She pulled free of his grip. What has gotten into you? Since when does who I share my bed with affect you? I know there are more than a few young maidens who were seduced by you.
“What were you thinking?”
She pointed at Shin in a sharp gesture, then to herself and threw her hands up. My business is my own.
He raked his hands through his hair. “I know I’ve bedded my share of human women. But that was different. Those women, they knew that it was just for fun. None of them expected more. That human, I have seen the looks he gives you. He’s in love with you.”
Her stomach fluttered at Shin’s words. She had been trying to convince herself that this was a temporary infatuation, but with each passing day he had dug deeper into her heart. Roots had started to spread and there was no dislodging him, it seemed. She could not explain it to Shin. I think I love him.
She pointed a finger at him and then grasped her throat with both hands. I cannot speak. How can I explain so you’ll understand?
“I understand you well enough,” he huffed.
She patted his shoulder. You understand me better than most, but I do not think you would understand this. You’ve never taken a woman seriously, ever. He slid his shoulder out from beneath her hand.
“When you can speak again… when all this is over, I think there are some things we need to talk about.” He turned away from her.
Under normal circumstances, she would have let it go, but something in his tone made her wonder. He had been acting strangely for a while. Ever since her brief tryst with the Dragon. She frowned as she circled around him, trying to catch his eye. She tilted her head and looked up at him. He stared past her at the ground. A muscle twitched along his jaw, as if he were biting down on his words. Shin had never held anything back from her before. The only reason he would hold back is to spare my feelings. There had been too many secrets lately. She placed a hand on his forearm, which was folded in front of his chest. This time he did not move away, but she felt his muscles tense beneath his skin. He was strung tight as a bowstring.
Tell me what’s wrong.
“I’m not going to say until you can give me a real answer,” he said, seemingly reading her thoughts.
She decided to let it lie, there was no point in arguing.
“I heard what the witch said. You should go take care of him while he’s sleeping, it will be easier on you. Just press the blade against his throat and pull; it will be over in an instant.”
She stared at him, eyes wide. He cannot mean that. She shook her head. Just the idea of Hikaru’s blood flowing onto her hands twisted her stomach into knots. I am questioning my ability to kill a stranger. These damn human emotions are starting to cloud my mind. Before I would not have hesitated for even a moment.
Shin grabbed Rin’s chin and forced her to look at him. “I will not let you sacrifice yourself for him. Kill this Lady Fujikawa or kill him, it does not matter to me. Just see it done.”
Rin’s eyes grew wide. When did you change? You were never this cold before.
They stared at each other in silent contemplation.
“I should take you to the Dragon. No matter what you want. I should drag you out of here kicking and screaming.”
She crossed her hands over her chest. I did not ask you to get involved.
“Don’t look at me that way. You have to see that your stubbornness will be the death of you.”
She narrowed her eyes as she glared at him, hoping the power of her evil eye would be enough to end this argument.
“I know what happened. The entire palace knows. What does it matter if he set you aside? He’s set aside hundreds of other women.”
Rin rolled her eyes. Do you really think I am so vain as to care about being set aside? This is about honor. One night of weakness and then I became another conquest. I lost the little respect I had. I lost his respect. I have to prove myself, but if I go back now, like this, my reputation will never be repaired.
“On second thought, your pride be damned, we’re going.” He grabbed her wrist and yanked her down the steps. She resisted, though it was like trying to move a boulder with a piece of thread. In the struggle she knocked the dagger off the stairs and it went down the steps with a clatter.
“Don’t be a fool, Rin, just come with me.”
She did not know what else to do. If they left, it wasn’t just her that would pay the price, the witch would make him pay as well. She jerked her hand backwards and slapped him hard across the face. Shin startled and dropped her hand. He pressed his fingers against his cheek.
“You slapped me…”
She reached for him to apologize; she had not meant to hurt him. But he backed away from her.
He stared at her for a moment. Something shifted between them. At last Shin spoke and his voice was low and gravelly. “Never mind, you are a fool. I’ll leave you to your choice and I hope you are happy with it. I will not stay here and watch you throw your life away.”
He shifted into a wolf before she could try to reach out for him. He looked at her with golden eyes before he loped out of the garden, leaving her behind. He’s really mad this time. I’ve never seen him act this way. The realization settled on her like a stone on her chest. Shin, her one friend, the one person she knew would support her and love her regardless of her faults, had turned his back on her.
20
The procession moved through the gates at a crawl. The column, headed by warriors, carried banners depicting the clan’s insignia, a light blue field with a river bisecting it. The warriors in matching blue armor, their identical dark blue masks topped with spiral horns, flanked the procession. Their mouths were thin lines like the stroke of a brush against fresh parchment. Next to the warriors were a few noblemen on horseback, and in the center of the retinue, two muscular men pulled a cart. The cart pullers’ upper bodies, corded with muscles, pulled with little effort. They stared forward as the procession made its slow march into the inner layers of the palace.
