I find my parking space and head up to the small studio apartment on the third floor. The large window allows light to fill the small space which is good since I haven’t actually had the electricity turned on yet. I check my phone one more time but still nothing from Ace. I lie back on the full-size bed covered in the yellow bedding. Staring up at the ceiling I try to figure out what’s going on with me.
A couple of hours later I walk over to the small closet and find a few outfits. Tonight, is the races and I’m not sure if I should go or not but I’m afraid if I don’t go then the distance between Ace and I will only continue to grow. I decide to go with the black mini dress that hugs my body like a glove and rummage under my bed until I find the box I’m looking for. The over the knee black boots will go perfect with this dress.
I touch up my makeup and hair, slip on the birthday necklace that Ace gave me and head out the door. As I’m driving to the races my phone begins to ring. Hopeful I answer it and I’m slightly disappointed when I hear Kenndrix’s voice come over the line instead of Ace’s.
“Hey Kyn, are you going to the races?”
I sigh, “Of course.”
“Okay, want to pick me up on your way. Jaxx left earlier to meet up with Ace and Pierce because I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to go,” Kenndrix explains.
My mood goes from being worried about Ace to be a little angry at him in no time fast. “Wait, Ace went out with Jaxx and Pierce earlier?”
“Yeah a few hours ago. Why?” She asks.
I shake my head even though she can’t see me. “No reason. I’m on my way to get you. See you in a few,” I say, before I hang up the phone.
As I’m driving over to the small house Kenndrix and Jaxx share I try to figure out why Ace has been avoiding me. At first, I thought he might have just been busy, but now that I know he had time to go meet up with Jaxx and Pierce, I know that theory isn’t correct. Something tickles the back of my brain then it hits me. Rocky! Rocky is Pierce’s boyfriend but he is the one Enzo said he’d called to get the name of my agent. Of course, Pierce would have told Ace about all that, they were best friends and he’d always look out for him. Ace was avoiding me because he knew.
I want to bang my head against the steering wheel for a minute but then that changes to anger with Pierce. Why did he have to butt in? Then half way through the drive to Kenndrix’s I realize that Pierce probably didn’t mean in any harm. Everyone close to us knew that we’ve based our entire relationship on honesty. Pierce probably assumed that Ace already knew. I mean, what reason did I have to lie to Ace about something like that? None! I had no reason! Just like that all the anger was thrown right back on myself.
Kenndrix comes jogging out of the house and hops into my Jeep. One look at me had her saying, “What’s wrong?”
“Ace knows.”
Her eyes go wide and even though she already knows the answer she asks, “Ace knows what?”
I look at her. “Ace knows that I lied to him or at least I’m like 99% sure he knows I did. I think that’s why he’s been avoiding me.”
“That actually makes sense. I mean, was I wondering why he was meeting with Jaxx and Pierce before the races instead of waiting for you,” Kenndrix explains. The Jeep falls silent after that until were about a block away from where the races are being held tonight. Kenndrix reaches over and grabs one of my hands while were sitting at a four way stop. “Look, I’m sure Ace is super pissed but just get him alone and explain it to him.”
“And if that doesn’t work?”
“Ace loves you Kynlee, he can’t stay mad forever. Apologize and mean it then give him time to come to terms with it if need be,” Kenndrix says in a soothing tone. She believes Ace loves me, I believe Ace loves me; but sometimes it’s hard to remember when he won’t say the actual words.
As soon as I park Jaxx is opening my passenger side door and helping Kenndrix out of the Jeep. He wraps an arm around her shoulder and pulls her in for a quick kiss. “You made it!” She nods in reply while looking up at him dreamily, “Glad you made it too Kyn!”
“Thanks, have you seen Ace?” I ask him.
Jaxx nods, “Yeah he’s down by the salon. He was with Axell and Bowie when I left him.” He points down the street in the direction of where he had been. I tell him thanks and head that way. Ace isn’t hard to spot at 6’3” he stands taller than most. His body is all muscle and covered in colorful ink. His chocolate brown hair is longer on the top so he can style it the way he likes. His baby blue eyes stand out with the ring of eyeliner and his naturally dark eyelashes. His black gauges and lip piercing are also eye catching. However, I’m more than a little shocked to see him smoking. He quit months ago from what I knew. So, maybe I wasn’t the only one who had lied about something.
