Jagger shakes his head, “That’s not true. He may not show it but I know that my brother loves you. He may never say it because he’s actually terrified of getting hurt but he does love you, that’s why he’s protective.”
And there it is exactly what I need to hear. I know he loves me too but it’s nice to hear someone else say it for a change. That way I know I’m not just fooling myself into thinking he does. If someone else sees it then it’s real. A small smile flashes across my face as I scan the room. “Where’s Londynn?”
“She went home,” Jagger replies.
My confusion quickly changes to knowledge. Is there a single one of these James’ brothers that isn’t terrified of love? “Londynn loves you, you know?” Jagger just shakes his head and leans it back to rest against the wall. The waiting room falls silent while we wait on news. Eventually, Jaxx, Kenndrix, Pierce, and Rocky join our group in the waiting room. No one says anything and at some point, we all fall asleep. In the middle of the night the doctor comes out and announces the surgery was successful and Ace is now in recovery. The doctor warns us that Ace would be kept in ICU for observation over the next few days and might even require another blood transfusion but he was optimistic he would make a full recovery.
I take the first deep breath in what feels like years. Kenndrix wraps an arm around my shoulders. In that instant staring at this group of people that has somehow become my family I know, I know I’m done. I no longer care about my career, the attention and spotlight, Enzo or finding agent, the hell with all of it. The only thing I know I need is…Ace.
Chapter 26
Ace
Sirens.
Flashing lights.
Cold.
Taste of blood.
People hollering.
Hazy, everything is so hazy. Trying to open my eyes but I can’t.
Pain! Hell, the pain!
Moving over an uneven surface.
Being stuffed somewhere with bright lights. The lights make me want to keep my eyes closed.
Darkness, I welcome the quiet darkness.
Voices, more voices than before hollering about medicine, trauma and surgery. Antiseptic fills my nose. The lights are brighter here and moving so fast that it makes my head spin.
“Prep him for surgery.”
“Get anesthesia in here now.”
“His heart rate is dropping! We’re going to lose him!”
“He’s lost too much blood.”
The last things I remember hearing before the eerie calm washes over me. Images of Kynlee flash through my mind, almost like a movie and it’s like I can hear her voice, feel her laughter in my soul. My lungs turn to fire, burning the images of Kynlee…
My eyes open and to my surprise, I’m lying on the beach. The sun beaming down on my face, my body soaking up the heat, the sound of the waves crashing on the shore soothing my soul. Then I hear it, the unmistakable laugh that is hers. I jolt up into a sitting position as my eyes follow the sound. There she is, her medium length chestnut colored hair pulled back into a messy ponytail, her bright blue eyes crinkled in the corners as she laughs, her smile big and bright just like I remember it. “Mom?” I choke out and she turns to face me.
The sunlight creates a halo around her and I’ve never been more certain in my belief of angels. She has on her favorite white sundress with her pink and white polka dot cardigan over it. My heart swells at the sight of her. I jump up and run towards her, pulling her into my arms, inhaling her scent that always reminds me of her. I tower over her now, that’s something new. “Oh, my sweet boy” she says, as she pulls back and looks me in the eye.
“Mom? I can’t believe you’re here…or that I’m here,” I say, as I look around. I take in the beach, it’s the spot that she used to bring us to on the weekends as soon as the weather was warm enough and dad had to work. She’d pack up some food and load us in the car and bring us here. When she first came down sick she’d tell me that she’d always be with me even when she wasn’t, to look for her in the waves crashing on the shore of this beach and that if I listened closely I’d hear her laughter. She said it’s where she’d wait for us all. “Mom, am I…dead?”
A sad look fills her eyes and she shakes her head slightly. “No, my sweet boy, at least not yet. I wanted to see you while you were in…well, I don’t know what you are right now but I do know our time is limited.” She looks up at me and I see so much in her stare. “You’re all grown up and so handsome.” She caresses my cheek and I rest my head against it. “So, tell me how you got here?”
My throat is thick with emotion so I clear it before speaking. “Well, I got jumped, beat and stabbed, then left in the parking lot.” I watch as tears spring into her eyes and instantly I’m trying to calm her, placing my hands on her shoulders and leaning down so she can see into my eyes. “I’m fine really. It’s not that big of a deal. I might have even deserved it after the ass I’ve been.”
