The carriage was indeed bearing the Duke on his return from his dinner engagement. Surely, he had been gone only long enough to take his meal and share a few pleasantries before returning home again. Perhaps he had not relaxed and found himself mesmerized by Lady Louisa’s conversation in the way that Georgette had greatly feared.
However, it really rather changed nothing for Georgette. Whilst the Duke might not be particularly enamoured of Lady Louisa Wimborne, surely someday he would be drawn to another young lady of substance. And what would she do then? Now that she knew herself to be in love with him, could she really stay under the same roof and witness his happiness at a love shared with another?
The Duke jumped down from his carriage and had a few moments’ conversation with the driver before the driver climbed back into his seat and pulled the carriage and horses away.
However, the Duke did not immediately make his way into Draycott Hall but rather stood where he was for a moment, seemingly looking up at the sky and then out across the vast lands of his estate.
As Georgette watched him, she realized she was holding her breath. In truth, she did not know what she was waiting for exactly and so, with a great sigh, she resumed normal breathing. However, she could not lift her eyes from him and could not stop herself wondering quite what it was he was thinking at that moment.
As he stared out into the darkness, what thoughts overtook him? Georgette could not help wondering how he felt and if he was even just a little bit happy. And more than that, Georgette could not help wondering what he thought of her. She could not help wondering if he thought of her at all, and that was the truth.
The Duke turned around sharply, almost as if he had come to some decision. Perhaps it was no more than simply deciding to give up his stargazing and make his way into the warmth of Draycott Hall, out of the crisp autumn air.
However, as he turned to go, he looked up suddenly. She could not help thinking that he was looking directly up at her window. Georgette gasped audibly, wondering for a moment if he could actually see her spying on him. Of course, the night was dark and her candle was extinguished, and she knew, without a doubt, that he could not possibly see her standing at the side of the window so high up in her attic room.
In the end, he looked for so long that she knew he could not possibly see her standing there for he himself would surely have looked away. When he finally looked down and walked with purpose towards the front of Draycott Hall, Georgette knew that she was in for yet another night with little sleep.
Chapter 26
“Yes, I know we say it every morning, Eleri, but we need to know how to spell it too,” Georgette said, trying not to laugh at her little charge’s adorable complaint.
“It means good morning, Miss Darrington,” Eleri went on, and Georgette had to purse her lips and not give in to the humour.
“I know it means good morning, Eleri, but I should like you to write it down.” Georgette busied herself with laying out paper and pencils for the girls as a means of distracting herself.
Eleri had been in an amusing mood all morning, and her tiny rebellion was something that Georgette was rather pleased by. It meant that the girls were truly comfortable with her; certainly, comfortable enough to see if they could push her on occasions.
Far from being annoyed, Georgette was greatly relieved. They had reached a stage she thought most natural in all children and, while she would not have actively encouraged Eleri’s sudden bout of assertiveness, she would not have punished her for it either.
“So, bore da,” Georgette said, rolling her R like a natural born Welsh woman. “Please write down bore da for me, girls.”
Georgette smiled when she was suddenly presented with the top of two bright blonde heads. The girls had immediately taken to their task and had leaned forward to write the words almost simultaneously. Day by day, Georgette was growing to love them more and more. They really were the sweetest and most adorable children she could imagine.
“Bore da, Miss Darrington.” Eleri was the first to look up, holding her piece of paper facing forward so that Georgette might read it.
“Good morning, Eleri,” Georgette said with a beaming smile. “And you have spelled it perfectly.”
“Bore da, Miss Darrington,” Ffion said, smiling brightly and with a good deal of confidence as she held up her own paper, clearly knowing that she had spelled good morning correctly.
“Good morning, Ffion.” Georgette could not help walking across the room and ruffling Ffion’s soft hair. “And you have spelled it perfectly too.”
“Diolch,” Ffion said sweetly.
“You are welcome, Ffion.” Georgette took a seat opposite the girls at the table. “Now, since we have mastered good morning, let us try good afternoon,” Georgette began.
“Prynhawn da,” both girls chorused at once, their faces flushed with excitement and pride.
“Yes, I know you know how to say it, girls,” Georgette said, unable to suppress a little laughter. “But now you must write it down for me.”
Once again, she was presented with the tops of two bright blonde heads. Georgette looked on happily, content for the first time in days. However, her attention was suddenly drawn by the sound of the door to the schoolroom gently opening.
Georgette turned her attention from the girls to look back over her shoulder and, seeing the Duke smile as he entered, felt herself entirely confused. It was the second time that he had appeared in the doorway without any sort of explanation. Of course, the last time he had been most distressed to hear Eleri singing the beautiful little Welsh folk song.
