Something’s not right. This is everything and then some, so why the hell does it all of a sudden feel like my dick is bowing out?
Paisley’s tongue goes away and her hands ease up. I lean up on my elbows and stare down at my diminishing hard-on. What the fuck? Reaching down, I give it a tug that it has long been familiar with, and after a few strokes some life finally returns. Back in business.
“I don’t know what that was,” I say with an embarrassed chuckle, settling back down, hoping the mood wasn’t just killed.
She’s a good sport and her head bows down to take me into her warm, welcoming mouth. Oh yeah, nice and deep. I glance downward and we lock eyes. It’s so hot that I don’t know how it doesn’t cause me to blow right then and there. She eases up on my shaft and begins to rub the head of my cock against her full wet lips. She’s unreal. I’m officially labeling this as the best head ever.
Once she finishes teasing me against her mouth, she returns to a steady rhythmic sucking while one of her hands wanders to a place it shouldn’t and the tip of her finger taunts new territory. I don’t hate it. Not at all. It feels so… fucking… good. But my dick reacts differently.
What the fuck is happening?
“Sorry, was that too much?” she asks, pulling away.
“No. It’s fine. I just….” I pause for a moment to scream at my dick. Get up! Get up! Get back up, motherfucker! “I just… think it’s time to switch things up and I take care of you.”
“Oh, okay.” She beams, switching places with me, settling into the covers. Her chest heaves with anticipatory breaths.
I don’t know what’s going on. Why isn’t my dick hard? On a scale of one to ten on the hotness scale, that was a twelve. Is it possible I shot my load and don’t even know it? No. It’s not possible. Then what the fuck is this?
Ahem. Paisley clears her throat, bringing me back to the moment. Yes. Her. Focus on her. Go to town on her pretty little pussy, and the second you do, your cock will wake back up.
I lie down beside her on the bed. She’s an image right out of Maxim. Blonde hair strewn about the pillow, topless, with tiny shorts riding low on her hips. Her eyes are hooded, lips parted, and to my utter shock and amazement, her right hand disappears down the front of her shorts.
“You like?” she asks in a throaty whisper.
I don’t like. I love.
My mind explodes. My dick does nothing.
Something is wrong. I’m dying. Or maybe I’m dead and this is hell? There is no other explanation. There is a hot blonde masturbating in front of me and I’m dead from the waist down.
“You can take over whenever you’re ready,” Paisley says to the jackass just sitting there doing nothing. I must look like a fucking imbecile. An inexperienced numbnut. Oh shit, what if she thinks I’m a virgin? No. Impossible. She can’t think that. Look at me? I’m a good-looking guy, there’s no way she’d ever think that. I have had lots of experience. So much. Should I tell her that?
The bed shifts, snapping me out of my obsessive thoughts. Paisley has stopped and is reaching for her discarded tank.
“It’s okay,” she says.
“No!” I move toward her abruptly. She startles, flinging back, and our heads collide with a loud thunk like two coconuts.
“Oh God, ouch!” She cradles her head. Things are going from bad to worse. I need to fix this quickly.
“Come here.” I pull her in, pry her hand away, and give her forehead a tender kiss. “I’ll make it all better.” I pretend that did not come out douchey and press on.
My palm rubs up her stomach slowly until I reach her breasts. I lower my mouth to kiss the delicate skin of her neck while my thumb circles over one of her nipples. The beautiful bud stiffens from my touch. It is the only thing stiff at the moment, but I can’t allow myself to obsess over this. It’s gonna happen any second now. There is no way my dick is gonna sit this one out.
Paisley wiggles her hips, indicating where she’d like me to go next. My hand slides down the front of her shorts. Two fingers ease in, and she moans loudly. Her sweet sounds vibrate through my body, jolting a shock everywhere. Almost everywhere.
Fuck.
I let it go and place all my focus into a fervent fingerbang.
“Oh yes, yes… wait… stop.” Paisley places her hand on my wrist. “You have to stop. I’m gonna come.” She’s breathless, panting. “Do you have a condom?”
