by Chelle Bliss
“Just a few minutes,” I lie because I don’t want to seem like a weirdo for watching her sleep for so long. “I didn’t want to wake you.”
She reaches out, placing her hand on my arm, and gazes at me from her pillow. “Did you sleep okay?”
“I haven’t slept that well in years.”
“Me either,” she says, fighting to keep her eyes open.
I grab her hip and pull her body toward me as I scoot across the bed, closing the space between us. “Go back to sleep,” I whisper as she relaxes in my arms and buries her face in my chest. “We’re in no rush.”
I could lie here all day with her body pressed up against mine, snuggling to keep the chill in the air at bay. There’s nothing more perfect, besides making love to her, than holding her close and just being.
She peers up at me with her green eyes shining bright against her pale skin and auburn hair. “What time are the kids coming back?”
I brush the hair away from her face with the back of my fingers. “Not until later.”
“I just wanted to make sure I didn’t have to run out of here.”
“There’s no rush. Lucio isn’t bringing them home until after dinner.”
She molds her body against me, throwing her leg over mine. “Good. I could stay like this forever.”
I hold her tight, inhaling the sweetness of her shampoo. “We don’t have to move all day.”
“Angelo.”
I know what she’s about to say is big.
“I never thought I’d feel this way again.”
“Me either, Tilly.”
“I’m happy for the first time in what feels like forever.”
“I know. I almost forgot what it felt like to be at peace,” I admit, knowing she’ll understand exactly what I mean without taking offense.
No one else would fully grasp the depths of despair someone deals with after losing a spouse. The empty chair at dinner, the cold spot in the bed, and other things we all take for granted on a daily basis. It’s not until the person is truly gone that we realize the finality of death and exactly what it means to be totally alone.
“Are we moving too quick?”
I touch her chin, making sure she’s looking at me when I say the next words. “We waited years to find each other. We’re two halves of the same soul. I think we were destined to meet. To suffer the same pain. To know each other’s loss. We’ve rushed nothing.”
“I feel like I’ve known you forever.” She slides her hand up my arm, gripping my bicep. “People will think we’re crazy.”
“People can think what they want. How long did you date Mitchell before you fell in love with him?”
Marissa and I met in high school after her family moved to the old neighborhood from out of state. The moment I laid eyes on her, I knew I had to make her mine. There was no doubt in my mind that she was the girl for me. People thought I was nuts, but I loved her more than anything in the world.
“I don’t remember a time when I didn’t love him.” She exhales softly.
I cup her face in my hands, wanting to kiss her so badly my chest aches. “We’ve been through more than most people twice our age. We know the preciousness of time and the fragility of life. There’s no rhyme or reason when it comes to the heart.”
Her hand glides down my arm and covers my hand. “I don’t know what I did to deserve you, Angelo, but I’m thankful you came into my life.”
“Baby, I’ve been asking myself that same question. We’ve got to stop thinking and just feel.”
Leaning forward, I press my lips to hers. I’m done with words and questioning the speed we’re moving. There’s no controlling the pace at which it happens or containing the powerful punch to the gut when everything clicks.
Love is love, and there’s nothing we can do to stop it.
21
Tilly
“You have to get that,” Daphne says as I stand in front of the dressing room mirror in the most decadent dress I’ve ever worn.
I glance down at the price tag and nearly have a heart attack. “It’s six hundred dollars.”
She bats my hand away from the tiny paper and grabs my hips, making me look at myself in the mirror. “Leo’s paying,” she says, like money is no object. “Your tits look incredible in this. Angelo will go bananas.”
I stare at my reflection, loving the way the silk hugs my every curve, and she’s right… My tits do look great. “I can’t let Leo pay. That’s not right. I’m not taking your money.”
She moves closer and puts her mouth near my ear. “I have my own money.” She stares at me intently in the mirror. “This is all him. Let the man pay. It makes him happy.”
“It’ll make him happy?” I blink quickly, confused.
She nods. “He wants us to have fun and relax. Money is no object to him. If you don’t carry that dress out of this store, I’ll just have it delivered to the bakery.”
“Daphne, I really can’t accept this.”
“Oh my God. Look at you,” Delilah says as she walks out of the dressing room, wearing leather pants and a sequined camisole which barely covers her belly. “Damn, girl.”
They both gawk at me in the mirror as I twist my hands together in front of me.
“I know, right?” Daphne moves to my side and points to my chest. “Delilah, do you remember when your tits were this high?”
Delilah stalks toward us in a pair of black and gold leather boots. “Fuck. It’s been years. Lulu killed my tits.”
I laugh nervously as they both stare at my breasts like they’ve never seen anything more beautiful. It’s awkward, but I know they’re complimenting me.
“You’ll see, Tilly.” Daphne slaps my ass, and I yelp. “Angelo will have you preggers in no time.”
My mouth falls open, and I freeze. “Um,” I mumble as my face heats. “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.”
“The Gallo men can almost just look at a woman and knock her up. You better be careful.” Delilah laughs. “Look at me.” She points toward her baby bump. “I never expected this to happen.”
