Breaking the Limits

by Nichole, Stephanie

  I sit for a while longer before a thought occurs to me. Pressing my speed dial for Kenndrix, I grab my laptop and pull up colleges. I didn’t realize the time until Kenndrix’s sleepy voice comes over the line. “Is everything okay Kyn?”

  “Yeah, shoot, I’m sorry, you were asleep. I didn’t even think about the time.”

  “No, don’t worry about it. What’s up?” she asks.

  I sigh, “Well, I was thinking, do you remember when we first met?”

  Kenndrix laughs, “Hmm…duh!”

  “Okay yeah, stupid question what I meant was do you remember what I used to say I wanted to be when I grew up?”

  She is quiet for a minute before she answers. “Yeah, a teacher. Why?”

  “Because I was thinking and it’s probably a dumb idea but I just thought that maybe I might look into going back to college for a degree in it,” I explain, stumbling over the words, nerves getting the best of me.

  “I think that’s a great idea!”

  “Yeah?” I ask still uncertain.

  “Hell yes! I can come over tomorrow and help you with the applications,” she exclaims.

  Emotion clogs my throat for a minute. “That’d be great!”

  “See you then?”

  “See you then. Love you to infinity Kenndrix.”

  “Love you, tons and bunches, Kyn.”

  Chapter 28

  1 Week Later

  Ace

  Things have gotten back into routine for Kynlee and me. I get to start back to work today, finally. If I had to stay one more damn day in the house acting like I was sick I was going to scream. On the bright side Kynlee has been playing nurse to me since I got home from the hospital so no complaining about that.

  Kynlee has been like the energizer bunny lately. She kept telling me she had news, big news but told me she wanted to make sure it actually went through. In a lot of ways, I was dreading her big news because I figured it had to do with her being a playmate or something and I just wasn’t looking forward to that.

  However, Kynlee just walked through the door in a pair of jeans with a UCLA t-shirt and shopping bags on her arms, grinning from ear to ear. I look up from my spot on the couch. “Hey, baby doll.”

  Kynlee strikes one of her sassy little poses and winks at me. “Hey hot stuff.” A giggle escapes her mouth and she walks toward me. She plops down on the couch next to me and drops the sacks on the floor. “So, I have big news.”

  I take a deep breath and mumble “hmm…” trying to keep my attention on my video game. Things have been so good between the two of us that I’m dreading the inevitable fight that will happen once she tells me this news. I don’t want to fight with her, I really don’t, but I’m not good at keeping my mouth shut.

  “Ace…” Kynlee sighs next to me. I continue to pay attention to the TV screen which earns me a frustrated growl from Kynlee and damn is it sexy. Trying not to look at her right now is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Suddenly, Kynlee’s tiny hand yanks the controller from mine, tosses it over to the love seat and then she climbs onto my lap. She takes my face between her hands and forces my eyes to meet hers. She shakes her head slightly. “You are so damn stubborn. Luckily, I know how to play this little game better.”

  “Oh, do you now? Is this you playing, because if you ask me you’re just distracting,” I tease herm while I slap her lightly on the ass.

  She bites her lip to keep from smiling, trying to keep her smirk in place. “It’s only distracting if you let be,” I move to kiss her but she pulls back away from me. “Ace, I have news, why don’t you want to listen to me?”

  My head falls back on to the couch and I stare at the white popcorn ceiling. “Because I don’t want to argue.”

  “Why would we argue?” Kynlee asks.

  I chuckle. “Because we always end up arguing when it comes to your news. You get all excited for whatever gig you got, I get jealous because I don’t want to share you with anyone else like that so I become an ass and say mean things which pisses you off and it just escalates from there.”

  Kynlee runs her hand down my cheek. “You’re right, normally that is how my news goes but...I think you’ll like this news much better.” I raise my head back up to see her expression and even though she’s still has that playful look in those brown eyes I also see that she’s serious. I raise an eyebrow in question. “I decided I don’t want this career anymore. I decided that you, Ace James are enough for me, you give me enough attention that I don’t need anyone else’s.”

  “Is that so?” I ask my voice full of curiosity.

  She smirks, “It is. So, I decided to go back to college and become a teacher. I was waiting to see if I got accepted and I did!” Kynlee exclaims. I’m pretty sure my mouth falls open because Kynlee places her hand under my chin and pushes back up. “Don’t look so shocked.”

  I shake my head to try and clear the jumbled mess it just became. “It’s not that, I just didn’t know you wanted to be a teacher.”

  She shrugs, “I did, for a lot of years that’s all I wanted to do. Up until I became an attention digging whore. I don’t like who that makes me so starting in a couple of months I’ll officially be a student at UCLA.”

  “I’m so proud of you,” I tell her, while I pull her into my chest and kiss the top of her head. Three little words almost slip out but instead “So I’m going to be dating a college girl now?”

  She pulls back to look at me and gives me a questioning look, “Yeah…”

  I smirk at her. “That’s hot.” She slaps my shoulder and starts laughing. “I can’t help it! I always wanted to date a college girl,” I tell her, as she climbs off my lap and goes to the kitchen.

