What she needed was a reality check. Abundance was messing with her head and Zeke was. Zeke was. A mysterious stranger. Oh shit, he was obviously a sex god and she’d spent her whole adult life thinking that wasn’t relevant to her. That he wasn’t her sex god because he was her forever friend, a future brother-in-law.
He’d put his hands on her to give her pleasure and all that changed. It was a whole new world and she wasn’t ready to leave it, but the reality was Cadence sitting across from them explaining that bonding for couples who hadn’t already declared was made official through a lottery system.
“Names are called randomly from a hat. The person whose name is called has to stand and shout out the name of the person they want to bond with.” Cadence was crocheting her fingers as Rory’s own stitches seemed to come undone. “If that person accepts, an official bond is formed, and the result recorded.”
“And if they don’t accept?” Zeke asked, resting crossed forearms on the table.
“Anyone else can shout your name out and you don’t have a choice, you have to bond with them.”
He didn’t veil his disgust. “And if more than one person does?”
“Then you get to choose, but I’ve never seen that happen,” Cadence said. “No one ever says it, but bonding ceremonies are for losers, the leftovers. Anyone who can sets their bonds up in advance, so it’s not often there are surprises, but that’s why no one misses a bonding ceremony. Everyone’s hoping for drama.”
Rory dragged her eyes away from Zeke’s arms. He’d held her like she was precious and handled her like she was an explosive only he could prime to go off. And then he wouldn’t let her do the same for him. As though he’d only taken pity on her desperation. The thought made her face get hot.
“How did you manage to avoid it?” he asked.
“I declined to bond when my name was called the first year.” Cadence rolled her eyes. “It caused a scandal. First time it ever happened. They rewrote the rules after that, and the next year Bobby Knox called my name and I declined again and no one else claimed me. I got lucky because everyone thinks I’m a frigid freak. But they’re not going to let that happen again. I’ve got too many black marks. They’ll find some way to trap me.”
“Not if we can outsmart them first,” Zeke said. “Bond with me.”
Cadence’s eyes bulged. “What? No. No, never.”
“Look,” Zeke scrubbed at his hair, showing discomfort to match Cadence’s. “I don’t want to bond with anyone and neither do you. It’d be completely platonic. We’re perfect for each other.”
Cadence pushed away from the table and went across to the little kitchen. “Why don’t you want to bond? It doesn’t make sense. You could have anyone you wanted. You don’t even need to go through this. All you have to do is pick someone and go sign the bonding book at HQ.”
Zeke watched her carefully. He’d be assessing her stress level, working out his best approach. “It’s not how I roll.”
With her back to them, Cadence said, “That’s not how you used to roll. Welcome to Abundance.” She filled the kettle and put it on the burner. Took mugs down from the cupboard and decided they needed washing. She fussed about to avoid the conversation, but Rory knew she was buying time while she processed the offer.
Zeke knew it too. He quit watching Cadence and turned to Rory. “There’s someone else.” Okay, that should work. She gave him a conspiratorial grin. This was a good plan. It would keep Cadence safe from a match she didn’t want and make life easier for Zeke.
“Someone I’ve known a long time, been in love with since we were kids. Someone I can’t ever have.”
She reached for his hand, amazed she was able to move at all because his words meant for her jammed her heartbeat.
Mugs clattered on the sink. They sounded like Rory’s known world crashing around her.
Cadence knocked the tea canister over, spilling herbs all over the counter. “Because they’re in the decay?”
“It’s complicated.” Zeke meet her hand across the table, palm to palm, fingers locking down on hers.
“You should move on,” Cadence said.
Rory was aware of two things. Cadence shifting about in the kitchen with her back to them and the fact her blood had stopped pumping.
“It might be exactly what you need,” Cadence said.
