by Sarah Bailey
“Aiden is acting weird.”
“Weird how?”
It was my own bloody fault. I shouldn’t have said anything to him, but I had.
“He keeps looking at me like I’m made of glass. Like any minute things could all fall apart and he’s scared of that happening. I don’t know. Things aren’t right between us.”
Again. My fault. Entirely my fault. I should’ve known better.
“Did anything happen between you that might have brought this on?”
I stared down at my cup of tea.
“I may have said something which I think had a completely undesired effect.”
“Now you’re just being cryptic.”
I sighed, fiddling with the cup and continuing to avoid eye contact.
“I may have told him in not so many words that I wanted to get married.”
James almost spat out the tea he was in the middle of drinking.
“You did what? Are you fucking mental? Avery, guys don’t want to hear that shit from women they’ve only been with for a few months.”
I knew I’d been an idiot and now I’d scared the shit out of Aiden. He hadn’t really said anything about it. He’d barely acknowledged my words, but I’d seen the terrified rabbit expression flitter across his face when I’d told him I wanted to make several vows to him.
“You think I don’t know that.”
“What the fuck brought this on?”
I looked up at him. He was giving me one of those ‘I need to knock some sense into you’ looks.
“I can’t stand people calling me, Miss Daniels.”
“So what, you want to get married to Aiden so you can stop being called Daniels? Do you know how fucking batshit crazy that sounds?”
I picked up my cup and gulped half of it down.
“That’s not why and you know it. Fuck, I’m such a mess right now. Everything has just gone to shit completely. I’m ruining my relationship by pressurising Aiden into thinking he has to make some kind of big commitment to me. I don’t know who the fuck to trust in my family any longer. Frazier keeps turning up at the office and bothering me about Tristan. I don’t fucking know any more.”
James rubbed my arm.
“Hey, hey, it’s okay. Christ, Ave, you really know how to complicate things.”
I put my cup down and dropped my head into my hands.
“I wish I could take it back. He didn’t even acknowledge what I said. I mean it’s not like I outright told him I wanted to get married or anything, but fuck.”
He tugged me towards him and wrapped his arms around me, stroking my back.
“I think you need to talk to him.”
“And say what exactly? Hey, Aiden, I’m sorry I made out like I wanted us to get married and I didn’t mean it.”
“Who’s getting married?” came Gert’s voice. “Wait, are you and Aiden tying the knot? Oh my god, this is so exciting.”
I wrenched out of James’ arms, finding my other best friend planting herself in the chair opposite me with the hugest grin on her face.
“No one is getting married,” James said. “It’s way, way too soon so don’t even go there, Gertie.”
“But they’re perfect for each other. Who cares if they’ve only been together for a short time? When you know, you know.”
I groaned, banging my head on the table and keeping it there. This was just getting out of hand now. All I’d wanted to do was confide in James because I had no one else to tell.
“I am not getting married to Aiden. I said something stupid to him and now things are weird between us, that’s all.”
“What? Spill all.”
I didn’t want to repeat what I’d said. The whole thing was just plain embarrassing. Telling Aiden all that shit about wanting to tattoo his name on my heart and that he was my soulmate. No bloody wonder he was being weird. It wasn’t like I expected him to ask me to marry him or even want to go down that road with me.
We did talk the next day, but it wasn’t about this. I was happy he wanted me to feel like his flat was our home. And I’d been surprised by him telling me he was going to demolish the office and the cell to make a second bedroom. That didn’t mean he was okay about the marriage thing. It didn’t mean he wasn’t freaked out by it. Why else would he have completely ignored what I said?
I lifted my head off the table. James’s eyes were sympathetic and Gert’s curious.
“Aiden keeps telling me he doesn’t deserve me. I was trying to reassure him and it came out wrong.”
“What exactly did you say?”
“I told him I vowed to love him until I died basically and he questioned why I’d said vow, so I said, ‘I want to make many vows to you, but for now, I just vow to love you.’ Now, things are really fucked up, okay?”
“Way to lay it on thick, Ave,” James said.
I punched him in the arm. He just had to make me feel worse about it.
“Lay off her, James,” Gert said. “Babe, it’s okay. I’m sure he didn’t think you were saying you wanted to get married.”
I shook my head.
“Oh no, he did. You should’ve seen the look he gave me.” I put my head in my hands again. “Why am I so bad at this?”
“Well, I hate to break it to you, but this is your first proper relationship,” James said. “I mean you have moved pretty quickly. You do basically live together full time and have done since you met.”
“Stop scaring the poor girl,” Gert said. “Honestly, it’ll be okay. You just need to talk to him and make it clear you weren’t saying you wanted to tie him down.”
“You have met Aiden, right? He is kind of a scary dude.”
I peeked through my fingers at the two of them. James had a raised eyebrow and Gert was looking at him like he was stirring up trouble, which admittedly, he probably was. Aiden was a little intimidating at times, but I still talked to him about the difficult subjects. This was new territory for me. He’d been the one who broached the subject of us having a real relationship together. Now I’d just made a complete hash of trying to tell him I wanted him for life.