“Uh, no,” I say, and thank freaking God I don’t because you can’t put a condom on a limp dick. “Shit.” I feign disappointment. “Damn.”
“Don’t worry, it’s not a problem.” Paisley jumps up before I can stop her. “Okay, no judging but I actually have one in my purse.” She scoots across the room for her bag, returning seconds later with the little square of protection in hand. “Safety is key.”
No, having an erection is key. Without a key, I cannot get into her keyhole.
“Let’s worry about that later.” I take the condom from her and set it down on the bed. “How about I finish taking care of you. Now, where were we?” I urge her back down on the bed, walking my fingers back down to her boxers.
“Oh God, this is embarrassing.” She covers her face before continuing, “I have to be honest, I’m not exactly a girl who can have multiple orgasms. Not yet anyway. Soooooo, if we’re gonna do this, it’s kind of a now or never thing.” She blushes and her hands return to her face.
Can’t move. Don’t move.
My soft dick is an anchor. Even my tongue feels soft. I can’t speak. Nothing like this has ever happened before. I have no clue what to say or do next.
“Here, give it to me, I’ll put it on for you.” Paisley is reading the situation all wrong. Her hand travels over to my thigh and then…. “Oh.” She feels the issue at hand. Or should I say, in her hand. I want to explain but I can’t, so I continue to say nothing.
She tugs. Pulls. Tugs some more. And I’m not sure but I believe it may actually be shrinking. I need a reason for this, an excuse, something, anything.
“Whiskey,” I say, reaching for anything. “Too much whiskey.”
“Oh.” She lets go of it. “Like, whiskey dick?”
“Yes!” I say it with so much joy, glad to have a somewhat legit excuse and that she knows what it is and that I don’t have to explain any further. “It’s just a case of whiskey dick.”
“Oh.” She taps a finger against her lips. “Hmm?”
“What?”
“Nothing.” She frowns, and I should leave it alone but for some reason I press.
“No, what is it?” I ask.
“It’s just, I didn’t think you really drank that much. Whiskey dick usually kicks in after a heavy night of drinking. You had what? Three? Did you even finish that one downstairs?”
This is not good. Not good at all.
“I didn’t realize you were counting,” I scoff.
“I wasn’t counting, I’m just making sure you’re okay. That it isn’t something else.”
Something else. What is she trying to imply? That I have a problem?
“I’m fine.”
“Okay. Whatever. I’m just trying to help.”
Help? How is this helping? It’s the booze. It has to be.
“And just so you know, I was also drinking beer before you waved me over with your little scheme,” I snap rudely. But come on, she basically just implied that I have ED.
“Well, they say beer before liquor never been sicker,” she quips, her tone mimicking my annoyance.
“Sick? I’m not sick.” That’s it, we’re done here. This hot night has come to an abrupt end. This was a huge mistake. I reach for my jeans and slam my legs in one at a time. “And for the record, nothing like this has ever happened before.”
“Okay. Whatever.” She shimmies back into her bra and uses her toes to scoop up her tank top from the floor. “It’s fine. We need to get a good night’s sleep anyway. Tomorrow is going to be a long day,” she grumbles.
Tomorrow. Shit, that�
��s right. God, this was a stupid fucking idea.
“Maybe we should just forget about tomorrow and see what flights they have?” I say with a shudder. The word flights immediately increases my heart rate.
“Seriously?” She makes a sound of disgust and rolls her eyes. “Now you can’t drive either?”
My hands fist and I take a deep breath. I don’t like her anymore.
“I can drive,” I say through clenched teeth. “I’m absolutely fine to drive.”
“Good. Then let’s just go to sleep so we can get up tomorrow and get this over with.” She flops onto the other queen bed, rolling over so that her back is to me. “I want to be on the road by 6:00 a.m.”
“I was thinking more like seven. It might be hard for me to get up that early.”
“Hard? Pfft.” She says it under her breath, but I hear it and my dislike for this girl increases. “Fine. Six.”
What the fuck have I gotten myself into? Tomorrow is going to suck.
