by Aaron Lazar
He’d died one year after the fire, in a freak storm off the coast of one of the islands he so loved. It had been fitting, in a way. He’d gone down with his boat, and had been laid to rest in the sea.
Libby touched my arm. “Penny for your thoughts?”
I shook myself back to the present and tossed her a half smile. “Just thinking about Gramps.”
She slid an arm through mine, surprising me once again with her friendly ways. “I loved that guy.”
“Everyone did,” I said, walking around the living room now, running my fingers along the top of the old cherry dry sink, noting burn marks on the corner. “I just wish I’d seen him one more time. I kind of disappeared after the fire. I think he would’ve made me feel better about it, somehow.”
“Yeah, but remember, he lost his only son in that fire. And he loved your mother like a daughter, didn’t he? Never mind the unthinkable loss of little Eva. He was hurting, too.” She followed my gaze and bent down to trace the contours of a burn on the bottom corner of the piece. “Wow. It looks like some of this stuff survived the fire.”
I nodded. “Guess so. I never came back after they let me out of the hospital. I didn’t want to see the damage.”
She lowered her eyes and took my hand. “I’m sorry I couldn’t have been there to help you through it. I was taking finals at the Sorbonne. I didn’t find out until after the funerals.”
Why would she have been there, anyway? We weren’t dating or anything at the time. “I know. It’s okay. I wouldn’t have known if you were there or missing. I kind of lost it. They had me locked up in that place for almost a month before they thought I’d be okay.”
“Did Jax come to see you while you were in the hospital?” she asked.
I walked into the dining room, where memories flooded me once again. “No. Er, well, yes. But I refused to see him.”
She followed me, running her fingers over the white linen tablecloth. It looked as if it were never used, as if it and the centerpiece of pinecones and fake berries my mother always kept on the table hadn’t seen diners around it since that awful day.
“You blame him for the fire, don’t you?” she said.
I nodded. “He had just started smoking a few months earlier, but my parents didn’t know and would have killed him if they found out. I figured he’d been sneaking one that night. He must have fallen asleep on the couch.” I choked on the last few words, embarrassed that I could barely talk about it. Still.
“Is that what the police report said?”
I looked at her with renewed interest. “Why?”
She turned away from me and picked up a figurine in the china cabinet. “I don’t know. It’s just I…”
“What?”
“You hear things, you know. Around town.”
“What did you hear?”
She walked away again, examining the hand-sewn sampler on the wall. “Nothing.”
I strode to her side and caught her wrist in my hand, turning her toward me. “What did you hear?”
Her eyes filled with tears, and she pulled her hand away. “You’re hurting me, Finn.”
Remorse flooded me. “Oh, God. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…”
She sighed and pulled out one of the dining room chairs, perching on the seat with hands clasped and head down. “I just heard all sorts of things. That it was electrical. That it was a cigarette. I never knew what the final word was.”
I dropped onto a chair beside her, and memories of the night rammed into me.
Jax pulling on me, dragging me out of bed. Struggling through the smoke-filled room and staring in horror at the flames that engulfed the hallway to my parents’ and sister’s bedrooms.
“It was so awful,” I said, unable to look at her.
Libby’s hands rubbed my back, up and down in soft circles. She pulled me to her, and stroked my hair with her long, slim fingers. I raised a tear-stained face to hers, seeing her clearly, for the time in a long time.
Then she kissed me.
Chapter 18
July 30th, 1997
10:00 P.M.
We’d been getting closer each night, exploring the intimate, warm, secret places on each other’s bodies, and learning what strange and wonderful things felt good to each other. Tongues and fingers licked and touched and invaded places I’d never imagined could feel so good. Sassy said she’d learned from books, but I figured she’d also absorbed some of it from that boy from Yarmouth who’d had her before me. I hated to think of him, and pushed the thoughts away.
On this night, with the stars bright in the black velvet sky, the air laden with the scent of the sea, the wind soft and persistent even in our cove, we made love for the first time.
