“What?”
I nip her calf as I move higher, eliciting a giggle. “Did you think about me lifting your skirt, sliding my tongue against your clit, making you moan?”
Her eyes flutter closed, and she nods.
I wait until her gaze meets mine. “I think about this all the time. I ache to feel you,” I confess, knowing this is a risk. “When I saw you at the party, I wanted to take you behind a tree . . .” I kiss her thigh.
“And do what?” Delia’s words are like silk against my skin.
“Sink into you, take you right there where anyone could hear you moaning my name. I wanted to watch you fall apart in my arms.”
She leans up, taking my face in her hands, and I swear she can see all the things I’m not saying. How I want to love her. How I wish I could have her for a lot longer than I will. How much I would give to be a man worthy of her, but will never be.
“I wish you had.”
I close my eyes, feeling too much desire for this girl. “You shouldn’t want me.”
“Well,” she says with a laugh, “it’s too late for that.”
“One day, you’re going to meet a man who will give you the world, Delia. He’s going to love you like you deserve and provide the future you should have.”
“That day isn’t today, so give me what I want now.”
“And what’s that?” I ask, willing to give her anything I can.
“You.”
The sound that comes from me is more animal than man. I push her legs up higher as her head falls back against the blanket. Within seconds, my mouth is on her pussy. I lick, suck, and slide my tongue in and around her. I can’t get deep enough or hard enough, needing to ruin her for that man in her future.
A primal urge to destroy that image is so fierce it makes it impossible to ignore. My tongue laps at her, making various shapes, and she moans louder. I keep going, wanting this moment to be burned into her brain for eternity.
She calls to the devil in me, who is intent on claiming her even though I’ll have to release her after.
“Josh! Yes! Jesus!” Her voice is strained as her hands slap the wood ground.
When I slide a finger into her, the heat and tightness has me aching. I’ve never been this hard or this desperate to be inside a woman.
I need her to come. I can’t wait much longer.
I move my finger in time with my tongue and suck hard.
Delia falls apart. Her moans, mingled with her labored breathing, fill my ears.
I sit up, pushing my pants down as a hazy smile plays on her lips.
“I need to be inside you,” I tell her, already rolling on the condom.
“Yes, God, yes.”
I line up at her entrance and push in. She gasps, her hands clutching my shoulders. We’re not even halfway undressed. She’s in her dress, and my pants are around my knees, but I feel exposed as we stare at each other.
“Josh.” She sighs.
The quiet reverence in her voice breaks me. I pull back, loving the sound of pleasure that falls from her lips. I push in again, my heart racing, and a chord that I severed years ago starts to wind back around me. Deeper I go, feeling that pull to her. The need to have, care, cherish someone again beckoning.
I shove it away. I can’t do that. Not again. I won’t when I know the pain of loss scars so deeply it disfigures.
Delia rocks her hips up, pushing me to the hilt. Our gazes lock, and when I see the one thing I’d been hoping to never see again, I snap.
I go harder, faster, needing to chase away the demons of my past. Wanting to vanquish the love that I saw in her eyes. She can’t love me. I won’t allow it.
With each hard, steady thrust, lust and desire fill her expression. That’s allowed.
She starts to tighten around my cock again, and it’s too much.
“I’m close,” I warn her. “Let go, Delia.”
She grips my arms tighter, her eyes close. “Yes, harder!”
I do. I slam against her, the sound of skin slapping and labored breathing fills the room. She moans again as I fuck her with abandon. “I . . . can’t hold back. You feel so fucking good!”
“Yes! Yes!” she yells, and then her head turns to the side as she screams my name.
And I’m done. I can’t stop myself. I let go to the most intense orgasm of my life.
My arms give out, and I use every ounce of strength I have not to collapse completely. Both of our breathing is ragged, and it’s long moments before I’m aware enough to shift off her.
It’s then that I feel it.
The difference. The stickiness and heat that is far more intense than it should be.
The strength I had lost returns as I push up.
“Fuck!” I say as I pull out, seeing the tip of the condom empty and the rip visible. “Fuck.”
Delia sits up. “Hand me something.”
I rip my shirt off, giving it to her. My mind goes in circles, freaking out and thinking of how to handle this. “Delia . . .”
There’s nothing I can say that either won’t make me the biggest asshole ever or change the situation.
“Relax, Josh. It’s okay,” she says as she stands. “I’m on the pill. I have been for years.”
I run my hands through my hair as I pull my pants up. “I just . . .”
“I know. You don’t want a family, and believe me, this is not what I want either. I want kids with a man who wants them with me.”
“Okay. Yeah, no. I just . . .”
“I get it. I won’t lie and say there wasn’t a moment where my heart stopped right then.”
I let out a deep breath and nod. “Yeah, it was . . . a . . . moment there for us.”
“It was.” Delia smiles softly. “Listen, I’m clean as well. Just so you know. I get tested yearly and all that.”
“I didn’t think—” I stutter because now I do feel like an asshole. “That didn’t cross my mind, but I’m the same. I get tested, and I’ve always been careful.”
