“I know,” Rafe told her, years of pain swamping him as he thought about the day that Becca’s mother had injured her. The memory of that horrible day had never left his mind.
Turning her gently so that she lay on her stomach, he leaned over her and placed one of his hands on each of her hips. He pressed down firmly, rocking her pelvis slowly to release the tenseness of her muscles and allow the bones to settle evenly. He could feel her body giving in to his direction and could sense the easing of her pain. Turning her over carefully, he repeated the action, smiling as soft sounds of relief left her.
“Better, baby?” he asked softly, looking at her face just as she opened her eyes to look at him. The unique eyes that looked up at him melted his heart. He would never get enough of those beautiful eyes.
“Yes, thank you,” she whispered, trying desperately to push aside the fogginess in her head. “I took a pain pill.”
“I know, Becca. You can go back to sleep if you need to. I’ll be here when you wake up.”
“You don’t belong here, Rafe,” Becca told him, struggling to make sense of why he was there.
“I belong with you,” he whispered.
“No, you don’t. You said you didn’t belong with me.”
“No, baby. I said you don’t belong with me.”
Becca scrunched up her forehead. “You’re not making any sense, Rafe. I don’t understand what you’re telling me.”
“I know, sweetheart. That’s my fault. Everything is my fault.”
“What’s your fault, Rafe?”
“When you’re feeling better, I have a lot to tell you. Right now, we have to make sure you’re out of pain.”
“That’s never going to happen, Rafe,” Becca told him firmly. “I always have pain. I’m never going to be what you want. You need to leave.”
“Becca, listen to me very carefully,” Rafe told her gently. “We’re going to be together. We’re going to make sure you’re not in pain anymore.”
“Sure, whatever you say, Rafe,” Becca told him, sarcasm filling her voice. “Go away.”
“Becca, we’re going to get you better,” he said calmly. “You need to be better so you can carry our baby without pain.”
Becca laughed bitterly. “No, Rafe. That’s not going to happen. We’re not going to be together, and there will be no babies.”
She pushed at his hands as he continued to manipulate the bones of her pelvis. She didn’t want to admit that his touch was helping her pain. She couldn’t depend on his help anymore. She didn’t want a medical aide. She wanted a mate.
“Go home, Rafe. I don’t want to be with you anymore.”
“Becca, please listen to me,” Rafe told her gently. He reached out and touched her cheek lightly, his heart breaking when she pushed at his hand to keep him from touching her.
“No. Not anymore. Go away and leave me alone.”
Rafe pulled his hands away from her reluctantly. Looking down at her, he saw the conviction in her beautiful eyes. They held no warmth for him at all. Very slowly, he leaned forward and kissed her forehead.
“I’ll do as you ask for now, Becca,” he told her gently. “But I’m not giving up on us.”
“There is no us, Rafe,” she insisted. “Go away.”
Standing, he looked down at her one last time before turning and walking out of the supply room. When he walked through the doorway, he knew that he had left his heart behind—with her.
* * * *
Claire watched as Rafe walked by her to go into the supply room. The emotions that were boiling within him nearly made her head explode. When Jake stepped into the kitchen, her knees actually buckled with the pain he brought with him. She slid to the floor in the corner and pressed her hands to her temples as the pain hit her full force.
She whimpered, trying to suppress the scream that threatened to erupt from her as agony ripped through her body. She couldn’t stand it anymore. She was so done with the way she had to live.
“Angel,” Jake whispered as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her onto his lap as he sat beside her on the floor.
Claire was in so much pain, she didn’t hesitate to curl into his body and wrap her arms around his back. She leaned into his neck and took deep, even breaths as all the pain rushed from her in a continuous stream of blessed release. She knew it wouldn’t be long until she was in complete peace.
Her body sagged with relief. She leaned into the man who gave her that miracle, holding him tightly. She knew she shouldn’t depend on him, but the pain was so bad she couldn’t help but latch onto him. He was the only one who could buffer the outside world for her. Holding Robbie or Mary Grace had a similar soothing effect, although not as completely shielded as when Jake touched her, but there was very little chance of her being able to hold either of them all the time either. It just wasn’t realistic.
“Thank you,” she whispered, pushing at his chest to remove herself from his arms.
“Stay put, angel,” he told her gently. “Let me help you. I could feel the pain you were in.”
“I’m better now,” she insisted. “I don’t need you to help me anymore.”
She pushed out of his arms and sat on the floor a few inches away from him, taking deep breaths to calm herself. She tried to pull her hand free from his, but Jake refused to let her go.
“Angel, you need to let me hold your hand until all the pain leaves you.” Jake leaned in and kissed her temple gently. “You need to listen to me, Claire. You need to do as I say.”
“No. Leave me alone,” Claire told him, trying to pull her hand free once again.
“Claire Hamilton, you will do as I say,” he commanded her.
Claire froze in place, allowing the strength of his voice to guide her. She relaxed against him, unable to do anything but submit to his control and be thankful for the peace it gave her.
“You need to breathe, angel,” he told her firmly. “You need to listen to my voice and concentrate on pushing the pain out of your body.”