Before it happened, she’d invited me to kiss her in a place I hadn’t considered. She parted her legs and gently urged my head between them.
I’d been kissing her all over, running my hands and lips over arms, hands, breasts, legs, toes, cheeks, and nose. I loved the taste of her creamy, salty skin and had been working on controlling myself each night so I wouldn’t explode with lust until she decided the time was right. It had been working, sort of. We’d managed to resolve our need by using our hands. But tonight it built and built to the point where I didn’t think I could take it any longer. I wanted to be inside her. I wanted to worship her, to claim her as my own.
I raised my head. “Am I doing it right?”
She moaned in response, pushing me back down. “Please don’t stop.”
It began a little at a time. A tightening of her muscles. Her back arched slightly. Her toes curled and uncurled, her legs stretched. Her moans became louder, more frequent. She’d direct me to a certain spot, tell me to go faster or slower, higher or lower.
And then she reached for me with urgency. She wrapped her long fingers around me and guided me, pressing my lower back with her free hand. “It’s time, Finn. Now.”
She positioned me into her moist folds, where shiny, smooth skin pulsed, as if waiting to swallow me whole. And then I lost complete track of the night, caught in the rhythmic wonder of our dance atop the sandy beach, beneath the moonlight that glistened silver on her eyes and lips. She’d timed it right, this very momentous occasion, and I reeled with pride when she peaked before me, clutching me and screaming, her body clenching and clamping with every wave of her pleasure. When she was done, I let myself go, nearly blinded by ecstasy. I reveled in the smooth, tight gripping, the pulsing tingles, the waves of climax that took me out of myself and shot me to Heaven and back.
Afterwards, we lay coupled in each other’s arms, me still inside her. I opened my eyes to drink in the image of her, and to reel in the deep sense of love she awakened in me. It was all I could do not to weep from pure joy.
I didn’t want to move. I wanted to stay like that forever. She drew on my chest, tracing a heart and kissing its center. She touched her lips to mine, gently, as if it were our first kiss all over again. I ran my fingers over her body, up and down her beautiful hips, shoulders, and breasts, occasionally absorbing the shuddering aftershocks that wracked her body.
“Sassy,” I said, my voice hoarse. “Oh, God. Sassy.”
She pulled me tighter to her, wrapping her legs around my back, kissing my mouth with greater intensity as the minutes passed. I felt myself harden inside her again, and was about to congratulate myself on my bull-like stamina when a harsh light played over us, shattering the magic of the cool evening.
A man’s voice shouted with fury. “There they are, officers. Arrest him.”
Chapter 19
July 14th, 2013
11:45 A.M.
Libby pulled back as if my lips had burned hers. “Oh, God. I’m sorry. I…” She jumped up and slammed back against the wall. “I don’t know what came over me.”
The emotions that coursed through me made my breath come in ragged gasps.
Libby?
What the hell was that? She kissed me? Could it ever be that way between us? I thought s
he hated me one minute, tolerated me the next. But a kiss? I’d been blown away by it.
I reached for her hand, feeling tugs of guilt because of my dear Cora, dear dead Cora, but other feelings surfaced as well. I could barely face them.
Libby pulled her hand back and crossed her arms tightly across her chest. “No. Don’t.”
I tried again. “I’m sorry. I just…”
“Leave me alone. I hate you!”
I stared at her, completely flummoxed. “I don’t understand. Please. Talk to me.”
She straightened, as if she finally remembered who she was and her station in life. Her expression hardened, her eyes narrowed. “I was a fool, a damned fool.” She paced to the other side of the room, leaning on the buffet table with both arms. Her shoulders began to shake.
When was she a fool? When she kissed me? When she hired me to work at The Seacrest? Another time?
I approached her like I would Serendipity when she escaped the paddock fences, jittery and ready to bolt. “It’s okay. Please.”