Delia leans in, kissing my cheek before heading off to the bathroom. Shirtless, and unsure, I press my hand against my temple and pace. What the hell? I’ve never had a condom break like that.
She’s on the pill, which is basically the only thing keeping me sane right now. She didn’t seem worried—at all. That has to be a good thing, so I’ll follow her lead.
Delia returns, and she hands me a sweatshirt. “It’s probably going to be a little tight, but it’s the best I can do. It was . . . a friend’s.”
She’s giving me another man’s shirt. “I’m fine.”
“Josh, it’s cold out.”
There’s not a chance in hell I’m wearing some other guy’s shirt. Some guy who was here, who touched her, who has felt what it’s like to be with her.
I’m a fucking mess. So many conflicting emotions swirl through my head. I’m pissed off about the condom breaking, beyond speechless about how good it felt to be inside her bare, raging at the idea of her being with other guys, and all I want to do is pull her into my arms.
“I should go,” I say, contradicting what I want.
“Yeah, sure.”
“I have things to do.”
Delia nods. “Okay.”
“Things for the resort.”
“Things. I get it.”
I run my hands through my hair. “I can stay, if you need me.”
“No. I feel my headache coming back. I’m going to lie down.”
Her head. Fuck. I really am a piece of shit. I step toward her, but she retreats. “You’re pissed at me?”
She plasters on a fake smile. “I’m not. I just want to lie down and process the day. Thanks for driving me home and”—her eyes move to the floor—“that. So thanks for everything.”
“You’re thanking me for sex?” I ask with anger laced in my words.
“Isn’t that what we’re supposed to say? I mean, I’m not sure of the protocol here. You’re clearly upset about the events of tonight, which I’m not jumping fo
r joy about either, but . . .”
“But?”
She throws her hands up. “I don’t know! My head is a mess, and . . . you and me and us and this. It’s like it doesn’t add up. You cared for me, Josh. You sat on that floor and held me as though I was important. Then we get here, and I can’t turn you away. I can’t stop myself from touching you and soaking up any chance I have at this. Then you put a steel wall up around yourself when suddenly something happens, and I’m sorry, but I don’t know how or what the hell to think!”
I take two strides before I hold her in my hands. “I’m just as fucked up about it as you are.”
“How? How are you so fucked up, Josh? Why?”
“Because I don’t want this! I don’t want to care. When I saw you in the bathroom—fucking hell, Delia, all I wanted was to make you better. I do care about you, and that’s the problem!”
She shakes her head. “That doesn’t make sense!”
“I will never love again. I can’t. I literally can’t. There is no way I will let myself hurt you or get involved further than this.”
“I’m not asking for you to love me.”
“Then what are you asking?”
She shoves out of my grip. “I’m asking you to be what you promised. A guy who comes over, hooks up, and then leaves without looking back. I need you to be that guy, Josh. That way, that when you walk away, I won’t be broken and obsessed with the time you held me. Or the times you kissed me and my heart raced. Be the asshole because I can hate him in a few weeks when this is completely over.”
If that’s what she wants, then that’s what I’ll do. Regardless of the fact that she deserves better than that. She’s not some random girl—not to me. However, I hear what she’s asking, and if that’s what she needs, then I’ll do it.
I grab the sweatshirt of whatever asshole fucked her last, throw it over my head, and walk out the door, hating myself with each step I take.
Chapter 10
Delia
“I’m going to head to Mexico next week and then stay in Florida with your Aunt Lou,” my mother says.
“Nope.”
“Right. And then maybe I’ll paddle around the world in a canoe.”
“Sounds great,” I answer.
“I’m thinking about shaving your head before that, though.”
I nod. “Yup.”
A french fry hits my forehead. “Delia Parker Andrews, are you even listening to me?”
I sigh as I wipe the salt from my skin. “No. I’m not.”
“At least you’re honest. What’s going on? Is it work?”
If it were, that would be a nice change. “It’s nothing, Mom.”
“So much for the honesty thing.”
My mother and I have always been more like friends than parent and child. When I was in high school, I confided in her just as much as I did with Jessica. It speaks volumes that I haven’t told her anything about what’s been going on with Josh.
However, if there’s anyone in the world I can tell without them judging me, it’s her. Even if she’s very old fashioned about relationships.
“I slept with Josh.”
Her eyes widen. “Parkerson?”
“Yup.”
“And?”
“And?” I mirror her question.
“And . . . how are you? Clearly, the answer is on your face, but I’d like to hear the details. When did it start? How long?”
I fill her in, glossing over just how many times and how fantastic it is. Although, knowing her, the question will come anyway.
“And you’re both okay with this casual thing?”
“I thought I was—or, at least, I was pretending I wasn’t in love with him.”
She nods with a smile. “But you, my darling girl, have a heart that was meant to love.”
“I didn’t think I still loved him. Not like that. I mean, I was fine because I was stupid and young.” Mom takes a bite of a fry, and I can all but hear her calling me a big, fat liar. “I’m really not in love with him. How can I be? He’s been gone for years. I’ve dated and whatnot. It doesn’t matter that I fell for him when I was a stupid girl.”
