by Lexi C. Foss
“I’ve never done that before.” I hadn’t even realized it had been happening, but now that he’d brought it to my attention, I thought back over the orgasms he’d given me. “Yolki-palki,” I breathed. He was absolutely right.
He grinned before kissing each thigh and licking his lips as he rose up onto his knees. “Something else that’s mine,” he said with a cute smirk. Then he bent over me with his hands planted into the mattress on both sides of my head. “I love how small you are compared to me,” he admitted, smiling tenderly. “You fit so perfectly into my body and it makes me feel protective. I want to be your protector even though I know you are fully capable of kicking ass and don’t need anyone to take care of you. But I hope that, eventually, you’ll let me safeguard you so you can simply be. Let me be your sanctuary, Rowan.”
I wasn’t sure there was anything that Jax could have said that would have been more perfect. He was reassuring me that having a mate didn’t mean giving up who and what I was. He’d told me that true mates complemented each other, but I hadn’t really put it together in such an elemental way. We suited each other at the most basic—physical compatibility, and the most complex—cerebral compatibility—levels. We each possessed skills that the other didn’t have and sharing them made us both stronger.
It had been so long since I’d let down my guard with anyone other than my girls. After what I’d gone through, I’d sworn never to do it again, and honestly, I wasn’t completely convinced that I was truly capable of it. Jax was the first one who made me want to try. I smoothed a finger over my pink sapphire and knew I had no choice. I doubted it would be possible without revealing all of the secrets of my past.
All of them.
33
Rowan
My magic stirred then, letting me know that even though it had been quiet, it was still there and agreed with my assessment. Not that its opinion was for altruistic reasons. My fear of my past was the reason I kept it so tightly leashed, and it was a fan of anything that might give it freedom.
Jax must have sensed a change in me because he sat back on his heels and the heat in his blue eyes cooled as he warily searched my face.
I sat up and pushed him, making him fall back onto his ass—only because he let me. Then I climbed onto his lap and wrapped my arms and legs around him, pressing my cheek against his warm, firm chest. His arms automatically closed around me, but his muscles remained rigid. His heart was beating steadily in my ear and I found it comforting because it reminded me that Jax was steady and solid. I could take the leap and open myself up because I knew he would be there to catch me.
“No one has ever said something so amazing to me in my entire life, Jax.” The stiffness in his posture eased minutely. “I want to be free of the things that hold me back, but it’s going to take time. And I’m afraid that unless you understand the battles I’m fighting; you won’t recognize the small progressions. Or worse, a slight backslide might push you away from me.” I sighed and buried my nose in his chest. “I’ve never told anyone about this, Jax.”
I lifted my face and met his clear blue gaze. “No one.”
Jax’s arms tightened, but the rest of his body loosened a little more. My insides went gooey when he gently pushed my head back down and brushed a kiss over the top before resting his chin there. “You haven’t really experienced my hang-ups yet,” he said, his tone attempting to lighten the mood. “How about I go first?” he offered.
I gave him a grateful smile and took a deep breath. “Thank you,” I murmured, and he responded with a gentle hug. “Okay, wolf. Lay it on me.”
“You’ve met Camilla,” he started with a dry tone, making me smile.
“Ah, yes. I gather she’s the one with whom you ‘tried that once’?”
“Yes. I would have told you before now, but I didn’t want to do it in front of Emerald and no other time was appropriate. Then, of course, she had to show up before I could explain,” he said ruefully. “And then…”
“I jumped your bones. Sure. Moving on.”
Jax laughed and the rumble of the sound in his chest sent more warmth flooding my veins. Not desire, though there was always plenty of that. This was a soothing sensation, easing my tension and helping me to build up my courage for when he was done.
“Camilla and I have known each other since we were children. My family is naturally boisterous and can be a little overwhelming—you’ll fit in perfectly, baby.”
I decided to take that as a compliment.
“Camilla and I were both more reserved and introspective than the other kids, which is most likely why we gravitated toward each other. As we grew, people assumed we would be together since we seemed so well suited. However, we didn’t really start seeing each other until after I’d returned home from college and built my business. I was too focused on making my work successful to give my attention to any prospective mate.
Then four years ago, I saw her at a barbecue, and we struck up a quiet conversation. It was comfortable and easy, and at the time, that’s what I thought I wanted. After a year, I suggested that we mate and imprint, and she agreed.”
The thought of Jax imprinting with someone made me a little crazy, but I managed to keep it to myself and let him continue.
“We’d only reached the second stage of claiming a year later when she changed her mind and decided she wanted to wait for her true mate.”
“I know I should hate her for doing that to you,” I sighed. “But I’m grateful because she would have taken you away from me.”
Jax was silent for long enough that I began to worry until he murmured, “Me too.”
He cleared his throat and continued. “I didn’t argue with her choice and maybe that should have clued me in, but since nothing else had, I suppose it made sense. Breaking the mating bond is possible at any stage, but after solidifying the true bond, or imprinting, very few shifters survive it. At the stage where we’d broken it, it wasn’t life-threatening, but the pain in my head and chest were enough to knock me on my ass for a few days, then the next couple of weeks were filled with desperation and loneliness. After that, I decided a mate wasn’t worth the risk of that pain, and it wasn’t even as hard as what I would have dealt with if we’d been further along. Although, looking back, I doubt the imprinting process would have ever begun.”