“If he loves Avery, then he’ll listen and forgive her for the misunderstanding.”
“I never said he didn’t love her. You haven’t seen him pissed off.”
“And you have?”
“Well not exactly, no. I can imagine it though.”
“Then shut up and stop being unhelpful.”
“Hey, I resent that accusation.”
Gert stuck her tongue out at him.
“What the fuck do you even know anyway, Mr ‘I don’t commit to girls because they’re too much work’?”
“Hey!”
“Okay, that’s enough you two,” I said, dropping my hands. “I will speak to Aiden. I have no other choice.”
It wasn’t just that he was acting weird, we hadn’t had sex since Monday. It had been fucking amazing, but it didn’t make up for the fact we’d stopped sleeping together daily. He’d been working late dealing with the new security acquisitions for the company and spent a lot of time talking things over with John.
I had to fix this shit between us. I had to make it right.
“Anyway, I thought you had news,” I continued.
Gert’s ears went red. My senses prickled immediately. What on earth did she have to be shy about?
“Well…”
“You’ve met someone, haven’t you?” James butted in.
Gert folded her arms over her chest and scowled.
“Way to ruin the surprise.”
“I knew it. Come on, tell us all.”
She was trying to hold back a smile and failing miserably because both of us could see that grin forming.
“Okay, okay… her name is Tilly, she’s doing a fine arts degree, she’s got pink hair and she’s just so funny, smart and cute as hell.”
Gert had been with a lot of different people unlike me. When we were twelve, s
he’d expressed an interest in both sexes and had come out as bi by the time we were fourteen.
“Fine arts? Really, Gertie? You know what happened last time you went out with someone doing an arts degree.”
“That was different.”
“Don’t bring her up,” I said.
Her ex, Manuela, was a fucking bitch who’d broken Gert’s heart. I honestly could’ve strangled the girl. She’d lied about them being exclusive. Gert found her in bed with two other girls. It’d taken a month of Gert sobbing into my shoulder and eating ice cream for dinner every night before she got over it. James had been less than impressed with Gert’s choice in partners ever since.
“What? She doesn’t have a stellar reputation for picking the right girl… or guy for that matter. Don’t forget what Rodrigo did to her.”
Rodrigo was an exchange student who Gert had lost her ‘guy virginity’ to. She liked to think she’d lost her virginity twice, once to a guy and once to a girl. He’d basically wooed her into bed then told her the next day he was dumping her because she wasn’t that hot compared to Lucy Danvers, the most annoying stuck up girl in our class.
James was right. Gert really didn’t have the best track record when it came to dating. Probably why I’d been so reluctant to get involved with anyone after seeing what those breakups had done to her. The George thing hadn’t helped either. I should never have slept with him.
“Can we not bring up all my failed relationships?” Gert said, folding her arms over her chest. “I really like Tilly and she likes me, okay? She’s not Manny or Rodrigo. She’s a nice girl and I want you two to be on board with this.”
“I’m sure she’s great,” I said. “Do you have a picture of her?”
She nodded, grinning before she pulled out her phone. Her wallpaper was her and a pink haired girl with their arms wrapped around each other. She was kind of cute in a hippy sort of way.
“She’s pretty, isn’t she, James?”
“Yes, very nice, Gertie. You’ve done well,” he responded.
I could tell he was just saying that to make Gert happy and he wasn’t at all impressed with her new girlfriend. I could hardly blame him. He’d had to mop up Gert’s tears alongside me. He hated seeing her upset just as much as I did.
I gave him a sharp look. All I got back was a shrug.
“I’m going to get a drink. You guys want anything?” Gert said, standing up.
I shook my head and James waved her away. When she was out of earshot, I turned to him.
“Are you trying to upset her?”
“What? No. It’s just you know what she’s like, runs headlong into these things without really knowing anything about them and then it ends badly. I don’t want her to get hurt again.”
I raised an eyebrow.
“Are you sure it’s just that?”
“Do you think I’m jealous because both of you are seeing someone? Don’t make me laugh.”
“James…”
He sighed, rolling his eyes.
“I’m fine, Ave. Honestly, I don’t have time for girls right now. Not with Dad and Dante on my case. There’s something weird going on with them.”
James started working for his dad when we left school in the corporate offices of Bensons. He worked in distribution, which he somewhat enjoyed, but it didn’t mean he liked working for his dad.
“Weird how?”
“I overheard them talking about preparations and a girl, but I don’t know what the fuck it’s about. Dante was like, it’s still over a year away and Dad said they can never be too careful. I didn’t stick around, you know they’d only have got mad if they found out I was eavesdropping.”
That seemed odd. James didn’t really get along with Dante any longer. Shit with their family was weird. They’d lived away from their father for a while because of the abuse, but then something changed. James said Dante just flipped a switch and started being a dick to everyone. Things had just gone downhill from there.