“Yet here you are.”
“He and I have no misconceptions about what this is,” I say a bit defensively.
Her hands go up, and she shakes her head. “I’m not saying you do. I’m not even saying that what you’re doing is wrong. Hell, I got married young and look where that got me.”
“Mom,” I admonish.
“You. It got me you, and I love you more than anything, but I’ve spent the last twenty-eight years alone. Losing your father was the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through. I’ll never love another man, and some days, I wish I had dated and found out who I was before I settled down. If I had known I would have only a few years with my forever man, then I would’ve lived a little more before I found him. Maybe you being with Josh is just you living your life as a single woman before your forever comes along.”
That’s the problem. When we’re together, it’s easy to forget that Josh isn’t that guy for me. And the sex is . . . off the damn charts. Then he broke rank and took care of me when I was hurting, and I saw him, really saw him for the man he is.
I got to be in his arms, feel his strength and comfort.
Now, I’m screwed because I want it all.
I want the stupid man and his stupid arms and his stupid heart.
“I just need a few days, Mom. I know what we are and what we’ll never be. It’s . . .”
“Josh.”
“Yes, Josh. I thought we were both talking about the same thing.”
Her head jerks to the side. “No, it’s Josh.”
“Hi, Mrs. Andrews,” Josh says as he scoots in beside me. “You look beautiful as ever.”
“And you’re just as charming as I remember.”
I bite back the urge to gag. “How are you feeling?” he asks her.
“I’m doing well. I was just telling Delia a few friends and I are heading off to travel for a month or two. It’s all very exciting.”
“Where to?”
While he and my mother talk, I listen, feeling a hundred variations of awkward. The last time we saw each other was two weeks ago, and things were strained. He hasn’t called, and neither have I.
As I look around at the diner, I can hear Alex telling me about how it’s as if nothing has changed, but to me, the world feels different since Josh returned.
His hand moves to my leg, squeezing gently as he keeps talking to my mother.
I move his hand off me and scoot a little farther away. Josh grins, and I can’t tell if it’s at me or whatever has my mother giggling.
I turn to face him, making it harder for him to touch me. “What brings you here?” I ask abruptly.
Josh’s smile doesn’t falter. “Food.”
“Yes, but your brother said you were at Melia Lake this week.”
“I live there.”
“I know this,” I say with a huff. “Which is why I’m wondering why you’re here.”
“We break ground tomorrow, so all of us are having dinner at Grayson’s tonight,” Josh answers.
“That’s great. I’m happy for you guys.” I really am. Their parents are assholes. Mrs. Parkerson has always been . . . a bitch with Jessica. She made it very clear that she did not approve of her son dating one of the poor girls in town.
God forbid.
Since they got married, though, she’s trying, and Jessica, being the forgiving human she is, is doing the same.
I don’t know that they’ll ever love each other, but Jessica knows Amelia loves her grandmother and she wants her own daughter to have the same relationship.
I would never be that nice.
“So, I’m in town for dinner tonight but was supposed to grab lunch with Stella, who just blew me off.”
“Really?”
He nods. “Yup. She completely forgot. She and Jack are working on the cabin for Kinsley and Samuel.”
/> I smile, warmth flooding my heart. “I’m so happy for her and Jack,” I say almost dreamily.
“Me too. No one deserves happiness more than Stella.”
I nod. “And I think it’s kind of beautiful how it’s all happening.”
My mother dabs at her eyes. “I have always loved that girl. It’s nice to see things falling into place.”
No one has a heart like my mom. She cries when things are good because she is genuinely happy for them. When I told her about what Stella and Jack were going through, she wept and prayed for them. If she could heal the world with love, she would.
“Don’t cry,” Josh says quickly, handing her a napkin. “It’s all good things.”
“That’s why I’m crying.” She laughs. “It’s so nice when things go the way they should. Kinsley is a lucky girl to have so much love around her.”
He looks to me, and I just shrug. “She’s a tender soul, this one.”
“And you?”
I laugh once. “I’m a frigid bitch.”
He leans in while my mother riffles through her bag as her ringtone blares. “I know that’s not true.” His velvet words wrap around my heart.
“Do you?”
“I do.” Josh lifts his hand, brushing his thumb along my jaw. “We need to talk.”
“Found it!” my mother exclaims, breaking the moment. “I need to take this call.”
She gets up, leaving me to deal with Josh.
“We don’t have to have this conversation,” I assure him.
“I think we do.”
There’s nothing he could say that would change things unless it’s: I love you, want you, and need you to be in my life.
Then, yeah, that changes everything. However, I’m not an idiot, therefore, I know this will not be what comes out of his mouth.
Josh leans forward, his voice low so that none of the walls, meaning the nosey ass people in Willow Creek, hear. “I want you.”
I blink.
“I want you in my life.”
Okay. I might die now.
My breath hitches. If he says the first part, I hope someone can call for an ambulance because I will perish on the spot.
A Moment for Us Page 6