by Davis, Carla
“And I should have told you the complete truth,” he said, stepping away from the door and moving gradually toward the bed. “But the situation is complicated, and because, as far as I’m concerned, I am divorced, it was just simpler to say, ‘I’m divorced’.”
“You summed it up pretty simply a moment ago,” I pointed out, not looking at him as I fastened the suitcase.
“I didn’t want you to get the wrong idea,” he sighed.
“No,” I snapped, my head flicking up and eyes intently fixing on his. “What you wanted was for me to open my legs for you,” I stated abruptly. “And you knew that I wouldn’t if you told me the truth.”
He blinked, but didn’t flinch from my gaze. “Sex?” he breathed. “That’s all you think I was interested in?”
I, on the other hand, did blanch beneath his stare. It was too heavy, too emotionally charged, and somewhere deep inside, I knew what I’d said wasn’t true.
“If sex is all I wanted, then why did I try to fight the attraction I’ve felt for you? Why did it have to be you, Mel? If all I wanted was a quick thrill, why didn’t I have a one night stand with someone else?” He continued to look at me, even though I could not meet his eyes. He asked the questions earnestly, insisting that I really think about them.
However, I didn’t. Instead, my reply was a knee-jerk one. “I don’t know,” I bit, snatching the handle of my case and sweeping it off the end of the bed. “Woman who went to an all-girls’ Catholic school; inexperienced, repressed, and frigid,” I shrugged. “Making her scream your name is the stuff of male pornographic fantasy, isn’t it?” Part of me knew that Alex didn’t think with his genitals. When he looked at me, it was obvious, but because he’d hurt me, I wanted to hurt him. If memories of the two of us had been sullied in my eyes, why shouldn’t they be tainted in his, too?
I’m not sure if he knew I was speaking out of pain and anger, but I didn’t plan on standing around to find out. Lifting my case, I took a pace forward.
Chapter Two
Alex stepped to his left, blocking my path.
“You said you wouldn’t stop me from leaving,” I reminded him, pushing my shoulders back a little, just in case he thought his physical presence intimidated me. Of course, Alex wasn’t really intimidating. Despite his broad shoulders and his six-feet-something frame, I don’t think it was in him to use his strength or size to threaten anyone.
“I won’t stop you,” he softly replied. “But I want you to look me in the eyes and tell me you want to just throw what we have away.”
Solidly, I lifted my head. My now-dry eyes settled confidently on his. “You lied to me,” I calmly reiterated. “You made me think there was something between us, and the truth is, I was nothing more than your mistress: a warm, willing body.”
“My marriage is over,” he insisted. “This was never an affair, you were not the ‘other woman’, and I meant everything I said to you.”
“How can I ever know that for sure?” I asked weakly, the tension beginning to seep from my rigid body as the warmth of his eyes poured his tenderness and emotion into me, softening the resolve of my heart.
He gently reached forward with the fingers of his left hand, tentatively grazing my forearm. When I didn’t immediately recoil, he stroked his way down to my hand and took the case from my grip. “It’s no secret that Katherine and I have called it quits,” he quietly uttered. “You can ask anyone who works for me, and they’ll tell you it’s the truth.”
“I don’t mean that,” I responded, unable to remove my focus from his expressive eyes. I wanted to run, but somehow I could not find the will to move, either. “I mean, how can I know that you meant the things you said?”
With smooth, measured movements, Alex placed my suitcase on the light gray carpet at his feet. “Tell me what you need me to do to make it right,” he offered, one hand agitatedly drawing through his deep brown hair.
Chewing on my bottom lip, I shook my head. “There’s nothing you can do,” I mumbled. “Everything’s different now.”
“Why?”
“Because it’s...it’s...” I stammered. “It’s dirty now,” I sighed. “The times we’ve been together weren’t what I thought they were. And now, when I think about being in that bed with you...” Fresh tears sprang into my eyes and I sobbed, as I gestured to the disheveled sheets. “It feels sleazy and cheap.” My voice trembling, I released a hitching breath. “I feel sleazy and cheap.”
