she walked along a shallow sandbar that led to the island.

  The island, roughly twice the size of the dorm common room, had grass mixed with wildflowers blanketing it. When Kyler stepped onto it, he didn’t bother putting his shoes back on, instead he left them on the edge of the land. Cassie followed suit. The ground was velvety. Stepping lightly, she went to join him as he laid out a blanket he’d revealed from his large picnic basket.

  Cassie sat next to him on the blanket, with the basket in between them. Sitting up on her heels, she attempted to peer in as he pulled plates out. She couldn’t quite see, but smelled something delicious. Sitting back down, she tried to be patient.

  “It’s just good old fashioned fried chicken and potato salad. Oh, and some rolls.” He pulled out containers as he said each food.

  “Did you make this?” She asked, shocked.

  “Yes, I didn’t have any class today.” He seemed embarrassed. His response was more of a justification.

  “That’s awesome. You might have guessed by now, but I’m not much of a cook. It smells amazing,” She commented, watching him serve her. It tasted as good as it smelled and they were quiet for a few minutes as they ate. The sun was just about to fall behind the trees when they finished. They talked for a while as he packed up their dishes and blanket. Kyler was getting ready to leave, but Cassie got down on her knees right in front of the water, where the sand came out. Glad she wore shorts, she began piling sand in a mound and shaping the edges out in a square.

  Laughing, Kyler said, “Always wanting to play.” And then he dropped to his knees to help her.

  Under their hands a castle slowly formed, with turrets at each corner and a fortress inside walls. Kyler got up to find a stick to make a flag. Cassie, watching from the corner of her gleaming eye, scooped up a handful of muddy sand. Giggling, she threw it toward his retreating head. However Kyler, hearing her laugh, had turned to see what was funny, and the mud went straight for his face, giving him no time to dodge. In the instant before it hit, Cassie felt guilty, not meaning to hit his face. But then, the mud stopped. It just froze in the air in front of his face. Cassie looked from the mud to his face and back again. His eyes were wide; they looked astonished and slightly... scared? His expression wasn’t quite frightened, but she couldn’t decide what it was. Absolutely shocked at what she was seeing, Cassie blinked to check her sanity. After the short moment of darkness, she opened her eyes to see Kyler’s face covered in mud. Not more than 3 seconds had passed since she’d thrown it.

  “What the—“ she murmured. Trying to think of a logical explanation, she was too bewildered to form a vocal question.

  “Oh, you’re going to get it!” Kyler shouted with a big grin, seeming—no, acting, she amended—unaware. She remembered his expression and she was absolutely sure that he’d seen it, too. Now his eyes had a guarded tightness to them. He rushed to the water to get his own mud, strangely ignoring that she was frozen in place. As he turned to retaliate, he seemed to notice all was not well. Mud in hand, he knelt down to her level and looked into her face.

  “What just happened?” She asked quietly. She could see a controversy burning in his eyes.

  He didn’t answer right away. Then, his eyes and face still torn, he offered “Cassie?”

  And she, thinking he was debating between honesty and lies, tried to answer in a confident, strong tone. “Kyler?” He looked faintly amused by her response.

  “What’s wrong? You hit me with mud, but, the look on your face almost has me thinking it’s the other way around.”

  “You didn’t see it, then?” She carefully evaluated him as he answered.

  “See it? See what?” Cassie saw in his eyes the resolution he’d made. While she wasn’t sure what he’d chosen, it seemed a painful, difficult choice, and she hoped that lying would be easy for him and the truth hard. She felt inclined to trust him as she answered.

  “The mud. It looked like it froze in front of you. Like it lost its momentum and was no longer subject to gravity.” She had to get it out, even knowing how crazy she sounded.

  “Really?!” He said, relieved. “You saw it too? I didn’t want you to think I was insane! I figured it moved in slow motion given my surprise. I automatically assumed I was a little crazy. Maybe we both are, eh?” He laughed, but his eyes were still tight. The conflict had dissolved.

  “But what we saw was impossible,” She said, as relieved as he was. Fortunately, he saw it, too, and didn’t lie to her about it.

  “I guess we both just hallucinated at the same time. Or... oh, I don’t know. You can try to throw more mud in my face to test it again.” He was still grinning, but his face was tense.

  Maybe they were crazy. Cassie allowed the conversation to turn light. “Perfect! Maybe that was just my plan all along, distract you from retaliating!” She said it with a coy smile, falling back into her normal attitude easily. At least she wasn’t crazy alone.

  “I wouldn’t put it past you!” He laughed, his face relaxed.

  “I guess we are crazy,” she said as she tried to accept his explanation of events. They’d both seen something that hadn’t really happened. That couldn’t have happened. She laughed shakily and put it out of her mind. She turned to him and said smugly, “You better wash that off before it hardens.”

  As they were driving back Cassie absently watched the forest fly by her. She wondered what was wrong with her. She kept seeing things that weren’t possible. Her eyes locked onto a rabbit by the side of the road, and she followed it as they flew past it. That’s it! She thought. That’s all it is. The trees are flying past, or we are. But either way, they are moving from my perspective. But if I focus on the rabbit, and follow it with my eyes, it freezes. It doesn’t move. The same thing happened with the mud. I’ve just been confused ever since the shock of the climbing incident.

  She sat back, trying to feel satisfied with her feeble interpretation.

  Chapter 6: Questions

  After taking two tests and catching up on some homework she’d missed the day before, Cassie met up with Jenna and Zach for lunch again, this time without Kyler. Cassie was a little frustr
ated with Jenna. As of yet, she hadn’t said anything to Zach about her interest in him. She had invited him to several things, and he had reciprocated. In fact, he had gone further than that, he invited her over almost every evening. Cassie was excited for this lunch because Jenna only had an hour break between classes, while Zach had an extra half hour before his lab, so they’d get a chance to talk.

  “Hi guys!” She said as she sat down with her lunch. “Sorry I’m late. My test took longer than expected.”

  “Hey, there’s the slacker!” Zach said with a grin. “You weren’t in class yesterday! How many others have you missed?”

  Cassie hadn’t told Zach much about Kyler and she doubted that Jenna had brought up how close she and Kyler had become. Especially since her contact with Jenna had been limited to bedtime chats on the nights Cassie got in early enough. She appreciated that Zach acted completely normal and friendly, as though nothing had happened between them.

  “Yeah, I’ve been really busy,” Cassie admitted.

  “Did you take both tests?” Jenna asked.

  “Yeah. But I’m not at all confident that I’m going to get an A in Organic Chemistry.” She had certainly not been giving it the proper attention. She smiled, thinking of the past two nights when she and Kyler had skipped homework in favor of nighttime walks. Kyler was surprisingly informed on star constellations. They never did ordinary dates. Other than the night they met, they hadn’t watched a single movie.

  “Not get an A?” Zach asked puzzled. “But you’ve spent the last two months in the library!”

  “I have?” Cassie asked, surprised. Normally she spent a lot of time in the depths of the library, she guessed he must have assumed incorrectly. And that, coupled with the shamefaced Jenna, shoveling lettuce and cucumber into her mouth, probably led to Zach’s erroneous conclusion. Cassie felt guilty; she didn’t want to lie to Zach, but she also didn’t want to expose Jenna. And she couldn’t be sure what Jenna had said to him. The girls exchanged a loaded glance.