“I can’t, Jake,” Claire whimpered as her head began pounding again.
“Yes, you can. Look at me.”
Claire lifted her eyes, the warmth of the soft brown of them tugging at his heart. He could sense her pain, but he could also sense how she needed him to take control. It was what he wanted—what fueled his need. She had no idea how much he needed her to allow him control.
“Jake,” she whispered.
“I know, angel,” he told her, reaching up with his free hand to stroke the silky length of her black hair before threading his fingers through it at her temple, pulling tightly on it and applying pressure to her scalp. “You will calm down. You will give me all of your pain. You will release the emotions and agony within you. Do you understand?”
Claire looked into Jake’s blue eyes and focused on the words he spoke to her. She saw the steel strength in him, felt the control he took, and gloried in the way he centered her. She ached to be with him all the time, but she knew she couldn’t. She had to keep away from him. She had to be sure never to touch him again. That thought scared her deep down to her bones. How would she ever survive without him?
She closed her eyes and leaned against his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart and allowing his strength to soothe her. The pain slowly ebbed from her, leaving behind an emptiness that was devoid of emotions. She didn’t reach into Jake’s heart to feel what he was feeling this time. She couldn’t take the conflicting emotions he had for her.
She didn’t want him to be with her because she needed him to be her source of relief. She wanted him to be with her to share the love she had for him. She wanted the beautiful babies she knew he would make and regretted the fact that those babies would never live and grow inside of her. She had already asked him to make a child with her. He had turned her down. He didn’t want a family with her. He didn’t want her.
Even though she had felt the caring he had for her, she hadn’t felt the desire for commitment that she wante
d from him. Instead, she felt his need to protect her and act as her buffer from the world. That wasn’t what she wanted or needed from him.
The way he had come into her room the night before had given her hope that things might work out between them. He had climbed into her bed and had held her tightly. When he had whispered how much he cared about her, she had thought the night would finally end with their commitment to each other. She had been very wrong. When she was lying naked from the waist up beneath him and had felt the strong hold of his hands pinning hers to the pillow above her, she gave in to her need to have him completely own her.
That’s when it had all fallen apart. The complete horror she had seen on his face as he looked down at her had shattered any thoughts that they could have a future together. He had pulled back, covered her breasts with the quilt, and pushed her away from him. The feelings of disgust that had rolled off of him had made her cringe. She could barely catch her breath as the hatred he was feeling had washed over her. She had been relieved when he had left her room silently. Once the door closed behind him, she was able to breathe.
It had taken her most of the night to calm herself. Only listening to her recordings of waterfalls and forest sounds with her headphones on had isolated her from the rest of the world and had saved her sanity as she did her deep breathing exercises to cleanse herself of the emotions that surrounded her and filled her.
“Claire, I need you to come home with me,” he told her gently, drawing her attention back to him.
“No. I’m staying here,” she said quietly. “I’m living with Becca now, and I’m working here until I can find another job. I’m staying in town until I finish school. Then I’ll be able to work anywhere I want.”
Sure, she was probably one of the oldest students at the school, but it had taken her a long time to break free of her mother’s obsessive protection of her. That protection had resulted in a lifetime of feeling like an outsider. It wasn’t until she had met Jake and the rest of the McKade family that she had dared to go out on her own and go to school. She wasn’t about to give up her dream to finish school. She would be able to do it, and she was determined to do it—without Jake McKade’s help.
Jake was quiet for a moment then pulled her back into his arms to settle her on his lap. “I understand if you want to live here with Becca. I can come by and pick you up to take you to your classes, but I will not allow you to keep me out of your life.”
Claire lay against his chest, relaxing as the pain finally left her. It had been a rough twenty-four hours with no relief from the stress of feeling everyone’s emotions.
“I can’t fight you right now, Jake,” she whispered.
“Good. Just let me hold you and take care of you,” he whispered, kissing the top of her head and rubbing his right hand up and down her back to soothe her.
He moved to get more comfortable, his left leg aching in the cramped space between the wall and the stove. He reached down and rubbed at his thigh impatiently, hating the pain that was a constant reminder of his weakness.
Claire’s hands joined his, pushing his away as she put pressure on the damaged muscles of his thigh. She worked magic with her thumbs, smiling sadly as she felt him relax. He moaned beneath her touch, and she could feel how grateful he was for the relief she gave him.
“Angel, do you realize that you help me with my pain just as much as I help you with yours?” he asked her gently.
“Your pain can be eased by any massage therapist, Jake.”
“I’ve never gotten the relief I get from you from any other person.” He reached down and tipped her chin up so that he could look directly into her eyes. “What we have is right, Claire. You know it is.”
“I know that I wanted you to be mine, Jake,” Claire told him quietly. “I know that I opened my heart to you and asked you to have a family with me. I know that you turned me down. You did the same thing last night when I offered my body to you. Once again you pushed me away.”
