My phone buzzed on my nightstand and I noticed it was a text from Ava. I haven’t heard from her in a while, so was shocked to see her text. She wanted to meet up tonight and have a girl’s night. She didn’t seem like her herself in her message, so I told her I would. I texted Jake to make sure he had a good day. I was hoping to hit up the town again and see about applying for some more jobs since I hadn’t heard back from any. I also needed to figure out a day to redo the rest of this place with paint and flooring. I knew Jake wanted to be helpful, but I also knew I had my own schedule and sometimes Jake’s schedule wasn’t with mine. I wanted to get it over with.
I couldn’t get this man off my mind though. The chemistry I felt with him after only been around him a handful of times told me something. I felt the butterflies, I felt the weakness in my knees when he touched me. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy the feeling. I didn’t know where this was going to go but I could only hope he was my going to be mine. Claiming me from every other woman in the world. Even though it was a feeling of uncertainty, it made it that much more intriguing and interesting to get to know him. Somebody I could call my best friend on a level not everyone can reach. Not everyone has the ability to fall in love or find the right one to fall in love with. I wanted to believe Jake was that one.
Part of me was scared Bobby wouldn’t approve. That because he left me, he wanted me to suffer and be alone the rest of my life, grieving him. Another part of me knew that wasn’t true. He wouldn’t want that, but why would he have left? The questions will never be answered. He will never be back here to explain himself. Until the end of days, I will never know. Maybe by then, I won’t even want to know.
Hanging with Ava tonight, I was excited to tell her about Jake. Maybe she could see it in me that I was feeling better. I was happier, and there was a void being filled. Usually, your friends are supposed to see that in you when you’re happy.
~*~
The bar was bustling with people and drinks were being passed everywhere. Ava lit up the room with her fiery red hair. She hasn’t said much of anything tonight and I knew something was bothering her. She ordered us both a drink and played with the straw in her cup, occasionally smiling. I knew she’d break any minute now and I wasn’t going to beg her.
“Daryl broke up with me.” She tipped her cup on back and downed the entire drink while I stared at her.
“I’m so sorry to hear that, Ava. What happened?” I took a sip of the water that came to the table. I wasn’t in a drinking mood tonight. I felt bad for her, as I knew how much she thought she was going to marry him some day.
“He found someone else.” She stopped herself from trying to cry.
“He just up and found someone else? I don’t get it? You two were together for a few years. How does one just find someone else?” I decided my drink wasn’t an option, till now. Now I was upset, and wanted to sip on it. I tipped back my beer.
“The fucking asshole has been seeing her for almost a damn year. Cheating, fucking bastard. He ripped my damn heart out, Sadie! We’ve been together so long.”
I covered my face with my hands while I shook my head. This was the kind of thing I tried to stay away from. The thing I was most scared of starting new relationships. Another reason I was so damn mad at Bobby for leaving me his selfish way. I knew he would never hurt me like that, I knew I could depend on him. Not anymore, I can’t depend on anyone.
“Forget about him, Ava. The faster you move on and let the past go, the faster you’ll heal. I’m so sorry he was a dick bag, slime piece of shit.”
“I don’t know if I can move on. I thought we were going to get married. I saw my fucking future with him! I saw myself having babies with him.”
I swung my chair over to her side of the table and wrapped my arm around her, bringing her in close to me. It was nice to be there for someone. I’ve had people be by my side all this time and now I felt good being there for someone else.
“I’m still so upset. And I’m two weeks late. I’m never late.” Her eyes glared daggers my way. I could see the edges filled with water. She was about to cry and this I couldn’t comfort her on. This was a bigger deal. This was bad.
“Wait, you’re late? Like period late?” My eyes turned serious. I felt for her. I felt the pain she was feeling.
“It’s been two weeks, I’m late.” She shrugged her shoulders.
I grabbed her arm, slapped a twenty down on the table and hurried her out the door.
