by Sarah Bailey
“Do you hate me?” My voice was so small and timid, so unlike me in every way.
“Why would you ask me that?”
“Because you act like you do sometimes. Like right now. And yet last night… I know you didn’t hate me then.”
My heart thudded in my ears. The way he looked at me chilled me to the bone. I couldn’t take it. I was still all kinds of fucked up after yesterday. This argument wasn’t helping anyone, least of all me.
“I don’t…” His expression didn’t soften, but he looked away from me. “You piss me off, but I don’t hate you.”
It was all I needed to hear. I closed the distance between us before he could stop me and wrapped my arms around his back.
“I’m sorry.”
He put the glass down on the counter and held me, his hand tangling in my hair as he pressed my head onto his chest. Tension radiated from his body, but he hadn’t pushed me away. I could only take that as a positive sign. And fuck did I need him to hold me. The fucking idiot I was needed Aiden like air.
“For what?”
“For making you angry.”
“I’m not… angry with you. Frustrated would be more accurate.”
“I’m sorry for that too.”
“You seem to be apologising a lot to me.”
“I keep breaking your rules.”
He clutched me tighter. I tried and failed not to be affected by his presence around me.
“You can make it up to me.”
“How?”
“You know how to cook, don’t you?”
“Yes.”
“Make me dinner tonight and perhaps I’ll think about letting this slide.”
It was something I could do with ease. Did that mean he wasn’t going to put me back in the cell? I wanted to ask but pushing him any further was a bad idea.
“Okay. I can do that.”
He gently pried me off him, setting his hands on my shoulders as he stared down at me. His eyes were no longer as hard as steel. I didn’t really want him to let go of me. Wrapped up in his arms is where I felt safe. Completely stupid of me to ever think Aiden provided me with a place to hide from my memories. Hide from the reality of my situation. I was losing myself to him. I could feel it and it killed me.
Something about Aiden was so fucking heartrendingly beautiful and so broken at the same time, it had me in knots. I wanted to be the girl he needed to survive whatever it was that happened to him. To fix him. It was so fucked up. I couldn’t fix a man like Aiden, but it wouldn’t stop me trying.
“Get yourself breakfast, then you can stay in my bedroom today.”
“You’re not putting me in the cell?”
“Did you want to go back?”
“No. I really, really don’t want to go back in there.”
The thought of hallucinating my dad again made me shiver. The cell would only bring that shit back on.
“I don’t need you going batshit crazy on me again, so for now, you’re allowed out, but only where I say you go. Clear?”
I nodded. I’d pretty much agree to anything to stay out of those four walls. He pushed me towards the fridge. I opened it, looking through the contents to work out what I could make him later. An idea formed in my head.
“Aiden…”
“Hmm?”
“Will you get some things for me for tonight if I give you a list?”
“I suppose so.”
I knew he liked to eat healthy meals. I’d got used to it in the weeks I’d been with him. Not that eating healthy bothered me or anything. He certainly knew how to cook. Aiden took care of me and returning the favour only seemed fair.
When I closed the fridge after grabbing the milk, he stood next to me with his phone.
“Type it for me,” he said.
It was the first time I’d seen a phone in weeks. He watched me as I noted down what I thought I needed. Handing it back to him, I felt a stab of sadness. I wanted to talk to my friends. Just to know they were okay. He wouldn’t let me do that. I knew asking was futile.
I made myself some tea and cereal with him watching my every movement. Unnerving, but I understood he still didn’t really trust me. In all honesty, I could hardly blame him. We were still practically strangers even if we’d dry humped the fuck out of each other in his bed last night. The thought of it made my face burn all over again.
As if pulled by the thread of my thoughts, he walked over to me, put a hand under my chin and forced my face up towards him. He appraised me for the longest moment without speaking and when he did, I really wished I was anywhere else but right there with him.
“If you keep blushing like that every time you think about what I did to you last night, then I’m not going to be responsible for my actions.” He ran his thumb over my bottom lip. “Tell me, Avery, if it’s not meaningless, then what is it?”
“What’s what?”
He leant down, his lips brushing against my ear.
“This thing between us.”
I swallowed as his fingers ran down my throat and brushed across my collarbone.
He just acknowledged it. So it wasn’t just me.
“I don’t know.”
His teeth grazed over my earlobe causing me to jerk in his hold.
“I suggest you work that out fast before you do something you later regret.”
What? Like letting him fuck me? That was almost inevitable at this point. He knew it. I knew it. It wasn’t a question of if. It was a question of when. When would we be stupid enough to fall into bed together and ruin everything. That’s if he even fucked me in his bed. I had images of him pressing me up against the kitchen counter, bending me over the kitchen table.
His mouth was so fucking close to mine I could hardly breathe. If Aiden kissed me, I would be done. Nothing would save me. He’d successfully strip me of everything and really fucking own every part of me. And I was so fucked up for wanting that. Wanting that when I had a boy waiting for me. A boy who cared about me. A boy who wasn’t a part of this sick fucked up game between Aiden and me.
