Jewel YouTl both have harder luck if this act closes.
Flo Well, what’s the matter with the act?
Bobby Let it close. I found a sugar-daddy in town.
Jane Yeah—but sugar-daddies turn sour if you’re out of work.
Jewel You know, kid, you’re only an attraction as long as you’re behind the footlights, and they think they got something the other guy can’t have. But then they throw you over—
Jane And believe me, kid, they always do—the sudden stop makes you write home to mother.
(During scene with GIRLS in dressing-room, TERRILL sees FRITZ in underwear and gives look of disgust.)
Stanley This is going to be a tought week on you.
Just before this line, FRITZ shakes out his trousers violently.)
Flo Tell us what’s the matter with the act.
Jewel Oh, the act’s all right, but some day there’s goin’ to be a split between Dolores and Randall and that split ain’t far off.
Flo Just what d’you mean by that crack?
Bobby Ha, ha! You might’ve got the dinner, but the demi-tasse is gonna be damn bitter, kid.
Flo You’re talkin’ like a pair of nuts. I can’t see anything wrong.
(NIKKO sprays room with atomizer.)
Stanley What the hell is this?—Do you think we are insects?
Jane You’re playin’ one of the hoofers against Rodney—and you’re too busy playin’ love-checkers to see what’s happen’ in the act.
Jewel If you weren’t so dumb you’d see that Terrill’s making a play for Dolores and she’s falling for it like a sap—
Jane Not only that, but Randall’s getting wise to it, too—
Jewel —so get ready for the blow-up. When a jane falls for a ham like that, anything can happen.
Flo Well, let it happen. I been understudying her dance for a long time.
(GIRLS all laugh at her remark and kid her. Enter PARADISE. EDGAR to him at bottom of steps.)
Edgar Paradise, will you settle an argument for me? My wife says your gown was made by so and so—and I says it was made by what’s his name.
PARADISE (Pretends to ignore the remark.)
Terrill (Turning From Mirror As He Finishes Making Up) Look and behold why girls leave home—
Fritz What again?
Stanley Mr. Terrill—will you do me a favor?
Terrill Anything within reason—
Stanley How, how do you get these women? What’s the attraction, that’s what I want to know!
Terrill It is charm, poise, personality, Capital IT—it.
Fritz What is it—this it?
Terrill Well, it isn’t a handspring, so probably you wouldn’t understand it. It’s a gift—it can’t be acquired. It is my magnetic attraction—all the women fall for me, I can’t keep them away. It is embarrassing at times.
Stanley Don’t you ever get tired out?
Terrill Occasionally, I do get a bit fatigued.
Stanley Did you ever try Lydia Pinkham?
Terrill I never played the town she lives in.
Stanley You remind me of one of her pills.
Terrill Meaning not hard to take.
Stanley But take two of them and see what happens—
(PARADISE talking at EDGAR’s door. STANLEY noting this. DOLORES has written her note and hides it as RANDALL enters.)
Randall Just look at this light plot. I can’t make it out myself. No wonder that Arnold can’t understand it. I’m going to keep him and let that four-flushing relative of yours go. And I’m tired of having jams with the Union.
Dolores If he won’t do, just let him go—it can’t be helped. But don’t let it excite you and upset you because it will interfere with your performance.
Randall (Crossing To Her) Oh, I’m awfully glad you take it that way, sweetheart. I like Bill, but he’s been doing an awful lot of fumbling with our lights. And this week above all, we can’t muff any part of it. Because Thompson, the Orpheum’s West Coast Manager, wired he’d catch the act this week. We might get forty weeks out of it.
Dolores You dear, big boy—always fretting and worrying. Put Arnold on and between us, we’ll see that the girls do their best.
Randall (Taking Her In His Arms) You wonderful pal—Oh, Dolores, if anything should come between us, I don’t know what would happen to me.
Dolores Then please don’t be so jealous. You don’t trust me—do you?
Randall It isn’t that—it’s that I know—(ARNOLD knocks at door; enters.)
Arnold I’ve got to run down-town and get some gelatins.
(Exits, after getting money from Randall. LESTER QUEEN and TOTO enter from left. ARNOLD exits to street.)
Randall (Crossing Down To Dolores) I must rearrange everything for the next show—so I will get made up first.
