And even though I don't know the band, I'm caught up enough in the energy to do the same.
I can actually feel the music. It's vibrating against my chest.
And the crowd is bumping and bopping in time with the beat.
The room is dark except for the stage lights, and they're casting the opening act in a hazy glow.
I get caught up in the music until the singer is announcing it's the final song. Then he's singing, and I'm trying to listen, but I'm not.
I'm thinking about Joel on that stage.
About how women are going to react to him.
About how I'm going to react to him.
I'm already going out of my mind with desire.
Can I really handle him in full on rock star mode?
My mind is spinning. I barely notice the guys bow and take their leave. I barely notice the way the crowd quiets, then eases, then starts to grow again. Ten minutes pass. Twenty.
Then the lights are dark.
And the crowd is chanting Dangerous Noise.
And I can't think. Period.
My gaze goes to the stage.
It's all dark. I can't see anything. I can't do anything but dig my heels into the ground to hold my position. As uncool as I feel in my jeans and flats, I'm glad for the comfortable clothes. I haven't got a clue how the women in cocktail dresses and heels are managing.
The stage lights turn on.
Joel is the first to walk onto stage. He blows kisses to his fans. His eyes pass over the crowd.
They meet mine.
He winks.
I melt.
Right now, Joel isn't the one-night stand I accidentally married.
He's not the guy I might want to stay married to.
The guy who's incredibly unclear on whether or not he'd like to stay married to me.
He's a fucking rock god.
And he's winking at me.
I didn't think I cared about rock stars.
But the way he commands all the attention on stage…
The way he's blowing a kiss at me as he takes a seat at his drum kit…
All the girls in the audience want him.
But they can't have him.
He's mine.
Only for a while, yeah.
But he is mine.
Joel is fucking amazing.
Mal and Ethan and Kit…
They're amazing too.
Mal sings with this breathy voice. He sounds like he's in pain. Or in the middle of an incredibly vigorous fuck.
And Ethan has this adorable boyish charm.
And Kit is all mysterious and sexy.
But Joel…
Joel is an animal. He's there, lost in the music, exactly where he's supposed to be.
Halfway through the set, he tosses his shirt aside.
He's even sexier without it.
My eyes stay glued to him for the rest of the show. The music, the energy of the crowd, the way my hips are swaying with the beat—I love everything about being up in the front row.
But it can't compare to watching Joel play.
He's a fucking rock god.
And I want him.
I want him so badly I can't breathe.
But I can't have him again. Not until I know where we stand.
19
Joel
The second I get off stage, Kit shoots me a come here, now look.
"You want some, you'll have to ask, Lockhart. I'm a married man now," I say.
He shakes his head, not buying my banter for a second. "You were calling her angel before."
"You heard that?"
"Mal told me."
"You and Mal are speaking?"
He nods. "Never seen you call someone you didn't like by a pet name."
"I don't like Mal and I still call him Strong."
"You don't like that he gets his way more often than you do."
"I don't like that he was willing to throw you under the bus just because—"
"I don't blame him."
"He didn't handle it like an adult."
"And you did?"
Fair enough. Our last tour, Mal discovered that some money went missing. He blamed Kit immediately. Just cause Kit had done a lot of shitty stuff when he was using.
Maybe Mal had his reasons. I don't care. Nobody throws my friends under the bus.
But I can admit that getting wasted after shows didn't do anything to help matters.
Kit hands his bass off to a roadie then motions for me to follow him to the dressing room in the corner.
I do. It's busy with hustle and bustle but no one is paying attention to us. "You have a problem with me calling my wife angel? You call Piper baby every three and a half seconds."
"No shame in wanting to corrupt the good girl." He waits for a roadie to move out of earshot then he leans in to whisper. "You gonna keep pretending like it's normal you got married in Vegas."
"When have I ever been normal?"
"Not relevant." Kit runs a hand through his mass of curly black hair. "You gonna offer more details?"
"Not planning on it."
He cocks a brow.
I say nothing.
His voice drops to a whisper. "No bullshit, why did you marry a stranger?"
I stare back at him.
He stares back at me.
Fuck, I always forget how intense Kit is. No wonder women fall all over themselves trying to unlock his heart. He has this stare that makes you feel like he can see into your soul.
Which is more than I need from a guy, even if he's my closest friend.
"Well?" he asks.
He is my closest friend. And I'm not exactly happy about how this is ending.
I don't usually tell people about shit that makes me unhappy.
I don't usually let people know anything, save for somebody fucking with one of my friends, makes me unhappy.
"Must be bad if you can't come up with a bullshit answer," Kit says.
"My parents are splitting up."
"Shit, really?"
"Yeah."
"Fuck. Can't believe my parents' marriage outlasted theirs. They're actually… I think they're done with their 'arrangement.'"
I'm happy for him, I am, but I don't need to hear this right now. "They announced it that morning. They wanted to warn me and Daphne that they were going to tell all their friends at their divorce party the next night."
