“He already knew. I’m still not sure how. But he figured out Jackson and I were married in a drunken haze and that he agreed to stay to help me keep my Perfect Granddaughter Image.” Kathleen finished her coffee. “An image I’m happy to say I no longer need because not only did Grandfather and I come to terms after your Psycho slide, Jackson and I are fine. Better than fine, actually.”
Vanessa smiled. “I know. And I’m so happy for you. I’m trying to stop the bad behavior excuses, though. I really am sorry.”
“You were going through a tough time. Something I should have seen but I couldn’t.”
“Don’t do that. I was getting divorced and it freaked me out, but you deserved better.”
“It worked out okay.”
“How do you do it? Your life is Texas, Jackson’s is New York.” If they’d come to terms with careers that kept them so far apart, maybe she and Mat would be able to see eye to eye, too.
“Jackson’s more Texas than he likes to admit. But mostly it’s straight-up compromise. It’s the beauty of being a fashion photographer. He can fly where he’s needed and come home. The art photography is a bit different, but when the gallery needs him in New York, we make it work. I have trainers who can fill in for me when I need them. And if I can’t get away, I know he’ll be back as soon as he can.” Kathleen set her empty cup on the table. “You can’t want to know about our commuter life.”
Oh, but she did. Because the gulf between Vanessa and Mat might as well be a two-thousand-mile commute. And if Kathleen and Jackson could make that work, maybe there was hope. If she were brave enough to take a chance.
“Why are you drinking decaf if you hate it?”
“Okay, we won’t talk about you and Mat yet.”
“You know?”
“Sweetie, you two were glued together last night. Why else would you just be arriving home in the pre-dawn hours?”
Vanessa blushed. She shook her head. “I don’t know what’s going on with Mat. We’re friends.” Kathleen raised her eyebrows but didn’t say a word. “And we’re talking about you, not me. Why decaf?”
“Because Jackson apparently has super-sperm and in about five months a mini-me is going to be raising the roof of this place. Doctor’s orders — no caffeine. It’s killing me.”
“You’re pregnant?” A grin spread across Vanessa’s face. She was going to be a single mom, but maybe she and Kathleen could compare notes. This conversation was going well. They hadn’t tried to kill one another since she’d been home. They both wanted a better relationship.
Kathleen nodded. “Pregnant and thrilled and scared to death. I have no idea how to be a mom.”
“Please, Mother Hen.”
“That’s different. I brought you coffee, I’m not responsible for your entire approach to life.”
Vanessa wanted to tell Kathleen. With everything inside her she wanted to spill her guts, ask for advice, anything so she didn’t have to go through this alone.
She couldn’t. Mat deserved better than that. He deserved to be the first to know he was going to be a father, even if he ultimately chose to remain out of the picture. Either way, she wasn’t doing one more stupid, careless thing with this man.
She liked him too much.
Vanessa swallowed and pushed thoughts of her situation from her head to focus on her sister. They talked about names, Kathleen’s horses and Vanessa’s plans for the bull sale and ball. Sisterly conversation like she’d never had in her life. Another piece of her personal puzzle clicked into place. This was what she had hoped would happen when she came home. That she and Kathleen would somehow find a way to be sisters. Friends.
Kathleen practically glowed with the baby news and with each passing minute Vanessa felt more like a fraud. She needed to see Mat. Her hands turned clammy and Kathleen’s voice faded away. Her stomach churned, her muscles ached, and her brain screamed at her to tell someone, anyone, the truth.
“I’m sorry. I have to go.” She stood abruptly, interrupting Kathleen mid-sentence. Vanessa didn’t even know what her sister was saying. “I, um, have a … thing. And I need to get dressed.” Kathleen’s face fell. “I’m sorry. I just realized the time.”
“I’m sorry.” Gone was the tentative, sisterly bond, replaced with curiosity and a great deal of hurt, if Kathleen’s expression and voice were anything to go by.
Build one bridge, tear down another, Vanessa thought. There was no way around this. She didn’t want to tell Mat, but she had to. He would not hear this from someone else.
“Why don’t we head into the city and shop for the baby soon?” Dear Lord, she sounded exactly like her so-called friends in San Antonio.
“Sure, we’ll do lunch.” Hurt flickered through Kathleen’s words. Vanessa couldn’t take it. She reached out and took Kathleen’s hand.
“I mean it. And I am sorry. This is just something I have to do. See you at dinner?”
Kathleen nodded. “Dinner. And I probably will take you up on that shopping trip. I have no idea what to buy.”
Just one more thing we can figure out together, Vanessa thought as she closed the door. She grabbed yoga pants and a top from her closet and pulled her Nikes over her feet. First, find Mat. Second, don’t get distracted. Third, change his world.
• • •
The sound of someone retching inside the barn stopped Mat cold outside the horse barn. One of the hands? No, he’d have gotten a call. The rules were strict — if you were sick, call in. No need to worry about the time off. The Double Diamond didn’t work like most businesses and the hands respected it. He couldn’t remember the last time someone called off just because they didn’t want to work.