Zeke’s eyes were on her face. Not playful, not the studied nonchalance of a con in action. She saw remorse and resignation. “I know I need to get over her, but I’m not there yet.” He tightened his grip on Rory’s hand. “I know it’s pointless to crave something I can’t ever have, but that’s where I’m at for now and it’ll take time to change it.” He pulled his hand away. Rory’s breath caught painfully. “Time neither of us have.”
She lost the threads of the conversation after that, distracted by how her body fought its way back to life, her heart hiccupping to a start, her lungs swelling painfully and creaking as they contracted, her head heavy with the knowledge that Zeke loved her, and he was ending what they never should’ve begun.
Cadence came back to the table with the tea and Zeke talked their bond of convenience through reminding her he’d keep his promise not to be anything more than roommates and friends.
Rory could barely look at him and not feel right down to her DNA what they’d done together. But Zeke had said what he’d needed to say, and all his attention was on Cadence.
Last night, he’d had tears in his eyes and she’d known guilt in advance of ecstasy at his hands before the quiet realization that they were stumbling into each other like addicts who weren’t thinking straight had been instantly sobering.
She’d barely slept from the knowledge that she’d tried to direct a lightning strike and nearly electrocuted them both. She’d lain awake in the dark trying to forget how Zeke’s hands had lit her up, how his kisses had shorted her reasoning, turning her into a greedy fiend and how she’d never expected that.
It wasn’t fair to him that this place had made her feel isolated and needy. It wasn’t right that her anxiety had morphed into carnal curiosity and she’d selfishly laid that on him.
This morning she’d tried to rewind, edit that failing out. Her relationship with Zeke was too important to screw up over an unfortunate lapse in concentration, and losing their focus was dangerous.
She might as well have run them both into the eye of a hurricane.
In the barn, he was the heat and she was the pressure and they were made to go together with enough chemistry to create a raging storm.
She was such a fool not to have recognized what he felt for her. A monster to have played with his affection. She took her full mug back to the sink and tossed the contents out. There was no time in her life that Zeke wasn’t there. Even when she was working and sleeping with Cal, there was always Zeke. He was constant and committed and she’d never once considered he wouldn’t be there for her when she needed him.
She’d never once considered what that singular faithfulness might have cost him.
Zeke’s hand to her waist made her start. They were alone, the cabin door open, sunshine streaming in. “She’s gone for a walk to think it through,” he said, hand stealing around her middle. “I’m sorry, Aurora Rae.” She leaned into him, trying to steal his strength, like she’d already stolen so much from him. “You know it has to be this way.”
Her eyes burned. She had to clear her throat to make a sound. “I didn’t mean to make things difficult between us.”
He tried to turn her to see her face, but she resisted. Bad enough the comfort of his arms, if she looked into his stranger’s eyes she’d be lost.
“I shouldn’t have pushed things.” He buried his face against her neck and mumbled, “You’re just so fucking sexy, I was useless to resist you.”
She pushed her hand through his hair, her vision misty. A dozen quips stomped around in her brain, I’ll try to rein that in. Thanks for noticing. All in a day’s work. Back at you. They died in her throat when he said, �
��And I’ve wanted you for so goddamn long.”
She tried to turn then, and he stopped her with his hands and his words. “We’re going to be fine. It happened. We went there. I don’t regret it. Nothing we can’t handle.” He went for a playful tug on her ponytail. “This is an artificial situation and it’s not surprising we’re feeling the strain. Right?”
She got the word, “Right,” out. Saying it felt like a betrayal. When he went to step away she gripped his arm, fingers like talons, her chest on fire.
“Let go,” he said, and she did, seconds before the steps creaked and Cadence appeared. Releasing him from her thoughts wasn’t going to be that easy.
“I’ll do it,” Cadence said. “I’ll bond with you.”
And Rory knew how out of balance she was when that felt like betrayal too.
Chapter Nineteen
Lollapalooza. The annual bonding ceremony was like a high school dance on shrooms. It was by far the strangest event Zeke had ever been to. Like a swinger’s party without keys in a bowl.