“Ace William James you better not be an ass to anyone. I raised you better than that,” she scolds me, and a piece of anger flares up. I release her and start to walk down the beach away from her. “Ace!” she calls after me.
“Mom, please just don’t.”
“Don’t what?” she asks.
I growl in frustration. “Don’t tell me how I was raised because you weren’t there. I wasn’t raised by you. You left me! You were all I had in this world, the only person who understood me or at least tried to!” My voice cracks and I feel like I’m nine-years-old again running home after school to read to my mom only to find that she’s gone. “You left and I had no one! Dad, Axell, Bowie, Jagger, they tried but they couldn’t…. I needed you. I loved you.”
She steps toward me just as a sob wracks my body. Her arms come around me and she is pulling me into her. She kisses my cheek and mummer’s apologies into my ear. I cry like I haven’t cried since I left the cemetery in Axell’s arms. “I’m so sorry my sweet boy. You’ll never know how sorry I am that I haven’t been there, that I didn’t get to watch you grow and become the man you are today. I loved you and your brothers with everything I had but I was just too weak. I fought as hard as I could. There wasn’t a day when I was alive that I didn’t wish I could make the cancer disappear. That I could be there for you, to kiss your ouches, watch you go on your first date, stand by and let your dad teach you how to drive, slap some sense into you when you got your first speeding ticket, beam with pride as you walked across a stage to graduate, fall in love and get married, have kids of your own,” she takes a shaky breath. “I wanted all of that so badly. I got so little time with all of you, my precious boys but this is how it was meant to be. I can’t tell you why but please always remember how much I love you.”
I look away and out over the ocean. “I don’t believe in love.”
I hear her suck in a sharp breath. “Ace, you can’t mean that.”
Shrugging my shoulders, I tell her, “I do. Why are you shocked by that?”
“Because love…love is the one thing that makes life worth it. It makes all the pain, grief, and anger...all of it worth it. Without love you have nothing.”
Anger flares again. “And with it you a broken! It rips your heart out. It kills you slowly from the inside. If you love then eventually you lose and the pain is unbearable.”
“Oh Ace,” she says, in her soothing tone while taking my hand in hers. “Love is painful but it’s so worth it. I won’t lie and say you won’t ever get hurt, but I will tell you that the hurt is worth it. If you never love because the fear of losing is too great than you’re not living and I want you to live, my sweet boy. Love is scary. Love is giving someone the most vulnerable and fragile piece of you and trusting them to protect it, to love it, to cherish it but people make mistakes and sometimes it gets broken but it doesn’t change the fact that love is worth it.”
I shake my head. “It’s not that simple. You didn’t lose when you died, we did and it changed us.”
“Life changes regardless of what you feel, Ace. You live and learn, you love and hurt, you win and lose, you make the best out of what you have even on your worst day. When life slams the breaks on you, you change the gears and find another road. Life is a beautiful, crazy ride that is over all too soon. You blink your eyes and years have passed you by. You still have a chance to live and I want that for you. You can say you don’t want love but you chased Kynlee even after she told you not to.” I give my mom a questioning look. “Oh please, I’m your mother, I know everything,” she says, giving me a shrug. “My point is you chased after Kynlee because you feel nothing for her?”
The intensity of her stare is too much so I turn to look back at the ocean. My mom being my mom always knows when to stay quiet to let me figure things out on my own. Finally, I turn back toward her “What Kynlee and I have…is…different.”
My mom scoffs, “Different or not, you still love her.” I feel my eyes go wide at hearing her say that. Confusion and shock feel my soul. “Ace, don’t be so silly. Kynlee is different for you because it means more to you and if you ask me that’s a great thing.” I sway a little as I start to feel light headed. My mom’s blue eyes fill with tears as she looks at me. “Sit down, the feeling is only going to get worse, our time is almost up. Before you have to go I need to tell you something and you need to listen to me. You, Ace James, are one of the best people I know with the heart the size of the world, and if there’s anyone in the world that deserves love it is you my sweet boy. I want you to promise me that you will live and love to the limits! I want nothing else for you,” she says, as she pulls my head to her shoulder and presses a kiss on top of my head. My head is spinning so fast I can barely keep my eyes open. “Lie back, it’ll help.”