Still, it didn’t make sense. No one in the family would come to the barns sick. He peeked around the corner and saw pink Nikes, shapely legs, and a nicely rounded butt leaning over a big garbage can. A pink tee peeked over the lip of the can. Vanessa. What the hell was she doing puking in the barn?
Mat hurried across the cavernous space. A couple of horses nickered at him, but most were in the paddocks already. Vanessa retched again and he placed one hand at the small of her back while he reached for her hair with the other. She stiffened at the touch, straightened, and moved away from him, her face turning pink.
She looked mortified.
“You okay?” Stupid question, Mat, obviously she wasn’t alright. She backed off another step and he shoved his hands in his pockets to keep from reaching for her.
Vanessa shook her head and then nodded. “I’m, it’s … I’m okay,” she finally settled on. She blew out a breath. “Actually I was looking for you.”
“Looking for me makes you nauseated?”
One shoulder raised slightly. “Not the looking for you part.” Her gaze was jumping from the horses in the stalls to the hay in the loft but not settling on anything for more than a second. “Could we go somewhere? To talk?”
Damn, they were back to this. Talking about what happened and what shouldn’t happen again. The woman needed to give it a rest. But if they were going to have this talk yet again, he’d rather not risk one of the hands overhearing. Or her family. Sunday mornings were usually quiet on the ranch but anyone could come in.
He cupped his hand over her elbow and led her outside, around the corner of the barn and up the lane to his house. A blue jay sang from the trees and a rabbit or prairie dog rustled in the bushes but none of the animals showed themselves. Peaceful, Mat thought. Just the way he liked his life, so why was he already formulating ways to convince Vanessa that repeating last night — as often as possible — was a better option than shutting down cold?
Work was what he needed to get Vanessa out of his system. Hard, hot, sweaty work. But the hard, hot sweaty part only brought images of Vanessa to his mind. Vanessa on his bed, Vanessa kissing him as if her life depended on it. The feel of h
er in his arms, the smell of her on his skin.
It was always Vanessa ever since the night of Kathleen’s wedding. Mat was tired of fighting it, so he was going to fight for it.
“We won’t be disturbed here,” he said and led her inside to the living room he’d never bothered to update. He wondered if she liked brown leather furniture and then cursed the curiosity. Vanessa liking his house was beside the point.
Mat sprawled in one of the overstuffed chairs. Vanessa paced the length of the living area, hands clenching and unclenching in a rhythm only she could hear. She bit the corner of her mouth — how had he never noticed that little quirk before now? Nervous energy spilled off her, making his own gut clench. His booted foot tapped against the hardwood floor, the sound a staccato burst in the quiet, but Vanessa didn’t seem to notice that as she paced the length of the room once more.
Her hands began moving in circles, palms up and then down, as if her hands talked to one another about whatever she was trying not to say to him. Mat hadn’t been this nervous since that night outside the emergency room in San Francisco. He’d hated the feeling he had no control over the situation then. Hated it even more now. How could she be this worked up about a conversation they’d had three or four times now?
Mat willed his foot to stop tapping. Stilled his hands and sat back in the chair. He would not let her get to him. Not over this. He leaned back in his chair and watched as Vanessa argued or played out scenarios, whatever it was she was doing in that pretty little head of hers. God, but she was beautiful. Messed up. Spoiled and coddled and, from the time she spent in the gardens with Gui, trying to change.
For the first time, Mat admitted he didn’t want her to change. At least not completely. Vanessa didn’t have a clue how the real world worked and it was part of her charm. He liked that she was out of her depth around him, and wasn’t that just a little bit twisted? He liked changing her tires, filling her gas tank. Teaching her to feed that calf and watching her eyes light up in wonder. He’d never wanted to do those things with any other woman. Most of the women he’d known wouldn’t have been caught dead at a cattle pen. That she was trying to change and eager to learn new things only made him want her more.
She was an enigma that he wanted to figure out. High-profile, put-together, society girl on the outside. Soft, inquisitive, endearing woman on the inside. Which was the real Vanessa?
She rubbed a hand over her face, tucked a couple of strands of hair behind her ears, and straightened her spine. Ah, she must be ready to start this repeated conversation. Vanessa swallowed and folded her arms over her chest. The tense feeling clenched Mat’s belly again.
“I’m pregnant.” Her cheeks pinkened at the announcement and Mat’s world spun off its axis. Pregnant? That was why she was sick in the barn? She kept talking. “Just over twelve weeks, according to the doctors and everything is fine. I don’t have a sonogram picture or anything yet.”
She looked at him expectantly. Pregnant? Vanessa bit the corner of her lip again while Mat stared at her stomach. It was flat. She couldn’t be pregnant if her stomach was flat. This was all a joke, a really bad joke.
No, not a joke. This was San Francisco all over again and he wouldn’t be tricked into anything. Not this time. Mat narrowed his eyes, looking at Vanessa in a new light. Soft and endearing? More like hard, cynical, and looking for her next meal ticket. How long had she known his secret?
“Mat?” The pink leached from her skin, turning it sallow and white. She swallowed again and took a step back as he stood.