Alex reached forward, spreading his arms and inviting me into his embrace. I refused, stepping back while soundless tears continued to stream down my face. I did not want him to touch me. And it wasn’t just because that touch was now sullied. Being near him, the scent of him, that energy that always surrounded him, was like a drug to me. It made me lose all sense of reason and all control. That fact scared the hell out of me.
Lowering his hands to his sides, Alex swept his tongue over his upper lip thoughtfully, before speaking. “Because a piece of paper hasn’t been signed?”
“No,” I muttered. “Yes,” I quickly determined. “Partly,” I shrugged. “It’s about more than just a divorce decree, it’s about trust.” Swiping the back of my hand across my damp face, I sniffed. “I trusted you. I trusted you enough to let go and share a side of me that I’ve never-” Stopping the outpouring dead in its tracks, I shook my head.
“Okay,” he replied softly, nodding. “All right, I know I’ve let you down. I was stupid.” Alex took a step forward as he spoke, closing the gap I’d created between us. “But, I swear, I never meant to hurt you. And I will never hurt you again.”
“I...” I breathed. “I think I should go.” In flat shoes, as I looked straight ahead, I was eye-level with his chest. And the sudden desire to bury my face in it was unbearable. I knew, if I didn’t get out of that room quickly, I would end up doing something I could regret for the rest of my life.
“I don’t want you to go,” he responded, his right hand lifting to my face and lightly sweeping a few strands of my blonde hair from my cheek.
“Please don’t, Alex,” I begged, closing my eyes as my willpower was pushed to its very limit.
The pad of this thumb brushed warmly along my cheekbone and I began to feel his soft breath closer to my skin. Soon, there was the familiar, delicate pressure of his lips against mine. It was such a light, ephemeral kiss that I wasn’t absolutely sure it had happened.
Gradually lifting my heavy eyelids, I found his face just a breath away. His heavenly dark chocolate eyes silently pleaded with me; waiting for my reaction to that fleeting graze of lips.
“Alex,” I spoke his name reverently, imploring him in turn. What I was begging for, I was not exactly sure.
His mouth, however, quickly swept back down to mine, and while one hand continued to cup my face, the other swept around my waist. Pulling me to his firm, muscular body, he massaged my lips tenderly with his own.
My hands, meanwhile, slid up to his chest, the palms pressed against his pecs, but not quite finding the will to push him away. As the tip of his tongue rolled gently over my lower lip, I mewled contently and granted him access.
Passion ignited quickly, raw emotion rapidly spilling over into desperate, fierce desire. While our tongues entwined, we shared needy moans and increasingly urgent pants. With Alex’s strong arm still held tightly around me, he took two large steps forward. I mirrored them with several shuffled backward steps of my own until I was pressed against the cool, clean white wall.
My hands, which were still trapped between us at his chest, were now creasing his light blue dress shirt with a pale-knuckled grip. But as I pulled my lips free, I whispered, “Alex, I can’t do this.”
Torso undulating with his rapid breathing, he met my eyes. “Tell me to stop,” he urged, his fingers grasping the edge of the cream woolen sweater I’d tossed on before we’d gone out to lunch.
As the backs of his fingers brushed the naked flesh at my waist, an inferno engulfed me. The heat spreading over every inch o
f skin, I could do nothing but surrender myself to the flames.
His palm stroking over my lower abdomen, he pressed his cheek to mine. “If you tell me to stop, I will,” he whispered. Even as he spoke, he was using his other hand to smooth the sweater up my torso.
Not only did I not say ‘stop’, but my arms quickly rose, helping him to slide the garment over my head. I wore only a bra beneath, and as Alex dropped his head to my collarbone and began to kiss his way down my chest, goose bumps popped up on the back of my neck. He admiringly trailed his lips and tongue over the curves of my breasts before reaching around me to unclasp my underwear.
The black bra slithered from my shoulders and soon found its way to the floor. “Alex,” I groaned, the sound coming from deep in my lungs as his warm, wet mouth carefully claimed one of my nipples.