I wait until I’m sure he’s asleep before throwing on a pair of jeans and a tee to sneak down to the lobby. It’s a little after 2:00 a.m. I’m sure Karie is sleeping but I call her anyway, since this is technically all her fault for encouraging me to “be bold.”
“What happened? Are you okay?” She answers the phone frantic, most likely concerned by the late hour.
“I’m fine. Well sort of.” Even though the lobby is empty, I duck into the ladies’ room to assure privacy. “The night was not good.” I pace the tile floor, peering under stalls to make sure I’m alone.
“What’s not good? What happened? Do you need me to call 911?”
“No, it’s nothing like that.” All is clear, I’m alone, and I start at the beginning. “I went back to the bar to proposition Jax and just as I was asking him to spend the night in my room, he asks me if we could drive home back to Jersey together. I was completely thrown off and before I knew it I was adding him to the rental car and we were going back to my room.”
“Oh, that’s not a good idea.” Karie states the obvious.
“Gee, ya think?” I reply snarkily.
“Even if the sex is good, it’s still gonna be an awkwardly long drive home for you guys. But from the sound of your voice I take it, it wasn’t good?”
“No it wasn’t. It wasn’t even sex. Halfway through he crapped out on me.” I walk over to the sinks and lean for support. “I don’t know what happened but one minute things seemed like they were going good and the next, not so good.”
“Oh my God, you mean like, wah-wah?” She singsongs, and I take it that’s her sound effect for a deflating boner. “What did he say?”
“He blamed it on whiskey dick. But he had like three drinks over four hours. It wasn’t whiskey dick.”
“Maybe he is—ya know, impotent?”
“He’s kind of young for that.” I frown and release a low grumble. “What if it’s me?”
“Oh please, it’s not you. You’re gorgeous.”
“Maybe I fucked up.”
“Oh please.” Karie dismisses me. “You didn’t fuck up.”
“Well, I might have done something that turned him off.”
“Like what?”
“I don’t know,” I hem. “Like I kind of masturbated in front of him.” At the time my self-love action seemed hot, but saying it out loud does put a slightly different spin on things. “I may have also rimmed his asshole with one of my fingers. But only for like a sec.”
It’s silent while she processes. Then Karie’s laughter fills the phone.
“His asshole? Really?” She laughs. And laughs. “Really?”
“Yes,” I answer flatly.
“Did you do anything else like whip out a dildo and try to peg him?” Her laughter only gets louder and I hold the phone away from my ear.
“Go ahead, make fun, but I read an article on the internet that said ass play was the new blowjob. So I gave it a try. I guess I shouldn’t have.”
“Oh my God, no, I’m so glad you did. It’s why you are my freaking hero and I love you so much.” I roll my eyes, ignoring her flattery.
“What do I do?” I frown at my reflection over the sink. “Do you think I should just go grab my stuff and leave now while he’s asleep?” Jax is a big boy, he can get home on his own.
“Why don’t you look up flights and just fly home? Even if you get stuck on a connecting flight, you’ll still be home quicker than driving.”
“Nope. Flying is out of the question. Everything that happened tonight was a sign to not fly.” Honestly, it’s probably a sign to fly, but being I hate flying, I’ll stick with it’s a sign not to.
“Other than the sex, is he a good guy?” Karie asks. “Can you trust him?”
“Yeah, I mean, I think so.” Getting to know him all night, he seemed like a great guy. Although, God forbid I do go missing, his info is on the rental agreement.
“Well, then, if you’re insistent on driving, then I say don’t ditch him. As shitty as the situation is, you’re gonna need him. It’s a long drive.”
“I guess.”
What am I getting myself into? Why couldn’t the flight have been on time? Why did I wave Jax over? Why did I invite him to my room? Why didn’t his dick stay hard?
“Now go. It’s almost two thirty. Get some sleep so you’re not exhausted. Tomorrow’s gonna be a long day.” Karie yawns into the phone. She’s right, tomorrow is going to be a long day. Excruciatingly long.
“Okay, then I guess I’m going back to the room now. Wish me luck,” I say to her for the second time tonight.
