Joel's lips curl into a smile. "Bella, if you're going to think about fucking me, you should really fill me in on the details."
I say nothing.
He motions come here.
I do. I'm still red. I'm still blushing. I'm still thinking about Joel and me getting naked on the balcony.
I look to the setting sun instead. "It's beautiful here." It really is. The stars are bright against the dark sky. They cast a glow over the deep blue ocean and the soft beige sand.
I can hear the waves.
I can smell the salt.
"I'm starting to see why people spend a fortune to live on the beach," I say.
Joel laughs. "You care a lot about money."
"No."
He nods. "Yes."
"It's more that my status is important to my family. They're not bad people. My dad is a great guy, a talented lawyer, a pillar of the community."
"That's his bio, not what makes him a great father."
"He is. In his way. But… Chases aren't touchy feely." I look out at the ocean. "My mom died when I was twelve. Did I tell you that?"
"No."
"It was a heart attack. It happened fast. My dad hasn't been the same since. And my sister, she went the other way."
"The other way?"
"I'm the good girl—"
"She's the bad girl?"
I nod. "Yeah, boys and parties and drugs. For a while. She married a doctor last year and now she's a picture perfect housewife."
"There's this tone to your voice."
"Is there?"
"You don't approve."
"She wasn't happy before. She's not happy now. At least before she was free."
He turns away from me. "I didn't realize women bought into that marriage is a prison shit too."
"It's not that." I bite my lip. I hate the way he's locking me out. Usually, I push my feelings aside to placate people. But I don't want to do that with Joel. "My parents were happy. But Anne… she became this different person. She tried to pretend she's happy, but she's not."
He nods. "I get that."
"I'm not saying we're that. Well, we're not really anything. We only met twenty-four hours ago."
He turns towards me. "Fair."
"You do a lot of flashy stuff for a guy who doesn't like other people caring about status."
"Also fair."
"How much does this place cost?"
Joel laughs.
"Sorry, that was rude. I get a little… I'm nosy. It comes with the territory—" I bite my lip. "We never talked about what we do, huh?"
"You didn't." His eyes meet mine. "Don't apologize for the questions. I like it. Honestly, I don't remember my rent. I have an accountant who takes care of all my shit."
"You don't care?"
He shakes his head. "Not anymore. I have what I need now. But when I first got this place—" His gaze goes to the sky. "I was over the fucking moon. I couldn't believe I could afford a place on the beach on my own. The first night I moved in, I watched the sun set. I know it's cheesy shit, but I felt like a fucking, well… like I really was a rock star. Like I was someone important."
"Yeah?"
He nods. "Now, I only come out here as a seduction move."
"Oh baby, let's drink some wine on the balcony and take in the view?"
He presses his palms against the railing, pushing his body upright. "Something like that."
"Do you really have to try to seduce women?"
He shakes his head. "Sometimes I want a challenge."
"Why?"
"It's more fun."
"That's it?"
"Here, in L.A., it's easy to find women who are into status. I can head to Hollywood any night of the week and pick up a woman at a club. I'll have at least a dozen chicks approach me, because they want to sleep with the Joel Young. I'm not that fucking famous, but it's enough."
I stare back at him. "You don't want a challenge."
"I don't?"
"You want a real connection."
His lips press together. "Maybe. I get tired of the bullshit."
"Me too." I move closer. "We didn't bullshit each other last night."
He nods.
"I know we only have a week together. But… let's make a deal. I don't bullshit you and you don't bullshit me."
"What if you renege?"
"Call me on it."
"And you'll call me on it."
I nod.
He offers his hand.
We shake.
The tension in my chest eases. Joel isn't sharing his secrets with me, but I believe that we're going to be honest.
Even if only for this one week.
My eyes meet Joel's. "The balcony is a seduction move?"
"I don't have moves. I do what I feel in the moment."
"But it happens a lot?"
"You could say that."
"This is a strange seduction."
He cocks a brow. "You wouldn't fuck me right now if I asked?"
"Well, yes."
He laughs.
"In my defense, you're incredibly hot."
His laugh lights up his eyes. Not like the light bulb. Not like he's on. That's real joy in his eyes. "You forgot charming."
"And humble."
"Rich."
"You're not that rich."
"Fuck, you're cold, Bella. You know that?"
I nod.
"How rich does a guy have to be to impress you?"
"How rich are you?"
"Not rich enough, apparently."
I look to my engagement ring. I'm not sure about that. "I don't care about money either. I know that's easy to say when you have it, but—"
"You still want to feel self-reliant?"
I nod. My lips press together. "So how rich are you?"
"'Cause you don't care?"
"For the record."
"That's bullshit."
True. Again, I move closer. "I'm curious."
"Less bullshit." His lips curl into a smile. "Three million. Maybe four."
"Oh." That is a lot. And that's a lot of maybe. I can't imagine maybe having an extra million dollars hanging around.