She has to be hands down the most adorable pregnant woman I’ve ever seen. With my luck, my ankles would swell up, making it impossible for me to wear heels.
“Jesus.” Betty whistles as she walks into the dressing room area carrying no fewer than ten items draped over her arms. “Look at you ladies. Someone’s getting lucky tonight.”
“Ma, were any of us planned?” Daphne asks, crossing her arms and glancing in my direction.
“Oh, heavens no.” Betty laughs. “I didn’t want kids until I was thirty, but there was no stopping Santino.”
“See.” Daphne smirks, finally making her point loud and clear. “Told you.”
Betty stands behind us and narrows her eyes. “What are you ladies talking about?”
“I told her to be careful because she could get knocked up.”
Betty fumbles with the cross hanging around her neck. “Let’s not scare Tilly away. Behave, girls.”
“I’m not scared,” I reply and straighten my back, standing taller than before. “I don’t think we’ve gotten to that point yet. We’re just finding our footing.”
“So was I.” Delilah laughs.
“Me too,” Daphne adds.
“You’ll be fine, dear.” Betty touches my shoulder. “But if you wear that number around Angelo, all bets are off.” She lifts an eyebrow. “It’ll catch more than his eye.”
“It’s too expensive,” I balk.
“Oh, please.” Daphne shakes her head. “Leo won’t even look at the bill.”
I wonder what it’s like to have so much money that six hundred dollars is like stopping at a coffee shop and ordering a latte. It’s not something I can wrap my head around after scrounging up every last dollar I had to open the bakery.
“If it’ll make you feel better, just get the one dress and nothing more,” Delilah tells me as she bends down and runs her hand along her fancy boots.
“This would go
great with my red heels.”
“That would go great with anything, sweetheart.” Betty walks into a dressing room and closes the door. “Get the dress.”
“You heard her.” Daphne pitches her head toward her mother’s voice. “It’s so you.”
It’s like they’re twisting my arm to buy the dress, and even though I know it’s a ridiculously expensive item, I want it. “Okay, but only if I can pay you back.”
“Sure. You can pay Leo.”
Delilah laughs. “That’ll be fun to watch.”
“If you’re going to pay him back for that dress, you better at least get something else. He’ll feel cheated,” Betty calls out from the other side of the door.
“How about some sexy lingerie?” Delilah waggles her eyebrows as I step away from the mirror.
“Maybe.” I run my fingers down the front of the dress, loving the smoothness against my skin.
“Something lacy.” Daphne nods and steps back, looking me up and down. “Do you have a garter?”
“Of course.” I laugh nervously. I so don’t have a garter. Who wears garters in this day and age? Not a widow avoiding sex like the plague.
“We’ll hook you up,” Delilah says as she pulls at the waistband of her pants. “How can these be tight? They’re freaking maternity pants, for shit’s sake.”
Daphne stares at Delilah’s stomach and points to her tiny pooch. “Maybe you should lay off the cake.”
“You better shut up,” Delilah snaps and sucks in her gut until she practically turns blue. “Lucio keeps feeding me like I have a bottomless stomach.”
I quietly excuse myself to change back into my real-world clothes, which aren’t cheap, but are nowhere near as expensive as the dress Daphne’s forcing me to buy.
“I’ll meet you outside,” I call out as I open the dressing room door, coming face-to-face with Daphne.
“We have lacy things to buy. We’ll meet you two at the register.”
“Works for me,” Delilah says and grunts. “If I can ever get these damn things off.”
“Leather’s a bitch, kid,” Betty tells her from the next stall.
Daphne grabs my hand. “Come on. We just need a few items.”
An hour later and two full shopping bags in my hands, we finally walk out of the department store and climb in the car. I’m exhausted, not having spent that long shopping since I was in college.
“Who wants a drink?” Betty asks as she reapplies her lipstick while looking in the mirror hanging from the visor.
“Can we drink at the bar?” Daphne asks as she digs through her purse for something.
“I wish I could have a drink,” Delilah grumbles.
“I could use more grandbabies,” Betty says to Daphne. “You should try again soon.”
“I wasn’t trying with this one.” Daphne ticks her head back toward me. “Look at her for another kid.”
My head jerks back. “Me?”
“You’re the new one,” Delilah says.
My mouth hangs open. “We’re taking things slow,” I say, but I’m pretty sure everyone in the car knows what happened the other night.
“You keep telling yourself that,” Daphne says, glancing at me in the rearview mirror.
“Tilly,” Betty says, drawing my attention away from Daphne. “My son doesn’t love easy, but he loves hard.”
I bite my lip, trying to hide my smile.
“You can take things as slow as you want, but if you love him, don’t wait an eternity to give me a baby.”
I haven’t thought about having children in so long. After Mitchell died, I figured there was no hope. I’d be barren forever, living in perpetual widowhood and loneliness. But with the way these girls are talking, I’m going to be barefoot and pregnant in no time.
“I love this song,” Daphne says, turning up the volume so loud none of us can talk.
I’m thankful for the noise, preferring not to talk about my sex life just yet. They have no problem sharing too much information with each other, but although they’ve made me feel welcome, I’m still an outsider.