“Mom?” I ask, but it sounds more like a whimper.
“Shh…remember to look for me here, listen for me in the waves. I love you my beautiful sweet boy,” she tells me, before I feel as if I’m being pulled under the sand, buried under it, I try to scream back out to her but my throat becomes clogged with sand.
My eyes open and I take in the world around me.
White walls.
Machines beeping.
Tubes and wires coming out of me from every direction.
My body aches and hurts.
When I move my head to the side I realize I can barely see out of my eye from swelling but there she is. Her head resting on the side of my bed, her hand wrapped around mine, her long brown hair splayed across the white sheet. She’s here, she’s mine and maybe I can give her more than I thought.
Chapter 27
Kynlee
The doctors finally let us in to visit with Ace. We all go in two at a time except for Jovi who Axell refuses to let go in. Jagger and I are the last two to enter his room and as soon as I see Ace lying there covered in bandages, with tubes and wires coming out in every direction and the beeping from the machines the only noise filling the room, I lose it. Everything comes crashing down on me. If I thought I was crying before then I don’t know what to call this.
Sobs take over my body, knees grow too weak to stand but luckily Jagger wraps his arms around my waist to hold me up. I can’t even breathe. This can’t be real. This can’t be Ace. Ace is so full of life, so full of unrelenting passion, so full of sarcastic smartass comments. Seeing him lying there dead silent and unmoving is all too much. Jagger and I stand like this until finally he whispers, “It’s okay Kynlee, he’s alive. He’s strong and a fighter. Just breathe.”
At some point I calm down, and Jagger leads us closer to Ace’s bedside. I let out a shaky breath as I take in the bruises and cuts covering his beautiful face. Jagger urges me to take a seat in the chair beside the bed and in this moment, I just let myself be guided because my knees are still weak and my head is a jumbled, emotional mess. I sit numbly beside Ace while Jagger talks with him. When he’s done he stands and clears his throat. “Are you staying here or leaving?”
I nod my head and whisper, never taking my eyes off Ace. “I’m staying.”
“Okay, I’ll come back and check on you later.” Jagger leans down and presses a kiss to the top of my head. When I hear the door shut I scoot forward and take Ace’s hand in mine. I run my thumb back and forth over his bruised and scraped knuckles. Leaning forward I press a kiss to the back of his hand. He doesn’t smell like himself, he smells like antiseptic and hospital soap. I hate it.
“Ace, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean what I said. I promise I didn’t mean it but please just wake up or squeeze my hand or talk to me,” I whisper to him, my voice breaking as I fight back more tears. “I love you…” I whisper.
****
Something lightly brushing over my hair wakes me from my sleep. My throat is raw, my eyes are sensitive and puffy and my head is pounding from all the crying and praying I did last night. Then I take in my surroundings, my head resting on the side of Ace’s bed, something lightly brushes my hair again. Turning my head, I see Ace’s groggy blue eyes staring at me. I sit up and stare in disbelief. Am I dreaming? I pinch the skin on my arm and Ace chuckles then winces. “W-w-hat?” he tries to ask but I’m sure his throat is dry and the wince probably comes from the broken ribs.
“Shh…I was just trying to make sure I wasn’t dreaming. Let me grab the nurse and get you some water,” I say as I start to turn away his hand grabs mine and I can see it in his eyes, the unspoken apology that I don’t need and certainly don’t deserve. “I’m sorry too,” I tell him, as I lean in quickly and brush my lips against his.
****
Ace has made a great recovery, he still has a long way to go. One of the stab wounds to the back did affect his walking. The way the knife entered it resulted in damage to a muscle but after some physical therapy the doctors seem to think he’ll make a full recovery. Right now, the worst of it is that he’s walking with a limp but compared to what could have happened, I’ll take it. He’s sore and still healing so he’s slow to move and I can see the frustration etched in his face but we’ll get there.
Today, Ace is being released and I’m worried about the flight of stairs to get to the apartment but his brothers, Jaxx and Pierce have a plan. I’m not sure Ace will love it but it’ll be helpful. Once we get back to the apartment I can see the hesitation yet determination written all over his face. Once Ace sets his mind to something he will succeed however as soon as I park his Hellcat the guys all come down the stairs. “What the hell?” he mumbles.