Jovi is standing next to Ace and also has a cigarette in his mouth. I want to slap both of them for being so stupid. I hadn’t noticed that Jovi had gotten so tall until now. He was only a couple of inches shorter than Ace. Another guy joins them, it must be Jagger because he has the same chocolate brown hair and a trimmed beard. He’s maybe an inch taller than Ace and the way he’s approaching them I’m pretty sure they’re both about to get their asses handed to them for smoking. I stand back for a moment while I watch Jagger pull the cigarette from Jovi’s mouth. I allow the brothers to catch up for a moment.
Taking a deep breath, I finally decide to head over and face the music. Ace looks over in my direction and our eyes lock for a moment. I see the heat that lights them up. I feel the same way. I hate when we have distance between us. As I approach Ace leans in and presses a kiss to my cheek; it’s sweet but it feels forced in the moment. Ace introduces Jagger and me, but to hear him introduce me as his “friend” hurts more than I thought possible. I knew things weren’t great with us right now, but friend seems like a slap in the face.
Luckily, Jagger picks up on it and apparently doesn’t like the term either. He makes a comment about me being able to do better. I don’t actually believe that. In a lot of ways Ace and I are kind of perfect for each other, but we also still have a long way to go. Admitting his emotions and feelings are big things for him to overcome and at some point, I need to learn how to let his attention be enough.
Raised voices catch our attention and we see Ryce and his girlfriend Londynn having words. I know that Ryce isn’t a fan of any of the James’ boys and that feeling is mutual. I also know that if he over steps any lines these brothers will lay him out on the ground. That’s one thing they don’t stand for. Violence and females is a big no no for them. I feel Ace wrap a hand around the front of my waist and push me slightly behind him. This is just one of the many things I love about him. He’s always trying to protect me. It’s hard not to know how he feels when his actions show it. My heart warms for a moment.
Jagger starts to move and Ace leans down and asks me to watch Jovi. Once Ace and Bowie move to back up Jagger, I grab Jovi’s hand and drag him toward Sadie and Farrah. Axell and Connor are still standing with us…for now but it doesn’t take long for that change. Bowie lands a hit on Ryce, knocking him to the ground which makes all his rich buddies jump in. Axell and Connor quickly step up behind Jagger. I look around and spot Jaxx and Pierce trying to break through the crowd, but without success.
Jagger must have the coolest temper because he manages to talk the fight down. Ace looks back at me as he heads to place his buy in for the race. A sick feeling twists my gut. I see that he’s upset, but underneath that hard look in his eyes is hurt. I hurt him.
****
Ace wins his race of course and afterwards we head over to JamesTown, like always. I sit at the table next to Ace but there couldn’t be more distance between us if we tried. I study Ace from the corner of my eye. Finally, I give up. “I’m calling it a night. See you guys later. Nice to meet you, Jagger.”
Jagger smiles and it reminds me so much of Ace that it hurts. “Really, it was my pleasure. I hope I see you around.”
&nbs
p; I glance down at Ace who still hasn’t moved. “Yeah, me too.” I give the table the best smile I can muster. I’m halfway to my Jeep when I hear Ace.
“Were you ever going to tell me about the video Kyn?”
I stop, bracing myself for what is about to come and turn around to face him. “I meant to tell you this morning.”
“You meant to tell me? Really Kynlee? How do you mean to tell someone something and then just lie?” I can sense his hurt and frustration, but I can’t find the words so I just shrug. Ace throws his hands up in frustration. “That’s great! No answer, do you even know why you lied about it?”
“I don’t know Ace,” I say meekly. I’m so ashamed right now.
He lets out a frustrated growl. “What am I supposed to do with this Kynlee? We’ve built our whole relationship on this ‘we don’t lie’ thing and now it’s just down the drain.”