“Women get pregnant all the time. What do you want me to do about it?” Mat hated the words even as he said them. Vanessa’s skin paled even more.
“N-nothing.” She unfolded her arms and held her hands out, palms up. “I don’t want anything from you. I’m just here as a courtesy. I wasn’t going to tell you anything at all.”
“And then you decided Mat Barnes would make a great second husband and father to your child.”
She shook her head vehemently. “No. I didn’t. I thought … thought you deserved to know. About the baby. That’s all.”
Mat gritted his teeth. That couldn’t be all, not from a woman like Vanessa. “Paul didn’t care, did he?”
Her eyebrows knit together in what Mat assumed was Vanessa’s confused expression. Oh, she was good. He should have seen this coming when she came back to the ranch so early.
“This has nothing to do with Paul. The baby is yours, Mat.”
“And I’m supposed to take your word for it?”
“Yes, you’re supposed to take my word for it. I know who the father of my child is!”
“Good thing one of us does.”
Vanessa’s jaw clenched. “This baby is yours, Mat. Created the night of Kathleen’s wedding.”
“We had sex exactly twice; both times we used protection.”
“Condoms aren’t a failsafe.”
“So we’re just the most unlucky couple in America?”
“Fifteen percent, that’s the failure rate.”
“Convenient that you know that off the top of your head.”
“I’ve had a while to think about it.” Anger iced her blue eyes. She squinched her brows together. “And, yeah, I guess that does make us one of the unluckiest couples in America. Deal with it.”
“Deal with it?”
“Yes, deal with it. I’m not asking for anything from you. I won’t put your name on the birth certificate. I don’t want the five dollars you could spare from your paycheck for child support. So go ahead and buy your dream property. I don’t need you, Mat Barnes, and neither does this child, so deal with it.” The five dollars he could spare? Wait, she didn’t know? Mat wanted to believe that but he’d been fooled once too often.
She stomped to the door, pushed it open and then turned back to him. “I just thought you deserved to know.” Vanessa was gone in a flash and Mat was hot on her heels. He caught up to her at the tree line dividing his yard from the barn area.
Mat searched Vanessa’s eyes, looking for a trace of deceit. A flash of triumph that she had him on a leash now. All he saw was fear and pain. He grabbed her upper arms. “If you don’t want anything from me, why tell me at all? I could have been happy all my life without knowing I have a kid somewhere in the world where I can’t see him.”
“I won’t keep the baby from you, Mat, not if you want to see it. But you’re under no obligation to me or the baby. We’ll be just fine without you.” A trace of bravado laced her words, tugging at Mat’s protective streak. She wriggled free of his grip. Her ice blue eyes melted, but Vanessa didn’t allow a single tear to fall. She put another step between them. Her voice quavered as she said, “I meant what I said. You should buy your land and keep building the life you’ve dreamed of. We won’t be a bother. Gillian used me against Nathaniel my entire life. I’m telling you now because I won’t repeat the past. This baby won’t be a bother to you, and neither will I. I told you because you deserve to know. I can have papers drawn up to absolve you of any financial responsibility.”
Two more steps and Vanessa was at the tree line. Mat watched as she disappeared around the corner. One part of him wanted to race after her, to insist that he’d take care of her. To tell her about his past, apologize, and start over with no secrets between them. He ran after her, but by the time he rounded the corner Vanessa was gone.
Maybe that was for the best.
Chapter Seven
A full week passed with no contact between Vanessa and Mat. It was exactly what she expected. Exactly what she wanted, she insisted to herself as she peeked from behind the Pepto-pink curtain in her bedroom toward the barns. Ignored the empty feeling when she didn’t see Mat walking around. She rubbed her belly.
“We’ll be fine,” she said, “just fine.”
Kathleen led Big Boy from the horse barn and another tr
ainer followed them into the therapy pool to begin a rehabilitation treatment. No one else exited. A few horses milled around one paddock, black cattle wandered the pastures to the north. Vanessa took a saltine from the plate on the table and nibbled, hoping to rid herself of the nausea that threatened each morning.
The bull pens had been set up early in the week. The website and sale flyers were ready. Mat assigned one of the hands to drive her to the pens for the sale pictures, one more sign he had nothing to say to her. The thought left a hollow feeling in her chest. Grandfather mentioned the night before that Mat would be going to the pens for final check-ups with the vet. No activity from the barn meant he had to be gone already. The grandfather clock in the entryway chimed ten times. He should definitely be away from the barns by now.
Her phone bleeped, alerting her to an incoming email. Vanessa read the message from her real estate agent. The house was listed and several interested parties had called to take a look. With any luck, the monstrosity of a house would be out of her hair by the time the stock sale was over. She could get on with her life. Time to send another email, this time to Paul. As Vanessa typed the words, calmness filled her. No restless energy. No nervousness about selling. Just calm certainty that getting out of San Antonio was the best decision she’d made since deciding to keep the baby.
Paul, final warning. Selling the house and contents. If you want anything, tell me now or lose it forever. Vanessa.
Texas Wishes: The Complete Series Page 26