She jerked away from me before I could touch her. “I’m leaving.”
I stared at her, feelings raging through my body and heart that weakened me. Why was she so angry? What did I do to upset her?
I caught her at the front door, closing it before she could escape. “Libby. You need to stop. Tell me why you’re so mad. What the hell did I do?” My voice hitched with emotion; my heart twisted in my chest. I thought things had been better between us.
Ace got up from his nap by the fireplace and whined. He licked my hand, then hers.
“Finn McGraw,” she glared at me, fire spitting from her eyes. “You screwed me over when we were young, and I won’t let it happen again.” She pushed against me. “Now let me pass.”
I held my stance for another minute. “Wait one goddamned minute. Libby, come on. You’re the one who broke up with me, remember?”
She shoved my chest, actually knocking me back a few steps. “For damned good reasons, you jerk. As if you don’t remember!”
I watched her leave, feeling wounded. I had no idea what she meant. I didn’t remember doing anything to hurt her when we dated so long ago. Not a thing.
So what the hell was she talking about?
Chapter 20
July 31th, 1997
8:00 A.M.
I wasn’t arrested that night, but two burly cops smelling of coffee and cigarettes escorted me home, embarrassing me when they told my parents how they found us naked on the beach. The only good part of the entire humiliating experience was that Jax hadn’t been there. He would have loved the situation, and I never would’ve heard the end of it.
My parents tried to find out about Sassy’s family when the police dropped me off, but they’d been curiously unsuccessful. My mother had asked who “the girl” was, and the officers stared down at their shoes. “It’s not important,” on of them had mumbled. They abruptly turned and left after telling me to keep my nose clean, which I always thought was a disgusting expression. I’d suffered through a half-hour lecture from my father until Jax burst in the front door, smelling of beer. Then it was his turn.
I realized last night that it wasn’t just Sassy who wanted her identity hidden. Her father wasn’t too keen on folks knowing who she was, either.
Why? Would our budding romance smear his family’s name? Is that why they were so secretive? Maybe he was a spy living incognito. Or perhaps they were in a witness protection program.
Either way, it was damned weird.
The next morning, we sat at the breakfast table, me glum and depressed, my brother noticing, and trying to wrangle it out of me.
“Come on, buddy. What’s wrong with you? Why’d you get in trouble last night?” He poked me and kicked me under the table. “Huh?”
“No reason,” I said, staring at my cereal bowl.
My mother sniffled. “Boys, please.” She looked like she’d been crying.
“Hey, Dad,” Jax said. “What did my little bro do, rob a bank or something? Looked pretty serious when I came in last night.”
“It’s none of your business, Jax. And you’ve got your own behavior to work on, young man.” Dad glared at him, then me. “Listen, boys. We need to talk.” He got up and stood behind my mother’s chair, putting one hand on her shoulder.
She reached up to take it in hers, smiling half-heartedly at him.
“We have an announcement to make,” he said.
Jax and I exchanged a worried glance.
My father took a deep breath, then unleashed the words. “Your mother and I are expecting.”
Jax laughed. “Expecting what? A big check in the mail?”
I kicked him under the table. “A baby, you moron.” I turned to my parents. “Right, Dad?”
My father nodded, a slight smile on his face. My mother seemed almost overwhelmed, her eyes wide, seeking a positive reaction from us.
I realized in a flash she thought we’d disapprove. She looked so fragile, sitting there all hopeful and nervous. I straightened and flashed a wide grin. “Really?” I nudged Jax in the side. “That’s cool, isn’t it, Jax?”
Jax snorted. “Gross. Aren’t you guys too old for that stuff?”
My father marched over and cuffed Jax’s ears. “Apologize. Now.”
With head bent, Jax snuffled an apology. “Sorry.”
“Okay,” Dad continued. “So, I’m asking you to be extra helpful around the house. Offer to help your mother with the dishes at night. Carry in the groceries for her. And don’t—I repeat—don’t give us any trouble outside the home. We need you to behave yourselves. No drinking. No cigarettes. No carousing.” He looked from Jax to me and back again.
