by Erin Bartels
I am also aware that good intentions are not good enough. Like all human beings, I am fallible. And while I don’t mind if readers are uncomfortable with or offended by my work, I want it to be for the right reasons. If it was because I fell into an offensive stereotype, please accept my sincere apology. If it was because the story made you see something in yourself that you don’t like, please accept my invitation to explore that further, to confront it, and to repent of it.
In bringing the world of We Hope for Better Things to life, I am deeply indebted to several writers and researchers for their fine work, including Isabel Wilkerson (The Warmth of Other Suns), Sidney Fine (Violence in the Model City), Herbert Shapiro (White Violence and Black Response), Marilyn Mayer Culpepper (Trials and Triumphs: The Women of the American Civil War), Hubert G. Locke (The Detroit Riot of 1967), Mark Binelli (Detroit City Is the Place to Be), Courtney B. Vance (Rebellion in Detroit podcast), and others.
Many thanks to those who read early drafts and offered their kind critique and advice, including Valerie Marvin, Debra Dawsey, Mary Bowen, Booker T. Mattison, Nancy Johnson, Twila Bennett, Orly Konig, Noel Harshman, and Dr. Meghan Burke. To my wonderful agent, Nephele Tempest, my enthusiastic editor, Kelsey Bowen, and the whole team at Revell Books, thank you for taking a chance on a new writer with a complicated story in a tough market. To Jessica English, thank you for your keen eyes and light hand when it came to copyediting this beast. To Michele Misiak and Karen Steele, thank you for your ideas, energy, and expertise in spreading the word. To Cheryl Van Andel, thank you for your patience as we wrangled over the cover. And to David Lewis, thank you for saying in one breath that you loved this book and that it made you uncomfortable. No one could give it higher praise than that.
Special thanks to my parents, Dale and Donna Foote, who not only shared invaluable firsthand accounts of growing up on both sides of the tracks in the Detroit area in the 1960s, but who have offered continuous encouragement in all of my endeavors for the past thirty-nine years.
My deepest gratitude goes to my husband, Zachary Bartels, my best friend and stalwart supporter. He has celebrated with me in my small triumphs and has comforted me in every disappointment along the way. I am truly blessed by a gracious God to have this man as my partner in life and love.
And to my son, Calvin, who was only four when I started working on this book and ten when it finally found its way to bookstores. Growing up an only child with parents who are both writers must be odd. So often Mom and Dad are mentally in other worlds, letting nonessentials (like laundry and grocery shopping) go as we perfect places and people that exist only in our minds. I am beyond delighted that your imaginative life is as vivid and engaging as ours, and that you value and enjoy reading as much as we do. You may not know it yet, but you are a storyteller too. And whatever you will be when you grow up, I hope that you will always maintain your imagination.
Because unless we can imagine a better way, we’ll never work to make it a reality.
one
Most people die only once. But my father is not most people. He is a monster.
He first died on a Wednesday in November 2001, when his sentence was handed down—We the members of the jury find Norman Windsor, on three counts of murder in the first degree, guilty; on the charge of extortion, guilty; on the charge of obstruction of justice, guilty; on the charge of conspiring with enemies of the United States of America, guilty. And on and on it went. Or so I imagine. I wasn’t there. The teenage daughters of the condemned generally are not present at such events.
Now, seventeen years later, he will be executed. It’s the first thought I can separate from my dreams this morning, though I’ve tried for weeks as the date approached to ignore it.
I dress quickly in yesterday’s clothes without turning on the news. I don’t want to see the mob hoisting signs, the guards standing stone-faced at the prison entrance, interviews with grim relatives of the dead. All I want is for this day to be over, for that part of my life to be over. So I shut the past in behind the door, descend the creaking stairs, and emerge as always in the back room of Brick & Mortar Books, where my real family resides in black text upon yellowed pages, always ready to pick up our conversation where we last left off.
“Good morning, Professor.” The African Grey parrot offers his familiar crackly greeting.
“Good morning, Professor.” I open the cage door, wondering not for the first time who is imitating whom.
The Professor climbs onto the perch above the cage and produces the sound of a crowd cheering. I change his paper, refresh his water, and give him a terrible used pulp paperback to shred into ribbons. Every morning is the same, and there’s comfort in that. Even today.
I know the store will be dead—even more so than usual—but I can’t afford to stay closed on a Saturday, even if it is the day after Saint Patrick’s Day in River City, Michigan. I have never understood why the feast day of an Irish saint is so popular here, as nearly all of the Catholics that settled in the area have unpronounceable surnames that end in ski. Maybe they all just need a big party to forget the misery of March for a day. Even the Lutheran church three blocks south canceled services so that its members could walk in tomorrow’s parade. And many of those same people who will paint their faces green and don blinking four-leaf clover antennae as they march down Centerline Road instead of going to church were on this side of the river last night, guzzling green beer and kissing plenty of people who aren’t actually Irish, despite T-shirts asserting ancestry to the contrary.