(STANLEY enters singing—LESTER QUEEN stops him.)
Lester (Handing Card To Stanley) Would you mind giving this card to the Bird of Paradise. Why, Stan, you remember me? Lester Queen?
Stanley Oh, yes, what are you doing in town?
Lester Laying off as usual—but it won’t be for long.
Stanley I’ll say, “Queenie is calling.”
Lester Yes,—Don’t forget, from London, Paris and New York.
(Walks to dressing room door. One of the OTTO BROTHERS puts his head out door.)
Oh, my God!
(Walks away.)
Stanley Paradise—your lost Queen’s here—(Enter PARADISE.)
Lester Hello, Paradise, you’re looking wonderful—your act’s marvelous.
Paradise And I feel lousy.
Lester (Does Back Kick) Well, the real reason I came here—Toto is throwing a grand costume party tonight—and I want the crowd to come over. Say, where’s that heavy lover on the bill? That big boudoir man—
Paradise Oh, you mean Terrill? You’re going to invite that cluck?
Lester Why not? I think he has an ear for music!
Paradise Well, he’s off key to me.
(LESTER QUEEN stands with PARADISE and TOTO PARADISE tells LESTER that TERRILL is in dressing room One with OTTO BROTHERS.)
Lester The acrobats? I just love—acrobatics.
(Enters TERRILU’s dressing room and greets him.)
What a terribly gorgeous robe you have.
Terrill Yes, it’s just a little thing I picked up in Paris.
Lester With what else?
Terrill No, I wasn’t thinking of women that day.
Lester Oh, by the way, would you mind coming to a very smart party tonight given by a very brilliant person in town—by Toto? You remember, Toto use to do a dog act.
Terrill Yes, I remember—a canine act.
Lester Can we count on you?
Terrill Well, I always have a lot of engagements after the show. Tonight a very prominent society woman in town is giving a very exclusive party for me, so I’m afraid—
Lester But we will be very disappointed. Almost everyone on the bill is coming—the Bird of Paradise, the boys, Mr. and Mrs. Randall,
(Turns Towards Stanley) Stanley, The Acrobats … (To Stanley) You’re coming over, aren’t you?
Stanley Try to keep us away.
Lester (To TERRILL) Oh, you will come, won’t you?
Terrill Well, I’ll tell you, old boy, I don’t think the party I’m going to will keep me very late. Perhaps I’ll run over.
Lester Then, I can count on you, and you, and you—
(As he strokes the OTTO BROTHERS’ heads.)
Lovely—
(Leaves dressing room and crosses to PARADISE.)
We’ll have the cars over here at 11 o’clock.
(Exit, LESTER, TOTO and PARADISE, ad libbing. TED ARNOLD enters, carrying gelatins, crosses to TERRILL’s dressing room, knocks and enters. TERRILL has just finished retelling an exploit to STANLEY and the OTTO BROTHERS. He has set out on his dressing table a number of photographs of women. ARNOLD addresses STANLEY.)
Stanley Come on in. Hello, Ted.
> Terrill Whose dressing room is this, Stan? Ours?
Arnold Say, Stan, do you know if there is anything up in the prop room that would look well in that new number Randall is trying out tonight?
Stanley (Scratches Head) I’ll take a look after I get made up and let you know.
Terrill The only thing that’s needed to make Randall’s new number a success, is me. But of course, I have no idea of helping him out.
Arnold (Looking Up Sharply At Terrill, And Then Permitting His Gaze To Travel Around The Room, Spies The Photographs) You’ve got quite a collection of beautiful girls, Mr. Terrill.
(Moves over to take a better look at them.)
Terrill Yes—some of them are pretty good—in fact more of them are bad. I pride myself on my good taste in women.
Arnold (Picks Up A Photo And Glances Quickly At Terrill) Do you mind?—Here’s a pretty girl. Who is she? Is she an actress?
(Keeps his eyes fastened on TERRILL’s face. TERRILL takes the photo, looks at it.)
Terrill Let me see? I just don’t recall …Oh, yes—now I have it. She’s a jane that lives in this town. She fell for me like a shot bird. A fair number.
Arnold Is that SO?
Terrill Sure—But they’re all easy for me. You see, it’s all in the method.
