One month . . . when she was supposed to be on vacation to Leh and Ladakh with her parents . . . Rivanah was joining the dots in her mind.
‘I had to push whatever you came to know about Hiya into your deep subconscious once again. That’s why you forgot everything related to her quite abruptly,’ Mr Dutta said. A waiter came and asked if they wanted to order anything. Mr Dutta shook his head and said to Rivanah, ‘But I have a question which I had asked your father too, but he had no answer. How come you knew about Hiya Chowdhury once again? I understand about the sketching, but what propelled you to realize there’s a Hiya in the first place? I mean you are my only patient who has backtracked like this on my hypnosis. And, trust me, I have treated a lot of patients in the thirty years of my career.’
Rivanah glanced at Nivan to know if she should tell him about the Stranger.
‘It was from a sketch which one of her friends identified as Hiya. It made her curious, one thing led to another and here we are.’ Nivan quickly came to the rescue.
‘Hmm. That’s it?’
‘That’s it,’ Nivan said conclusively.
Mr Dutta had nothing more to say. He took his leave, wishing Rivanah the best and offered his help if she needed it. Rivanah was as if in a trance, but did have a request for Mr Dutta.
‘Please don’t tell any of this to my parents,’ she said.
‘I won’t, if you promise me you won’t let whatever I told you break you.’
Rivanah nodded. How much further could she break? She went out with Nivan and Ishita to where the car was waiting for them.
‘I’ll have to leave you guys here since my boss needs me in office,’ said Ishita
‘We can drop you,’ Nivan said.
‘I think Rivanah needs to be home now,’ Ishita said. Nivan agreed. Ishita hugged Rivanah but the latter didn’t feel the hug.
‘Be strong. What has happened has happened. We all commit mistakes. I’ll be in touch.’ Ishita went away towards an auto. Both Nivan and Rivanah climbed into their cab. The driver was asked to take them to Rivanah’s place.
‘No. The hotel,’ she said. Nivan gave her a short glance and then nodded at the driver.
It was a quiet drive. Rivanah took Nivan’s hand in hers, surprising him. While looking out of the window, away from Nivan, she started sobbing profusely. Nivan immediately asked the driver to park the car in a lonely lane. The driver was asked to wait outside the car. The moment the driver locked the door, Rivanah turned to look at Nivan.
‘How can I be such a bitch?’ she said. ‘Just to show I was the best, I ended up taking someone’s life?’
‘You didn’t intend to take her life. You wanted to secure a job for yourself.’ A pause later he added, ‘Just like I wanted Advika to conquer her fear and pick me up that night.’ Nivan sighed and said, ‘I too didn’t intend her to become an invalid for the rest of her life.’
With teary eyes she looked up at Nivan and said, ‘Even if I hadn’t planned to kill Hiya, I had spiked her coffee in a cold-blooded manner. I was the trigger.’
‘It’s unbelievable how a seemingly small decision of ours can proliferate into our worst nightmare.’
‘Did she really kill herself because she couldn’t get the job?’
‘I’ve a feeling this is only half the story.’
‘Who would tell us the other half?’ Rivanah shot an inquiring look at him.
‘The one who pushed you to this half,’ Nivan said. And she knew whom Nivan was hinting at.
30
It was a quiet drive to the hotel. The revelations had left Rivanah speechless. How do you accept such an acidic self of yours that you didn’t even know existed so far? There was a cold-blooded killer buried inside her. With this realization she had lost the right to question anyone on anything. Ekansh had only ditched her, Danny had only misunderstood her, but she had pushed someone to commit suicide, however unintentional it may be.
As she walked inside the room with Nivan, he received a phone call. Rivanah heard him talk to Advika and learnt he was flying to Mumbai later that night. Once the call ended Nivan came to Rivanah who had quietly settled on the couch seemingly withdrawn.
‘I’ll have to fly back in some hours. Advika needs me.’
Rivanah needs me . . . will someone ever say that? Rivanah wondered. And answered her own question: why would someone? Now she knew why she could never deserve a man like Nivan. She deserved whatever had happened to her so far and she had no right to find solace in cribbing.