“Luck!” she says. “Call me from the road. And wait!” She stops me before I disconnect. “Pais, wouldn’t it be so funny if this is like the guy you wind up marrying one day?”
“Hysterical,” I deadpan. “Although not likely, being I want to have kids and the whole not able to have sex with me thing might prevent that.”
“That’s horrible.” Karie laughs. “It was probably just a bad night. Who knows? Maybe it really was whiskey dick.”
“Doubtful.” And even if it was, I need a guy who can handle whiskey better than that. “I’ll call you tomorrow.” I disconnect and begrudgingly leave the ladies’ room to head to the elevators. As I approach the room, a sense of dread takes over. How will I ever survive this?
I take a deep breath before sliding the key card over the lock.
It’s one day, Paisley. And then you never have to see this guy ever again.
When You’re Talking in Your Sleep
The door opens and I snap my eyes shut so that she thinks I’m asleep. I don’t know if I’m relieved or disappointed that she’s back. When I heard her leave before I figured she was skipping out. And a big part of me was hoping she was.
She didn’t buy the whiskey dick excuse. I can’t blame her. I don’t buy it either.
I have no fucking clue what happened tonight. Paisley is ridiculously hot. The hands, the tongue, her curious little finger… all hot. So what the fuck happened? Is it because I turned thirty a few weeks ago? I thought things like this didn’t happen until your fifties or sixties. Oh God, will I have to see a doctor about this? Is it really possible that there’s something wrong with me?
Fuck. Sleep needs to comes soon; I don’t think I can take much more of this night. Not that tomorrow will be any easier. Spending all day with a chick who had your limp wiener in her hands will not be fun.
Maybe we can upgrade the rental when we check in and get a car with satellite radio? We can listen to Stern on the ride home and not be forced into any more conversation. Which is too bad, because before everything went down, literally, I really enjoyed talking with her. Too bad her attitude toward me changed so quickly. Geez, she really did a one-eighty. Shouldn’t I be the one who’s upset and not her?
Paisley’s bed springs noisily as she tosses and turns. She’s restless. Weird. I know why I can’t sleep, but I’d have figured she’d be fast asleep by now. There’s no reason for her to be up and obsessing. Her pa
rts were working just fine. She was more than ready to go.
Ah fuck, I’m an idiot.
I couldn’t finish but she didn’t finish. I gave her blue balls, the vagina version. She tosses and turns yet again, and now I get it. She’s restless because I got her all revved up and never finished the job. Although, I do know for a fact that if she wanted to she could finish the job herself. The sexy image of her hand down her shorts plays over in my mind, but I blow out a long stream of disappointed air when my dick doesn’t even so much as twitch.
“Paisley,” I say into the darkness.
“You’re awake?” she whispers.
“It sounds like you’re having trouble sleeping.”
“I’m fine.”
“Are you sure? ’Cause if you want I can come over there and take care of you?” I offer. Sure it’s an awkward invitation, but if it’ll help her sleep and put her in a better mood for tomorrow then it’s worth it.
“What?” She sits up in the bed. “Take care of me how?”
“You know,” I say.
“Like you want us to try and have sex again?”
“Not actual sex.” Unfortunately that’s still not an option for me at the moment. “But if you’d like I could give you a little relief.”
“Re. Lief?” She makes it two words. “Are you seriously offering what I think you are? Are you offering to do me a favor?” The way she says the word favor tells me I’m in trouble. It’s weird how one minute something can seem like such a good idea and the next you can see how truly asinine it really is.
I have no response. Is there any way possible I can just roll over and pretend I was sleep talking? Things can’t get much worse. So fuck it, I’m gonna go for it. I roll on my side and shut my eyes.
“Jax?” Paisley gets out of the bed and flicks the light on. “Jax, answer me,” she demands, walking over to my bed.
“Huh? What’s going on?” I lean up on an elbow and wipe the fake sleep from my eye. She hovers over my bed with her hands on her hips, her pretty face contorted with anger. “Did something happen? Was I talking in my sleep again?” I say in a groggy voice.
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