I dropped my head back and looked up into his thoughtful face. “Why?”
What if it was a problem we had too?
He scratched his chin as he contemplated before looping his arm around me once again. “Because I never cared about her like that. It was familiar and easy. Boring. Only I don’t know how long it would have taken me to realize why. How would I possibly have known that what my life needed was a tiny, sexy, and deadly ball of energy with lavender hair and eyes and the most beautiful soul I’ve ever known?”
Apparently, dirty talk wasn’t the only way to reduce me to mush.
We were silent for a little while, simply soaking up the feel of being locked in each other’s arms. Unfortunately, knowing what I had to do next was slowly building my stress back up and I began to fidget, moving my toes and stretching my fingers.
Jax reached behind him and shackled my wrists, bringing them back to his front and placing a kiss on each hand. “Relax, baby. I’ve got you.”
The simple reminder went a long way in soothing my raw nerves and I took a deep breath, letting it out in a long, even exhale.
Grasping my amulet in my hand for comfort, I started with the lesser of the two painful memories and kept it short. “I’m sure you’re familiar with what happened in Russia in 1918. Well, Violet, Emerald, and I were trying to escape the Romanov palace when I accidentally activated my amulet and transported us to the other realm. The day you followed me through the portal was the day I finally figured out how it had happened and the first time I’d returned to the reality I’d grown up in. I’ll tell you the whole story eventually, but it’s a long one and I need to tell you about something else. I don’t want to
lose my courage and back out,” I told him honestly.
He didn’t say anything; he simply held me close and waited patiently.
“The amulet Dorian has…it was Emerald’s. I…” I gulped down a couple of breaths, trying not to give in to the terror slowly choking me. Even Jude, the all-knowing, didn’t know the full story behind the amulets. “I created them. It’s a talent, I guess you could call it, of my magic. Not every witch is capable of it, and the process isn’t the same, nor is the result. However, I not only possess the skill, I am an extremely powerful witch, so I altered the process…well, that’s not important right now.”
I pressed my cheek against his chin again and listened to his pulse. “The amulets, they take so much power to create. Plus, as I said, I altered the process and it required even more from me.”
The physical toll from adding my own blood to the amulets had been exhausting. “I had to make ours one at a time, with weeks, if not months depending on what other magic I needed to use while recovering, in between.”
Most witches only created them from time to time, but something inside me had been pushing me to get them made for us. I wasn’t sure I’d ever know why.
“It’s not a skill we run around announcing, but I also didn’t bother to keep it quiet.”
I shuddered as I slipped into my memory. “A few months before the Royal Dynasty fell, someone, and I still don’t know who, had me snatched from a train as I was returning home from a trip to France. Judging from where I was held, I believe it was someone in the royal ranks. The room I woke up in was opulent, to say the least, though they had barred the shutters on the windows closed. I wasn’t in there much anyway. Only to sleep when they were forced to let me rest.”
Jax had gone utterly still, but his pulse had sped up and the dominant waves he was exuding were making the air vibrate with energy.
“Relax, babe,” I murmured. “It was a long time ago. I’m here with you, so let me just finish the story and we’ll both move on.”
He nodded and I had to smile a little when he visibly tried to relax and ended up looking off balance and awkward.
“They escorted me to a room where they had acquired all of the items they thought were necessary to create the amulets.” Jax growled, probably guessing where the story was headed. “But they were unaware that while the amulets are created for slayers, they are created uniquely for each one. It requires their blood, but it also requires blood from the slayer line. For some, it's one and the same, but for others, like my friend Violet, her relation was slightly more distant, so I needed both.” I pushed my hair back from where it had fallen over my shoulder and stared down at my enchanted stone.
“I tried to tell them I couldn’t do it, but I wasn’t about to tell them how, either. So, they didn’t believe me. For a month, I was forced to create amulets, one after another. Every time they realized it didn’t work, they made me use more power until I was so exhausted, I could barely move or even speak. And as soon as I was well enough to eat a little food, they were pushing me to try again.”
I stopped, squeezing my eyes shut against the onslaught of pain and despair I felt at the memory. Jax pulled me in so tight I could barely breathe, but I didn’t tell him to stop because it felt reassuring and safe.
“How did you escape?” he asked softly.
My eyes filled with tears and I muttered a curse in Russian and angrily wiped it away. I did not cry.
“After that month, they finally decided to push hard enough that, in their minds, I would either give in and make the amulet correctly, since they still seemed to believe I was choosing not to, or I died.”
The silence in the room was deafening. Jax was taking slow, even breaths, but one of his hands was fisted in between us and it was clenched so tight, his knuckles were bleached completely white. We both needed this over and done with, so I spit out the rest. “They almost succeeded. I nearly died. When it seemed I was on death’s doorstep, I was so out of it, I didn’t notice that they’d taken me somewhere until I came to. hours later. I was in an alley, dumped out with the garbage.”
