“That sounds great,” said Eddie. “You’ll have to show us around when we perform there.”
“I can do that,” I said, smiling at the thought of showing Levi my favorite city. “Your show is going to be at my favorite venue actually.”
“Oh yeah?”
“It’s called the Diamond Ballroom. It’s owned by this company that buys old buildings and converts them into restaurants without destroying the integrity of the original designs,” I explained.
Eddie nodded. “That’s really cool. Why is that one your favorite?”
“Oh,” I said, pulling myself back from daydreaming about the Diamond Ballroom. “It has springs under the floorboards, so whenever the crowd starts jumping you get kind of flung around. It’s especially trippy after a couple of drinks.”
“I bet,” said Eddie with a laugh. “Do you see shows there often?”
I shook my head. “Not so much anymore…maybe a couple of times a year. I live in Seattle now, so it takes a few hours to get down there. But when I was living in Portland I was there most weekends. Leo and I used to always corral our other roommates into going to 80s Night, because they project music videos onto the walls while you’re dancing.”
“God, that sounds spectacular,” said Eddie.
“It happens every week,” I told her seriously. “I’ll take you guys when we get there.”
“I’m holding you to that,” said Eddie as she reached out to ruffle my hair.
Just then Dalton came bursting into the room, toting her bass and looking frazzled.
“What are you guys doing?” she asked, surveying our relaxed posture. “Are you hanging out? We have a million things to do and less than an hour before we go onstage.”
“Sorry babe,” said Eddie, catching Dalton in a kiss. “We were just…getting to know each other, I suppose.”
“Well, do it on your own time,” said Dalton, swatting at Eddie’s ass as she hopped onto the stage. “We’ve got shit to do.”
I began edging away from the two of them, suddenly anxious. “I’ll go backstage and see what else I can help with.”
With that I was off, scrambling toward the backstage area and nearly tripping over a neatly coiled stack of cords. I made my way to the makeshift green room, hoping to run into Cooper, but when I opened the door I found that the lights were off. I was about to back out when a hand shot out and grabbed my wrist. I gasped, recoiling, until I heard Levi’s voice.
“Porter?” he asked. He sounded odd, the syllables slipping together.
“Oh, uh, hi Levi,” I said, willing my racing heart to slow back down. “You scared me, I didn’t know anyone was back here.”
“I’m sorry,” said Levi softly.
“I was looking for Cooper, I thought maybe he might know what I can do to help…” I faltered, unsure why I felt so off.
“He’s got it all under control,” Levi said. He took a shuddering breath, loud in the darkness.
“Right,” I said. “Well…do you need anything, then?”
Levi let out a humorless laugh. “I don’t think there’s anything you can do for me right now.”
“Um…” I cast around for something to say. “I can…turn on the light?”
“Why don’t you just sit with me,” suggested Levi. “Here, there’s a spot—”
He squeezed my wrist and used it to guide me onto the couch next to him.
“Is there a, uh, reason that we’re sitting in the dark?” I asked. I was starting to get worried.
There was a long silence, and I listened to Levi’s breathing as I willed my eyes to adjust. At last, Levi muttered, “I’m not used to this.”
I placed my hand on his thigh and squeezed it gently. “Used to what?”
“To being…I don’t know. Nervous? Scared?” Levi’s voice shook, vulnerable and delicate in the dark room.
“That sounds awfully nice,” I said.
“What does?” asked Levi, puzzled.
“Not being used to being scared,” I said. “Fear is pretty much my default setting.”
Levi turned toward me, leaning close to nuzzle against the crook of my neck.
“What are you scared of?” he whispered.
“Oh god,” I said, running a hand through my hair. “Everything scares me.”
“You don’t act like you’re scared,” Levi pointed out.
“Yeah, you get inoculated after years upon years of fear,” I confessed. “It gets easier to hide, even when you’re completely crippled by it.”
Levi pressed a gentle kiss just below my ear.