"Divorce party?"
"It's a thing, apparently. And it's over. So fuck that."
"Fuck." Kit chuckles. "Your parents are getting a divorce."
I cringe at the word. "Not getting. It's done. Official."
"So you head to Vegas and get married?"
"It wasn't like that."
"Explain it."
I'm not sure that I can. "I wasn't planning on matrimony. I wanted to find a woman to take back to my hotel room, one who would make me forget every fucking thing in my life."
He nods I've been there.
"Fuck, she was wearing this tight dress that was all business. She looked uptight. I wanted to help her let her hair down." My thoughts go back to that night, to the way her smile lit up her brown eyes, to the way she sighed with pleasure as I ran my fingers over her skin. A lot of that night is fuzzy, but I remember enough. "I didn't think we'd end up at a chapel."
Kit chuckles. "Why are you always looking for a challenge?"
"It's boring getting handed everything you want."
He gives me a serious look. He's not buying it. Kit's always been the thoughtful type, but now that he's a year out of rehab he's particularly introspective.
Fuck. That could work. I pretend like I'm not trying to change the subject. "Hey. It's been more than a year you've been sober now, hasn't it."
Kit doesn't take the bait. At all. He shoots me a try harder next time look. "You really think that would work?"
"You miss a hundred percent of the shots you don't take."
He chuckles. "Take another."
I rack my brain for the
perfect button to push. That's it. I make my expression serene, my voice even. "You ever fuck Piper in the ass?"
His eyes flare with a protective glare. "None of your fucking business."
"Is that a yes?" I ask.
Kit shoots me that you're ridiculous look of his. "Why do you care?"
"There's no law that says I need to stop enjoying details because I'm married."
"You fuck your wife in the ass?"
"Not yet. But, soon."
He shakes his head. Then he's laughing so hard his shoulders are shaking. "Of course. The uptight wallflower is a challenge. She's not going to hop on the bed and spread 'em."
"Don't pretend like you haven't fucked a hundred women who only cared that you were famous, who would have literally done anything you asked, who didn't have a fucking clue that you were an actual human being."
He nods, conceding my point. But then he gets this knowing look in his dark eyes. "Awfully fixated on screwing women who aren't your wife."
"It's not like that."
His expression gets sympathetic. "I know."
I shove my hands into my pockets. I'm not sure that I should tell Kit, but I want to tell somebody, and he's the only person I trust. Well, maybe Daphne but I'm not interested in her opinions on the matter.
I drop my voice to a whisper. "You can't tell anyone this."
"When have I ever spilled a secret?"
"Shit's different now."
He nods. "Go ahead."
"I better start at the beginning."
I tell Kit more than I should. I tell him about meeting Bella in the bar and daring her to do shit that got her blushing. And the way she dared back, even though she was nervous.
It was easy to talk to her. At first, I thought it was because I'd never see her again. At first, it was a typical one-night stand. I wanted to show her a good time. I wanted to make her laugh.
Making her smile made me feel good in a way that casual sex never had.
It made me feel whole.
I tell Kit that I knew some part of me was trying to prove some point about love and marriage. I was trying to prove my dad wrong—when he announced the divorce, he looked me in the eyes and said as if to say of course, you get this Joel. You're smart not to settle down. It's a drag, having a wife and two kids.
Most of me was kidding when I asked.
And dumbstruck when she said yes.
But all of me was game.
Marrying Bella felt right.
Being with her still feels right.
But keeping that from her? That doesn't fucking feel right.
Shit. I don't know what to do here. I want her around. But I don't want to hurt her.
Kit steps in. "You always get people to go along with what you want."
I nod. I'm capable of getting people on board with things.
"You can't stay married to her unless you're sure you're in love with her."
"Why's it have to happen in that order?"
"You think she'd be okay staying married to a guy who isn't in love with her?"
Probably not. "It's only been a few days."
"Okay. Talk to her. Mutually agree to give it a month. But that is not a decision you make for her." His expression gets stern. "She deserves to know you're evaluating her as a potential wife all week."
"It's not like that."
"It's not far from that."
Technically, he's right. But the way he says it makes it sound ugly.
I do fucking like Bella.
And I want her around.
I'm giving myself time to get certain.
What the hell is wrong with that?
"Hey." That's Bella's voice. She smiles as she moves closer. "I was looking for you." She turns to Kit. "You must be Kit."
"Yeah." He shakes her hand. "It's nice to meet you."
"You too. Joel speaks highly of you," she says.
Kit raises a brow. "Does he."
"Yeah, but you should know that he is trying to teach me to play bass. You might want to do something to secure your place in the band," she says.
Kit chuckles. "I have bad news for you, Bella. Joel is a fucking terrible bassist."
"Oh yeah?" she asks.
"He's not gonna teach you well enough that you could take over." He smiles. "But I can teach you to play drums."
She laughs. "Maybe you could teach me bass and he could teach me drums."
Kit shoots me an I like her look.
