by Sarah Bailey
“I don’t even want to know how.”
“It’s not hard when you’re already worldwide news.”
“I didn’t sign up for this. I hate being in the public eye and now I’m plastered everywhere all over again. Do you have any idea what it’s like when you live under constant scrutiny? It fucking sucks.”
“There’s a lot of things you didn’t sign up for.”
“Yeah, well, I didn’t sign up to be yours and look what happened,” she muttered.
Avery wasn’t in a rational mood to talk about this. I’d successfully managed to piss her off again. I had no desire to fight with her. Fighting always led to one thing and I wasn’t going to fuck her yet. One more fight and I’d lose my control. One more battle between us and I’d be fucking lost.
After I’d shown her my true desires, I’d been sure she’d run away despite what she said. No. Avery surprised me. Instead of telling me to do one, she’d been accepting. What kind of girl with so little experience wanted a guy to tie her up, restrain her and fuck her?
I warned her I wasn’t gentle. Warned her sex with me wouldn’t be vanilla. She pushed anyway. She demanded. Insisted. I had little choice but to tell her I would give her what she wanted.
And when she fucking told me I’d been the only man to fuck her mouth, I just about fucking died on the spot. She let me have that piece of her and it made it so much fucking sweeter.
I wanted her every way I could have her. But she had to say yes. I wouldn’t force her. No matter how much I wanted to take the last part of her virginity. No matter how much I wanted her to give me control, I’d never fucking force her. Not after what I’d been through. Not after what I’d seen. I vowed never to force a woman in my life. I wasn’t a fucking rapist like those sick shits in Avery’s family. That was my hard line. I might have twisted desires, but rape wasn’t one of them. Neither was pain.
~~~
The sound of her sobbing broke my heart into a thousand tiny pieces. Every time she cried my soul howled.
“Let me help you, Miss Lockhart.”
Tina was with her. I peered around the door. She lay on her bed. Bruises mottled her face and torso. One eye was swollen shut. Blood splattered the sheets from various cuts across her body.
“No, no, Tina, it’s okay.”
“It’s not okay. You need help.”
She allowed Tina to take the first aid kit and start cleaning up the worst of the cuts on her body.
“I want it to end, Tina. I need it to. I can’t keep doing this. I thought if I just let them then they’d get bored and I could keep him safe, but it’s worse now.”
“You know you can’t give up. He needs you. He needs his mother.”
“What kind of mother am I? He sees too much. How can he grow up normal when I’m beaten, raped and abused weekly? He hears it. I cannot hide what happens from him.”
“He’s a strong boy, Miss Lockhart and you’re still his mother. He loves you. You are his everything.”
She dissolved into another fit of sobs.
“They’ll destroy him. I can’t let them turn him into one of them. I’m worried I won’t survive long enough to keep him safe.”
Tina stroked her hair, her eyes softening.
“They won’t. You know they can’t do anything to him because of his father. And I swear to you, Lizzie, I’ll protect him. I’ll make sure he knows what they’ve done. He’ll never become like them. I’ll raise him right, give him the life he deserves if anything happens to you.”
“You’d do that even though they pay you?”
“The sick bastards need to be stopped. What they do to people is despicable. I stay because of you and Aiden, not because I want their money. The only way I can help you is from the inside.”
She smiled for the first time.
“You really are a kind soul.”
Tina finished up bandaging her cuts.
“There, now, you need to get some rest. We’ll talk more when you’re feeling better.”
I backed away, knowing I couldn’t be caught watching them. Whoever these people were, they would pay for hurting her. Pay for hurting my mother.
I got back in bed and lay there. Under the covers, I vowed I would avenge her. It didn’t matter I was only seven years old nor that I had no idea how to achieve it. I would make sure they all paid the price for hurting my family.
And Tina would help me.
~~~
Pain. That’s why I would never desire pain. Neither to inflict it on another or have it inflicted on me. Not after seeing someone go through the brutality she’d been through. Shaking off the sudden influx of emotions that memory caused, I focused on Avery again.
“I’m going to leave you to calm down.”
She turned to me. Her eyes full of unshed tears. Fucking hell. Doe eyes. Never in my life had someone had such fucking power over me with one single look. Fuck. I wish I deserved her. I wish I fucking deserved to have her, but I didn’t. And I was still the arsehole who’d take her anyway. I’d take what’s mine.
My feet stuck to the floor. If she wanted me then she had to come to me. That’s how this worked. The thread which bound us together rippled. She took one step in my direction before breaking into a run. Her arms wrapped around my back, her face pressed into my t-shirt.
Having her so reliant on me was a blessing and a curse. A blessing because I needed her to obey me when the time came to execute my plan. A curse because her submission was like a fucking drug to me. So fucking intoxicated on her need for my control.
“Don’t go,” she whispered. “I feel so alone when you’re not with me.”
“And here I thought I’d made you angry again.”
“I know why you did it. Doesn’t mean I have to like it.”
She dropped her arms and stepped back. I hadn’t returned her embrace. Fighting the urges coursing inside me to tear her clothes off. It kept getting harder to resist her. Now I knew how fucking sweet she tasted and how tight her pussy was. I wanted to be in her so much, my cock throbbed. I’d have her bound up with leather cuffs, open and exposed for my viewing. My fucking pleasure.