“Can you teach me how to hide it?”
I smiled, running my hand up Levi’s spine, feeling each vertebra through his thin t-shirt before cupping the back of his neck.
“Well, sitting in a dark room isn’t a tactic I’ve ever tried before. I generally do a lot of…well, lots of deep breathing. You know, in through the nose, out through the mouth. Always breathe out for longer than you breathed in. I think that calms your heartrate or something.”
“That helps you?” Levi asked quietly.
“Sometimes,” I said. “I’ve never really found a way to make my anxiety go away altogether, but I can usually trick my body into thinking that it’s calmer than it actually is.”
“Hmm,” said Levi pensively. “That’s a thought.”
“I can count you through it,” I offered, rubbing my thumb along Levi’s hairline. “Only if you want.”
Levi nodded, pressing back into my touch. “Please.”
So I began counting slowly. In…one, two, three, four. Out…one, two, three, four, five, six. In again, out again.
I kept going until the cadence of Levi’s breathing was deep and even, and then I continued on for a bit longer just in case. The room was still pitch black, the air around us cool, the sounds from outside the door muffled. But the feeling in the room had changed considerably. We were breathing in tandem, leaning against each other, our minds calm and our bodies relaxed.
The moment felt almost achingly tender, and I could feel the tension leaving Levi’s body. For just a few minutes, everything in the world narrowed down to the two of us. It was unlike anything I had experienced before…the intimacy of our time together behind a closed door.
I couldn’t have said, later on, which of us initiated the kiss. But all at once we were on each other, kissing furiously and pulling at each other desperately, as if some external force was threatening to tear us apart.
“Porter,” Levi moaned as he broke the kiss, digging his hands into my hair and pulling lightly. It ignited a fire in the pit of my stomach, and I arched against him, letting out an obscene sound.
“Stay here with me,” I begged, arching up against Levi who was scrambling to straddle my lap.
“I’m right here,” Levi said, kissing my brow, my high cheekbones, the bridge of my nose. Each kiss was infinitely precious. “I’m not going anywhere.”
I reached back and ran my hands down Levi’s back, slipping them into the waistband of his skinny jeans. I squeezed his ass, grinning as he bucked wildly against me in response. My fingers skirted down Levi’s crack and rubbed gently at his hole, savoring every sweet noise that he made as he ground down into the sensation.
“Is this what you want?” I asked, my voice sounding wrecked.
“Yes, god yes, please Porter—”
I withdrew my hand, eliciting a pitiful little mew from Levi, before reaching to unzip his fly.
“Is anyone going to come looking for us?” I asked, not particularly caring about the answer.
“Probably,” Levi panted. “So you’d better hurry.”
I rushed to unbuckle his ridiculous spiked belt and pushed his pants halfway down his thighs. Levi was wearing a pair of briefs, and as I ran my hands across them I found that they accentuated every lovely feature. His cock was hard and I could feel it tenting the material obscenely…there was even an obvious wet spot spreading across the front of the briefs, sticky against my wandering fingers
.
“God, you’re so—so—god…”
I slipped one hand back around to begin stroking Levi’s hole again while I used the other hand to rub his cock through the thin material.
“Fuck, Porter, fuck—”
“Keep it down, baby, or someone will hear us,” I murmured against his neck, pausing to place a sweet kiss there.
“Just—hng—don’t tease me, please—”
I hastily pushed Levi’s underwear down and began to jack him in earnest, still teasing at his hole. His hips thrust backward and forward, frenetic and fucking beautiful as he tried to push into both sensations. He was panting heavily by that point, gasping out my name. His cock was leaking freely, precum smearing across my fingers.
“What do you want?” I asked raggedly.
“God, Porter, I want everything—want you in me—fuck—”
All at once, it was the only thing I could think about. Being inside of Levi. I wanted to fuck him with my fingers, my tongue, my cock…
“We don’t have time for that,” I whispered, kissing Levi firmly. “But later…god, later…”
“Just one finger,” Levi begged. “I just need one. Please?”
