“Haven’t you?” Zach looked at Jenna questioningly then back to Cassie. “You haven’t been home at all the past few weeks. And Jenna said….”
“Zach….” Cassie hesitated, thinking of Jenna.
“She hasn’t been at the library,” Jenna finished for her, looking wretchedly embarrassed. “I’m sorry I told you that. I just didn’t want you to be upset. And I didn’t think it would last long anyway,” she admitted with an apologetic glance at Cassie.
“I’ve been spending a lot of time with Kyler,” Cassie spared Jenna.
“Oh. So things are going well, then?” Zach asked warily.
“Very,” She said firmly. They sat in silence, waiting for Zach to respond.
“You still like him?” He asked for clarification.
“Yes. A lot.”
“Well,” he said at last, “never thought that would happen. How long has it been now?”
“Three months.” Cassie joked, “So a new record.”
Jenna didn’t say anything. She just watched Zach’s reaction. He went from concerned to resigned.
“I guess it was bound to happen.” He smiled, embarrassed. “Stop looking like that. Both of you! I can’t tell you how much I wish I hadn’t said anything a few weeks ago. Don’t think of me that way. I’m just your friend. And I think it’s great that you’ve found someone,” He said sincerely.
“Did you like him?” Cassie asked tentatively.
“Grudgingly, yes. I mean, at first I didn’t want to. But look at you! You’re so happy. How could I not like that? This is great, Cass! We should all hang out again,” He said, smiling. His attitude broke Jenna’s tension. She smiled back at him, feeling hopeful.
“Well how about tonight? You guys busy?”
“Nope. Are you sure he’s available, though?” Zach asked.
She nodded.
“Do you have plans already?” Jenna asked.
Cassie grinned. “Not really. We just hang out every night. He always thinks of something to do,” Cassie said fondly. “I’ll let him know that I’m in charge tonight. What should we do? Something where we can talk. I want you guys to get to know him.”
“Jenna and I were going to make ice cream tonight.” Zach offered, “You can come with us if you want.”
Cassie looked at Jenna in surprise. She raised her eyebrows as if to say, really?
Blushing slightly Jenna said, “We even got Oreos to crush and put into it.” Turning to Zach she said, “That’ll win her over.”
“You’re right. Oreos are her weakness.”
Ignoring them Cassie agreed to go. “I’ll bring a couple of games to play.”
“Sounds good,” Zach said.
“7 o’clock?” Jenna asked. When they nodded, she reluctantly stood. “I have to go, I have a study session. I’ll see you at six?” She said to Zach.
Cassie was disappointed and surprised. Surprised because it seemed they were having dinner together. And disappointed because Jenna left and she couldn’t ask her about it. But if she couldn’t question Jenna, the next best person was sitting across her table.
“Zach?” Cassie asked, trying to think of a way to be sly.
“What?” He said, his voice was already wary.
“What are you two doing at six?”
“Dinner,” He said curtly.
“So you've been hanging out a lot?”
“Cass….”
“What?” She asked innocently.
“I know you too well. I know what you’re after.”
“What do you mean?”
“You want to know if I like Jenna,” he accused.
“What makes you think that?” and then, because she couldn’t help herself, “Do you like Jenna?”
Zach watched her quietly for a moment, then sighed. “I’m not sure.”
“Really?” Cassie asked eagerly.
“Why? Has she said anything?”
“Uh... I don’t think I should say. Friend discretion and all that,” She said, “And I’ll do the same for you.”
“I know.”
“So will you tell me more? What’s going on?”
“I don’t know—I just... don’t know. I love being around her. I always have.” He had the air of someone thinking aloud. “But I think I’m realizing that I would like to kiss her, as well.”
Cassie’s mouth dropped. “You’re kidding.”
“Nope. The urge is definitely getting stronger the more I think of it.”
“When did that happen?”