My anger flashes to the surface and I level Ace with a glare. “Relationship? What relationship Ace? According to your introduction I’m just a friend.”
“You know what? I’m sorry about that, I really am. We’ve never had to introduce each other to anyone. Everyone in our lives have watched this develop so no introduction has been needed. I froze because I was mad and hurt and I wanted to hurt you back,” Ace says, staring at me intently. I can see that he’s sincere about his apology and he’s still being brutally honest. What he’s saying does make sense. We never have had to label our relationship or lack thereof. His family and our friends have just watched this grow into what it is. “I’m also sorry that you felt the need to lie to me.”
I shake my head and feel the tears welling up behind my eyes. I want to be strong, I don’t want to cry but I don’t know if I’ll be able to hold them back. “I didn’t feel the need. I don’t even know why I did it.”
“Did you think I’d be mad at you? Because I wouldn’t have been, I know when you go on those things that you don’t know who’s going to be there. I would have understood.”
I feel so defeated because he’s right. I know he’s right. In my heart I know that even though Ace doesn’t love my choice of career that he tries his best to understand it. I know had I told him about the video to begin with then all of this could have been avoided but I lied and now everything is a mess. “I’m sorry, Ace. I don’t know why I did it.”
“Do you have feelings for Enzo?”
That question horrifies me to no extent. I don’t and can’t have feelings for anyone else but Ace. Maybe, in a different life I’d have feelings for Enzo. He was a good-looking guy and we had some stuff in common. Enzo is kind of my typical type but Ace is all I want. “What? Oh my God no!” I shake my head, “How can you even ask that?”
Ace looks off to the side for so long that I’m beginning to think we’ll still be standing here in this very position when the sun starts to come up. Then very quietly says, “How can I not at this point?” He runs a hand through his hair, “I think we should stay at our own places tonight. Get a clear head and see where we are tomorrow or in a few days.”
“Ace, no...” I plead.
His eyes look so sad when he looks at me that I feel some of the tears slip from mine. “I just can’t right now Kyn.” I know Ace’s go to method of dealing with things is to distance himself from them. I even know that I deserve this, but the fact that I hurt him is tearing me apart. I just want to fix this but I don’t even know where to begin. So, I stand there silently as he turns away from me. I stand there frozen, silently crying as I watch him climb into his car and speed out of the parking lot, taking my crumbling heart with him.
Chapter 17
Ace
I speed through town and back to my apartment, almost as if I’m racing again. But what am I racing for? Or from? Once I’m parked in front of my complex I let my head fall against the headrest of my seat. I feel exhausted even though I really have no reason to. The look on Kynlee’s face and those unshed tears in her eyes haunt my memories every time I close my eyes.
I get out of the car and make my way to my front door. However, once I step inside I realize just how empty this place feels. Knowing that Kynlee won’t be here tonight or possibly in a few days creates tightness in my chest. Scrubbing at my face and rubbing my eyes as if that will take it all away, seems like a waste of time. I slam the door shut and move toward the bedroom, moving through the motions on autopilot as I get ready to call it a night.
Climbing into bed I lie back and stare at the ceiling. Kynlee’s honey and vanilla shampoo is still lingering on the pillow next to me. I don’t know who I’m angrier at myself or her?
Sometimes I think I’m not enough for her and that I’ll never be. I come with so much damaged baggage I can’t imagine her ever being truly happy with me but at the same time the thought of her with anyone else is unbearable. I can’t even think of another guy touching her or watching her sleep. The thought alone drives me insane.
Then there are times when I’m angry with Kynlee; especially right now. I can’t help but feel like she’s hiding something otherwise why lie? I hate that she’s made me care so much for her. Kynlee has become this ray of light that I depend on much more than I should. I swore off all this crap the instant I realized my mom was gone for good. It’s Kynlee. She’s the only one to get past the wall.