  ****

  A few days later Jagger shows up at Inkredible beaming. “What the hell made you glow in the dark?” I ask him.

  He nods his head while he rubs his chin. “I don’t know, maybe because I’m getting married.” I had been looking at some paperwork but my head whips up. Did he just say what I think he just said? I knew him and Londynn had finally gotten back to a good spot after a few months of being separated but I had no idea he was considering getting married. “You look shocked?”

  I nod my head slowly, “Yeah, seems to be my theme this week. I didn’t know you wanted to try and get married again?”

  “Again? You do know I never got to get married last time, right? Just engaged,” I nod my head, “You know I’m telling you first.”

  “Why?”

  Jagger takes a seat across from me. “For a few reasons. One, because I feel like our relationship is different from what I have with the rest. I don’t know if it’s because I shared a bedroom with you growing up so I remember how haunted you were after mom’s death or maybe it’s because when I look at you I still see my nine-year-old baby brother who’s heartbroken and scared shitless. Or maybe it’s because of what you told me the other day, you know when you said we were doomed?” I don’t reply, I don’t nod my head I just sit there and stare at him because all the air just left my lungs. “I wanted to tell you first because we’re not doomed Ace. I wanted to tell you first because maybe I love you a little more and yes, I just said that big scary ‘L’ word. I wanted to tell you first because I don’t want you to be scared anymore.”

  We sit there for a while both of us just staring at one another, Jagger lost in thoughts while his words sink into mine. Finally, I clear my throat, “What about Harlyn and Harper?”

  Jagger shakes his head, “Ace, I wish I could make you see that love isn’t so scary, isn’t always so sad and full of heartbreak. I’ll always love Harlyn and Harper, but for reasons I’ll never be able to understand they were taken from me and that ripped my heart out, gutted me to my damn core. I won’t lie to you and me sure as hell won’t sugar coat it. Losing them, losing that future nearly killed me, but Londynn came into my life and she sewed up those pieces that were still bleeding. Loving Londynn, marrying Londynn doesn’t make Harlyn and
Harper any less important, it doesn’t lessen the love I have for them but I can move on. Harlyn would have wanted that for me.”

  “How do you know that?” I ask him quietly.

  “Because I would have wanted that for her if I had been the one to go. Because that’s what you want for the people you love. You want them to live and love,” Jagger stands up and as he walks past me he stops and places a hand on my shoulder. “Its what mom would have wanted for all of us, especially you.”

  I sit there unable to move. His words remind me so much of that odd dream I had while I was in the hospital. My mind is racing and images of Kynlee keep flying around. Can I love Kynlee and still be me? Can I say I love her and handle the heartbreak if she doesn’t feel the same?

  Chapter 29

  Ace

  My pocket feels so heavy right now, but I know in my gut and heart this is the right thing to do. It had been a couple of weeks since Jagger and Londynn told us they were engaged and last night Sadie had thrown a small engagement party for them. I had watched Kynlee all night. It was like I was seeing her for the first time all over again. Her laughter was all I had heard and I saw it in her eyes. The way she had stared at Londynn’s ring.

  Jagger’s words had been bouncing around in my head for the past couple of weeks too. No matter what I did or how I tried to push them away they just wouldn’t budge. So, last week I had went to the store and picked out a ring. I got to it pick up this morning after having it sized for Kynlee. This weekend I would do the one thing I never thought I’d do. I’d get down on one knee, tell Kyn I love her then ask her the most important question of my life.

  My heart feels lighter than it ever has as I get out of the car and make my way into the shop. I step inside and flip on the lights. When I step forward I hear something, like rustling paper. I look down and see a magazine has been shoved through the mail slot. Must have had the wrong address because I know damn well and well none of us in this shop subscribe to these dumb gossip mags. I’m about to toss it when something catches my eyes.

  I open up the bent cover and it’s like someone just sucker punches me right in the gut. So many emotions fly through my body at one time, anger, jealously, disappointment, but the heartbreak. The heartbreak I had tried to protect myself from all my life is the worst. I try to take a deep breath but my lungs refuse. My heart which had felt so light just a few moments ago is now lying on the floor. Just like Jagger said it’s been ripped out the only problem is the only one who can sew mine back together is the one who just ripped out.

  ****

  Kynlee

  Ace had just left not too long ago, and I had just fallen back asleep when my phone started going off. I groan and pull Ace’s pillow over my head in a failed attempt to drown out the noise. Finally, I give up and pick up the phone. I don’t even get to say hello before Kenndrix starts yelling into the phone. “What the hell were you thinking?”

  “Excuse me?”

  Kenndrix huffs into the phone. “Don’t play dumb Kyn! I knew you kissed Enzo at the audition, but when the hell did you kiss him at a beach?”

  I sit straight up in bed. “What are you talking about? How did you know about that?”