“It’s been coming on slowly. But I think when I first saw you with Kyler, and I saw how different you were around him. And I didn’t think there was really going to be a relationship there. That’s when I lost all hope for us. I think I also realized that maybe we weren’t perfect for each other and that opened me up for other options. You guys really are happy, aren’t you?”
“Yes, but forget me! What about you guys; why don’t you go for it?”
“I guess I should, but—“
“But….” She encouraged.
“But she knows about you. And how will that look to her? ‘Oh alright, Cassie doesn’t like me, I guess Jenna will do.’” He said in a mocking voice, then it changed to frustration, “I don’t want her to think of me that way.”
“Is it that way?”
They were quiet again while Zach thought how to answer. “It’s hard to tell,” Zach explained. “I don’t want to do anything until I’m sure that the answer is no.”
“That’s good,” Cassie said, a little relieved. Despite her enthusiasm for their potential relationship, she didn’t want Jenna to be a temporary rebound girl.
“Don’t say anything to her. I will, when I’ve figured things out.”
“Just don’t take three years,” Cassie said with a wicked grin.
“Ha ha. Don’t worry. I’m not as intimidated by her. Which I think is a good thing,” he said.
“I think so, too. But you should get to class. Look at the time!”
“You’re right.” He stood, said sternly, “Not a word.” And then he hurried off.
Cassie stayed at the table for an hour or so before it became too noisy to study. As she stood to go to the library she saw Kyler rushing by. He didn’t notice her, so she hurried to catch up to him. It was like the first time she’d seen him on campus; he moved so quickly, she had to sprint to keep up. And yet, he appeared to just be walking quickly. He walked out of the cafeteria, through the building to the outside, with Cassie running behind him. He walked into the administration building.
By the time Cassie arrived in the building he was walking into a room far down the hall. She jogged down the hall, and opened the door. She was surprised to see that it was a room with computers and telephones in little cubicles. About half the cubicles were occupied with a student talking into the phone. As she hurried by, she heard what were clearly phone surveys being conducted.
Wondering if Kyler was here for a course, or if he worked here, she was about to walk up behind Kyler and hug him from behind, but his tone of voice froze her in place, and then to avoid being seen, she ducked into the cubicle next to his. She sat down on the ground, leaning up against the wall connecting his and her cubicle, quietly listening.
“Oh, Hal. It’s so good to hear your voice… I’m not sure. I can’t come home yet… I know. I want you to see Cassie, too. But I can’t say anything until I’m sure….
Cassie heard a girl’s voice on the other end, but couldn’t decipher the words.
“No, I haven’t told her yet. I’m sorry. I will, just not yet... I told you, this is why I came alone. I need time. I can always just go away and leave her alone if it’s best for her.”
The voice asked an angry question.
“I’m like a contagion! If she stays with me, she’s stuck. Again. I can’t do that to her…I do think that it is her choice, but once the truth is out there, she’ll feel obligated to stay with me. If I give her the choice without the knowledge, and she chooses
me, then I’ll tell her…
“I don’t know. I hope she’ll believe me, until we can get to you and prove it…I am hurrying-“
The voice interrupted.
“What? It’s worse? Are you sure? How much time do I have?
“Two weeks!? But that’s not enough! No, no Halle, you don’t understand—” He paused, listening for a full minute. “I know I don’t have that much time. But maybe if I stop, if I don’t do any more, I’ll have another two months at least? I can’t leave now, Hal, I just can’t. She doesn’t know anything, and I can’t bring her with me without her knowing.”
He sighed as Halle said something else. “You were the one who encouraged the injections! But no, she doesn’t.”
Halle sounded very surprised on the other end, and even though she strained to hear, Cassie couldn’t make out any of her words.
“I don’t know, either, but you’re supposed to be the medical expert on this.”
Halle’s tone sounded sassy, even from where Cassie sat. He said defeated. “Alright, I’ll hurry. But you think if I don’t do it anymore I’ll have at least a month? Okay. And you’ll let me know? Thanks Hal.”