Bowie swings open the passenger side door. “Well the hell, you look like shit. It makes me almost feel bad for giving you hell.”
Ace chuckles. “Never stopped you before,” he replies, as Bowie helps him out of the car.
Axell opens my door and helps me out. “Jovi help Kynlee with the bags,” he says over his shoulder. Jovi moves to the trunk with Jaxx and Pierce on his heels. They grab everything from the trunk then head up to the apartment. I stay behind to make sure that Ace doesn’t need anything.
When he reaches the stairs, he pauses at the bottom, looking up, I can tell by the look of concentration that he’s trying to size them up, determine just how long this is going to take. Ace takes a deep breath and I notice the wince that he tries to hide. Before he can even lift his foot, Bowie and Jagger each grab him under the arm and Axell reaches down and grabs his legs. “Oh, come on! You guys have got to be kidding me! I can walk! I’m some damn cripple!” Ace’s protests continue and so do his brothers.
Once they reach the top of the stairs they place Ace back on his feet. “Damn you bitch like a girl,” Bowie says with a laugh. Ace goes to slug him in the arm but ends up missing then letting out a string of curses from the pain it caused. “You got to be quicker than that,” Bowie taunts.
I step forward in between the two. If I’ve learned anything since becoming a part of this family it’s that once these two get started they are hard to stop. “That’s enough boys,” I tell them, giving them both a stern look before continuing into
the apartment.
****
A few hours later after everyone had eaten and spent time catching up, the apartment is quiet. Ace took his medication and is out for the night while I sit on the couch and contemplate what I want for my future. For so long I had only wanted one thing…attention. However, after all of this I’m not sure anymore. It seems like no matter how much attention I get it’s never enough. I have to ask myself when will it be?
That’s an answer I don’t have. I sit there trying to figure out what to do when my phone starts ringing. Enzo’s name is flashing on the screen. I sigh heavily I’ve been avoiding him since Ace got jumped. Mentally, I curse while I answer the call. I might as well face the music. “Enzo.”
“Well, I’m surprised you still know my name. I was beginning to think you were avoiding me,” he says into the phone. “You disappeared without a word and then refuse to answer your phone or text messages afterwards. You really know how to scare a guy.”
I scoff, “You don’t want to talk to me about being scared. Ace could have died Enzo and that was partly my fault. If I had just called him or hell, came home instead of going to your place he wouldn’t have been at Red Hott. I’ve been torn up and terrified so don’t you dare talk to me about being scared. Besides I’m not yours to get scared over.”
“Kynlee, babe, I’m sorry you’ve been having such a hard time, but face it, Ace is an ass and he had it coming. It doesn’t shock me that he got jumped. Look come over and relax. I’ll call Mr. Olden and we can all sit down and talk over his ideas for your career. “
The anger in me boils over. I was already emotional and he isn’t helping. “First of all, I’m not your babe! The only person who can call me that if he wishes is my boyfriend…Ace. Secondly, I don’t care if you think Ace is an ass. I don’t care who you think is an ass, no one and I mean no one deserves to go through what he went through. He didn’t kill anyone for crying out loud, just because you don’t like him doesn’t give you the right to run your mouth,” Enzo starts to interrupt me but I cut him back off. “Don’t you dare interrupt me, trust me Enzo right now is not the time to interrupt me. I’m done with this career. I no longer want this shit. I’m going to figure something else out because I don’t want to be half naked and prancing around for the world to see. Everything that has happened the past few months has made me realize what a big mistake this was. My parents were right, I’m disrespecting myself by wanting to do this stupid shit, I’m done. And as far as we are concerned so are we. We’re not anything as of now. You’ve shown up and caused nothing but a mess for me and I feel like that was your intention. Your so hell bent on getting back at Ace for whatever reason that you were willing to use me and our friendship to succeed at that. You’re no friend of mine Enzo so after this moment you lose my number and forget I exist because I will be doing the same thing.” I exhale, pressing the end button. My heart is pounding and the anger flowing through my veins has caused me to shake but I don’t regret it. Everything I said was true and needed to be said.
Breaking the Limits Page 16