A menacing growl emanated from Jax’s chest and I petted him gently, knowing it was his wolf I was soothing now. “I managed to stumble to the street before I collapsed again. That’s all I remember until I woke up in a hospital three days later. It took a week before they felt I was healthy enough to leave. When I came home looking thin and ragged, still utterly exhausted, it wasn’t like I could hide my condition from my parents. They’d received a letter from my friend Gabriele, whom I’d been staying with in France, that told them I’d decided to stay indefinitely. So, I used the excuse that I’d caught a terrible sickness and hadn’t wanted them to worry. Mother was not a happy camper, but she must have seen something in my face because she let it drop faster than I’d been expecting.”
I sniffed and rubbed my eyes. “The air is very dry here,” I complained. “My mother always seemed to be waiting though. She didn’t want to push but was always finding subtle ways to remind me that she was there if I needed her.”
Anger surged through me as I finished. “And then she wasn’t. Because evil bastards, like the ones who hurt me, banded together to bring hell up to the surface of the earth and started filling heaven with angels like my parents.”
34
Jax
I was enraged and ready to rush off and kill the twisted motherfucker who had tortured my mate. My wolf was flipping the fuck out about it too. The only thing keeping us grounded was knowing it wasn’t what Rowan needed right now. Whoever he or she was, they would be meeting the devil in person very soon, but at the moment, Rowan deserved all of my attention. I took several calming breaths as I hugged her close, enjoying the feel of her silky skin against mine. As the fog of rage began to dissipate, it was replaced with burgeoning arousal.
The things we’d shared had been important, vital to starting a life together with a clean slate, which was the only reason I’d been able to focus on anything other than her naked body wrapped around me. The need to claim Rowan hadn’t diminished, but it had been pushed aside. Now it was shoving its way to the forefront of my mind and my wolf became thoroughly distracted by it. He was tired of waiting and sliced out with his claw, letting me know it.
“Thank you for telling me, baby,” I murmured as my hands glided up her back and into her gorgeous silvery purple hair. “With what you’ve been through, seeing what you’ve become fills me with awe and so much pride in knowing that you’re my mate.”
I gently pulled on Rowan’s hair to draw her head back and her lavender eyes glistened as she looked up at me. She blinked repeatedly and let out a tiny, cute little growl. I pretended I hadn’t noticed.
My head fell forward, bringing our lips within centimeters of each other. “And I need to fucking claim you right now.”
With the tight grip I had on her hair, I felt her nod more than saw it, but that was enough. I crushed my mouth over hers and took possession of it. The kiss was deep and a little wild as all of the emotions inside of me funneled into a hunger so raw, I felt it in every single cell. Rowan was a part of me on every level—except one—and I intended to remedy that immediately. When I finally ended the kiss, she was shivering and dazed, her lavender eyes cloudy with passion. I licked her lips and nibbled at the corners before working my way down her throat, kissing and sucking all the way to her supple breasts, admiring the way they rose and fell with each breath.
I used my grip on her hair to guide her until she was on her back, her ass still in my lap, causing her to arch her chest, thrusting her breasts up like she was offering me dessert. My mouth watered to taste her pert, pink nipples, so I curved over her and nibbled on one before wrapping my lips around it. Rowan moaned, pushing herself further into my mouth, and I bit down hard enough to leave a mark. A wave of satisfaction rolled off of my wolf. He wanted me to mark her as much as possible. I switched to the other side and gave that globe the same treatment. Then I let her nipple slip from my mouth with a
pop and blew on the tip, watching it harden even more.
“You are so responsive, Rowan. It makes me wonder just how far I could get you if I only loved on your breasts. One of these days, I’m going to take the time to try, and then I’m going to fuck them.”
She trembled and closed her eyes with a whimper. “Please,” she whispered.
I kissed each taut bud before unhooking her legs from around my waist and spreading them wide on either side of me. I crawled over her and waited until she lifted her lids and met my gaze. “Who do you belong to, baby?” I growled. A little deja vu hit me and I remembered the last time I’d experienced a moment like this. Reality was beyond anything I could ever dream.
“You,” she panted.
“Are you ready for me to mark you? To claim you?”
Her answer was to lift her head and drag all of her hair to the side, exposing the spot where my bite was still fresh from earlier. “Please,” she whispered in a voice thick with need.
I kissed her once, hard and fast, then took hold of her hips and flipped her over. “Up, baby,” I commanded. I helped her climb onto her hands and knees, then took a beat to admire the way she looked. My wolf definitely loved it and I sensed his ache to mate with Rowan’s. I had a feeling there was too much shit for Rowan and I to handle before we’d be able to relax and open up enough for the mating bond to snap into place and solidify to the point where Rowan’s wolf would finally be set free. But we would press forward with the mating process as far as we could take it, until it was left up to fate. At least Rowan was ours. It might simply be a while before my wolf was able to run with and fuck his own mate.
My eyes drifted to her hip and it was the first time I noticed a small birthmark. How had I missed it? I bent down and got a closer look as I smoothed my palm over the lightly browned skin. It matched the mark of our pack. More specifically, it matched my mark.