But, now there’s no more hiding. It’s time to deal with all the destructive memories and the only way to do that is to eliminate the cause of them.
~*~
Chapter Twenty
River~
Doc stayed the night. Even though Miss Ella keeps saying that she’s fine, he won’t budge from her side. They’ve been arguing non-stop ever since Miss Ella opened her eyes! They’ve had this love-hate relationship for years and usually it’s funny to watch, but today it’s going to drive me to drink.
Everybody is back at work, as if nothing happened yesterday. No one is asking what happened to Colby and Beverly, they know better than to get involved, but I do hope it serves as a warning to them all. I don’t ever want to go through a repeat of what happened last night.
I’m holding off on freeing anyone else from slavery until I know that I can trust the group living here one hundred percent. There’s no use in bringing in new people if the old ones are out of control.
I peek outside and see that Jack and Adam are still busy over by the stables. With a huff I take a seat at the kitchen table again.
“Old man!” Miss Ella scolds Doc for what seems like the hundredth time today. “You have a house. Go back to it!”
“Woman!” Doc growls under his breath. “I’ll go home when it suits me just fine. For now I’m staying put so I can check on you.”
Miss Ella throws a dishcloth at Doc, hitting him in the face and I have to swallow the laughter down.
“There is nothing wrong with me! I’m as healthy as a horse!” She grabs another dishcloth and starts waving at him. “Get!” She smacks at his shoulder and then shoves at him until he gets up. “Go home!”
Miss Ella is red in the face from all the effort it took to get Doc out of the chair.
“One of these fine days you’re going to beg me to stay.”
Miss Ella makes an unladylike disgusted sound through her nose. She smacks him with the cloth one last time and then goes back to preparing dinner. We told her to take the day off but she wouldn’t listen.
“I’ll see you all tomorrow morning,” Doc greets, getting another disgruntled snort from Miss Ella.
When I’m sure Doc has left I look at Miss Ella with a huge smile on my face. “Why won’t you give him a chance?”
Miss Ella swings around, spraying soapy water everywhere. “Now look what you’ve made me do! Stop sitting there counting your teeth, and get to work.”
Just as I’m getting up Jack and Adam come in. I stare at Jack with wide eyes. He’s filthy and the jeans are hanging low on his hips, much lower than is healthy for my heart.
I swing around, ready to make my escape to the study when Adam says, “We need to talk.”
“We do?” I ask like a dumb idiot.
Adam nods and I slowly start to walk towards the study, knowing that they are following. What does Adam want to talk about that involves Jack? Did Jack speak to Adam about last night? A hundred things are racing through my mind.
I don’t bother with sitting, and I lean against the heavy desk. Both men come to stand in front of me and it only makes me more nervous.
“Don’t you both want to go clean up first?” I ask, hoping I can delay whatever’s coming.
“Jack wants to go back,” Adam says.
My mouth drops open and my eyes fly to Jack’s. There is determination and rage in his green depths that I haven’t seen before. Something has changed. “You can’t go back, Jack.” Disappointment and hurt slams into my gut as Adam’s words sink in. “Cameron will kill you!”
I push away from the desk but Adam is the one to hold up his hand. “Hear the man out before you jump to conclusions.”
Jack’s eyes bore into mine. The look of hatred is so intense that I have to drop my eyes from his. “I’m going back so I can kill every last one of them.”
My eyes dart back to his, not sure I heard him right. “You wanna what?”
I see the moment Jack snaps under the burden he’s been carrying for so long. He takes two stumbling steps backwards, as if he’s losing his balance. I reach out for him but he slaps my hand away. “Don’t fucking touch me!” he hisses.
He throws both his hands behind his neck and he starts to pace the floor. His body is wound so tightly that every step he takes makes his muscles ripple.
Watching him struggle like this is shredding my heart to pieces.
He stops and takes a shuddering breath and then he hisses, “They are going to pay for what they did to me! I want them all dead. That’s the only way I’ll be able to live with myself.”
Tears flood my eyes and roll over my cheeks. There is no sign of the sweet Jack from the past few weeks. This is a totally different man standing in front of me.
“Why now?” I ask. “What changed?”
He keeps moving, his actions jittery as if he’s on a high. “The fire,” he snaps. “I want them to burn the same way they burned my mother.”
I cover my mouth to keep the sob back. I wish I could just wipe all his pain away. I swallow hard fighting to keep my emotions under control. “It won’t bring her back, Jack.”
He stalks right at me and Adam moves fast. We all end up standing in a close circle. The tension in the room can be cut with a knife.
“I watched them burn her,” Jack hisses. He slaps his right hand hard over his chest. “I’m the one who was beaten. I was raped. I was used and abused for any sick fantasy they had!” His voice keeps climbing and I can’t keep the tears back. I know he’s been through horrible things but I never dared to think on them, until now. “I was degraded and betrayed.” He turns away from me and snaps, “They will pay! They have to pay.”
I choke the words out, “Your brother too?”
Jack stalks back to me and roars with anger, “Especially him!” He takes a step back and sucks in a shuddering breath and then he whispers, “Especially David and Cameron. To them I was nothing but a way to fill their bank balances with. I want it all to burn down around them and then I want them to die.”