Hikaru had watched for what seemed thirty minutes as they passed through each ring of the palace before they reached this point, the innermost ring of the palace and the home of the clan leader’s family. Hikaru fought the urged to fidget; this was his wife who was arriving, after all. Shouldn’t I be pleased? Were most husbands this miserable when their wife came to his clan home? True, they had not spoken but a handful of words at their wedding feast. And their wedding night had been dark and obligatory. She had said not a word the entire time. He had been so uncomfortable afterwards that he had slipped out after consummation. He had not seen her since. Come the next morning, he could not face her and decided to return to his own clan house. What if she is with child? This thought was accompanied by guilt. He had spent every night since his father’s death with Rin.
After what felt like an eternity, the procession came to a final grinding halt. The warriors that boxed in the cart and the noblemen fanned out, their footsteps stamping on the stone of the courtyard. The cart pullers were the only ones left moving as they eased the cart forward. The wheels creaked and bells dangling from the four corners of the cart jangled. The cart was a simple construct of beams, gilded wood on the front and back, and then two crimson curtains on the sides. They had stopped the cart so that one side faced Hikaru and his brothers, who flanked him.
An unseen hand pulled back the curtains. They were meant to protect the ladies within from being seen by their inferiors, but as the curtain slowly rolled back, it felt like another part of the theatrics surrounding their arrival. When the curtains were opened, they revealed five women sitting within. The four in front had long ebony hair and wore bright-colored kimonos. A servant with a step stool rushed forward and placed it on the ground in front of the ladies. The lady’s maids stepped down first, covering their faces with their fans and keeping their eyes lowered.
Then his wife stepped down. She wore a kimono with so many layers and colors it was a surprise she could stand beneath the weight of all that fabri
c, let alone walk. Her face was painted white and her ebony hair fell in a curtain down her back. She glanced up at Hikaru from behind her fan. Their eyes met, but there was no connection. He may as well have been locking eyes with the wall. Her expression, what he could see of it, was flat and without animation. It is as I feared, she is dull and stiff. A part of him had hoped he would feel that spark; it would have made it easier to set aside Rin. He still struggled with sending her away. He knew he should, his uncle urged him to do so, but he could not. He loved her and he did not want to be parted from her even if she was a Kitsune.
Hikaru stepped forward, his arms spread apart in greeting. “Lady Fujikawa, welcome to our home—” He fumbled over the next words. Someone in the crowd coughed and cleared his throat. “I am happy to have you join me here.”
His father would have had a better speech prepared, but given that Hikaru was new to his position, he thought he might be forgiven this once. His proclamation was followed by the restless shifting of bodies. The servants had been kneeling down on the ground since the procession had arrived. Hikaru imagined they felt even more uncomfortable than him. At least he had the luxury of standing.
The lady nodded from behind her fan and said in a soft but direct voice, “It is my pleasure to join your clan, my lord husband.”
Any other man would be happy to marry someone so beautiful and gentle, not to mention rich… But he could not help but think about Rin. She was mixed into the crowd, near his younger brothers and the other noblemen of his house. He had spotted her as soon as they had come to wait for his wife to arrive. His eyes were always drawn to her, no matter where they were.
When all the formalities were seen to, Hikaru showed his wife to her rooms. They walked side by side, not saying a word. Her ladies followed after them, silent as ghosts. He felt the need to make some small talk.
“I hope your journey was pleasant,” he said.
“It was, thank you.” There was nothing else to be said. He bowed when he left her at her room, and went to look for Rin.
Hotaru had planned a banquet to celebrate the arrival of Hikaru’s wife. And now that the staff had been dismissed, they were preparing for the feast. There was much to prepare for another round of ceremony.
As Hikaru waded through the crowds, he spotted Rin standing still in the center. She stared at the carriage, her expression distant. She knew his wife was returning, he could not very well hide it from her. But though the truth had lain between them, he had not breathed a word about it. He was married and his wife was here. He would be expected to spend time with her and produce an heir. Despite his better sense telling him to do otherwise, he weaved through the crowd towards her. A selfish part of him wanted to indulge in these moments while he could.
She turned without seeing him and headed down the hallway, trailing after a crowd of servants headed back to their daily tasks. Despite the press of bodies, she stood out. The servants and even the other nobles kept their distance from her. But it was different now, they bowed their heads with reverence. Despite his orders to silence Rin’s true nature, it had spread through the palace like wildfire. Now instead of fearing her, the servants revered her like a Kami among them. When she walked in a crowd, it was like the wind blowing through the trees, everyone parted before her. But once she passed through, the gaps closed up and Hikaru lost sight of her.
As bodies closed the distance between them, she slipped away from him and perhaps his last chance for a moment alone with her. He shouted out her name. Heads swiveled in his direction, but he did not care. She stopped when he called out to her and turned around with an eyebrow raised in question. She nodded her head sideways, daring him to follow her.