“Yes, I do. She was happy before I came….
“Now? Not sure. I guess she may be happier now. But my life is too unpredictable to make the decision for her. I’ll leave as soon as I tell her, one way or another….
“Yes….
“One month from today, I’m gone….
“I can’t wait to see you, too. I love you, little sister. I’ll see you in 6 weeks….
“Believe me I’m trying to bring her.
“I do trust you, and I wish I could, it’s just….
“That’s not the first time you’ve asked me that, and no, you’ve never been wrong before. Alright, bye.”
Cassie heard the phone hang up. Kyler gave a long, slow sigh as he slid down the wall: the same wall she was against, sitting on the floor. She stayed very quiet, trying to silence her breathing. He obviously wouldn’t have wanted her to hear that conversation. They sat there in silence, Cassie thinking. Clearly, something more than he’d told her was going on.
Something was obviously wrong and his sister wanted him home. Was he contagious? Did he need further injections? Cassie sat frozen, fearing to move, agonizing over his words. After a few minutes, he left without noticing her scrunched up against the wall as small as she could be.
She slowly got up and sat in the chair in the cubicle to think, feeling as she did so, that her world had shifted slightly. He was sick. And he worried telling her would either chase her off or guilt her into staying? As she sat there, she knew instantly what her answer would be. She’d take whatever time she could with him, no guilt about it. He planned on leaving in a month? Finals were in five weeks, though. It had to be serious for him to need to get back for treatments.
He’s sick. Everything else makes sense. Students don’t just leave school for no reason. So many other things he’d told her seemed to fall into place. His time hadn’t been his own for a while. He must be getting treatments, but wanted to leave to go to school for a little while.
Cassie left the cubicle, full of apprehension. He was afraid to tell her, and he couldn’t ask her to come with him until she knew. And that was why Halle sounded so upset. Was he doing something that made things worse? This worried her most; she tried to guess what it could be. Maybe it was hiking, rock climbing and the plethora of other activities that were keeping them busy. Well she could help him avoid that.
Halfway back to her dorm, Cassie realized she was practically running. Forcing herself to slow down to a brisk walk and take stock of her situation she decided she needed to tell him that she knew and that it didn’t matter. She was upset and the more she thought about it, the more concerned she became. But even if he was only going to be around for another month, she wanted to be with him for that month. No matter what, she still loved him. She jolted to a stop as she thought the word. Love? She resumed walking, much slower this time.
“Knock, knock!”
“Come in, Cass!” Jenna looked up from her textbook. “I’ve been expecting you.”
Cassie frowned in confusion. “You have? Why?”
“Oh come on,” Jenna smirked. “So you’re not here to question me about Zach?”
“Oh. Yeah, I guess I am.”
“What’s wrong?” Jenna noticed her expression.
“Nothing. I, uh, I’m just distracted.” Cassie pulled herself together. “About Zach, what exactly did you tell him about me and Kyler?”
“That’s just it, actually, I didn’t tell him anything. And then, because you were always gone or busy, he thought you were still avoiding him and it really bothered him. I thought it might make it worse for you to have found someone so quickly after—everything. So... well, I lied. I said you were really busy with a couple of projects and were in the library all the time.” Jenna looked anxious. “It was just to make him feel better!”
“That’s fine. I understand why you wouldn’t want to talk to him about that. Now onto the good stuff: how are things between you coming along?”
“Good.”
Cassie eyed her suspiciously, “You’re not going to be difficult, are you?”
“No, it’s just I don’t know what to say. I really don’t!” she added in response to Cassie’s incredulous face.
“I want to hear all about it! You’re my two best friends and I want to know what’s up.”
Jenna thought for a moment. “We’re good friends. We’ve always been around you, but now we’re practicing being good friends alone. And I really don’t know if it’s anything more than that. For him,” She tacked on.