  “It’s all over the damn place Kyn! It’s on the internet and magazines. There’s even an article that says you were spotted at his house a few weeks ago. Please tell me this crap is all lies and that other picture is photo shopped.”

  My stomach rolls with nausea, a cold sweat covers my skin and my heart just stops beating. This can’t be happening. Why now? “I have to go,” I manage to croak out. My hands are shaking so badly that I pass the number I need three times before I manage to hit it. As soon as he picks up the phone “How could you do this?”

  “Kynlee, baby, I can’t control everything. The paparazzi love me right now so it’s not too shocking,” Enzo says into the phone with a flippant tone.

  Tears start to leak down my face and I get out of bed and go to the living room where I can pace while I try to figure out how to fix this. I’m pacing back and forth, talking into my phone with an urgent plea in my voice. “There has to be something you can do!” When Ace slams the front door I jump and turn around to face him. My tearstained face and bloodshot eyes cause no emotion to flicker into his dead eyes. I’ve never seen his eyes this devoid of emotion. Ace used to come running with guns a blazing whenever I cried. Ready to take on the world and dry my tears but this time he can’t. I’ve caused these tears myself, I’ve ripped his heart out so there was no part of him that can feel anything. Numbness and a little fire of anger is all he has. I can see it in his eyes, in his stiff posture and the way his jaw is grinding his teeth.

  My hand falls away from my ear with the phone in it. I take a step towards him “Ace…” he holds up the copy of the magazine, causing me to come to a halt. How did he get that so quick? Fresh tears fill my eyes. “I’m so so---“

  “Don’t say sorry,” he says in a quiet and calm tone, the calm before the storm.

  “I don’t know what else to say,” I reply sounding defeated. “I was trying to get them pulled before you saw them.”

  Ace snorts with a harsh laugh. “Oh great! That’s just great Kynlee! Why pull them so you can keep up the lies? So, you can keep up the charade of wanting to be with me when you’re really just killing your time before Enzo finally asks you to be his?”

  I stare at him for a moment. “That’s not it at all. I didn’t mean to lie to you. I don’t even know why I did. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

  “You know I knew you wanted to look like a slut for your career, but I had no idea you actually were one,” he says, as he slams the magazine down on the table. Ace turns for the door. “You said the other night that I was enough but apparently I’m not. Well, I’m sure Enzo will give you more than enough and now you’re free to take it.”

  “Ace! I don’t want Enzo!” I cry out, but it’s no use.

  “You could have fooled me baby doll,” he says, rubbing his hands over his face roughly. I’m sobbing uncontrollably because I don’t know how to fix this.

  “How did you get that?” I ask him.

  An eerie laugh escapes him. “It was in the damn mail slot at the shop. Exactly, what I wanted to walk into!”

  I shake my head to try in control my emotions. “Ace…” I plead with him. “I know, God, I know how this looks right now but I promise. I swear to you that nothing aside from that happened. Those kisses should have never happened and if I could take them back I would. I made a mistake but it doesn’t change the fact that I love you, only you Ace.” Those three words slip out of my mouth before I can stop them. I notice the war of emotions that flood Ace’s eyes. He turns away, pacing the room, unable to look at me.

  Finally, he stops and looks up to the ceiling. “Right now, I don’t know what to think Kyn. You say one thing but your actions say something different. Maybe…. maybe we just need to take some time to get our shit together, figure out what we want.”

  “I want you Ace,” I sob.

  He tenses up, eyes scrunch up as if my words cause him pain. “You say that but those pictures are ingrained into my damn brain and I can’t help but wonder if some part of you wanted that, wanted him. I know you Kyn and you aren’t the type to just let something like that happen twice unless you wanted it,” he lets out a gush of air. “I don’t know what else to say. I need some time and space, I think we both do.”

  And I stand there without another word and watch him walk out the door and probably my life.

  Chapter 30

  3 Months Later

  Ace

  The sunlight is cascading through my window. I roll over with a groan and bury my head in the pillow beside me only to be engulfed by her scent. I curse out loud into the empty room. The scab on my shredded heart being ripped back off. Angrily, I kick the sheets off my body and climb out of bed.

  Once I’ve had my cup of coffee I head to the gym. It seems that’s all I do these
days. It’s my way of dealing with the pain, with the loss of her. After vigorously working out for a couple of hours I get dressed and head over to Inkcredible. The shop is booming with business. I have two other tattoo artists now, we all have different specialties so it really helps to bring a bigger group in. Today, I’m trying to fill the last empty room in the building. Most of the people I have lined up to interview with are women. The guys and I have noticed that some of our female customers have mentioned that they’d be more comfortable letting another female tattoo them. I’m taking that into consideration.

  I arrive and unlock the doors, turning on the lights and heading straight for my room. I’m in the back going over my schedule of appointments for the day when I hear the music go off in the front. As I head up I notice an average height girl with shoulder length hair looking around the waiting area. “Can I help you?” I ask, as I approach her. When she turns around I’m taken back, those light gray eyes are so familiar but I can’t place them.