This was a game to him. He wanted to use me for something. It’s why he wanted to break down all my walls and have me at his mercy. I wasn’t stupid enough to think that he didn’t have an ulterior motive for any of it. The small part of me that still cared enough about myself knew those things. She was very quickly being drowned out by my insatiable need to know Aiden. Know him and understand him. Understand why he hated my family. Why he felt the need to murder my parents.
He straightened abruptly, letting go of me. My face was on fire and my pulse raced out of control.
“Are you done? I have things to get on with.”
“Yes,” I whispered.
He pulled me up from the chair and forced me out of the room without letting me clean up my breakfast things.
What was the rush?
Was he as affected by me as I was him?
When we got to his bedroom, he let go of me.
“When I go out, this door is going to be locked. I suggest you use the bathroom before I leave.”
“Aiden…”
“What?”
“Would you be willing to give me some paper and a pen? Pencils would be better, but I’ll take what I can get.”
He frowned.
“Why would you want that?”
“I draw. It’s my thing. It’s why I am… was doing architecture at Uni.”
I’d already missed three weeks of classes. It was unlikely Aiden would ever let me go back and even if he did, I’d have issues catching up. I wasn’t sure how I’d ever reintegrate back into my real life if this ever ended. It was a big if.
He didn’t answer me. He just left the room. I went over to his bed and sat down on the end. I was sick of being left to my own thoughts all the time. I needed something. Something to help me hold onto my rapidly disintegrating sanity.
A few minutes later, he returned with a stack of paper, pens and pencils f
or me. He dumped them next to me along with a book for me to lean the pages on.
“Is that enough to keep you going?” he asked.
“Yes, thank you.”
“You can thank me by behaving yourself whilst I’m out.”
I hadn’t been planning on doing anything to further incur his wrath. Now I could sit and draw, I’d be okay. At least it would help me focus.
“I can still thank you when you give me something,” I muttered.
“Don’t think this is an act of kindness on my part. I’m not kind or nice.”
He could say that all he wanted, but he’d shown me he could be nice to me. He held me not because he wanted to but because he knew I needed it. Aiden felt something for me that wasn’t a part of his plans. It might grate on him, but it was the truth. Just as I felt things for him. Things I didn’t want to feel at all.
“I know that.”
He left me alone. I wasn’t sure where he’d gone, but it didn’t matter. I picked up the things he’d given me, stuffed the pillows up against the headboard and sat against them in the middle of his bed. It was nice to finally have somewhere to sit that wasn’t a cold concrete floor.
I put a couple of sheets of paper on the book, thought for a moment, picked up the pencil and started to draw.
Aiden came in to tell me he was leaving at some point. I hot-footed it to the bathroom and was back on his bed sketching again before long. I barely heard the lock click on the door as he left. I got lost in my own world. Finding my imagination brimming with things that needed to be let out.
I didn’t really notice it getting dark nor the door opening. I looked up when the lamp by the bedside illuminated my drawing. Aiden stood next to the bed looking down at the drawing I was working on. It was of the city skyline outside his bedroom window. I hadn’t closed the curtain so I could look out at it.
He picked up the discarded pages before I had a chance to stop him, looking through them one by one until he landed on something. His eyes widened a touch. I put the book down with my drawing and shuffled over, peeking around his hands. Fuck. He was not supposed to see that.
“This is…” he started but closed his mouth the next second.
“You,” I finished for him.
His suit was perfectly formed over his solid body and behind him were two huge black feathered wings. In his hand was a gun. His expression was cold.
My beautiful, dark, avenging angel.
Just as I’d seen him the first day we met.
I wished I had some colours so I could fill in the rest of the details. I’d have made his eyes grey and highlighted the feathers in his wings a little more.
“Is this how you see me?”
I looked down at my hands.
“I guess so.”
“I didn’t know you were so talented.”
I raised my head to him. His eyes were still on the drawing. It was a very rough sketch to me. If I had more materials, I’d have drawn it on a bigger scale and really brought out all his finer details.
“You didn’t ask. I can do better than that, but I’d need my sketchbook and supplies.”
He looked at me then, his grey eyes assessing me for a moment.
“Why?”
“Why what?”
“This.” He pointed at the drawing. “Why?”
“Why did I draw you like that?”
He nodded once. I took the drawing from him, running my fingers over the wings.
“It’s how I saw you when we met the first time. It’s stupid really.”
“You saw me as an… angel?”
“An avenging angel. I don’t know what I was thinking. It just seemed appropriate at the time.”
He smiled a little, but it was haunted.
“I take it your family didn’t encourage this.”
“Not really. Architecture was a compromise.”
It wasn’t that I didn’t enjoy it. It was just a lot of work that didn’t necessarily involve me being creative.
“I won’t stop you drawing.”
“You won’t?”
“No.” He looked away. “I got you what you asked for. It’s on the counter.”
“Oh, right. Dinner.”