It’s a short trip back to the bar, and I excuse myself, needing a moment alone and wanting to drop off my bags at the bakery for later.
I send Roger a quick text, letting him know I survived the shopping spree, but just barely.
Roger: What’s wrong?
Me: Nothing.
Roger: Tilly…
Me: Do you think we’re moving too fast?
I tap my finger against the side of the phone and stand near the door, waiting for his reply. Roger’s the one person who has kept me grounded and sane for the last five years. If shit’s off, he’ll set me straight.
Roger: Absolutely not. There’s no timetable for shit like this. Just let yourself be happy.
Have I been denying myself all these years? That’s what I get out of his text. Maybe I have, thinking somehow I’d be betraying Mitchell and the vows we said to each other. With Angelo, there’s no fear or hesitation.
Me: Is he my rebound?
Roger: Stop questioning everything, Til. I don’t like many people, but Angelo’s solid. He’s exactly who you need.
I read his message, feeling the exact same way. I don’t know why I have doubts. Maybe I feel like I’m meant to be miserable, punished for some unknown cosmic reason. Why else would God take my husband? I think it’s a question every person left behind asks themselves, but we never find the answer.
Me: I think I’m falling in love with him.
Roger: Then fall.
Those two simple words lift a huge weight off my shoulders. Roger’s blessing means everything to me. No one has been there for me except him. He held my hand when I needed him. He wiped away my tears when I was inconsolable. He made sure I stayed alive when all I wanted to do was wither away and die.
I tuck my phone into my coat pocket and lock up the shop, ready to face Angelo and the ladies.
As I walk past the first set of windows, I search for the girls, but a couple embracing catches my eye.
I back up a few steps, shocked at what I see.
The hair on the back of my neck stands on end, and I feel my stomach sink.
Angelo’s holding another woman in his arms. He’s not just hugging her but embracing her. He whispers in her ear, and she smiles, wrapping her arms tighter around his body.
They’re not strangers, that much is clear.
I stand outside the bar, staring through the window, unable to move. My world is crashing down for the second time in my life.
When he pulls his head back and kisses her cheek, lingering a little too long to be strangers, I gasp. But when she touches his face, staring into his eyes like she’s loved him her entire life, I know I’ve been had.
“Fuck,” I whisper, feeling like a fool.
I believed I was the one, but now there’s nothing except darkness again.
22
Angelo
Michelle glances up at me. “I’m so happy for you, Angelo.” She wraps her arms tightly around my middle and sighs.
“Thanks, Michelle. I never thought I’d feel this way again.”
I can see the sadness she tries to hide. “I knew we’d never work. I love you, though. Always have and always will.”
“I love you too, Michelle.” How could I not love her? She’s been a part of my life since we were little kids. Although the spark was there, I didn’t have the deep need to make her mine. It’s unexplainable, but there was too much history between us to make it work.
“I met someone too,” she says as she grips my side. “He’s a big shot producer for a cable network.”
“Does he treat you well?”
She nods. “So far.”
“If he doesn’t, I’ll fly out to LA and kick his ass.”
She smacks my arm. “Don’t be silly. You know I can kick his ass all by myself.” She laughs.
“That ain’t no lie.”
Daphne and Michelle could bring any man to his knees. Lucio and I
made sure of it. We taught them how to fight dirty so they could defend themselves against any asshole on the streets. That was our duty as Daphne’s brother, and since Michelle didn’t have anyone at home to teach her those skills, we took her under our wing too.
“I better go. I want to talk to Daphne before I catch my plane. I’m only here until tomorrow to pick up some last-minute things I left behind.”
I lean forward and kiss her cheek, saying goodbye to another person in my life. “Don’t be a stranger, kid. You’ll always be a part of our family.”
“I hope you find some peace, Angelo,” she whispers in my ear before kissing my cheek.
“I have,” I tell her as I release her.
We walk toward the booth where my mother, Daphne, and Delilah are sitting, but there’s no Tilly.
“Where’s Tilly?”
They look at each other before turning their gazes on me.
“She said she’d be here in a minute, but that was a while ago.” Ma shrugs. “I’m sure she’ll be here soon.”
Daphne pats the leather seat next to her and motions to Michelle. “Sit.”
I peer out the windows, but the street is empty. My stomach knots because something’s off. “I’m going to check on her.”
“God, I hope we didn’t scare her off,” Delilah says as I start to walk away.
I back up, not liking how that sounded because I know exactly how these three ladies can be. I narrow my eyes on Ma. “What happened?”
Ma takes a slow sip of her beer, staring at me over the rim with wide eyes. I cross my arms and wait, because I need answers, and I’m not going anywhere until I get them.
“Nothing.” She doesn’t look me in the eyes.
I lift an eyebrow. “Nothing?”
“The girls just told her about the virility of the Gallo men.”
“Fuck,” I hiss, worrying she’s been scared off by a day of shopping and Gallo gossip.
“Oh, come on.” Daphne rolls her eyes. “She was laughing. We didn’t traumatize her. She’s probably busy with something. We did monopolize her time all day.”