‘Rivanah? You all right?’ Nivan asked.
‘Yeah.’ Both she and Nivan knew she was anything but all right.
‘If you need more leaves from office, let me know. I’ll talk to the management.’
‘I think I will be coming to Mumbai shortly as well.’
‘To be honest, I think that would help you to move on as quickly as possible.’
Move on from what? The ugly person that I am? Won’t I forever carry the person within me? She asked, ‘What did you do when you learnt Advika paid the price of your stubbornness?’
‘Though whatever happened to Advika was unintended, I still believe it happened because of my stubbornness. Advika may have become invalid, but Arun died.’
‘Arun?’ Somewhere the name rang a bell for Rivanah.
‘Arun Rawat. He was the one who crashed his car into Advika’s.’
Rivanah now knew where she had heard the name. Arun was the son of Dilip Rawat, the one for whom the Stranger had made her sign the cheque from the last bit of her savings once. Was everything always connected?
‘I knew it would be difficult not to break bit by bit everyday seeing Advika in her present condition, but I was made to realize that if I broke down completely, so would Advika and whatever was left of us. And “us” was everything I ever had. “Us” was something I could compromise my life for.’
‘You were made to realize?’
‘By the Stranger. He helped me realize a bad stubborn choice may define us momentarily. Unfortunately, most of us have this bad habit of wasting the whole because of the momentary.’
‘But the momentary choice ended up taking a life.’
‘In my case too it ended up taking two lives. Arun was dead.’
‘And the second life?’
‘The life Advika and I would have lived had I not pushed her to drive that night.’
In that case, I’ve taken two lives as well, Hiya, and the life she would have lived if I hadn’t mixed the pills in the coffee, Rivanah thought.
Nivan called the reception. He told them he would check out in some time and asked the receptionist to be ready with the necessary bills. Then he called someone and asked them to book a business class ticket for the next flight to Mumbai. As he finished the call, Nivan said, ‘We are still assuming Hiya killed herself because of you. Maybe there’s something that we don’t know yet. I still feel it’s half the story. And half stories often lead us to wrong inference.’
‘Maybe,’ she said.
There was silence. Rivanah knew she had to leave, so Nivan could pack up. But she felt too heavy to move. How could she face her parents now that she knew what they were hiding from her?
There was a momentary eye lock between Nivan and Rivanah. The moment it happened, she didn’t know why she blurted out, ‘May I please hug you once?’
Nivan looked at her and came forward. She stood up and hugged him with such tightness that it took Nivan by surprise, though he didn’t say anything. Rivanah knew it wasn’t a friendly hug—it was more, it had passion in it and a claim but she couldn’t help it. The hug didn’t seem like a first. Rivanah wanted Nivan to understand her unsaid claim, the way an author wants his readers to understand the unwritten. She would have prolonged the hug had Nivan’s phone not rung.
‘Excuse me,’ he said and broke the hug. Before he took the call, she said, ‘I’ll see you in Mumbai. Thanks for all the support.’ She left the hotel room.
Once home, Rivanah tried to be normal th
e way her parents did even after knowing they had made her forget that one fact which could have altered her life. She would do the same. Not let them realize she knew what they were hiding. Rivanah surprised herself with how normally she was behaving, even though she wasn’t looking straight at either of them. With a blank mind, she kept watching television, talked to Ishita for some time keeping her responses simple. Ishita understood she needed some alone time on this. Rivanah booked her ticket to Mumbai and then had her dinner with her parents, pretending all was fine. The pretence scared her and also relaxed her at the same time.
Lying on her bed at night, she messaged the Stranger: You there?
For a change the Stranger didn’t respond immediately.
A message from a new number popped up: Can we meet for coffee once more?
She checked the display picture and noticed Tista and Ekansh together.
I told you I’m in Mumbai, Rivanah replied.
I too am in Mumbai. Serving notice period for two months.
I’ll let you know.
She saw Ekansh typing but she received no message. She didn’t probe either. Waiting for the Stranger’s reply, she scrolled down to Nivan’s name on her WhatsApp contact list. She tapped on his display picture and kept staring at it for some time, after which she messaged him: Reached?