“Jack,” I whisper hoarsely. I hate seeing him suffering like this but I’m scared he’ll hate himself if he goes through with this plan. “Killing people … it’s not just flipping a switch and they’re gone. You’re killing humans … taking another’s life. That’s a huge deal.”
Jack shoves both his hands into his hair. “They’re not human. No human will have a nine year old boy gang raped. They are monsters and they deserve to die like monsters.”
I cover my face and sob out loud. I can’t keep the emotions inside of me anymore. It’s all too much to listen to. I’ve seen firsthand what Jack must’ve endured. I’ve seen what it looks like when they break a slave.
Sobs rob me of my breath and I double over from all the raw emotions slicing through me.
“I’m doing it. Nothing you can say or do will change my mind.”
“What about the other slaves that live there?” I cry out. “They are innocent. You can’t just kill people!”
Jack shakes his head hard. He won’t listen to reason. “I would rather have died a thousand deaths than remain a slave. The slaves are just as bad as Cameron and David. I’ve seen then hurt each other. They killed the weaker ones! I’ve been raped and beaten by them so many times! They tried to kill me every time a guest would favor me. That house is filled with monsters! They all deserve to die! I will do this with or without your help.” Through my blurring vision I see Jack storm from the office.
Adam’s arms go around me and he lets me cry against his chest. “Let the man have his revenge. It’s what he needs to feel that he did something to fight back. It’s the only way he’ll be able to have some self-respect.”
I nod against Adam’s chest. I understand what they’re saying but it doesn’t mean I have to support it.
~*~
Chapter Twenty One
Jack~
I’ve been rebuilding the stables. Adam told me to give him some time so he could get everything we’ll need to see
my plan through. By ‘everything’ he meant he needed time to gather everything we’ll need to set the place alight.
Every time I see him I feel a slither of excitement thinking that he might have everything ready. I’m on a rollercoaster of rampant emotions, all wavering between shame and rage.
River tried to talk to me again, now I avoid her. I can’t give her a split-second gap to try and change my mind.
Am I doing the right thing? Hell, I don’t know.
Am I doing the rational thing? Not by a long shot.
Do I care? No. All that matters is that Cameron, David and all the rest of them cease to exist. As long as they’re breathing, I will never find rest. I’ll be worrying if they’ve found a new boy to torture. I’ll be haunted by the memories.
This is the only thing I can do to stop this madness.
I might have been living in a trance since I got here, but I also found some kind of peace and I want it back. I don’t want to be a little boy, still stuck in the past. I don’t want to be the man who was tortured for most of his life.
I just want to be Jack. I want to be able to experience freedom, love and peace with all of my heart.
I don’t want to be just a fuck. I want to be a man River can love.
~*~
“Jack!” Adam waves at me as I’m passing by his house with another load of wood for the stables. I leave everything right there and run to him.
Excitement starts to pump through my veins as I follow him inside.
“I’ve managed to get everything. We’ll be making homemade bombs. There’s a pair of gloves.” He points to the counter in the kitchen and I quickly go to put them on. He takes a deep breath and then looks hard at me. “Are you sure, Jack? Once we make these bombs there’s no turning back.”
I nod quickly. “They have to pay.”
“Well then, let’s get started.” Adam has canisters, glass jars and old pieces of cloth scattered over his kitchen floor.
“We’ll be making what some call a Molotov Cocktail. It’s easy to make and to use.” I nod, taking in every word Adam is saying. “You take a jar. Fill it half with gasoline, quarter oil, and then you add some Styrofoam.”
“Why Styrofoam?” I ask curiously.
“It will help the mixture thicken. When we throw the jar the Styrofoam will also help the mixture to stick to everything.”
“That’s good.” I grab a jar and watch as Adam again repeats what I must do, but this time he also shows me.
“So, you take a jar and fill it half with gasoline.” He works carefully, not spilling any of the flammable liquid. “Then add the oil, only a quarter.” Again, I watch as he carefully pours it in. He breaks a piece of Styrofoam into smaller pieces and then puts all the pieces in the jar. “Now you take one of these old shirts and place it over the mouth of the jar. Screw on the top and there you have it,” Adam holds the bottle for me to see, “our first bomb.” He lightly pulls at the long piece of material sticking out from the jar. “Make them all this long. This is what we’ll soak in gasoline when we get there. You just set the soaked cloth on fire and throw the jar,” he pats my shoulder, “then, my friend, you run like hell.”
~*~
After I’ve showered, I find Adam in my room. I haven’t been sleeping by River since the fire. I need the space and I’m sure she needs it too.
I close the door behind me and wait for Adam to speak. He’s standing with his back to me when he says, “We leave in one hour. Don’t tell anyone. Just meet me out front by the station wagon. I have already loaded all the bombs and extra gasoline.”
I nod as he turns around and leaves the room. As the door clicks closed behind Adam, my heart starts to beat frantically.
Finally! I’m going to have my revenge.
An hour later I sneak out of the house, making sure no one sees me. I run to the station wagon and get in the passenger side. Adam is already waiting.