Able to focus any clearer than me, Alex’s fingers were busy with their next task: unfastening my jeans. Sucking slowly, he savored one breast and then the other, as he pushed the denim from my hips and allowed gravity to take it the rest of the way. When my pants pooled around my ankles, I kicked off my shoes and stepped out of the puddle of blue denim.
Breathing hard, he lifted his flushed face to mine. “Mel,” he tenderly said. “I love you,” he added, his aroused, sensual eyes earnestly meeting my dilated pupils.
“Alex,” I whimpered, one hand clutching at the nape of his neck while the other stroked hungrily up and down his chest, smoothing the soft cotton of his shirt. “I love you,” I whispered, scared to give voice to it, and yet knowing that the fact I felt it meant my heart wasn’t safe; hadn’t been safe for weeks. Whether he knew it or not made little difference.
A small smile teasing one corner of his mouth, he quickly kissed my lips. The brief respite from urgency was over and the desperation, once it resumed, was more intense than ever. Alex’s right hand slipped between my legs and he cupped my sex, massaging me through the crotch of my panties. I was wrestling with the buttons of his shirt, hurriedly yanking them free in a need to feel the heat of his skin.
Alex found me so wet that my panties slid easily between my folds. “Oh, God,” he groaned against my mouth. “Hmm...so warm,” he growled.
Having managed to get his shirt unbuttoned, I spread my hands over his pecs, allowing the pads of my fingers to linger over the short, fine dark hair. Soon, however, my hands were sliding over his shoulders and pulling him near. His chiseled torso was pushed deliciously hard against my chest, squashing my breasts. “Ugh,” I moaned, my hips jolting in anticipation.
Alex’s erection was nestled just beneath my navel, the strained fabric of his khaki pants rubbing against me with every tiny movement of his body. Momentarily moving his hands from me, he shucked the shirt from his shoulders and then unbuckled the brown leather belt he wore. As he did so, my own quivering fingers tugged down his zipper.
Disengaging from the kiss, Alex smiled down at me, fingers moving from his pants and sliding over my hips. Hooking his thumbs into the edge of my underwear, he carefully coaxed it down. Meanwhile, I took a much more aggressive and unsophisticated approach to tugging his pants and boxers from his waist and leaving them bunched at his calves.
His shaft springing free, I quickly enclosed it in one hand and stroked him firmly. When I reached the tip and found it weeping clear fluid, I rolled my palm over the large, rounded head and smeared the arousal down his thick, rigid length. The veins throbbed beneath my touch, his member twitching and seeming to lengthen even more.
“Ugh, Mel.” His voice rumbled sexily, as he smoothed his hands over my thighs, pushing the cotton underwear with them.
My panties soon fell to my feet, and I automatically stepped out, kicking them to one side. My hips were immediately grasped by large, sure hands and Alex lifted me, my back sliding up the slick surface of the wall.
Instinctively, my legs wrapped around him, ankles crossing over his buttocks. My arms, meanwhile, snaked around his shoulders, grasping him tightly enough that my hands could grip the opposite elbows.
Still holding most of my weight, Alex glanced down. His erection was pushing against my thigh and with small movements, he inched me into position. When the bulbous tip of his immense manhood was in line with my channel, he guided me gently down onto it.
I pushed my heels against his ass, parting my thighs a little more and urging him in. “Alex,” I gasped, my body expanding under pressure of his. “Ahh,” I breathed, my head tipping back against the hard wall.
We moaned in unison as his shaft entered me smoothly. The muscles of my sex, seeming to remember his shape and size, quickly and preemptively adjusted for his form, yet it was still tight. I was stretched to the limit; so full of him that he seemed to become part of me. Closing my eyes, I thrilled in the fact that all I could smell, all I could feel, and all I could hear was him.
Once he’d sheathed himself completely, he released a deep, masculine groan, his breath coming hot against my cheek. “Ugh, Mel,” he sighed. “You feel so good.”
