“They’re beautiful. I could watch them for hours.” He rests his chin on my shoulder.
“Beautiful but exhausting. Just watching them wears me out.”
My favorite sound hits my ears. Looking out from the front porch, I watch my twin daughters giggle as they spin in circles. Arms outstretched, heads looking up at the sky, they find amusement in the simplest pleasures. I can relate.
After all this time, I never take for granted the ability to breathe.
Shrieking in delight, the girls fall to the grass in a dizzy rush. Gabriel and I both chuckle when they roll around on their backs with their infectious, carefree laughter.
Sofía Charlotte and Emily Isabella Cruz came into this world five years ago kicking, screaming, and full of life. For a long time, we didn’t even realize we were having twins because Sofía had covered Emily from view, already protecting her.
We thought long and hard about their names. In the end, we decided to honor Gabriel’s missing family in our girls’ middle names instead of first names. Ultimately, we want our daughters to live for themselves, not as poor copies of someone else.
Gabriel’s palm flattens over my stomach. “I can’t wait for him to arrive.”
“Me, neither. I hope he looks just like you.”
Gabriel smiles against my neck. “I don’t mind how he looks, so long as he’s healthy. I just want him to arrive so I can have another man around.”
“Oh, it’s like that, is it?”
“Mmhmm.” His hum of agreement tickles my skin.
I turn my head to look up at him. “Please. Those two girls have you wrapped around their little fingers. I’ve never seen bigger daddy’s girls in my life.” Gabriel sucks my pouting bottom lip into his mouth before biting it.
“Jealous, mi corazón?”
I close my eyes and let the sun warm my face. “No. Happy.”
My husband pauses in his seduction. His grip tightens around me and our unborn son. He stares out at our daughters who are now chasing butterflies. “Me, too,” he whispers. Twisting around, I thread my fingers through his and place a gentle kiss on his chest.
“Do you ever get scared?” I ask him.
His chest expands. “I don’t remember a time when I wasn’t terrified.”
“Me, neither.”
He looks down at me, a slow smile returning to his beloved face. “But I’m happier than I am afraid. Thanks to you and the girls.”
My body warms at his beautiful, simple words. Isn’t that the goal in life? To be happier than you are afraid.
Having children was such a big decision for us. Both of us know how fragile life is. My biggest worry was, and still is, that I won’t be there for them. Until I realized, I will always be there. Nothing and no one can take away the pieces of me that live inside them. Not even life.
Besides, we’ll all live forever in Gabriel’s words. Thanks to my husband’s love, we’ve each been immortalized in ink and preserved in poetry for future generations.
But when I think about it, no one ever truly dies, whether they been loved by a poet or not. Even when our hearts stop beating, the love they once held survives.
The heart I have inside me holds two lifetimes worth of love. But it also contains my daughters’ laughter, my mother’s affection, the kind act of a stranger, and the support of my friends. All of those pieces are stitched together with hope and gratitude.
I’ll continue to fill this patchwork heart of mine with loves and lives until it can’t hold any more.
And when it’s stuffed to the brim,
When the stitches start to unravel,
And it finally stops beating,
I’ll live on,
In someone else’s heart.
the end
Thank you so much for reading This Old Heart of Mine!
Like Ava acknowledges in the book, organ donation is an incredibly personal and sensitive issue. As the author of her story, I make absolutely no judgments or demands over your thoughts and feelings on the topic. But I do hope I’ve made you consider what those thoughts and feelings are.
If I could encourage you to do anything, it would be to talk to your family about your wishes, whatever they may be. It may be an uncomfortable conversation, but it’s an important one. Rip it off like a Band-Aid and then you can get back to living.
Once. Twice. Or as many times as you like.
Thank you for taking this journey with me.
I hope to see you at the back of my next book!
A.J.
-x-
The biggest and deepest thanks will always go to my mother, who is not just my hero and inspiration for everything I do, but my best friend, soulmate, and the Lorelai to my Rory. ‘Thank you’ written ten thousand times wouldn’t be enough to express my gratitude for you. No matter what life throws at us, you will always own the biggest piece of my heart.
To my grandfather, who would get annoyed if I didn’t acknowledge him separately from all the other people watching over me. I love you, I miss you, and I carry you with me always.
To all the people whose hearts have stopped beating, but who now live on in mine. I really hope I’m making you proud.
To Stephanie Alba, for being my soul twin and support system while I was writing this book. I am so grateful for the laughs, advice, and for finding someone who ‘gets’ me as well as you do. It’s such a rare thing in this world, and I don’t take it, or you, for granted.
To my lovely editor, Peggy Frese at Hot Tree Editing. Thank you, as always, for your help, encouragement and advice. And for loving my characters almost as much as I do.
Clarise Tan at CT Cover Creations – you created magic for me once again. Thank you for making my books look beautiful from the outside, while I try to make them just as beautiful inside. I’m happy to have my books judged by your covers.
To my beta readers, Steph, Franci, Jessica, Melissa, and Crystal. Thank you for taking the time to read my words and letting me know what you think about them.
To Stacey Blake of Champagne Formats for making my book look so pretty and professional.
To Giselle at Xpresso Book Tours, George and Kylie at Give Me Books, and all the bloggers and bookstagrammers who have helped me spread the word about Ava and Gabriel’s story. Thank you so much.
One of the best things about this journey is the amazing people I’ve met along the way. I have crossed paths with so many incredible authors, bloggers, bookstagrammers, and readers that it would take a whole book to name them all. I hope you know who you are and how much your kindness and support means to me. I’m grateful to be able to call many of you friends.
With that being said, extra-super-special thanks has to go to Michelle, Brittany, and Giovanna for not just supporting me, but shouting about me and my books from the rooftops.
Michelle, I love your face and your nicknaming ways. Thank you for your friendship, and for making me laugh whenever I need to most.
To my beautiful Brittany. Any author would be blessed to have you in their corner. Your support, encouragement, and enthusiasm for me and my books means more than you’ll ever know. You’re a big part of the reason I keep going on the challenging days that come with being an author. I’m so grateful for the words that brought such a sweet soul like you into my life, and I hope I keep writing books that make you want to talk about them to anyone who’ll listen.
To Giovanna, who has had my back from almost the very beginning. I am so lucky to have found a reader and friend like you, and to know a woman who is the perfect blend of strong, sassy, and sweet. Thank you for supporting authors you believe in the way you do. It means so much to me that you consider me part of that group.
And added to those three, are the wonderful women in my reader group, AJ’s Sun-Rays. You live up to your name and brighten my dark days in the writing cave. You may be small in number, but you’re strong in support, and I love you all. I don’t think you realize how much you uplift me and keep me going. Thank you.
&n
bsp; And last, but never least, to you, my dearest reader. Thank you for taking time out of your busy life to read my words. I hope they made you smile, laugh, cry, and think about life differently. But even if they didn’t, thank you for giving them a chance to. Authors can’t choose their readers, but readers can choose authors. So thank you for choosing me.
A.J. Compton wants a lot of things;
To write books that make you think and feel deeply.
To make you ugly cry and cry with laughter. In the same book.
To write stories that cause you to be anti-social, and have you staying up late to finish them.
To show that life can be cruel and difficult, but it can also be incredibly beautiful and worthwhile.
And what A.J. really wants, is to write books that make you remember why you love to read.
A.J. knows better than most that we don’t always get what we want in life, but is going to give it a damn good try ;)
Connect with A.J.
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Website:
www.ajcompton.com
The Counting-Downers
This Old Heart of Mine
This Old Heart of Mine Page 26