Of all the storefronts on this section of Midway Street, there are only five that do not serve alcohol: a pet salon, a custom lighting store, a bank, an aromatherapy shop, and my bookstore. Every other business along this quarter-mile spur of Midway is a bar, making it the destination of choice for about half the sleepy city on any given weekend and about eighty percent on Saint Patrick’s Day. Not that the high traffic translates into high sales for me. They stay in the bars. I stay in my sanctuary. I’ve never been much of a socialite, which most people would find understandable if they knew my story, or a drinker, which most people would find surprising if they knew the same. Some might claim that the reason my store ended up on the street with the highest percentage of dart boards, pool tables, and broken beer bottles in the city is nothing more than an accident of real estate availability.
It has always had the taste of fate to me.
Armed with more than a few years of experience with the aftermath of Saint Paddy’s, I pull on a pair of bright yellow rubber gloves—Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, Exhibit A: the gloves Mr. Windsor wore when carrying out the strangulation of Mr. Lambert—and head toward the front door with a triple-thick garbage bag and a broom.
But there’s another matter to attend to before I can clean up all the trash. A woman is slumped against the door, her back to me, her head buried in her arms.
I knock on the glass near her ear. “Hey!”
She doesn’t move.
Back through the store, through the maze of boxes in the back room, through the metal receiving door out to the alley. A stiff breeze whips up a torn paper shamrock chain, along with the stench of beer and vomit. I hug the east wall of the store, passing beneath the pockmarked remains of a mural of a billowing American flag. I stop. There, on the very lowest white stripe, is a profane word scrawled in black spray paint. I add the removal of the word to my mental checklist and keep walking.
The wind hits me hard as I turn onto Midway. Long shadows cast by light posts in the rising sun point toward the spire of St. Germain Catholic Church, just visible over the tops of the still bare trees, and graze the edge of the woman’s coat. She is curled up tight, as if she were developing inside an egg. Glittery green shoes poke out beneath her black parka. Her bottle-blonde hair, streaked with green dye, was probably stunning last night. Now it is matted down around her face.
I poke her with my broom. She shrinks a little farther into her egg.
“Hey, wake up!”
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Slender fingers push back the bird’s nest of hair. One brown eye squints up at me. “Hey, Robin. There you are.”
Sarah Kukla is as slim as she was in high school, but as I hoist her to her sparkly feet she weighs three hundred pounds.
“I was knocking. You never answered.”
Her breath almost makes me drop her back onto the pavement.
“I can’t hear knocking at this door when I’m upstairs. You should have called.”
Leaning her body against mine, I manage to open the front door and dump her into a threadbare armchair. Her parka falls open, revealing black fishnets under an impossibly short green dress that looks like it was sprayed onto her body. Her cheeks and nose glow red. Her emerald eye shadow smudged with black eyeliner makes her look more like she had dressed for Halloween than Saint Paddy’s.
“Where were you last night?” I ask.
“Everywhere,” she moans.
“Come on. I’ll take you upstairs. You can wash up and get some coffee.”
Even a massive hangover cannot hide Sarah’s surprise at this offer. In my seven years at 1433 Midway, I’ve never invited her or anyone else up. But I can’t send her back home to her son like this. Anyway, I do have a human decency clause in my unwritten personal privacy policy. I’m not a monster.
“Let me get The Professor back in his cage. If I’m not around for too long he chews up good books.”
The parrot is not impressed by this break in his routine and lets me know with a sharp bite on my thumb. I don’t grudge him his irritation. I kind of wish I could simply bite Sarah’s thumb and send her on her way.
Somehow we make it up the steep staircase and into my apartment, where she looks around with an expression that grows ever more disappointed. “It’s so plain.”
“What were you expecting?”
“I dunno. It used to be—” She looks away. “Never mind.”
She slouches onto the couch, kicks off her shoes, and pulls a fleece blanket over her head. Soon her snores are drifting back to the kitchen. I don’t have the heart to wake her when the coffee is done, so I creep back downstairs to gather in the remains of last night.
Each new gust of wind brings me more confetti and cigarette butts skidding along the concrete like staggering drunken partiers. I tuck it all into the trash bag along with broken glass, wadded-up tissues, and a single black shoe. I’ll have to do it again in a few hours when the wind brings more. It doesn’t bother me like it used to. It’s just part of the rhythm of this place.
A sharp beeping ceases, one of those sounds you don’t notice until it’s gone. In the silence left behind I realize that the ice on the river has finally melted. I know it without looking. Rivers have voices, and this morning the Saginaw is grumbling.