"It's contract shit. We hit all our maximums on our last tour, so we got an extra payout. New album drops in January, then we're touring to support it in March. We're opening for a huge fucking band, Wicked Beat. We're going to be selling out stadiums for all twenty-five dates."
"So it will be a nice payday."
He nods. "Even as the opening act." His expression shifts to a playful challenge. "Maybe I'll count as rich then."
I have to laugh. "You're hot and rich."
"And talented."
And good in bed.
Joel chuckles. "If you keep looking at me like that, I'll have no choice but to bring out Dirty Bella."
"She's not going to come out when I'm sober."
"She's going to come." He chuckles. "Fuck, that was bad. But you know, my dad, when he taught me to play basketball, every time I missed a shot, he'd look me in the eyes and say, 'son, you miss one hundred percent of the shots you don't take.'"
"He sounds wise."
"In some ways." He gives me a long once over, his gaze settling on my chest. "You keep distracting me."
"Don't blame my boobs."
"It's a compliment."
"Still."
He brings his gaze back to my eyes. "What the fuck were we talking about?"
"You're good in bed."
He laughs. "True." His eyes pass over me, slowly. It's like he's deciding if he wants to talk to me or fuck me. "You don't dance."
I nod.
"You don't party."
Again, I nod.
"What the fuck were you doing at a Vegas club?"
"It was a spur of the moment."
"Bullshit."
"No, it was."
He stares into my eyes, examining my expression. "With all due respect, I don't believe, for a second, that you do things unless you have a reason."
"To have a one-night stand."
"You fucked that up."
He laughs. "You too."
"I want to remember more about last night, Joel. After dinner, help fill me in on what you remember. Please?"
"Yeah, but you have to promise not to ask me to fill you in that tone of voice unless you're talking about sex."
I laugh. But there's something about his expression.
He's upset.
And he's deflecting with a joke.
I'm supposed to call him on that.
But I can't bring myself to do it.
I clear my throat. "I want to make dinner. I don't have time to cook during the semester."
"You're a student."
"Maybe."
He cocks a brow.
"How about we talk about that tomorrow?"
"Fair."
I push aside the thought of law school. I'm handling one life crisis at a time. "My place is small. Not much room to cook. And my family doesn't like me cooking while I'm home. I make too much of a mess."
He laughs. "You make a mess?"
"I can be messy."
"You can be dirty, but messy?" He shakes his head no way. "I bet you've got your socks color coded in my dresser."
"Maybe."
He nods. "Definitely."
I admit nothing.
9
Bella
I'm far from an expert chef—I don't get a lot of time to practice—but I enjoy cooking.
Well, I enjoy cooking for myself. I don't have to worry about pleasing anyone or failing to live up to their expectations.
There's something about the way Joel is looking at me.
He has expectations of me.
But I'm not sure what they are.
I pluck shrimp and mixed veggies from the freezer. The fruit drawer is packed with lemons, limes, and oranges.
I point it out to Joel.
He shrugs. "Sometimes I want to do tequila shots."
"With everyone in Venice Beach?"
"You never know."
I laugh and I pull two limes from the fridge. This won't be the finest meal in the world, but it will be good. Maybe that's enough. "You have rice?"
He motions to the top cupboard.
It's way out of reach. I'm tall for a girl, but Joel has at least four inches on me. "You're joking, right?"
"About?"
I rise to my tiptoes, press my palm into the counter, and jump for it. Still not close. "Joel!"
"I'm enjoying the view."
"Please check the cupboard for rice, Joel."
"Oh. Of course." He smirks as he reaches over my head to open the cupboard.
Ah. Victory! There is a bag of rice. He hands it to me with that same smug smile. I shouldn't like it as much as I do.
But I really, really like it.
He seems genuinely happy.
And without me smoothing everything over.
I want more of that.
"Why don't you make yourself useful and help me." I bite my lip. Did I really say that? I'm not sassy.
Joel must like it. He's smiling.
He drops his voice to something playfully seductive. "How should I make myself useful?"
My head fills with delicious ideas about where I want his hands, his mouth, his cock.
Ahem.
One thing at a time.
First dinner. Then I'll decide if I can handle fucking my husband.
I clear my throat. "Get out a small pot, one with a lid, and a large pan. A wok, if you have that."
He reaches down to one of the bottom drawers to get them.
"A measuring cup."
He finds one in the silverware drawer.
"Oil."
He brushes his hand over my lower back. "I hope you're this bossy later."
My cheeks flush. I hope so too.
I measure out the rice then get to work on the stir fry. Wok. Oil. Shrimp.
The pan sizzles. "That seems wrong."
"It does."
I turn the heat down. That's better. I add the rest of the shrimp and the entire bag of mixed vegetables. "It won't need attention for a while. It's not going to be a masterpiece, but—"
"You can pick up stuff to cook tomorrow."