“No, no, no! I can’t do this right now. I just can’t,” she cried, while I dragged her outside and over to her car. She needed to know this and take action depending on what she wanted to do. I know she didn’t think she was ready for this part in her life, but she had to know. I had to know.
I took her key and unlocked the door. “Get in the passenger seat. I’ll drive.” She did and I got behind the wheel. I drove out of town while she sat there crying her eyes out. I knew how devastated she must be. All I could actually think about was Jake. I put myself in her shoes and what if this were me? I don’t know Jake, and I’m glad we’re taking things slowly because I wouldn’t even want something like this potentially happening with us.
“Ava, it’ll be ok. The next town over has a twenty-four hour drug store. I’m going to go in and grab a few tests. We can go back to my place and figure this out.”
“Make sure you grab the booze!”
“Ava! If you’re pregnant, you don’t need the booze! You shouldn’t have even been drinking today.”
“I needed it.”
“Ava!” I yelled and pulled into the drug store parking lot. I wasn’t shocked she was acting this way, as I’m sure it couldn’t be easy going through this.
I ran through the aisles, looking for the pregnancy tests. Those stupid little pee strips cost so damn much when it shouldn’t be so expensive! I grabbed two boxes. I figured two would be plenty to determine her fate.
The cute little checkout girl looked exhausted and ready to go home. She checked me out quickly and I ran back to the car.
“Where’s the booze?”
“Oh Ava, I love you, but I’m not buying you booze, yet.”
I started the Mustang and headed back towards my house. The clouds scattered the sky and covered the moon. I know what’s going through her mind. Poor Ava.
I parked in my driveway and helped her inside the house so I knew she was so upset. I talked her into doing this, so I’m having to talk her into getting into the bathroom with her tests.
I got her in there and took a deep breath while I sat at the kitchen table. I looked at my phone and realized I had a few messages from Jake. The last message was asking if he could come by, and I quickly messaged him saying it wasn’t a good time right now.
Apparently, I sent it too late because the doorbell rang right after I sent the message. There was only person that could be so late at night, and that was Jake.
Ava had come out of the bathroom in tears, holding her tests up as the two pink lines appeared bright on the strip. I put up one finger and told her to hold on for just a second.
I ran to the door opened it, slipped out quickly and rested my back against the door.
“It’s really not a good time, Jake.” I saw him holding flowers. Shit. Bad timing for those too. I couldn’t let Ava see these with how depressed she was at the moment. I wouldn’t want to rub anything in her face when I haven’t even gotten a chance to talk about Jake to her.
He pinned me up against the door and kissed me deeply. After a long kiss that felt so damn good, I pushed him back, out of breath.
“Well, hello.” I giggled. “That was nice.”
“Just missed you. Something wrong?”
“No, just girl trouble. Can I call you later?”
“These are for you.” He lifted the flowers up to my nose and I took a big sniff. The rose bouquet smelled wonderful. The biggest smile plastered to my face and that made me happy. I could hear Ava crying in the house, which made my smile turn sad.<
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“You’re sure everything is okay?”
“Yes.” His hands rubbed up and down my shoulders, soothing me and making those parts on my body tingle that haven’t in so long.
He leaned in and kissed my cheek. “Alright, call me later. It doesn’t matter the time,” he whispered in my ear, which sent a shiver down my body with his sexy voice.
This felt different. This was progressing, but it felt good. It was the kind of vibe I’ve been wanting from him. We’re not per say, a couple, but he made me feel like I’m his world already. He made me feel claimed and wanted even though we’re still figuring each other out. I knew I had to set aside my feelings though, and worry about Ava.
“Bye.” I smiled as I watched him walk back down the driveway to his truck and drive off. I placed the flowers on a table I had sitting outside by the rocking chairs and quickly went back in.
“Ava.” I breathed. She was sitting on the floor, looking a mess. Her eyes were watered so bad it looked like she could barely see. Her mascara was running all down her face and she looked so upset. I knelt down on the floor next to her and held her hand.