At the end of the street, a tow truck ascends the boat launch at Marina Five, dragging the rusty blue pickup I saw still parked on the thinning ice yesterday. The last of the ice fishermen leans toward the truck, hand at his heart, as one might hover over a dead body to search for one more breath, one more twitch of the eyelids, something that might indicate that there was still time to tell him you loved him. Only there wasn’t.
No, he’s just getting a pack of cigarettes from his breast pocket.
I watch until all that’s left of the story is wet gravel. Next year it might be a Jeep or an ice shanty. It will probably be in February rather than March—winter had lingered so long this year. But it wouldn’t be nothing. This too is part of the routine—when the ice gives way, when what was solid ground suddenly cracks and shifts and turns deadly.
There had been a tow truck in my father’s case, pulling a black sedan from a different river—May I direct your attention to Exhibit B? It was anything but routine. I saw it splashed across the front page of the Boston Globe, read the gruesome details in neat columns of text that left leaden dust beneath my fingernails. I didn’t go to school the next day.
When I can’t fit even one more stray sequin into the bag, I tie the plastic handles and stretch my back. That’s when I see it, in a skeletal crab apple tree on the other side of the street—the first robin. Spring. All signs point to it. A winter, no matter how long, cannot last forever. The longed-for bird tips his head at me and lifts off against the wind. I deposit the trash in the alley dumpster and fish out my scrub brush and graffiti remover—it’s not the first time—and get to work on the wall.
Half an hour later I turn on the lights and let The Professor back out of his cage. Ignoring his muttered cursing, I flip the “Open” sign and settle down behind the cash register with a hundred-year-old copy of Aurora Leigh as company.
The spine crackles and the sweet perfume of time drifts up to my nose. The lines slip under my eyes like a mother duck and her brood slipping down the river. Word by word, Aurora lives and loves as she first did under Elizabeth Barrett Browning’s graceful pen.
Three quiet hours later—not even a visit from Mr. Sutton, the only customer I could call a regular with any integrity—the bells on the front door jingle.
The Professor squawks, “Hello!”
“I got the mail,” comes Dawt Pi’s heavily accented voice as she rounds a shelf. “I thought you were going to put that sign out.”
She tucks her tiny purse under the counter before reaching up for The Professor. The bird edges over and makes his way down her arm to her shoulder. He’ll spend the next half hour carefully preening her straight, oil-black hair. He never does this to me. If he sat for more than a couple minutes on my shoulder, I would probably end up missing half my ear.
“What sign?”
“That sign. You said you were going to put it out. On the sidewalk.”
I put down my book. “Sorry. I was a little distracted this morning.”
“I will get it.” She retrieves a chalkboard easel nearly as tall as she is and a box of colored chalk from the back room. “You want me to do it?”
I know she is still not confident about the peculiar spellings of her adopted country’s language, so I love her for offering. “No, I can do it. What did we decide?”
“Hardcover one dollar, paperback fifty cents.”
I sigh. We will lose money. Still, I kneel at the easel to write out the words I hope will draw people into my beloved store. The past few years have been tough, but I’m determined to weather the storm.
“You want to look at this mail? There’s a package for you.”
I stand back up and tear open the large padded manila envelope Dawt Pi slides across the counter to me. It’s obviously a book. I carefully unwrap the brown paper from around it to reveal a vivid red and white dust jacket adorned with a stylized carousel horse beneath a bold yellow title.
“Oh my.”
“What is it?”
I can hardly breathe when I see the copyright page. “Oh my.”
“What?”
“It’s a first printing, first edition Catcher in the Rye.”
“Is that good?”
I shouldn’t expect a recent refugee from Myanmar to know better, but I give her an incredulous look all the same. “This could be worth a lot.” I flip over the envelope. No name, just a return address in California. “Why would someone just send this to me?” Starting at the back of the book, I flip through the pages. “Oh no.”
“What?”
“There’s underlining. That’ll affect the value. Though it’s in pencil, so we could . . .”
The moment I see the coffee-ring stain on page twenty-three, I drop the book on the counter.
“What?” Dawt Pi’s now exasperated voice cuts through the fog that is swiftly gathering in my mind.
The bird on her shoulder voices his own question. “What does our survey say?”
But I can only manage one word in response.
“Peter.”
Erin Bartels has been a publishing professional for seventeen years, most of that time as a copywriter. She is also a freelance writer, editor, and book coach, and a member of Capital City Writers and the
Women’s Fiction Writers Association. When she’s not writing, she can be found wandering through the woods with her camera, painting landscapes in both watercolor and oil, or reading with a semi-spastic Chihuahua mix on her lap.
Erin lives in Lansing, Michigan, with her husband, Zachary, and their son, Calvin. We Hope for Better Things is her first novel.
ErinBartels.com
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