Thoughts continue to flood my brain as I toss and turn in the large, cold and very empty bed. Finally, I give up. Blindly, I grab a shirt from the closet and a pair of shoes. On my way out, the door I grab my keys and head back to my car. The chill in the night air lets me know fall is on its way. Once I’m in the car I make the fifteen-minute trip in five, granted I ran every red light and four way stop that I could along the way. Easily I spot the yellow Jeep in the parking lot. I pull into a space that isn’t designated for any certain tenant. I hop out and jog up the steps to Kynlee’s door. Knocking on the door I stand and wait for what feels like an eternity before she opens the door.
Kynlee is standing in the doorway in one of my old band t-shirts with her hair piled on top of her head. Her tearstained face breaks away another piece of my wall. I step inside and kick the door shut with my foot. Pulling Kynlee into my arms I kiss the top of her head. “I’m sorry baby doll. I just need to know nothing happened with Enzo.”
I feel her shake her head. “No nothing happened. I don’t see Enzo like that. I never have,” she pulls her head back far enough for me to see her eyes. “It’s always just been you.”
I lean down and press my lips to hers. The saltiness from her tears lingers on her lips. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
“No, Ace I’m sorry. I don’t know how you can ever trust me again.”
I run my thumb over her damp cheek. “I do trust you Kyn. I just don’t trust Enzo. I know guys like him. Hell, I was a guy like him…before you.”
A small smile crosses her face, “I like this you, better.”
“Me too,” I grab her hand and pull her toward her bed. Once were lying down I pull her into me. I need to feel her. I need that reassurance. Her breathing starts to even out and she’s just about to drift off to sleep when I hear her whisper, “I love you Ace.”
****
At some point I must have dozed off because the sound of Kynlee’s cell phone going off wakes me up. I feel her move beside me but she’s a pretty heavy sleeper. I feel around on the small bed side table until I find the phone. The screen shows it’s her agent. I answer it quickly before he hangs up, “Hello.”
“Hello, this is Mr. Sobolak is Kynlee Adams there?”
I clear my throat. “Yes sir, let me get her.” Rolling over I place my hand on Kynlee’s shoulder and softly shake her until I see her brown eyes come into view. “Morning baby doll. Your agent is on the phone,” I tell her as I hand her the phone.
I sit up while I watch Kynlee put the phone to her ear. Getting up I go in search of Kynlee’s coffee but then realize that she doesn’t even have a coffee pot. Looking through the cabinets I see t
hey are bare but then again, I guess that makes sense. She doesn’t really live here. I’m leaning against the counter when Kynlee appears from the other side of the wall looking a little shocked, “Everything okay?”
She nods her head slowly, “I got the lingerie line campaign.”
I may not love the idea of her job but I’m so proud of her that I close the distance between us and scoop her up into my arms. I spin her around while she squeals in delight, “Let’s go get a celebration breakfast.”
****
Kynlee
I had been surprised when I had heard the knocking on the door last night, even more shocked when I saw Ace. I thought maybe he had come back to argue more, but instead he had pulled me into his arms. That was the biggest shock. Waking up next to him this morning was reassuring that we’d make it through this little bump at least until I had talked to Mr. Sobolak.
When Ace had told me, he was on the phone I figured it was to tell me I hadn’t gotten the lingerie job, but instead he had told me I had gotten both jobs. The lingerie company campaign and the music video for Royal Eternity. I was glad that Ace was on the other side of the wall when that news had been delivered. Enzo had gone against everything I said. I had told him I didn’t want the music video and I was pretty damn sure that the record company and director had a different type of girl in mind, me getting the part was all Enzo.
Then to top it off I had lied to Ace again. Well, I guess I hadn’t really lied because I did get the lingerie company campaign I just didn’t tell him about the video and since I wasn’t going to take that job I guess it really didn’t matter that I hadn’t told him.
Ace had been gracious and forgiving last night and I hadn’t wanted to mess that up first thing this morning. He had taken me to breakfast and we had walked along the beach afterwards. We went back to my apartment to get my Jeep because Ace had made it clear that he wanted me staying at his place. He had to go into the auto shop today to help out his brothers but promised to see me later.
Breaking the Limits Page 10