Abundance’s version of Married at First Sight started out like the last barbecue social down to the strung-up lights and the band on stage, but there was an extra frizz of excitement in the air and people were dressed up for the occasion. There was also a special seating arrangement that had all the pregnant women and bonded couples sitting at tables at the outer edge of the dining area and all the unattached singles front and center.
That’s where he sat with Rory and Cadence, wishing he had a stiff drink in front of him to go with his ribs. The three of them had a plan to survive this ceremony but it was risky. And he was worried for Rory. Had to hope Orrin kept his promise to keep her on ice for a while longer.
Ah fuck it, hope was for suckers. Having to rely on it was gnawing at him. And it wasn’t the only thing. He had to find a way to get some distance from Rory emotionally or neither of them was going to be making decisions worth a damn. He kept wanting to put his hands on her and the effort to restrain himself made his neck ache.
He tried to coax Cadence into a conversation, but his attempt was so half-hearted, his attention so fractured by Rory’s nearness, her legs, completely covered under a skirt alongside his under the table, he gave it up and attacked his plate.
They’d all be assigned new cabins tonight. Rory would get a new cabinmate and he’d share with Cadence. He had to hope they were allocated a two-bedroom cabin but there was no guarantee and he wasn’t looking forward to more nights sleeping on a hard floor.
Shit. There was that word again—hope. He pushed his plate away as Rory stood, bumping against the table.
“I need some air,” she said.
He raised a brow. They were outdoors. It wasn’t air she needed. “You okay?” She wasn’t anywhere close to okay. And that was his fault.
She shook her head. “Don’t do anything interesting till I get back.”
“Don’t be long,” Cadence said. “There’ll be some announcements and then it’ll be time.”
Rory left the table. Time, that was what he needed. A few minutes away from the epic distraction of her to get his head in the game. He watched her dodge her way around the clustered tables. People looked her way, but no one tried to talk to her.
“It won’t go on forever,” Cadence said.
A year for the bond. He could not sleep on the floor all that time; a new incentive to make sure they got the evidence they needed to break Abundance up sooner rather than later. Rory had made it to the edge of the gathering. She looked back and caught him watching. He should’ve looked away. He could still feel her smooth skin under the rough, torn callouses on his hands. He could still feel her body shake as she came, flush against him.
“Everyone new gets shunned or made to work offsite at first.”
Rory broke eye contact. He turned to Cadence. “Shunned.”
“Orrin says it’s a kindness because it helps people let go of their outside lives quicker.”
He wasn’t in the mood to play along. “Being eighty-sixed isn’t a kindness.” It was terror. “It’s a manipulation. It’s meant to scare you into compliance and make sure you don’t step out of line.”
“Oh, I, ah.”
If Cadence could shrink any further away from him without making herself disappear, she would. They couldn’t convincingly sell a bond if she was terrified of him. He spread his hand out on the table, scraped knuckles, his thumbnail black. “I’m sorry I snapped at you. I’m worried about Rosie. It’s not easy being new here.”
It wasn’t newbie status pushing his emotions around, it was the weighted memory of Rory coming apart in his arms in the barn and her utter distress by the sink. When he’d rubbed out her orgasm and admitted his feelings, he’d roughed raw her certainty.
“If you don’t want to do this, you should just say,” Cadence said. “You don’t owe me.”
A light touch to his shoulder that made him turn. Susan. Jesus, he’d been so distracted by Rory he’d not made time to talk to Susan. Another apology needed.
“I can make it easier for you if you’ll let me,” Susan said.
“Ah, Susan.” He pushed a hand through his hair and stood. “After how I treated you, the time of day is too much consideration. I was a dick and I’m sorry.”
She smiled. “You were a dick, but you’re new here and it’s not easy.”
What else had she heard? “It’s not that hard to be considerate and I fucked that up.”