“Do come in,” Georgette said quietly, wondering if the Duke were finally going to pay his nieces the attention they so very much deserved.
“Thank you. Although I should not like to interfere with the school day,” he said but slowly entered the room nonetheless.
“Not at all, Your Grace. You are most welcome in the schoolroom.”
At that moment Ffion, who had finished her written translation first, held out her paper most excitedly and spoke at the very top of her voice.
“Prynhawn da!” she said, but her little mouth remained open when she realized that her uncle was in the room.
“Oh, I am sorry,” Georgette said the moment she saw his face fall.
“So, you persist, Miss Darrington,” he said, in a voice so neutral it was hard to judge his mood.
“Your Grace, I just think that it is so very important for the girls.”
“Despite everything that you now know,” he said, and Georgette finally realized that he looked a little betrayed. “Despite everything that I told you; despite my having confided in you,” he added and slowly turned to leave the room.
“Oh, Miss Darrington. I didn’t see Uncle Hamilton there. I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to. Really, I didn’t mean to.” And with that, Ffion broke down into sobs.
“Ffion, please, you did nothing wrong. You did only as I asked you and nothing more.” As Georgette looked at the little girl, her heart felt so terribly torn.
On the one hand, they were two tiny children who had lost everything and whom she loved dearly and, on the other, was the only man she had ever loved with his heart breaking at the very sound of his niece’s native tongue. At that moment, it rather struck her that there was no way in which she could win. She could not help one without hurting the other, and the idea of it was heartbreaking.
“Right, I am going to find Daisy and ask her to sit with you for a little while so that I may go and speak with your uncle.”
“Oh, Miss Darrington,” Eleri said, her voice as distressed as her sister’s.
“All will be well, Eleri, I promise. But I do need to speak to your uncle, and I must do it right away.”
It took some time to track Daisy down and settle her in with the children and, by the time Georgette was walking along the corridor towards the Duke’s study, she felt her nerves almost desert her.
She tapped gently on the door, half expecting that th
e Duke would simply open it for her as he had done the last time. However, he did not open it but merely shouted that she should enter.
When she did enter, Georgette found herself a little dismayed to see that he was sitting behind his desk. It was as if their last meeting had never happened and that the desk between them signified a barrier both literally and figuratively.
“Your Grace, I do not know what to do,” Georgette said truthfully.
“And neither do I, Miss Darrington,” the Duke replied and sighed deeply.
“I would not have wished to hurt you, Your Grace. I hope that you can believe that.”
“I do not suspect you are going out of your way to do any such thing, Miss Darrington. What I have come to realize is that there is never going to be an end to this. From the moment you arrived here, you have gone against my wishes, and you have done so quite forcefully and openly.”
“Your Grace, I …”
“No, allow me to finish,” he said and stared at her quite plainly.
In truth, she had not known him to regard her so coolly for a number of weeks. His countenance took her aback entirely, and she wondered quite when it was that he had last looked upon her in that way. It was the same look with which he regarded everybody; the look a master gives a servant.
It was not until that moment that she realized quite how precious what had passed before between them had truly been. She had taken for granted the little signs that he saw her differently. Only now when the progress and the curious closeness between them seemed to have been withdrawn did she realize that it had really been there in the first place.
The Duke had not told her so much of himself that last time because he was upset and could do no other. No, he would not have confided so deeply in any other member of his staff. Had she been one of the other governesses, he would, undoubtedly, have dismissed her when he’d happened upon her encouraging Eleri to sing a little Welsh folk song. One of the other governesses would not have been allowed into his study and would not have been told all that he had to tell. And they most certainly would not have been permitted to embrace him the way she had. And even though he had never been hers, at that moment, she felt that she had lost him.
“I explained to you my every reason for wanting my nieces to speak only English. I had thought you had understood me, Miss Darrington. I really did.”
“I did understand, Your Grace. I understood entirely.”
“What I do not understand is why you persist. When you know all that you know why is it, Miss Darrington, that you still choose to disregard everything I say?”
“Your Grace, I do not disregard everything you say,” Georgette said and meant it, but she did not know quite how she would explain herself.
“Certainly, in the matter of my nieces’ language, you have disregarded me at every turn.”
“Your Grace, it is hard to explain, but I have not disregarded your wishes. Yes, I have continued to help the girls hold on to whatever language they have left, but I have not done so to spite you. It has not been an easy thing, Your Grace, to know how you feel about it all and yet to see the girls having their voices taken away from them.”