I hadn’t exactly forgotten. It’d just been pushed to the back of my mind. I put the drawing down and hopped off the bed. I walked towards the door, turning to find him staring down at the pages scattered across the bed. Who knew what Aiden really thought about me drawing him in the way I had. I knew better than to ask.
I left him to it, going into the kitchen and getting started. It took a little while, but when I was done, the kitchen smelt amazing and I was ravenous. Still, I was nervous. What if this wasn’t enough?
I placed the dishes down on the table. When I looked up, he was standing in the doorway.
“Um… I was just going to come find you,” I said, leaning back against the table.
He came into the room and stood before me. He’d changed into a plain t-shirt and shorts. It hugged his muscles and my mouth went dry. Why the fuck did he have to look so beautiful all the time? The intricate patterns of his tattoos were stark on his tanned skin. I wanted to trace my fingers over them. Have him explain each one.
“Something smelt nice…”
I shifted away from the table, showing him what I’d made. Steak fajitas complete with all the trimmings. I’d made the guacamole and salsa from scratch. I had a thing about Mexican food, but I was hoping Aiden would like it too.
I was perfectly aware just how fucked up me trying to please the man who’d taken me and held me against my will was. Nothing about this situation was anything other than completely twisted.
“I hope it’s okay,” I mumbled.
Aiden reached out, grabbing me by the waist and pulling me into him. He tipped my head up with his other hand.
“I’m sure it’s more than okay.”
My breath caught. The way he looked at me sent shivers down my spine. And his touch scorched my skin.
Get a grip.
“I don’t want it to get cold.”
He let go of me and moved away to sit down. It took me a second to put my head straight on again before I joined him. Aiden being close to me gave me all kinds of feelings and urges. I really couldn’t think about how much I wanted a repeat of last night so desperately it made me ache. How much I craved him on a level I didn’t really understand.
“Who taught you to cook?” he asked after we’d both served ourselves and were digging in.
“Um… my mum mostly, but I used to bake with Esme, my nanny.”
“You bake?”
I shrugged. Not so much these days, but I wasn’t bad at it.
“I used to. Why? I didn’t think you’d be into desserts.”
“I can be partial to something sweet… on occasion.”
The mischievous glint in his eye and his suggestive tone told me he wasn’t talking about puddings. It sent heat right down to my core. I squeezed my legs together.
Holy fucking hell. Not helping, Aiden, not one fucking bit.
This wasn’t going anywhere good. I couldn’t. I just fucking couldn’t do this shit with him.
“If you were going to have a pudding, what would it be?”
“Cheesecake, but it can’t be some fancy one.”
“So, like a baked one?”
He nodded, taking another bite from his fajita.
“I can make that, maybe… if you wanted.”
He eyed me but didn’t respond. The rest of the meal was silent. I didn’t really mind because at least he hadn’t made any more suggestive statements towards me. Still, it didn’t help me get to know him. Know the man who’d trapped me but who I didn’t know if I wanted to actually leave if I could.
I’d washed up as I went, so there wasn’t much to do other than put the plates in the dishwasher when we were done. He sent me to bed, telling me he’d be along soon.
I lay
there in the dark after I’d gotten ready for bed, staring up at the ceiling. Knowing he would be here any moment made it impossible for me to sleep.
I’d tidied up my drawings and left them on the bedside table, but I noted the drawing of him was missing. It didn’t much matter because I could recreate it easily, but knowing Aiden had my drawing of him made me nervous. What did he even want with it?
He didn’t turn on the lights when he came in. After listening to him move around the room, I felt the bed dip slightly beside me. I could feel him. And I wanted him.
How the fuck was I ever meant to keep my resolve not to do anything else with him when my body ached for his touch? Ached so much, I couldn’t stop myself from shuffling over to him. He let me curl up against his side and wrapped his arm around me.
“Can’t sleep again?” he murmured.
“No.”
His fingers traced a line down my arm. I trembled.
“You pleased me today. I think I want to reward you for that.”
Wait, what? Reward me?
I didn’t really do anything other than make him dinner and try not to piss him off any further like I had done this morning.
He turned, facing me, grey eyes glinting. His fingers ran down my throat and lower, brushing over the side of my breast. I froze.
“Do you think you deserve a reward?”
Fuck knows how I was supposed to answer that. I could hardly breathe as his fingers traced a line around the bottom of my breast.
“Do you want me to touch you?”
All the air felt like it’d been sucked out the room.
“Because I think you do.”
He edged closer, leaning down towards me so our eyes were level.
“Tell me I’m wrong.”
If I could unstick my tongue from the roof of my mouth, I might have answered him.
“Tell me you don’t want me, Avery.”
I couldn’t. I’d be lying and lying to him would never end well for me. His face came ever closer until our breath mingled together.
“Tell me to stop.”
“Aiden, please…” I whispered.
“Tell me.”
His lips brushed against mine with the barest of touches and I was utterly fucking lost. A wave of desire shot down my stomach, ending up right in my core where it pulsated with need.