“I surprised you. How about we start again? Tonight is the night for these conversations after all.”
Over Susan’s shoulder he saw Rory arguing with a man at the edge of the gathering.
“The thing is I’m attracted to you and I think we’d make a beautiful baby. I basically think about babies while having sex and I get pregnant so it’s not like you’ll need to work that hard. I’m not clingy either. You can ask others about that. You won’t have any trouble moving on after we’re done. Assuming I can’t convince you to stay with me, that is.”
Rory was on her way back to the table, eyes down, her shoulders up. What was the argument about?
“Zack, are you listening?”
He refocused on Susan. “I’m listening, and I appreciate your offer. I’m flattered you’d still consider me.” There was no polite way to say this other than to be direct. “I’m going to bond with Cadence.”
Susan threw her hands up. “You’re not serious. She might not even be fertile. And I heard her say you didn’t owe her. She can’t help you like I can. She has no influence with Orrin. If you bond with me, everything will get easier.”
Easier for Rory? Was he missing a trick here because his focus was so shattered? Could Susan smooth the way for Rory? Keep her safer?
Movement behind him. Cadence pushing away from the table, her chair tipping over. “Susan is right. You don’t want to bond with me.” She righted the chair. “Why would you? I’m a nobody and I don’t even like sex.” She took a step away. “It’s a dumb idea and I can’t do anything for you.”
“Cadence.”
She shook her head, turned her back on them. He moved to go after her and Susan put her arm out to stop him. “There’s your decision.”
Jesus Christ. He’d rather be tied to a camp chair and beaten silly than stuck in the middle of this. He watched Cadence walk away, deliberately avoiding Rory as she approached.
He turned back to Susan. “What do you mean you can help me?”
“You probably think we’re all equals here. That’s what Spencer tells people. It’s not true. Every society needs leaders. There’s an inner circle who make all the decisions, and if you’re the father of my child you’d be part of that.”
Could he make a bond with Susan to gain entry into the inner circle, to advantage Rory? He could find a dozen ways to hold Susan at arm’s length, turn things into a courtship and win time until he ran out of excuses to sleep with her or found the evidence they needed to shut Abundance down.
“It’s sweet you want to bo
nd out of pity but it’s so unnecessary. You know my offer. I’m the best match you can make. Enjoy the ceremony,” Susan said. He let her go unchallenged like he’d done with Cadence because he needed to think.
And he selfishly wanted to be alone with Rory.
“What did I miss?” Rory said, slipping into the seat beside him at their near-empty table. “Cadence wouldn’t talk to me.”
“Who was that guy you were arguing with?” he said darkly, making her shake her head.
“You first,” she said.
“Susan scared Cadence off. She tried to strike a bargain. A bond with her gets me into the inner circle.”
“That would be an advantage.”
“But?”
“It would be an advantage,” she repeated, and he couldn’t read her. Not her tone or her expression. She’d deliberately locked him out behind whatever hand she was holding.
“It would be the same advantage if you bond with Orrin.”
“But?”
He should be clinical about this. Professional. “He’s dangerous in a way Susan isn’t.” Close, but he had a tell and his tell was Rory in trouble and she knew it.
“That argument was about me leaving the town square. I don’t have permission to leave.”
He’d seen others come and go from the edges of the area. “Limiting your movement.”
“I know how dangerous Orrin is. I don’t need you to remind me. What are you going to do?”
He should bond with Susan because Cadence couldn’t help him get closer to the center of things. If he matched with Susan, Cadence would be forced to bond tonight, expected to have sex and get pregnant, all of that under duress.
The was no simple decision except the one that ended this quickest.
A tap on the microphone made him glance at the stage. Spencer tapped it again. “Good evening everyone. Are you all having a good time on this fine evening?”
There were hoots and cheers. “Macy, your crew has outdone itself again providing this fine food we share.”
The Mysterious Stranger (The Confidence Game Book 3) Page 17