Jax knocked me sideways with a playful swat. “You don’t have to worry about this guy. He’s mister goody two shoes. Aren’t ya, buddy?” He tried to grab my head to give me noogies, but I was too fast for him these days and easily escaped.
Jax would have been right, a few months ago. Since he was out most nights, he’d never discovered my secret visits to the beach. He always disappeared right after dinner, and habitually returned home later than me. He was even slower than me to wake in the morning.
Jax was usually the one to give my parents fits. He was caught shoplifting at thirteen. Almost stole a car at fifteen. Broke the hearts of many a young lady. But now I’d been caught in flagrante delicto with my girl, and even though I wasn’t ashamed of it—after all, I loved Sassy—I hated the way my parents looked at me.
My mother hitched a sigh, and Dad just stared at me. He didn’t reveal my secret in front of Jax. I was thankful for that.
“Are we clear on this, boys?” he asked.
I nodded. “Yeah. Sure, Dad. Um…congratulations. When’s the baby due?”
My mother ducked her head and smiled. “Around Christmas.”
I wondered if we’d have a little brother or sister. Either way, I didn’t care. It would be fun to have a little kid romping around the place. And I could be a big brother, instead of forever the kid brother.
Jax shot me that smarmy grin he used when he teased me. “Looks like you’ll be a middle child now, Finn, my boy.”
I shrugged. “Suits me fine.”
My mother looked pleased, and my father seemed to relax a little.
I excused myself from the table and sauntered out to the barn, starting up the trolley engine. It needed gas, so I drove it to the big submerged tank to fill it up. I stood beside it, gazing at the distant beach. The surf looked rough today, plenty of whitecaps out there. A few blue and red sails fluttered in the breeze further out on the bay. Leaning against the cool metal bumper of the trolley, I could see only Sassy in my mind’s eye.
All night in bed, I’d felt her gentle touch, her heightening passion. I tasted her on my lips, yearned for her to come through my window and snuggle against me in my bed. I wanted her again, so badly. My body still twitched and tingled in ways I’d never experienced before. The sensations were so strong, so vivid, so memorable
that they didn’t fade.
I’d never forget that first time with Sassy. Never. And I’d do whatever I could to find her. I didn’t care what her father thought, what cops he paid off to keep things quiet, or what their last name was. I would find her.
I decided right then and there that when I finished work in the afternoon, I’d take the day and pedal around town, searching for her. I had a few good photos we’d snapped of each other with a single use camera a few weeks back. I’d show them to folks at the grocery store, the post office, and the bank. Someone would recognize her.
Then I remembered her face, and how she froze when I asked her about her family. She didn’t want me to know. She really didn’t.
Maybe I should just ride around town looking for her, and keep the photos to myself. I didn’t want to get her in trouble.
With that, I climbed back aboard the trolley and started up the engine. Lots of work to do today, but it was work that didn’t require much thinking. I’d have plenty of time to revel in the memories about making love with her.
A few early bird blueberry pickers arrived, parked in the lot, and emerged with baskets. With a sigh of resignation, I headed their way.
Chapter 21
July 14th, 2013
1:00 P.M.
I stared after Libby when she peeled out of the driveway. She sure was one confusing woman. Ace leaned against me, as if to tell me he was still there, and not to worry. I reached down to pat his big head, and he pushed his nose into my hand, tail slowly wagging behind him.
“Good boy.” I closed the front door and backed up. “Okay. Let’s check the place out, buddy.”
I turned in a circle to inspect the room and my options, tamping down the emotions that raced through me. Sweet memories collided with the recollection of the night of the fire. With a deep breath, I pushed it all aside and tried to take in my surroundings.
Kitchen, through the alcove on the right. Stairs leading up to the bedrooms straight ahead. Den off the back.