“I was wrong.” His words were sure as he looked down at her. “When I look at you, angel, I see you living in the home that we’ll build on the ranch. I see you with our babies, holding them, nursing them, and playing with them. I see you with me, Claire. I really believe that we’re destined to be together. I think we can work this out if you’re willing to accept every part of me. I want us to be together and have a family. I want us to be mates.”
“You’re wrong, Jake,” Claire said, pushing out of his arms and standing on shaky legs. “You’ve made it quite clear that I disgust you.”
“What’re you talking about, angel?”
“I felt the revulsion in you last night,” she told him, her voice getting stronger as she forced herself to stand proudly before him.
“You don’t understand, Claire.” His voice was soft as he looked up at her. “I wasn’t disgusted by you. I was disgusted with myself.”
Claire closed her eyes and did her best to strengthen the shields she had learned to erect around herself from the time she had been a child. It didn’t work when there were more than a few people around her, but she had perfected the skill enough to be able to get through the classes she needed to take in order to complete her course of study and receive her license as a massage therapist. Luckily the number of students in the classes were low. Because of that, she was able to survive them—just as she would survive being in close proximity to Jake right now. She could shield herself from this man who played such havoc with her emotions.
“I’m not giving my heart to you again, Jake. You need to stop making me think that there’s any future with you. It’s not fair. It hurts too much,” she told him calmly, opening her eyes and looking down at him with a coldness that she hoped he would finally see.
Jake stood slowly, reaching out in an attempt to take Claire into his arms again, but she stepped back and refused his touch. He realized in that moment that he had waited too long to tell her what was in his heart. She didn’t want to hear it. She didn’t want him. And he didn’t blame her one bit.
“I’m sorry, angel,” he told her softly.
“For what, Jake?” Her voice was devoid of any emotion. She couldn’t feel anymore.
“For not being what you need.”
He turned and left the kitchen, placing his black cowboy hat on his head and pushing through the swinging doors, disappearing from her view.
Claire stood silently, watching the man she knew was meant to be hers leave her life. An ache began in her chest and spread throughout her body. Jake was wrong. He was exactly what she needed even if he didn’t realize it. That was the whole problem.
Chapter 14
Lainey stood in front of the serving counter, watching the swinging door to the kitchen nervously. Both Rafe and Jake had been in there a while. She was worried for her sister and for Claire. She looked at Spence and Tim as they sat on the high stools at the counter, their bodies tense as they waited for Jake and Rafe to come out. Lainey’s blue eyes were filled with worry as she faced her mates.
“Do you think everything will work out?” she whispered, reaching out to touch their hands lightly.
“I think it’s going to take some time,” Spence told her honestly. “But, if I know my brothers, they won’t give up.”
“What if Claire and Becca tell them to go away?” Lainey asked them, dread filling her at the lonely lives her sister and her friend would have without the men that were meant for them.
“I think both Becca and Claire should tell them to take a hike,” Tim told her, his voice firm. There was a hardness in voice and in his eyes that showed just how much he believed his words.
“You do, Tim?” Lainey whispered, surprised at the coldness in the beautiful brown eyes that had never held anything but gentleness, caring, or teasing in all the years she had known them.
“I do,” he answered firmly. “That’s the only way those jackasses will realize that they’ve got some serious thinking to do.”
“I love my brothers, but they’ve
got to accept that their mates need them to commit to them without any reservations,” Spence added gently. “They can’t keep hiding behind whatever fears they have.”
Lainey nodded and squeezed both men’s hands. “I love you both,” she whispered.
Before either man could respond, the swinging door pushed open and an agitated Jake walked through it, followed by a subdued Rafe. They walked around the counter and stood next to Spence and Tim.
“How did it go?” Spence asked them, leaning back and looking at his brothers with the needed calm he always offered and his family always depended on.
“Becca told me to go away,” Rafe told his older brother quietly. “She said she didn’t want me anymore.”
“Do you believe her?” Spence asked, reaching out to rest his hand on his brother’s shoulder.
“I do.” Rafe’s voice was sad as he admitted his belief to his brother.
“And what about you, Jake?” Spence asked, turning to face Jake and grabbing for his forearm as he was about to pass by.
“Claire has good reason to send me away,” Jake admitted, his jaw clenching as the pain in his heart matched the pain in his thigh.
“I would say that she does,” Spence agreed.
Jake’s eyes flashed with anger. “I don’t need you telling me that, Spence.”
The anger in both of his brothers didn’t deter him from telling them exactly what they both needed to hear. It needed to be said. If his brothers didn’t act as the decent men he knew them to be, they were going to ruin their lives—and the lives of the women who were meant to be their mates.
“Yeah, Jake. You do. Both of you do.” He looked at Rafe then back at Jake. “You both have been lacking as men. Our parents raised us better. Deuce raised us better. Do you think Ma would approve of how you’re treating your mates? What about Pa? Do you think he would be proud of your treatment of those women? Have you ever known Pa to ever treat Ma with anything but love and respect? Don’t even get me started on what Deuce will have to say to the both of you.”
Claiming Lainey [Cowboy Mates, Psychic Connections 3] (Siren Publishing Ménage Amour) Page 17