Arnold Don’t you ever fall in love?
Terrill Of course I do, but only for a week or so at a time. Otherwise I would never be able to cover all the available territory—you know what I mean.
Stanley He’s just a pleasure man.
Terrill Yes, I give them pleasure on and off.
Arnold Oh, I see!
Stanley It’s all in fun with him.
Arnold I see.
(Turns to STANLEY.)
Stan, will you do that for me?
Stanley You bet.
(ARNOLD with a backward glance at TERRILL, exits into corridor where STEVE greets him and asks him about an electrical effect for the DOLORES and RANDALL act.)
Arnold (As He Exits) You won’t forget?
Stanley I won’t forget.
(STEVE comes on from stage to end of corridor with TED ARNOLD.)
Steve I’m trying to dope out something to improve the setting of that dancing act. They need original lighting in that woodland nymph number. What can you suggest? We should have something around here to give color to that setting. I think we have some stuff in number four that you could rig up into a new effect. Look it over and see what you can do.
Arnold All right. I’ve got an idea. I’ll see how it’ll work out.
(ARNOLD hurries up steps, turns right; at top. As he does so, STEVE calls.)
Steve Hey, Brad!
(GRIP comes on.)
Get that straightened out there.
(Indicates pile of material in corridor.)
Somebody’ll break their neck on it.
Randall Dolores, I want to speak to Mr. McALLISTER. I will be back in a moment. (Exits.)
Steve I wish you fellows would be a little careful around here.
(STANLEY who is making up, hears STEVE’s voice.)
Stanley Anything wrong, Steve?
Steve No. Just getting this stuff off here, Stan.
(STANLEY spreading make-up on his face, crosses to him.)
Well, feel a little nervous getting back into harness again?
Stanley Oh, I’ll be all right.
Steve Good luck—knock them cold.
Stanley That’s what I’d like to do to everybody in the theatre. (Exits to dressing room. Enter MARY ANN from left.)
Mary Ann (To Steve) Would it be possible to see Mr. Terrill? (CALL BOY enters.)
Call Boy Mr. Randall would like to see you on the stage, Mr. McALLISTER.
Steve Tell Mr. Terrill, a young lady to see him.
(Exit)
Call Boy (Knocks On Terrill’S Door And Opens It) First call Mr. Terrill—Mr. Terrill, there is a young lady to see you. (Closes door.)
(To Mary Ann) He will see you in just a minute.
Terrill The line forms at the left. (Exits.)
Stanley Just a pleasure man.
(STANLEY goes to get shoes as DOLORES slips her note to TERRILL under door. STANLEY picks it up. Ad lib business.)
Terrill Hello, dearie.
Mary Ann I knew you were here and I just had to come.
Terrill Why yes, I remember you—Mary Ann—Glad to see you. Why how have you been? Did you get my letters?
Mary Ann No. No. You mean you sent me a letter—O—O—
Terrill Yes, what’s the matter?
Mary Ann Then you didn’t forget! You meant what you told me! You do care?
Terrill Of course, I care—dearie. Of course I care. (He kisses her on the cheek.) Why, you’re nervous, you’re trembling.
Mary Ann I haven’t slept for days, weeks, months, thinking about you—wishing, hoping, praying, that you’d come back. And today I learned you were here. O God! How can I tell you? It’s just too terrible!
Terrill What is this? What’s it all about?
Mary Ann Are you going to keep your promise?
Terrill Promise? What promise?
Mary Ann Don’t you remember? You promised to marry me!
Terrill Marry you?
Mary Ann You don’t understand. You’ve got to now!
Terrill What are you trying to do—pull a fast one on me? Listen little lady, I’m too smart a guy to fall for anything like this…. And another thing, from now on you keep your trap shut about this.
Mary Ann But Rod, you’ve got to—you’ve got to!
Terrill Marry you. Why, you’re crazy!
(TERRILL thrusts her roughly from him. She strikes the railing of stairway screams and falls in faint. PARADISE has entered during scene and screams.
He rushes to her as TERRILL hurriedly exits to stage. Enter from dressing room, OTTO BROTHERS and STANLEY. HOOFERS enter from dressing room left. ARNOLD appears at head of stairs, carrying some electrical apparatus. He pauses, sees confusion, and hurries downstairs, not knowing who the unconscious form is.)