She received a reply soon enough: Yes, I did. How are you now?
I’m okay. I’ve booked a flight to Mumbai tomorrow.
Good. Any intimation from the Stranger yet?
Not yet. I messaged but no reply yet.
Okay. Keep me updated. See you soon.
Sure, see you.
After thinking for few seconds she typed: May I tell you something?
Sure. Nivan messaged back.
Rivanah typed: I love you, Nivan. Not like the way one usually desires someone. My love won’t limit you to choose between Advika or me. I’ll only be limiting myself to you with my love. It won’t attempt to own you either but only request you to make me a part, or perhaps an extension, of whatever you share with Advika. I’ll be more than happy to hide myself within the shadow of your and Advika’s relationship. I know it’s weird but to be loved the way Advika is loved by you is perhaps my only redemption. It may sound selfish but—
Rivanah paused for a moment and then deleted the entire message. She rewrote instead:
Nothing important really. Goodnight, Nivan.
31
Heading for the airport the next morning, Mrs Bannerjee was narrating to Rivanah what happened between her and Rivanah’s maternal aunt.
‘She was as usual being poky. All through the phone call, she was hinting that we have decided to make you sit at home all your life. She has shifted to the US but her mentality will never shift.’
Rivanah was facing the other way, not really paying attention to what her mother was telling her.
‘I also told her my daughter is the best.’
Rivanah suddenly gave her a sharp look as she heard her mother say, ‘And for the best, we have selected the best.’ She looked at Rivanah and continued, ‘I didn’t take Nivan’s name, but your father and I have decided that we will talk to him once you go to Mumbai. He is the best match for you.’
The last statement broke all her defences, and Rivanah started sobbing uncontrollably, holding her mother tight. Her father, who was driving the car, kept looking at his wife via the rear-view mirror, confused.
‘What happened, Mini? Tell me.’ Her worried mother egged her on, but Rivanah wasn’t ready to speak. Her embrace only tightened. I’m a bitch, Mumma. And I only deserve shit. It was only when her father said if she didn’t talk, he would drive her back to their house and cancel her Mumbai flight, that Rivanah said aloud, ‘Nivan is committed.’ It wasn’t why she was crying, but then she wasn’t sure why exactly she was crying. Mrs Bannerjee too had tears in her eyes as she glanced at her husband, understanding that their daughter perhaps had feelings for Nivan.
‘It’s okay, Mini. I’m sure there are other guys like Nivan.’
No, Baba. There is nobody like him. Nivan is rare. And to get to him, one had to be rarer. Like Advika. Not like me.
‘I think you shouldn’t go to Mumbai today,’ Mr Bannerjee said.
‘No, Baba. I’ll have to. I don’t have any more leaves. I want to work to take my mind off other things.’
Mr Bannerjee agreed that work would be the right anodyne for his daughter and didn’t speak any further.
Ishita was waiting for her at the departure gate as the Bannerjee family climbed down from the car. She came and hugged her friend tight.
‘Everything will be all right,’ Ishita whispered in her ears.
‘Yeah.’ Rivanah spoke softly.
‘Go for Nivan. He is a good guy. I’m sure he will keep you happy,’ Ishita whispered next. Though Rivanah had said nothing about her feelings for Nivan to her, Ishita had still understood it. Was Rivanah so obvious? Had Nivan too understood it as clearly and as correctly like Ishita did?
‘He is committed,’ she told Ishita. The latter broke the hug and looked deep into Rivanah’s eyes. The kind of pain Ishita saw in them churned her guts. She hadn’t seen it even when Ekansh had ditched her or when she had told her that Danny and she had broken up. It was the kind of pain which comes when someone’s innocence is lost once and for all.
‘You will be late, Mini,’ Mr Bannerjee said.
‘Be in touch,’ Ishita said. Rivanah proceeded to the gate. She knew her parents were waiting for her to turn around and wave at them, but she didn’t. She just couldn’t.