I still got along fine with him whenever I saw him, which these days wasn’t often. I saw him as my big brother in so many ways. I’d spent so much time with the Bensons when I was younger. I didn’t care much for James’ sisters, Jen and Fi. The twins stuck their noses up at me, but Dante was different. He was five years older than James and me and looked out for us when we’d been at school until he graduated. That was when he’d taken James, Jen and Fi away from Zach. They’d lived with him until they were old enough to move out themselves.
“I’m sure it’s nothing, James. You shouldn’t get involved either, that won’t end well.”
“You’re right. I should just forget about it. Hey, what did UCL say when you told them you weren’t coming back?”
“They were fine about it, especially after my parents dying and me needing to officially withdraw so I could take over the company. I’m not upset about not completing my degree. You know it’s not what I wanted to do.”
Gert arrived back with her latte.
“What are we talking about now?” she asked.
“Just about what UCL said when Avery ditched her course,” James replied.
“I did not ditch my course. Don’t be a dick, James,” I said.
Gert grinned, rolling her eyes.
“She never really wanted to do architecture anyway.”
“She didn’t want to run a global company either.”
And now we were back to arguing again. How did we ever get along when all we did was wind each other up and talk shit?
“And Avery would prefer you not to talk about her like she isn’t here.”
They both looked at me with sheepish expressions.
“Sorry, babe,” Gert said.
“It’s fine. What’s done is done. I’m not really running it by myself anyway. Ed’s started now so things are getting a little easier for me.”
“Can I just say your cousin is one damn fine male specimen.”
She winked at me, licking her lips.
“Seriously, Gert? Keep your fucking tongue in your mouth,” James said. “You really have no shame.”
“What? Ed has always been Avery’s hot older cousin.”
“Who is out of bounds and way out of your league,” I said.
“I’m allowed to look, aren’t I?”
I rolled my eyes. Gert would never go after my cousin. I was pretty sure Ed had a girlfriend anyway. I’d seen him with a blonde girl at some of our family events, although I’d never been introduced to her. Besides, I would never allow my best friend to get involved with my family. Not with what I knew about them.
“At least she hasn’t said she has a crush on Dante.”
“Oh Christ, Ave, that’s just gross,” James retorted.
“Okay, come on, even you have to admit he’s attractive. He has girls fawning all over him at those galas your dad hosts.”
He scowled.
“I don’t have to admit anything of the sort.”
I turned to Gert.
“Dante is hot, right?”
“Sorry, James, Ave is right. Your brother could melt the panties off most ladies,” Gert said, grinning.
James’ scowl deepened.
“You two make me sick.”
“Aww, jealous?”
“Fuck off.”
I shook my head. He knew we were just winding him up. Sure, his brother was pretty attractive with his dark hair and blue eyes which matched James’ but to me, Dante was family.
“Is he seeing anyone?” I asked.
“You have Aiden.”
“Okay first off, I don’t fancy your brother. That would feel a little incestuous. I was asking after him you div.”
James eyed me for a moment before sitting back and shrugging.
“How would I know? He doesn’t confide in me.”
“I’ll take that as a no. Come to think of it, I don’t think I’ve ever seen Dante with a woman.”
“Oh, trust me,
he had a revolving door of women when I lived with him, but I think he’s grown out of it now.”
James gave me a significant look. We couldn’t talk too much about Dante and James’ family in front of Gert. She didn’t know about the abuse.
“Tell us more about Tilly, Gert. Are we going to meet her soon?” I said, turning to my other friend.
She grinned and launched into full freaking out over a girl mode. An hour later, both James and I were exhausted listening to it. We all said our goodbyes and they promised they’d come to the stupid birthday party the company was throwing for me.
I walked out of the coffee shop with John next to me. He hadn’t bought the car today so the two of us trotted down the steps of the nearest tube station. Thankfully, the tube wasn’t particularly full and we both got a seat.
“Did you have a nice time with your friends?” John asked.
“Weren’t you listening?”
He smiled at me.
“The question still stands.”
“Yes, I did. I haven’t seen them much since everything happened.”
“No, I suppose it’s difficult now everything has changed for you.”
I turned to him fully, deciding maybe he could help me. I’d known him most of my life. He’d been employed by my family for a long time, doing various jobs for them. I hadn’t seen him much in the past few years because he stopped working directly for my dad.
“John, can I ask you something?”
“Hmm?”
“You heard what I said to them about Aiden.”
His expression grew wary.
“Yes.”
I hung my head a little.
“I don’t know what to do. I’m scared I’ve messed it all up.”
“You know this is a matter between the two of you.”
I fiddled with the pocket of my jacket.
“I know.”
He let out a long sigh.
“Avery, sometimes we say things we wish we hadn’t when emotions are running high. That doesn’t mean you’ve ruined anything. My only advice is to talk to him and tell him how you feel.”