“If you keep looking at me like that, Aiden, I won’t be able to keep my promise not to ask you again.”
Her voice brought me crashing back to reality.
“Looking at you how?”
“Like I’m a meal and you want to devour me whole.”
I grinned. Oh, I’d fucking devour her all right. That’s what she didn’t seem to understand. I wasn’t Mr Nice Guy.
She reached out, taking my right arm.
“Will you tell me what these mean?”
She ran her fingers over the chain on my arm.
“I think you know now what that is to do with.”
She flushed, the tips of her ears going red.
“Wearing your desires on your skin.”
“The skulls and roses… even in death, there is beauty.”
Her eyes met mine. I knew exactly what she was hoping I’d explain. The bird in the cage.
“Not that one, Avery. I don’t talk about… her.”
She frowned, releasing my arm.
“Who?”
“Avery…”
“Okay. I get it. I’m overstepping.”
She put her hands up and backed away. I reached out, grabbing her arm and pulling her back towards me. How was she supposed to know who I wouldn’t talk about if I didn’t tell her?
“My mother. I won’t talk about her, okay?”
She nodded, her gaze falling to the floor.
“I’m sorry.”
I didn’t talk about her because every memory haunted me. Every moment she’d been in my life. So fucking fleeting.
“You didn’t know.”
“I’m still sorry anyway. Is… No. I shouldn’t ask you anything else. I’ll just go.”
“What?”
“Nothing.”
I hel
d her in place when she tried to move away.
“Does she have anything to do with why you hate my family? I know this is more than just what they’ve done to others. It’s personal for you.”
I froze. Fuck. She was far too perceptive for her own good.
“I’ve been trying to work out how you’d have known my family for so long and what they might have done to you. I’m not going to ask you what they did to her, but it is about her, isn’t it?”
She finally met my eyes. There was immeasurable sorrow in those hazel depths.
“Just give me that, Aiden, please. I won’t ask any more questions about it. Not ever.”
“Why?”
“I want to understand you. I see you, but I still don’t know what goes on inside your head. I still don’t know who hurt you or what they did.”
My heart cracked. Fucking useless organ. Bitterness encompassed me. I worked so hard to keep those emotions at bay, but she’d torn open the bindings.
“Yes. Yes, it’s because of her.”
A tear ran down her cheek. She pulled her arm away from me, hugging her own to her chest. The world fucking crashed and burnt around us. Her sorrow affected me. Reminding me of my own fucking pain. My own heartache. My mother. Fuck.
“They killed her, Avery. She’s dead.”
“When?”
“I was seven.”
She choked on a sob and tears flooded her face. I felt helpless watching her come apart in front of me. This wasn’t like when she’d discovered her family’s secrets. She was crying for me. Hurting for me. Fucking sucker punching me to the gut.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I’m so sorry.”
“It’s not your fault.”
She seemed to cave in on herself. Her entire body vibrated with sadness. I couldn’t go to her even though my arms burnt to hold her. I needed to. She shook her head.
“I can’t… I can’t.”
She ran past me out of the room. I turned on my heel, about to go after her when my fucking heart stopped. She opened the door of the cell, walked in and slammed it shut behind her.
What the actual fuck? Why the hell would she willingly go in there? Had she completely lost her mind? I couldn’t let her stay in that room. Not when all it did was bring back all of her worst nightmares.
I strode into the hallway and wrenched open the door. She was sat right at the back, her head buried in her legs. I took a step in.
“Go away, Aiden.”
“What the fuck are you doing in here?”
“Leave me alone.”
“No. You’re not fucking staying in here. You know what will happen.”
“Please, please just leave.”
I walked over and squatted beside her. I reached out, trying to touch her, but she flinched away.
“Don’t. I don’t want your comfort. I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve anything. So just leave me alone.”
“Avery…”
She raised her head. Her eyes were wet with tears and her face patchy and red.
“How can you even look at me? How can you want me after what they’ve done?”
How could I not want her? Didn’t she see herself? How fucking beautiful and precious she was? Her fucking innocence called to me. And she wasn’t her family. She’d proven that to me over and over again. Avery had compassion. Empathy. She saw right from wrong. She’d fucking drawn a picture of herself ripping her heart out for me. How could I not want her after all that?
“You’re not them.”
“But I am. I’m their blood. I was born into their corruption. I own the rights to their fucking company and all that money they’ve made off the backs of slavery, torture and pain. Dirty fucking money. I don’t want it. They sicken me. They disgust me, but I’m still theirs. I’ll always be a Daniels. Don’t you see that?”
“No, Avery. Why the fuck do you think I stopped short at taking your life that night? You’re not a part of that shit. Anyone who has an ounce of decency would be disgusted by their behaviour. Don’t you fucking see? You’re what’s good in this world.”
She shook her head.
“I don’t deserve that. I don’t deserve you.”
My heart. My fucking heart constricted. It was me who didn’t deserve her.
“You’ve got that the wrong way around.”