Cassie just raised her eyebrows.
“Well, sometimes I think there is more, but then later it just seems like wishful thinking. Like whenever you’re mentioned, he changes. He acts more distant.” Jenna looked so sad, Cassie had to help.
“I talked to him today. And... I think he just needs time.”
“You talked to him! What did he say?”
“I told him I wouldn’t say anything, but I don’t think that he’s thinking fond thoughts of me when I’m mentioned. He just is reminded of our situation, and I think that makes him want to take things with you slowly. You just need to give him more time.” Her mention of time made her think of Kyler; her face clouded over.
“Something’s wrong. What did he say?” Jenna asked again, alarmed.
“He said—“ Cassie stopped suddenly, understanding. “Oh, no. I wasn’t thinking of Zach. I—I think something’s wrong with Kyler.”
“Why? What happened?”
“I overheard him talking to his sister. Something is very wrong. She was trying to convince him to come home.” Cassie looked down, feeling miserable. “And home is in Europe.”
“What! But he wouldn’t leave for a while, right? He just got here, and he’s going to school.”
“I don’t think that matters much. Whatever is wrong, it seemed more important than school.”
“Do you have any idea….”
“Well, I’ll tell you what I heard, and you tell me what you think it is.” Cassie repeated the conversation as she remembered it, though she knew she was rambling. “He was talking to his sister. She was trying to convince him to come home, but he didn't want to leave without bringing me. She told him he had less time available out here than he'd thought, and he seemed surprised by that. Then he said, ‘You encouraged injections, you’re the medical expert.’ Then he said he couldn't tell me something until he knew for sure that I wanted him, and she told him as long as he took it easy, he’d have another month out here.”
“Oh, no. Cass, is he sick?”
“Yes.” Cassie felt like crying. “At least, I think so.”
“Or he could be on drugs!” Jenna laughed half-heartedly, and then stopped. “Sorry, not a good time. So, he has another month….” Jenna trailed off, then, not sure Cassie could answer, she continued. “That’s gotta just m
ean another month before he needs more treatments or something. Don’t think it’s—”
“I know. He promised to leave in a month, that’s all. I don’t know if there are, uh, other time restraints,” Cassie said, hoping she was wrong. Her throat was tight.
“A month. So he’s not going to finish school here. Has he said anything to you?”
“No. But, it seemed like he was going to try to talk me into coming with him.”
“Oh. Well that’s good, I guess. I mean, you’ll be done soon. How did you overhear him phone his sister to begin with?”
“He called from the administration building, in the phone lab. I suppose his cell phone doesn’t allow long distance calls to Europe,” Cassie guessed.
Jenna grabbed Cassie’s hand. “I’m so sorry. Would you go with him, if he asked?”
“Yes,” She said simply. “I love him. I don’t want to lose him just because he has to leave. If he wants me with him, I’ll go.”
“You love him! For real?” Jenna’s eyes were bright with excitement.
“No! I didn’t mean it like that. But, maybe? I really have no idea.” Cassie laughed. “Quite a jump, isn’t it? I went from untouchable to this.”
“And school? Your master’s?”
“I’d wait until this semester is over. But school can wait after that.” Cassie only realized this was how she felt as she said it.
“Wait, you haven’t told me about your first kiss!” Jenna exclaimed, excitedly.
Cassie blushed. “That’s because there’s nothing to tell.”
“Seriously? It’s been three months! You realize how strange that is, right?” Jenna asked incredulously.
“I know. At first I was glad, because that stage is always the beginning of the end. But lately it’s just been frustrating,” Cassie said. A small part of her was still worried it would be the death of their relationship, just like all the others. “I can’t imagine what he’s waiting for!”
“Unless he’s contagious!” Jenna laughed, the queen of ill-timed jokes. She stopped quickly when she saw Cassie’s pale face.
“He did say something like that,” Cassie said.
“No! I was just kidding!” Jenna said, worried.
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