"I'll teach you to play drums." I slide my arms around her waist and pull her body into mine. She's soft and warm and she smells so fucking good. "I've got all day free tomorrow."
"Maybe." She nestles into my chest. Her eyes flutter closed for a minute then she forces them open. She turns to Kit with a smile. "You mind if I steal my husband back."
"No." He nods goodbye. "It was nice to meet you. I have to get back to my parents."
"And your soon to be fiancée," I say.
He blushes, a rarity for him. Then he flips me off.
More normal.
I return the gesture.
He takes one more step backwards and raises a brow. Don't hurt this poor girl.
I shoot him an I'm not going to do that on purpose.
We've known each other too long if I can read his face this well.
Bella waits until he's out of earshot to move closer. She plants a slow, deep kiss on my lips.
I've never been shy. I'm not about to start now. My hands go to her hips. I pull her body against mine as I groan into her mouth.
She sighs with pleasure as she pulls back. "You've got me all distracted."
"Yeah?" The warmth of pride spreads over my chest. It's not like this is the first time I've distracted a woman with my body, but seeing the contentment on Bella's face… it does something to me.
She nods. "Oh, I remember." She leans in close enough to whisper. "You're not as 'on' with him. Maybe even not at all. You two are good friends?"
"Since we were kids. He lived next door."
Her expression gets serious. "In his bio, it said he went to rehab."
"Angel, you're going to get in trouble memorizing our Wikipedia pages."
"You said to ask if I wanted to know."
I did, but I don't feel right sharing any of Kit's secrets. Even if they're my secrets too. "We all used to party too much. He didn't know when to stop."
Bella's eyes fix on mine. She's studying me like she's deciding if she believes me. She must settle on not because she shakes her head. "That's not it."
How can she tell? It's not it. It's technically true, but it's only a tiny part of the story.
"It's okay. He's your friend. I won't ask you to betray his trust." Her eyes light up as she smiles. "Did you push him the way you're pushing me about school?"
"You could say that."
"He's lucky to have you as a friend." She slides her arm around me. "And, well, I'm glad you have someone who… who sees through your bullshit."
"Angel, you keep romancing me like this and I'm going to have to drag you to that utility closest."
"Is that a dare?"
"Yeah."
She smiles like she's thinking about taking it.
20
Bella
The next morning, I wake to Joel fixing tea and coffee in the kitchen. He's fresh from the gym, shirtless and dripping with sweat.
And tempting.
Very, very tempting.
His smile spreads to his ears as his gaze meets mine. There are no pretenses on his face. His expression is pure joy.
He's happy to see me.
Because he wants to fuck me again?
Because he's enjoying our one week fling?
Or because he wants me around forever?
Getting married puts a hell of a lot of strain on a relationship. If we'd met and fucked and decided to have fun in Vegas, we wouldn't have to worry so much about these questions.
We'd be able to step back and relax.
In theory.
>
In practice, I spent my entire relationship with Stan worried about where it was going and which one of us cared about the other more. He was a great guy, but it never felt quite right.
I was never myself.
I was never relaxed.
Usually, I only relax when I'm alone with a good book. That's the only time I can shut out everyone else's expectations.
But with Joel…
He motions to my cup of tea. "You want honey in this?"
Dammit, I'm getting stuck in my head here. If this is it, if we are getting a divorce, then I need to decide what I'm doing here.
Either I'm going to enjoy the hell out of the few days I have with Joel.
Or I'm going to pull back enough to keep my heart from breaking into a million little pieces when we part ways.
Either I put my heart on the line or I lock it up tightly.
"It's a complex decision, honey or no honey." Joel takes a sip of his coffee. "I don't want to overload you, but I have sugar too."
"No honey. Thank you."
He nods and hands over my mug.
The tea is hot enough to scald my tongue and sting my throat, but it has that perfect robust flavor. The familiarity is comforting. Even if it burns.
Joel studies my expression. "I want to try something today."
I take another sip. It's still comforting, but it doesn't bring any clarity. "Yeah?"
He sets his mug down. "I want to teach you to play the drums."
Huh? "You do?"
He nods.
"I was kidding last night."
"I know."
"I liked watching you play. The band is great and you were amazing—"
"Shirtless," he offers.
I laugh. "That was a perk." I take another long sip to buy myself time to think. I'm not musically inclined, but it might be interesting to try something new. "Joel, you know, I'm not going to turn into some loose and free rocker chick."
He laughs. "Thank you for the mental image."
It is a hilarious mental image. But— "Why do I feel like this joke is at my expense."
"Imagine me in a suit and tie, showing up to work at a corporate job."
That is funny.
"Saying yes, sir to a boss."
Funnier. "You're lucky music worked out."
He nods. "I'm not fit for anything else." He crosses the distance between us. His fingers slide over my exposed forearms. "Let me teach you to play a song."
Dangerous Rock: A Rock Star Romance (Dangerous Noise Book 3) Page 13