“Do I? I can’t believe that. I don’t want to talk about this. Just leave me be, please. I can’t right now. I just can’t look at you. All I see is what they’ve done. How they’ve hurt you and it kills me so please, please just go.”
She dropped her head back into her legs, clutching her arms around them. I couldn’t see her like this. It fucking broke me. I didn’t know how she could even lump herself in with those sick shits. And she hadn’t even asked me who’d killed my mother or how. She hadn’t asked any questions.
I didn’t want to leave her. I knew deep down she needed me, but I also didn’t want to upset her further. Cause her any more distress.
Fuck. Avery. Fucking hell.
Nothing could make this any better. Why did she have to push me into telling her? She always pushed me so fucking hard.
“Okay, I’ll go, but I’m not shutting you in here. Do you understand?”
She nodded, hugging her legs tighter. I got up and walked out, not closing the door behind me. I only got two feet away before I slid down the wall and sat with my head in my hands.
I hadn’t felt this kind of pain since her. Since I’d seen her hurt, abused, beaten, raped. And now, the girl who fucking turned my world inside out? She fucking hurt and I hurt for her. The pain might be emotional, but it was still real. All of it.
I couldn’t leave her. I needed to know she wasn’t going to have more nightmares. That she wouldn’t hallucinate her parents again. Fuck. What had she done to me? Cleaved my fucking heart in two. Fuck. It shouldn’t hurt this much. None of it should.
If telling her the truth about her family was this fucking awful, then how could I ask her to do what I needed? How could I fucking tell her what I had planned? She’d fucking hate me. Despise me. And I didn’t want that. I wanted her to look at me like I was her everything because I was beginning to realise she was mine. The fucking balm to my bruised, battered and broken soul.
That fucking girl in there. She was mine. My responsibility. I didn’t believe in fucking fantasies of love or soulmates. I didn’t believe in stupid fucking fairy tales. What I believed in was the connection between two people so fucking real. So fucking raw and visceral that one couldn’t be without the other.
And I had that with her.
With her.
Avery.
She was my woman.
Mine.
Chapter Seventeen
Avery
Pain. Every inch of me burnt with it. Indignation. Rage. Sorrow. Pain.
They’d stolen something from me. Something so deep. It ruptured the moment he told me. Fragments dug into my skin.
Pain.
No one told me when you had such an intense connection with another person, you’d take on their hurt. Their sorrow. Their pain. I felt it. I carried it. I burnt.
Aiden.
How could they do that? How could they have stolen a seven-year-old boy’s mother? It didn’t surprise me he wouldn’t talk about it. Had she been one of their girls? If so, it was so much worse than I ever imagined. I could hardly blame him for wanting to end them.
My family were more than monsters. They were evil. Evil and corrupt. Was I the same? Did the same evil run in my veins? Aiden said I was different. I couldn’t see it. How could I be anything else other than theirs?
Because you see how wrong it is. You want to end it. Destroy it all.
The words didn’t soothe me. Didn’t quiet my warring mind.
“You’re what’s good in the world.”
Was I? Was I really? I inherited their legacy. And it was shameful. Disgusting. Inhuman.
&n
bsp; Hadn’t I been optimistic before? Determined to destroy it all?
Pain.
I sobbed.
I cried.
And then I wailed.
The injustice of it. The horrific injustice clawed at my soul. It didn’t matter who’d done it or how. My family were responsible. Which meant I took on that responsibility too.
You weren’t even alive. How are you to blame?
The rational side of me knew that, but I was too far gone to pay attention to it.
I knew he could hear me. He hadn’t shut the door. He’d not gone very far. Did he care about me? Care I was hurting? Was that why he stayed close?
Pain.
I wept for the boy he’d been. The one who’d lost his mother so young. I wept for the man he was now. The one who’d suffered so much. And he had no one.
He has you now.
What good was I when I couldn’t even deal with the truth of my family’s actions? He was right. I couldn’t handle it all at once. He knew me better than I knew myself. Knew what I needed. What I wanted. How to take care of me.
I was no fucking good for him. I’d interrupted his life. Completely inconvenient. A stupid girl. Too young. Too inexperienced. Too naïve. What good was I to a man like Aiden?
“I’m nothing. Nothing and no one,” I whispered.
What would James say if he saw me now? He’d tell me to get off my arse and stop being a miserable bitch. I wasn’t a defeatist. I had to be stronger than this. Fuck, I missed him. So terribly much. He always knew how to make me feel better. Blue eyes twinkled in my vision. Then they morphed into grey. Grey eyes which looked at me with such passion when he’d pressed me down on the kitchen table. Grey eyes I sought out every waking moment of my day and every night, they soothed me in my dreams.
I whimpered and lay on my side, curled up in a ball. I wanted Aiden but I couldn’t have him. I wanted to talk to James. I needed to hear his voice. I just needed one normal thing in my life.
“Avery…”
Aiden’s voice whispered across my skin. I cracked an eye open. He wasn’t there.
“Please give me a sign you’re still breathing.”
My breath stuck in my throat. His voice washed over me. The deep, rich timbre of it settled into my bones.