"Good."
He slides his arms around my waist. "This looks fucking amazing."
"Don't get your hopes up."
His voice gets low. "Why do you do that?"
"What?"
"Put yourself down like that."
"Just being realistic."
He turns me around so we're face to face. "No. It's more than that."
I bite my lip. I can't explain it. And why the fuck should I explain it to Joel when we're going to part ways forever in a week?
I shake my head. "Forget it."
"No."
"What do you mean no?"
He moves closer. His eyes bore into mine. "Last night, you looked miserable. Were you?"
I bite my lip. "Maybe not miserable."
"Bullshit."
Okay, that is bullshit. I nod. "I was."
"After a while, all that shit slid off your back, and you were happy."
That much, I do remember. "Yeah."
"You're going back to that ugly place in your head."
He's right.
I stare back at Joel. He does care that I'm upset.
My happiness matters to him.
But this relationship has an expiration date.
Fuck.
This is confusing.
He moves close enough that I can feel the heat of his body. Then he's rubbing my shoulders and leaning in to whisper.
"What are you thinking?" he asks.
"Right now?"
"Yeah."
"How can you ask me to open myself up to you when we're divorcing in a week?"
His fingers trail down my arms. "Because you want to."
His voice gets shaky. It's not like him.
He's right, but it's not like him.
"I'll tell you." I lean in to his touch. "If you'll remind me of something from last night. In detail."
"You first."
I press my lips together. "It's hard to explain. I've always been the smart one. Anne, my sister, she's the pretty one. The fun one. The popular one. She was the cheerleader. I was on the debate team."
"Did that bother you?"
"I don't mind people complimenting her looks and my intellect. Looks have never been important to me."
"You're fucking beautiful."
"You don't have to say that."
"You really think I say shit just because it's expected of me."
Actually, yes. I pull back enough to look Joel in the eyes. "You didn't flirt with that fan because it was what she expected?"
"Not exactly."
"But close?"
He stares back at me. "I'm not bullshitting you, Bella. You're gorgeous."
"Thank you."
"And fucking hot. But I can't get into that or I won't have any blood left in my brain."
My cheeks flush. "You really—"
"Yeah, and if you ask again, I'm going to have to prove it."
God, the intensity of his expression. I believe him.
And I'm tempted to ask him to prove it.
But then this conversation is important.
I shouldn't let him derail it with sex. Even if I really, really want to.
"I don't mind that I'm not the pretty one," I say. "But being the smart one is a lot to live up to. Everyone expects me to succeed. They expect me to follow this path they've set for me. If I step off it, if I fail…" I take a deep breath. This is too close to everything that hurts. "I have to be great at everything."
"Is that what you want or what everyone else expects of you?"
/> "Both."
He drags his fingertips over my forearm. "You don't try shit if you might fail?"
"I don't think about it like that."
"But you don't."
"I guess not."
"You don't do things unless you're sure you'll be great at them."
My stomach twists. "I… maybe…" I take a deep breath and exhale slowly. "I've never thought about it."
"How about this?" His voice gets soft. "This week, I'm going to ask you to try some shit you've never done before. Shit you might not be good at. Agree to really consider everything before you shoot it down."
"Why should I?"
Joel laughs. "Because you like me."
I do. "But what do I get out of it?"
"Experiencing new things isn't enough?"
I shake my head.
"Not sure I have much else to offer."
"You still haven't told me why you were in Vegas. Not in detail."
He takes a half step backwards.
I press my butt against the counter. There's something in his eyes. This hesitation.
It doesn't seem like Joel.
"You haven't told me either," he says.
True. And I don't want to. But I need to admit this. I need to deal with it. I look back into his eyes. "You go first."
He nods. His eyes go to the window for a minute then they're back on mine. "My parents gave me bad news. I didn't want to think about it."
"So you went looking for a fun distraction?"
He nods. "You."
"I found out I failed at something I thought I was good at." I press my lips together. Already, tears are threatening to sting my eyes. Technically, I haven't flunked out of law school. But I killed myself studying last semester and I ended up with Cs. Classes are only getting harder. Unless I magically find more time to study, or magically get better at school, I'm going to fail. Maybe not next semester. But sometime before my three years are up.
Fuck.
So much for threatening.
I blink back a tear.
Joel wraps his arms around me and pulls my body into his.
One hand goes to my back, my shoulders. He undoes my bun, then he's running his fingers through my hair.
His touch is soft.
Sweet.
Comforting.
Right now, I get it. I completely understand why I married him.
Even though I don't remember most of the details.
He runs his fingers through my hair.
I sink into his chest.
I want, so badly, to collapse in his arms.
To be able to trust him with all the ugly thoughts in my head.
With the secrets I don't share with anyone.
Dangerous Rock: A Rock Star Romance (Dangerous Noise Book 3) Page 6