The flight landed on time. She reached the Residency Enclave soon after. She glanced once at Nivan’s door, as she was about to unlock her flat. But her door opened suddenly, and Rivanah saw Nivan’s servant and Advika on her wheelchair inside her flat. Advika was smiling at her.
‘Nivan told me you were coming, so we thought of dusting the flat a bit,’ Advika said, her speech slurry.
How can she be so damn good to others? Rivanah thought, and said, ‘That’s really kind of you Advika.’
‘You must be tired. I’ll leave you now. We can catch up later.’
‘Sure.’
‘Is Nivan back?’ Advika asked the servant. She nodded.
‘Where is he?’ Rivanah asked.
‘He must be downstairs taking his karate class,’ Advika said and took her leave. Rivanah watched them step out of her flat and then get into the adjacent flat, closing the door behind them. Rivanah immediately locked her flat and went downstairs. She didn’t have to look for long before she found Nivan with a group of young girls in white martial-arts attire in a circle on the society ground. They were watching something. As Rivanah approached Nivan, he looked up and asked her to be quiet, gesturing her to look ahead. She did. A girl seemingly of her age was fighting a strong-looking guy. He was about to punch her but the girl flipped in a flash and kicked him on the face. The man lost his footing and fell down. Everyone clapped and cheered. Nivan had a smile on his face.
‘What’s this?’ Rivanah asked.
‘I’m a black belt in karate,’ Nivan said. ‘And I teach these girls the art of self-defence. He called it “share your good luck”.’
The words took Rivanah back to her past when she taught ten slum kids—Mini’s Magic 10.
‘Hey Rivanah!’ It was Smita from work.
‘What are you doing here?’ Rivanah asked.
‘Joined here a few weeks ago.’
Rivanah remembered a pamphlet on her desk regarding some karate class. She did think about giving it a shot, but never knew it was managed by Nivan.
‘All good at home?’ Smita asked.
Rivanah nodded, shooting a furtive glance at Nivan.
‘Great. See you in office,’ Smita said and left.
‘Can I be a part of it as well?’ Rivanah asked.
‘Sure. You don’t even have to ask. From tomorrow morning?’
‘From tomorrow morning,’ she confirmed.
Tog
ether they went back into the building. At work, the first thing she did was to approach Argho.
‘I wanted to apologize for whatever happened to you that day in the police station,’ she said. Argho wasn’t expecting her to apologize once again.
‘It’s okay. You’d already apologized the other day.’
‘I know,’ she said. I wish I could tell you this apology is actually for something else. I can’t face Hiya’s parents, and you are her next family link I know of.
‘Did you find out who was playing games with you?’
‘Not yet.’
‘Let me know if you do.’
‘Sure.’
The moment she was in her cubicle, she messaged the Stranger: I need to talk. Where are you???
The Stranger was yet to respond to her last message. She tried calling the numbers she had with her. All the ten numbers that she had of the Stranger produced the same result: The number you are trying to reach has been withdrawn.
Clouded by suspicion, Rivanah rushed to Nivan’s cabin. Looking at her, he knew it was something urgent.
‘What happened?’
‘I think the Stranger won’t contact me again. And I can’t let that happen. I can’t afford to lose him. Not now. Not ever.’
‘How do you know he won’t contact you?’
‘None of his numbers are active any more. And he hasn’t responded to my message in over twenty-four hours. This has never happened before.’
Reclining on his seat, Nivan looked thoughtful.
‘You must have the Stranger’s number?’ Rivanah asked.
‘I do. First come in and close the door,’ he said.
Rivanah did as asked and said, ‘Could you please dial him?’
Nivan picked up his phone from the table and opened Contacts. He scrolled down and reached the name which read Stranger. Placing his phone on the table again, he dialled the number. The screen flashed ‘Calling Stranger’. He tapped on the speaker mode. Both Nivan and Rivanah could hear the rings. On the fifth ring, the phone was picked up.
‘Hello,’ the person at the other end of the line said.
It can’t be, Rivanah thought. The voice belonged to someone dear to her once, someone acutely close to her, someone she loved, someone who had left her broken recently. Someone who also went by the name Danny.
Forget Me Not, Stranger Page 18