“Hmm,” I smiled. My eyes still shut, I was focused on the sensation of him and the way my channel squeezed and throbbed along with the galloping of my heartbeat. “You feel good,” I echoed. Then, out of nowhere, the thought of Katherine entered my head. Unbidden, she appeared at the forefront of my mind. Her long, slender legs wrapped around Alex, her full red lips on his skin. And, worse, him inside her; filling her, stretching her body just as he was doing to me. Had she loved the way that rigid shaft impaled her? Had he whispered her name and told her she felt good?
“Mel,” Alex mumbled, his breath not coming quite so frantic. Using his hips to push me firmly against the wall, he slid one hand up the curve of my waist and then stroked the outside arc of my breast. His hand stilled as he reached my shoulder, his fingers curling around it. “Mel,” he urged.
Opening my eyes, I looked directly at him.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
“Nothing,” I replied, shaking my head and smiling. He didn’t need to know where my crazy thoughts had taken me.
“Where have you gone?” he probed, refusing to accept my answer.
I don’t think I was able to dismiss the distracted melancholy from my features, but I tried. “I’m right here,” I attempted to breezily tell him, with a hollow chuckle.
“Your body’s still here,” he replied, his face moving toward me and his forehead leaning on mine. “But you’re not.”
Beginning to tremble slightly, I opened my mouth to speak. “I...I...” I feebly attempted. “It’s not important,” I eventually breathed. “Please don’t stop,” I added.
The pressure of his head remained, but he titled his face a little. “I need you with me,” he told me softly.
“I’m here,” I replied, stroking my hands over his back. “I’m here, I promise.”
Pulling his head back, he looked at me skeptically. Then suddenly, he relaxed his hands, withdrew his hips, and lowered me to the carpet. “I...umm...” he murmured, the warmth of his fingers not quite leaving me, but only barely there.
I felt bereft at the loss of his body, the loss of the heat that had been so palpable between us. Now, the room seemed chilly. And I felt exposed in my nakedness. “Alex?” I asked.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” he sighed. “I won’t hurt you.”
“What are you talking about?” I mumbled.
“If you don’t want this,” he began to explain, “then I don’t want you going through the motions. I’m not like—” abruptly, he stopped his flow of words.
“You’re not like what?” I insisted.
Expelling a pensive breath, he glanced down. “I’m not like the other men you’ve known,” he quietly said. “I’m not going to ignore how you’re feeling, because I’m too wrapped up in myself.”
“I...” I babbled, more than a little confused.
“Making love with you has always been about both of us,” he continued. “I don’t ever want it to be anything other than that.”
; Refusing to release the hands that held onto his neck, I shook my head. “I do want this,” I whispered. “I want you.”
“Then, what’s wrong?” he gently coaxed.
Feeling utterly pathetic, I tried to explain. “I...I couldn’t stop thinking about...”
“About what?” he nudged.
“About you and her,” I finally admitted.
Blinking, Alex calmly took my face in both of his hands and urged me to really look at him. “It’s over,” he passionately stated. “It’s been over for months. It was over long before I met you. I swear, I would not mess you around like that.”
“I know,” I said, my voice thick with emotion. “I believe you, I do. But, she’s your wife. The woman you thought you were going to be with forever. The woman who gave you a child. The love of your life.”
“Katherine isn’t the love of my life,” he replied, his fingertips gently stroking my face while the pad of his thumb traced the bow of my upper lip. “As it turned out, I didn’t know her very well. We were young and...you made some mistakes in your relationships, right?”
“Well...” I hedged. “I always thought the problem was me.”
With an endearing smile, he shook his head. “Trust me, it’s not you,” he chuckled, leaning down and kissing me sweetly. “Anyway,” he added slowly. “I made a mistake. I thought I loved her, but I didn’t.” Alex slid one hand from my shoulder to my wrist and disentangled the fingers that were clamped at the nape of his neck. “It was never like this,” he muttered, his eyes following my palm as he brought it to his face and pressed his lips into its center. “I’ve never felt this way about anybody.”
It was difficult to believe that the words I’d dreamed of hearing were actually coming out of his mouth, and they flooded my eyes with happy tears. “Me neither,” I weakly offered.
“So?” he suggested, still holding my hand in his. “Are we going to be okay?”