He hurried over to her. When he reached her, he wanted to hold her, to kiss her and remind himself of what love felt like. It is not meant to be a business transaction. Being with her is what it should be. “I should have forewarned you, my duties will keep me rather preoccupied now that my wife is here. I will have to leave you alone more often than I like…” He trailed off, not sure what else to say. People flowed around them, watching with curiosity. He put them from his mind and focused on Rin. “I just wanted to say…” That if the circumstances were different, I would have made you my wife. I find you beautiful and enchanting. He dared not say any of those things; instead he said, “If you would like, I am sure I can arrange some distractions for you, just until you choose to leave. You are not a prisoner here. You may go whenever you wish.” The very idea sat in his stomach like a burning stone. He did not want to think about a time when he would not have the luxury of catching a glimpse of her from afar. Or those quick passionate embraces in an empty room.
She frowned before forcing a smile. She nodded and walked away. There was a swish of her hips that he knew was meant to entice him. He looked over his shoulder. There were matters to be seen to, Lady Fujikawa had brought men with her and they would need to be entertained, but Rin was an addiction he could not give up. She glanced over her shoulder at him with a faint smile. When she caught him looking back at her, she winked at him before disappearing around a corner. He knew he should head back to his chamber to change for the banquet, but he could not resist her call. He went after her.
The crowds had dispersed and the halls were predominantly empty once again. He found Rin in the garden. She sat on a bench beneath a maple tree. She smiled when he arrived and tucked a loose hair behind her ear. He stood there for a moment, drinking her in. I want to remember this moment because one day she will be gone, and all I will have left is my memories of her.
He sat down beside her and put some distance between them. If his wife’s family saw him with Rin, then it would cause a scandal. He ached to reach out and brush his hand against her skin or to run his fingers through her hair. But he knew even an innocent touch would lead to much more.
A servant appeared at the mouth of the garden. She was a young woman. She looked both ways before approaching them. In her hand was clutched a small bowl. She thrust it towards Rin, who took it with a smile.
“I ask for your blessing, Kami-sama,” the young servant said.
Rin rested a hand on the girl’s head. The young girl trembled for a moment and tears gathered along her lashes. She backed away and then scurried out of the courtyard.
Hikaru laughed. “Where once they feared you, now they worship you. What did she give you?”
Rin grinned as she showed him the bowl full of fried tofu. Her favorite, he knew. He laughed as she picked out a plump piece with her fingers and popped it into her mouth.
He reached into the bowl, but before he could grab a piece, she snatched it away. He chuckled and put up his hands. “I’ll let you keep it, then.”
She finished her treat and set aside the bowl. She leaned back on the bench, exposing her neck to the sun’s rays, and kicked her bare feet back and forth.
I wish it could always be this way. He pulled on a thread along his sleeve. And why can’t it be? The thought took hold and it could not be dislodged. He spoke his mind before he lost his nerve. “My father chose my bride for me, and though I am sure she will be a good wife, I cannot help but wonder, would it be better to live a life of my own choosing? What sort of man would I be if my life had not been dictated by our society’s rules? Who would I choose if it were my decision?” He had never spoken these sorts of thoughts aloud before, but he knew he could speak freely with Rin.
Rin watched him as he spoke. She had gone very still. Her lips, parted slightly, looked soft and inviting. He touched her cheek with the back of his hand. Her skin was warm to the touch.
“I would make you my consort, the wife of my heart.”
She dropped her gaze and looked away. It was unusual for her.
“I have offended you?” he asked.
She opened her mouth as if she would say something, but no sound came out. Before he could probe further, a servant appeared. Hikaru stood up and put additional distance between himself and Rin. Her answer would have to wait
. Judging by the servant’s expression, he had seen and he did not approve. There were still a few who distrusted Rin. The servant pursed his lips as if he had tasted something sour. Rin remained seated. He could feel her gaze on the back of his head. He itched to turn around and kiss her just to spite the servant. He was the lord here now.
“My lord.” The servant cleared his throat. His eyes flickered to Rin.
“Yes?” Hikaru snapped. He felt tight as a bowstring.
“Lord Hotaru has requested an audience with you.”
“Very well, I will be there in a moment,” he said in what he hoped was a commanding tone.
“He said it was urgent, my lord.” The servant swallowed past a lump in his throat; it was difficult for him to speak to Hikaru in such a way. Rumors of his parentage were whispered through the palace. They called him Hanyou—a half Yokai. Born of a human and a Yokai. He did not know what to believe.
The parallel scars on the top of Hikaru’s scalp itched. If being a Hanyou helped earn his people’s respect, then perhaps that was a good thing. That’s not it, this servant fears us.
Hikaru turned to Rin. “I am sorry; I must do as duty commands. I will come for my answer later.” He leaned down and pressed a kiss to her brow.
Hikaru followed the servant to his audience chamber, where he found not only Hotaru waiting but his uncle as well. Hotaru stood at the far end of the room, on the platform that just a week ago had been where his father sat when he received guests. He stared down at Hikaru.
“There you are, brother,” Hotaru said.
Hikaru glanced between his brother and his uncle. Why were they together? His uncle would not meet Hikaru’s gaze.
“What is this about?” Hikaru said.
“I think you know why I am here,” Hotaru said as he took a seat in the same place their father had always sat.
“I do not. Enlighten me.”
“You’re an unfit ruler. A mongrel who has neglected his duties, placing them on uncle and me in favor of chasing after your Kitsune.”
Kitsune: A Little Mermaid Retelling Page 16