“What am I going to do? He doesn’t want me. He won’t want his kid either. I’ve never thought about this, I never thought I’d have to. I would never abort a child, Sadie.”
I rubbed her hand and faced her, wiping her tears with my other hand. “Oh, sweetie, I don’t think you need to abort the baby. There are other options. You could even give it up for adoption or have the baby and love it like I know you would. You don’t have to decide anything right now. First, let’s get you home and settled. I’ll do whatever you need me to do. You’ll need to make a doctor’s appointment very soon, though.”
“I just want to go home. I don’t even want to think about this. I can’t believe this happened.”
I hugged her really tight and she released more ugly sobs into my shoulder. I got up and got her some water from the kitchen and handed it to her. I knew she was plenty sober enough to drive at this point. It was almost one am but knew she’d be okay to drive home. I handed her the keys to her car and helped her outside. I never felt so bad leaving somebody but knew I’d probably want to be alone, too. In fact, I’d want to be alone for a very long time. She knew I was only a phone call away.
The next day came and I decided to text Jake to come by. I felt bad for being so brief with him last night when Ava was here. It was a beach kind of day and I planned on spending my every moment out there soaking up the sun rays. He agreed he’d come by and I was happy that I’d get to spend some time with him.
I changed into my black polka dot bikini, which made me so nervous to wear. Another outfit Ava had picked out for me, but I was getting braver as the time passed on. My beauty was becoming something easier for me to see. It helped that Jake was positive around me. I tossed my hair up, and put on some sunscreen. I walked out to the sand, spreading a blanket out for us. I heard a whistle, turned and saw Jake walking in just his board shorts and no top. My mouth almost hung down too low, and drool would have escaped if I didn’t pick my mouth up quick enough. Those abs, that chest, it was gorgeous. I imagined dirty thoughts while I watched him walk towards me casually in the sand. I couldn’t slap the grin off my face.
“Hey, beautiful.” He smiled, opening his arms and offering me a nice ab-filled hug.
Sliding my hands around his core, I hugged him tight and he leaned down to kiss me. “Glad you could come. Sorry about last night.”
“It’s okay. Want to take a dip?” He nudged his head, nodding towards the ocean.
“Oh, I don’t swim in the ocean, there’s fish and sharks and all that jazz. Nope, can’t do it, sorry.” I laughed, feeling silly. It was a silly theory, filled with facts, but many people swam in the ocean and were fine. Hell, you’d think for me living on the ocean, I’d be an ocean swimmer.
“You’re joking, right?” He raised his eye brows and a sly grin curved on his face.
I shook my head slowly.
“Oh, you’re overcoming this fear, right now.” He lifted me up suddenly over his shoulder as he jogged through the sand towards the water.
I slapped him over and over, screaming to put me down but he wouldn’t budge. He held me tightly as I bounced around in the air. I felt like my ass was sticking out, and my boobs would be falling out of my top. I couldn’t stop laughing as he ran me through the sand before hitting the cold, salty water.
He didn’t fully put me down, but dropped me halfway to where he was carrying me like he was cradling a baby. Which was what I was being, a big baby.
“Please, don’t put me down, please.” I giggled, but gave him a serious look. I was terrified of being in the ocean. Absolutely, a nervous wreck. My body shook as my nerves ate me alive.
“I’m here, I’m not going to let anything happen to you.”
I rolled my eyes, “You can’t do anything about a great white shark taking me away.”
“Worst case scenario? That shit barely ever happens. Stop freaking out.” He sank deeper and deeper into the water. I wasn’t in the water yet, but awfully close.
“Jake! Please!” I begged. He released his hold on my legs and I practically choked him wrapping my arms around his neck, not letting go for anything as my legs splashed down into the water. I let out a screeching scream and he kissed me to distract me.
Feeling his tongue massage mine, his hands fisting through my hair as he intensified the kiss, I forgot all about being in the water as I got lost in him. I was completely into him and his touch, his kiss, his everything. He made all the fear gone, for now.