“And that is what you see me as, Miss Darrington?” he said darkly. “You see me as the man who would take their voices away?”
“I do not know how it is possible to see you in any other light. And I did not mean that harshly, Your Grace. Still, I understand, and I wish I knew what I ought to do about it all.”
“Why do you think it so very important the girls continue to speak in Welsh? They understand English perfectly well and already understood the language by the time they came here.”
“Yes, Your Grace, they would have learned English alongside Welsh.”
“That does not answer my question.” It struck her that the Duke was growing annoyed with her. “What harm does it do them to simply speak in English? Surely they need only to be understood and to understand others. It strikes me that they have not particularly requested to continue to speak Welsh, Miss Darrington. In truth, it rather strikes me that it is all down to your own determination that they should do so. You seem to think that I am trying to bend the children to my own will, and yet I wonder if it has ever occurred to you that you are trying to do the very same thing.”
“Your Grace, I would do nothing to hurt those children,” Georgette said, feeling her own annoyance rising and wondering quite where this conversation was going to end.
“And yet you think I would?” he said, his voice beginning to rise.
“I do not think that you do it intentionally, Your Grace, but it hurts them nonetheless. They are afraid of you, Your Grace,” Georgette said and, seeing his countenance darken further still, she instantly regretted it. “What I mean is that they are afraid to speak in front of you. They know that you are angry when they speak Welsh and that you do not even like to hear their accents when they speak English. It is impossible for them to win, Your Grace.”
“Then I wonder why it is that you continue to put them in such a position. I have expressly requested that you anglicize their accents and that you do not encourage them to speak the Welsh language. Can you not see your own part in things, Miss Darrington? Can you not see how your insistence that they cling on to a life that they no longer have is hurting them?”
“Your Grace, I do not quite understand how it is that I am to blame for your anger? Because ultimately, Your Grace, that is where the problem lies. You simply want the girls to forget everything that they once had, their lives, their home, simply so that you do not have to feel your own feelings.” Suddenly, Georgette was furious. “And I cannot see, Your Grace, how it is that you do not see that your behaviour is extremely selfish. You are a grown man, Sir, and it is for you to accommodate the children and not the other way around.”
“I cannot have this anymore, Miss Darrington.” The Duke began to rise to his feet, his face reddening with anger. “Had any one of the previous governesses behaved as you do, then I should have dismissed them immediately.”
“Had they not quit Draycott Hall before you had the chance,” Georgette snapped angrily.
“I have given you far too much leeway,” he said as if he was speaking to himself. “I allowed my high regard of you to taint things, and it has simply made it impossible for me to secure any sort of respect from you.”
“Your Grace, I did not mean to disrespect you.”
“And yet you have ignored everything I have said. It rather strikes me that things have become a little too blurred, and it simply will not do.”
In her heart, Georgette knew that he was referring to their moment of closeness. She knew that he regretted it deeply and could feel everything sliding away from her.
“Your Grace, if only there were a way that I could make all of you happy. But I do not know how to do that. I cannot be responsible for taking away the last of Eleri and Ffion’s memories. I simply cannot. And at the same time, I know that to continue in my undertaking to help them is causing you pain. There is no way in which I can win, is there?”
“It would seem not, Miss Darrington. It would seem that there is no way in which either of us can win,” he said, and she did not entirely understand his meaning. “I shall not force you into doing something that you do not want to do, Miss Darrington, and I also shall not suffer to have my wishes so disregarded. As far as I can see, there is only one way to go now; one course of action to take.”
Before he had even finished speaking, Georgette knew that he was about to dismiss her.
“Oh no, please, Your Grace,” she said, feeling her throat tightened with emotion. “Please not send me away from the girls; I could not bear it.”
“I do not do this lightly, Miss Darrington,” he said, sitting back down in his seat and opening one of the desk drawers. “I shall write you a good character reference, Miss Darrington. You should have no trouble at all in securing further employment elsewhere.”
“I do not want to be employed elsewhere,” she
said, tears rolling down her face.
“It gives me no pleasure, Miss Darrington, but I can see no other way,” he went on and set about writing her character reference.
She watched in horrified silence as he continued to write, almost unable to comprehend what had happened in the last few minutes. How had everything changed so dramatically and so very quickly?
When he had finished writing, he blotted the paper, neatly folded it, and handed it to her without meeting her gaze.
“I think it best you leave immediately,” he said, his voice so level that she wondered if he felt anything for her at all.
“Allow me to say goodbye to the girls,” she said, feeling herself to be shaking from head to foot.
A Governess for the Brooding Duke: A Historical Regency Romance Book Page 21