I kissed along the sharp line of Levi’s jaw and ran my thumb around the crown of his cock. “Okay, okay, I just need—”
Something to slick the way, I thought. What can I use?
Levi threw his head back as I thumbed at his slit, and all at once he was coming. It seemed to last forever in that dark room, Levi in the throes of orgasm and me, intoxicated by the feeling of him unraveling against me. Thick ropes of cum spurted across my shirt, and I ran my hand through the mess.
That will work.
“Do you still want—”
“Shit,” murmured Levi, utterly fucked out, as I brought one cum-slick finger to his hole. “Yes, god, give it to me.”
I traced my finger in tiny circles around his hole, pushing lightly and preening as he opened up to me. One minute we were separated by the confines of physical space, and the next we were joined, my finger slipping in and Levi letting out a breathy moan.
“You okay?” I asked, my heart in my throat.
“Oh Porter,” groaned Levi, “thank you. Thank you.”
I began thrusting my finger in and out, setting a gentle rhythm, enjoying every little quiver and whimper Levi made against me. His hips were circling, lazily encouraging me, and we gasped together as I crooked my finger in just the right spot.
“Levi—”
“God, oh god, that’s…right there—”
“I’ve got you, baby.”
It felt as if my entire body was smiling, my limbs fizzing with happiness, my muscles relaxing into a state of bliss, as I felt Levi’s heartbeat pressing into my chest. It took a while—considerably longer than it would have taken me—before he started to squirm, his body overstimulated and beginning to protest.
“I think I need…oh Porter…I can’t get hard again so soon,” he whimpered.
“I know, baby,” I said, the endearment falling from my lips so easily. I pressed gentle kisses into Levi’s forehead. “You need me to stop?”
“I don’t want you to,” Levi groaned, and I wished so badly that I could see his face in that moment. “But yeah, I think…god, I wish we could just do this forever.”
“We have all the time in the world,” I told him, sliding my finger out, “just not when you’re about to go onstage.”
“Yeah,” said Levi. He rested his head against my chest for a moment before seeming to remember that I hadn’t come yet. “You think you can finish before Cooper comes snooping around?” he asked, his voice alight with mischief.
I bit my lip. “I don’t know…”
But Levi was already sliding off the couch and kneeling between my legs.
“It’s up to you, but if you want me to return the favor I’m going to need you to take off your pants.”
Affection swelled within me.
“Well, when you put it like that…”
I shucked my pants and underwear, pushing them down around my ankles, and let my head fall back against the back of the couch as Levi took my cock in hand and pressed a solemn kiss against the head.
“Don’t be afraid to put me where you want me,” Levi said, his voice playful as he grabbed my hands and guided them to his own hair.
A full body shudder rolled through me as I pulled gently at his hair, testing the waters.
“No need to be gentle…unless that’s what you’re into,” Levi said, and then he was taking my cock into his mouth.
It was immediately evident that Levi was not inexperienced at the art of the blowjob. He stroked at the base as he licked around the head, suckled gently, sank down half way, and then came back up for air. I dug my hands in, a thrill going through me, and guided him further and further down my cock, until I was full sheathed in his throat.
“Fuck,” I groaned, my eyes slipping shut.
I wondered what Levi looked like in that moment…was he gazing up at me? Was his chin messy with spit as he deep throated me? Did his eyes water when he did this? Every unknown variable, cloaked in darkness, sent a little zap of arousal through me, and I unthinkingly thrust up into Levi’s throat. He let out a harsh gagging sound, pulling back slightly, and I rushed to apologize.
“Shit, I’m so sorry Levi, are you alright?”
He pulled all the way off and said hoarsely, “Do that again.”
“Wait…what?” I asked, my mouth hanging open. He couldn’t possibly mean…
“I liked it,” Levi said. And while his voice still sounded absolutely wrecked, there was no doubt in my mind that he meant it.