As soon as he stopped, realization hit that I was in the water and I scrunched my legs up high.
“Do you trust me?” he asked.
I hesitated, “Yes.”
He walked a little further, till the water was rushing up against my breasts. Deeper than I’ve ever been in the ocean. Deeper than I wanted to go, ever, except deep into his mind.
I let my nerves ease and stepped on the ocean floor, relaxing my body a little and my hold around his neck.
“Death grip, I know you’re scared, but I’ve got you. It’s okay.” He kissed me again. His kiss and distraction really felt like déjà vu.
“I’m so scared, you really have no idea, Jake.”
“But you know what, I bet it’s not as scary as letting me into your heart.”
I looked at him, my heart hammering in my chest. I was taken aback by his statement, but it made me smile knowing he wanted a piece of my heart. He wanted to piece together the mold that’s been broken.
“Nothing will ever be scarier than opening your heart to someone that makes it flutter, that makes me feel so alive. That makes my heart beat so fast. You do that to me, and it scares the shit out of me.”
“You scare me, too. But I’ll never let you be scared of your fears. I’ll only help make them easier to face.”
Chapter 6
The next few weeks were chaotic. I saw Jake more often and we’re hitting it off really well. I still won’t let him in my pants, but he shocked me when we talked about my reasons why and he said he’s ok with that as long as he knows I’m not going anywhere. I’m just not ready for that step yet. We finally got all of the materials I needed for the repairs to my house. Jake insisted on helping so, well, I was letting him. It actually worked out a little better for me, since I finally got a job. I got the call a few days ago and my first shift was last night. I’ve had to go for drug screening and blood tests and fill out a bunch of paperwork before I could start. I’ve honestly never been happier and was ecstatic with how everything in my life was working itself out.
Ava has been super depressed and I’ve been giving her some space. She’s really down, but today she had a doctor’s appointment that I was going to with her. She wasn’t too happy that I insisted, but I knew deep down she’d want someone there with her. Jake was coming any minute to start installing the shutters outside as he already had them painted. Luke was actually mowing my l
awn because my lawn mower broke. I felt very grateful for the help, even though I hated it at the same time. I was used to doing things on my own. I haven’t gotten a chance to tell Ava about Jake and thought today might work. She needed to be in better spirits and I knew she’d be happy for me.
After my shower, I blow dried my hair as straight as I could get it, which wasn’t as straight as I wanted it but I didn’t feel like doing anything else. I put on some clothing that still had tags on it from when Ava went shopping with me. I thought I’d give them a try again, even though I felt so uncomfortable wearing them last time. It amazed me how much more comfortable I was in my skin now, than I was before. The jeans fit snugly and hugged my hips nicely. The top was a simple red blouse that went with my dark hair perfectly. I felt beautiful and even looked like it as I eyed myself in the mirror. Everyone has a struggle, and today mine was gone.
A knock at the door had me rushing over to open it, excited to see Jake, as I knew he’d be here to help get started on the outside.
“Hey, beautiful.” His smile made me instantly smile while I opened up the door. Every time I saw his beautiful face full of that brown hair and his dark eyes, I just wanted to kiss him. I had every urge in my body telling me to. I craved him, and I was slowly admitting that to myself. He made me happy and each time I saw him, he made me that much happier.
I lunged into his arms, feeling full force his warmth and amazing feel. “Hey, handsome!” I said before plastering my lips to his. The scruff from his beard was rubbing against my lips, but I didn’t care. I wanted his kiss, his touch, his love.
“You look very pretty.” He eyed me up and down while holding me in his arms.
I thanked him with another kiss. I wanted to forget about today and let him hold me all day but I knew we both had stuff to do. It was a beautiful Friday and I was looking forward to spending some time with Ava, too.
As soon he let me down from his arms, Ava’s car pulled in. She got out in a huff and I quickly gave him another kiss before grabbing my purse to walk over to her, but she beat me to it and made her way on the porch.
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