As we leave the plantation I look back and my eyes automatically go to River’s window. I see her standing there, her arms wrapped tightly around her. Before guilt can start to eat at my conscience again, I look away.
For the first few minutes we drive in silence. When the silence gets to be too much, I ask, “Why didn’t you blindfold me? I heard that you blindfold everyone.”
Adam takes a deep breath and without taking his eyes off the road, he says, “That didn’t help much. All the precautions we take aren’t worth shit if we can’t trust the guards or people we bring here. From now on the only way you can leave the plantation is in a body bag. Once someone makes the choice to stay there it’s for life. I won’t risk the other’s lives for one person who suddenly gets an itch they want scratched.”
“That will be better,” I say, fully agreeing with him.
“You agree?” Adam asks, actually looking surprised.
“Of course,” I say and then I settle back into the seat for the long ride. “I don’t want to invest myself into that plantation only to have it ripped from me. I’m sure the others feel the same way.”
“Where’s all of this coming from?” Adam asks. “You’ve been so quiet since we brought you here, just … existing.”
“Yeah, I’m done just existing.” Adam is sacrificing so much for me. He might understand all I’m feeling. “I felt numb at first … just dead. I think my survival instincts kicked in and that’s all I could do … just survive.”
Adam nods and then he asks, “Was it the fire that brought it all back?”
I think on his question for a moment and then answer, “Partly.” I take a deep breath and say, “River deserves someone who can take care of her. She’s been taking care of all of us. I know she’s got her own pain and I can’t help her work through hers if I don’t deal with my own first. River needs a man and the only way I can be the man she deserves is by burying the past. I want a future with her, a future that’s not clouded by our past.”
A smile tugs at the corner of Adam’s mouth. “I’m so glad to hear that, Jack. I’m glad you want to bury the past and move on. After tomorrow you’ll be able to do just that.”
After the serious conversation we stick to lighter topics. Adam asks me about my love for plants and I ask him about the plantation, the cattle and anything else I can think of. I want to learn everything there is to learn.
The drive is long and we’ve covered three quarters of it when Adam starts to look really tired. We got some snacks at the last gas station. “Why don’t you pull over and take a break? Eat and drink something.”
“Yeah, you’re right,” he mutters, and a few miles up he pulls over to the side of the road and he parks the station wagon under a tree. He grabs a sandwich and soda.
“You need to learn how to drive,” he suddenly says.
“Yeah,” I say, wondering how it will feel to be able to drive myself somewhere.
Adam swallows some soda down and then he points to his feet. “That’s the gas and that’s the break. This here is the handbrake.” He points to a stick thingy. “This is the gear shift. The R is for reverse so the car can go backwards. The P is for park, that’s what we’re doing now. The D is for drive, as in going forward.”
I grin at him. “It sounds easy.”
“It is pretty easy once you get the hang of it.” He hands me the empty can and then starts the car.
I watch everything he does as he drives. “Will you teach me how to drive when we get back?”
Adam looks at me and he smiles. “Sure thing.”
~*~
It’s close to midnight when we near Cameron’s estate. My whole body is shaking from the adrenaline pumping through my veins.
Adam stops close enough for us to walk but also far enough away to not draw any attention.
“It’s a fifteen minute walk. We each have three bombs in a backpack. You can’t miss, Jack. We only have six between us to make sure that place burns to the ground. I’ll go around the front and you go around the back. Try and get them inside, it will do more damage faster.
But,” Adam takes hold of my shoulder, holding me back, “do not risk getting caught. I can’t come for you. If they get me then you run, Jack. Don’t look back. Just run.”
I want to argue but I know Adam by now, he won’t budge. We each take a backpack. Adam hands me two lighters and checks his own before shoving them in his pocket. I check mine too.
We start to walk to Cameron’s estate, careful not to jar our backpacks.
Cameron’s estate sits at the top of the hill. There are lights on both outside on the grounds and inside the manor. As we get close, Adam pulls a gun from his bag. He catches me staring and explains, “It’s just for safety sake.”
Adam points to a dark corner at the back of the property. “We can get over the wall there. I’ll go first while you hold the bags. Once I’m over you can hand the bags to me and then climb over yourself.”
I’m so glad I asked Adam for help. He’s been so patient with me. He feels like a … friend.
“Thank you,” I say the words in a rush of air.
Adam smiles and then pats my shoulder. “You know you can trust someone if you help each other get rid of the bodies.”
“I do trust you,” I trust Adam more than River, or anyone in my life. He might be a quiet person, but he’s been there for me when I needed someone most.
“Let’s get this done so we can get back to our women.”
Adam shrugs the bag off and hands it to me. I hold both the bags as Adam pulls himself up on the wall and then reaches for the first bag. When he has them both resting securely on the wall he jumps off the other side. I pull myself up the same way he did, and then I hand him one bag at a time. Once we’re both on the other side of the wall, Adam whispers, “I’m going to go around the front. You go around the back.” I know he’s telling me again to make sure I know what to do. “Oh wait!” He says suddenly. “Shit, I almost forgot. Here are some cable ties. Seal the exits off so they can’t get out. Stick to the shadows so someone won’t see you.”
Saved By Her Page 12