“Er…okay,” I said.
I wove my hands back through Levi’s hair and guided him onto my cock again. I was unbelievably hard, and I knew it wouldn’t take much to push me over the edge. Taking a deep, shuddering breath I began thrusting shallowly into Levi’s throat. He let out an obscene groan, bobbing his head enthusiastically to meet each thrust, and something in me released.
It was as if I had been holding back during every single sexual encounter of my life, and suddenly I didn’t have to. I allowed myself to let go, to trust that Levi knew what he was doing, and in doing so I sent myself careening toward orgasm. It took my breath away—that first, glimmering moment of completion—and then I was tumbling down the rabbit hole without the slightest idea of how I was going to stop or where I was going to land.
It felt as if I were coming for an eon, and I was vaguely aware that Levi was swallowing around me eagerly. My grip on the present lurched alarmingly, but then I was through the brunt of my orgasm, left with loose limbs and a permeating sense of well-being.
Levi pulled back at long last, and immediately climbed back into my lap, throwing his arms around my neck.
“That was…incredible,” I mumbled, pressing a sloppy kiss to Levi’s cheek.
“You’re telling me,” Levi rasped out. He sounded absolutely obliterated.
“God, you have to sing in, what, like thirty minutes?” I asked.
“Cooper’s going to kill me,” mumbled Levi, clearing his throat to no avail. “I should probably find some tea or something.”
“I can get you some,” I said, though I made no move to extricate myself from Levi’s limbs which had somehow octopused around me in the last thirty seconds.
“Nah, that’s literally Cooper’s job,” said Levi. “Let’s just stay here for a second though.”
“Okay,” I said, a small smile on my face. “Just for a second.”
6
Levi
Boston, MA
Let me stumble down memory lane for a sec.
When I was in the sixth grade, my class went on this big trip to Boston. Of course, I had been with my family about a million times before, but for a lot of my classmates it was the first time they had ever left the state of Maine. A weary group of teachers and volunteer chaperones had shepherded the group of obnoxious eleven-year-olds around
the city, showing us the Freedom Trail, the bay where the Boston Tea Party had taken place, that kind of stuff. It’d been pretty boring for me—Dalton and I had complained loudly that we had seen it all before—but most of the kids were fascinated by the beautiful, historic city.
As an adult, I was able to see some of the magic that I’d missed as a preteen. The cobblestone streets, the historic buildings, the endless Atlantic Ocean…they were charming in a way that couldn’t be manufactured anymore.
“Whatcha thinking about?” Dalton asked, jolting me out of my reverie as she plopped down beside me in the sitting area of the bus. We were just driving past the Harvard Campus, and I pointed it out to her.
“Remember when we took that field trip down here in, like, sixth grade?” I asked.
She shrugged. “Sure. Was that the time we got in trouble for climbing over that retaining wall and almost falling into the ocean?”
I shook my head. Although for the record, that was a great trip too.
“No, I think that was when we went to Cape Cod. I’m thinking of the time they brought us down here and everybody was super impressed by all the statues and weird little buildings and stuff.”
“Oh, right,” said Dalton. “And we were totally over it since your mom had made us do all that touristy stuff a million times before.”
“Yeah,” I said. “I was just thinking about what little shits we were, surrounded by all of this history and culture, turning out noses up because we’d seen it before.”
“God, what bougie little fucks we were,” sighed Dalton.
“It’s nice to have another chance to see it all,” I said.
“Well, buckle in kiddo, because we have an awful lot of opportunities to explore cool cities this summer,” Dalton told me.
I loved her so much in that moment.
I linked my arm with hers, grinning. “I’m glad you’re the person I get to explore them with.”
“Me too,” said Dalton, leaning her head against mine.
Cooper, who was sitting across from us, sorting through his endless stream of emails, shot us a fond glance. “I’m glad I get to be here for this,” he said.
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