Paradise (On Knees, Raising Mary Ann’S Head) You poor kid, you had an awful fall.
(Looking up.) Does anybody know this girl?
Arnold (Leaning Over Paradise’S Shoulder) Good God! It’s Mary Ann! What happened? Let’s get her a place to lie down.
(To STANLEY.) Get some aromatic and a glass of water and bring it to number seven.
(They pick her up and carry her Off stage. HOOFERS look at each other. PARADISE and OTTO BROTHERS follow ARNOLD down corridor toward stage.)
Flo (Opens Door Into Corridor, Looks Out, And Turns Back Puzzled) Gee, I thought I heard a woman scream. Did you girls hear it?
Jewel No, you heard them queens next door, campin’.
(At this point GRIP enters DOLORES’ dressing room unceremoniously places MARY ANN on lounge. STANLEY enters right behind with water and aromatic and mixes her a dose. DOLORES places pillow under her head.)
Dolores Why, what happened to the poor kid?
Paradise She had an awful fall.—Like happens to all us poor girls.
(DOLORES gives PARADISE a scornful look.)
Oh, it’s coming to you, dearie.
BLACKOUT
ACT TWO
SCENE TWO
(Same as SCENEONE. At rise of curtain, we discover the PERFORMERS collect ed in the corridor and on the steps, leading to second tier dressing rooms. While GROUP is discussing in dumb show, excitedly, OTTO comes from left corridor, enters his dressing room, closes door, sits down and makes up. DOLORES is rather hysterical and daubing her eyes. PARADISE is the center of an interrogating group in the corridor through which STANLEY and STEVE push their way downstage.)
Stanley I tell yer Steve, I don’t know anything about it, except I heard a scream, and I found the girl flopped on the floor with this queen hangin’ over her. The hoofers they …
Paradise Say, just what do you mean by insinuating, that I…?
Steve Now just wait a minute. Here,
you girls, get back in your dressing rooms and if you fellers—are going out, go; if not, get back in your dressing room.
(To The Hoofers.) And the same goes fer you.
(Excepting STANLEY and PARADISE, the others return reluctantly to dressing rooms.)
(To Paradise) Did you see what happened to this young lady?
Paradise Well, it certainly was anything but what he says.
Steve That’s not what I asked you. Did you see what happened?
Paradise Well, I didn’t see everything that happened, but when I came Off stage after finishing my act, I nearly collided with Mr. Terrill who was coming out of his dressing room, and proceeded on about my business. I had to walk around the young lady who was standing at the bottom of the steps as though undecided what she was going to do. I went on up the steps. When I got half way up I heard a terrible scream, which naturally frightened me…. And looking down, I saw the poor girl in a faint on the floor. Oh, it was horrible! She fell just as if somebody had hit her. I rushes down, seeing a sister in distress and almost ruined my gown stooping down and raising the poor dear’s head. Of course at that point, this bimbo and those hoofers came running out of their dressing rooms. Naturally they saw me bending over her. I’m not heartless, you know. I have feelings.
STEVE (Advances to HOOFERS’ door and knocks. HOOFERS come to door and he calls them outside—during preceding dialogue, the GIRLS have been listening at the doors of their respective dressing rooms, sneaking down corridor and looking over edge of balcony and ducking back again, and otherwise indicating their curiosity by their gestures.)
Bunny Oh, Peaches, don’t be so curious.
(STEVE knocks at door.)
Come in and sit down. When Paradise comes up you know very well she’ll tell us all she knows, because she’s not able to keep anything to herself. She’s such an awful gab.
Steve (To Hoofers) Did you hear any noise in the corridor here, before the scream?
Hoofers (Together) No.
Steve Well, if anybody fell down those steps, you’d be able to hear it in your dressing room, wouldn’t you?
Joe Gee, I’ll say we would. We hear everything that goes up and down them.
Stanley Hey, Steve, I got to get in and get made-up. That’s all you want of me, ain’t it?
Steve That’s all, Stan.
(STANLEY advances to dressing room as CALL BOY comes to STEVE.)
Call Boy Ted wants you on the phone, Mr. McALLISTER.
Three Plays by Mae West Page 17