“So, don’t give in completely, but being childish isn’t helping.”
“I’ll change the damn name!” I yell ripping the card up. “I had planned on doing it before you got here anyway,” I say grumbling.
Bull halfway smiles.
I go over to where I watched the nurse hand me a card last time. She refused to write Dom’s fake name for me. I had to do it. (I might have mumbled she was a self-righteous bitch, under my breath.) I write Dominic West on the paper and put it in the place card holder on the incubator. (Again, I hate that word.)
Bull stays a little longer. I’m grateful for the company. He finally gets up to leave; as he walks to the door he stops and turns back around to look at me.
“Nicole? Does anyone win if you don’t give in a little?”
“I…”
“Just think about it. I’ll check on you soon.”
He leaves. I’m left wondering how to get over the anger and resentment I have inside of me. I don’t really have an answer.
Chapter 31
Dragon
“Dragon man, the men are starting to ask questions,” Dance says coming into the main room of the club.
I’m sitting at the bar, doing what I’ve done almost every day for the last week; ever since my run-in with Nicole. Life doesn’t suck as bad if you’re drunk off your ass through most of it. Dance sits beside me and I wish he’d fuck off.
“About what?” I say downing another shot.
“Shit, man, everything. You’ve not even had the vote about Crusher. The whole fucking place is in limbo.”
“Fuck the club. It’s already cost me too much. You can have it. There, problem fucking solved.”
“It hasn’t cost you shit. You haven’t even got off your drunk ass to go see your son in over a week. You haven’t been by to check on your woman. Not once man, that shit is wrong.”
“I check on my son,” I argue, because that shit needs to be shut down. The rest of it can go to hell.
“You call, you’ve not seen him one time, Drag. You and me? We know more than most how cold that shit is. Your boy needs you.”
“Nicole is there.”
“So? What the hell man, did you lose your fucking balls in that explosion?”
I don’t answer him. Instead, I stare at my glass, contemplating another shot. What I don’t tell him, what I can’t tell him? Is simple. I can’t see Nicole and not touch her. I can’t handle the hate in her eyes, her coldness towards me. It’s just something I am not strong enough to survive again. If that makes me weak, whatever. It’s just another reason the club is in better hands with Dancer.
“Fuck it. You want to drink yourself into a bottle, do it, but don’t blame me if you lose any chance with your woman.”
Dancer walks off. I should celebrate. So I down another shot. How many does that make? It’s a little fuzzy.
“He’s right, you know.”
I turn at the quiet voice from the hall. Dani looks around the room carefully, and then slowly makes her way to the bar when she sees everyone has left. I’ve seen very little of her since things have gone down. The Dani of today is not the same bitter bitch; she’s afraid of her damn shadow. She wears clothes so baggie that you could fit three of her in them. Her hair is down and around her face, and the long sleeves hide her hands, completely. If I could bring Kavanagh back and kill the mother fucker again, I would. Only this time I’d shoot his dick off first, because I don’t know what went down while he had Dani, but this woman screams of being raped.
“Right about what?” I ask, not looking at her, because even drunk I know she hates it when people look at her now.
“You need to wake Nicole up, prove to her you want her.”
“I’ve tried, she’s the one that sent me packing, D, not the other way around.”
“She’s hurt. All her life people have overlooked her, forgotten her, or just decided shit for her. You had to know what you did would hurt her.”
“What do you suggest?” I can’t believe I’m asking her for advice, but I figure she knows Nicole better than anyone, apparently even me.
“It’s time to grovel, big boy,” she says and I can almost see a flash of the old Dani, and shit, who knew that I would actually miss her.
“Grovel?” I ask putting my shot glass down.
“Beg, crawl, plead…surely those aren’t totally foreign words to you, Dragon.”
“Pretty damn close,” I admit honestly.
“Start with sending her flowers and a note saying you’re sorry you are an idiot.”
“An idiot?” I ask.
“What else do you call letting your pregnant wife think you were dead and then accusing her of having sex in a limo with another man?”
“I didn’t accuse her of that shit,” I argue holding my head down, because I know I’m wrong. I hadn’t even thought about it really, but in a way, I guess I did. I didn’t mean it, it was just the shock of opening the door and seeing that shit, and on top of all the other crap that had just gone down…Fuck.
“Get to work, Dragon. Don’t let me down, I need to believe there’s at least one good man left in this world,” she says getting up and walking carefully back towards the hall. She’s still not walking great, she has so many scars on her; it’s not funny, but I think the biggest ones are where people can’t see them. “You might think about cutting Zander some slack too, Dragon.”
“I don’t think so.” Yeah, that’s not going to happen.
“Everyone messes up, Dragon, apparently even you,” she says and then leaves.
It appears I need to grovel. I think I’ll start with a damn shower.
*
A couple hours later, I’m sober as hell. I can tell by the way my head is pounding. Still, I make it to the hospital in time for the last visitation time with my son. I thought Nicole would be there, but she’s not.
“Where’s my…where’s Nicole?” I ask the nurse on duty.
“She called in, apparently she has a fever. She’s not allowed to visit with Dom like that. His immune system is too weak.”
I nod, absently thinking of Nicole sick. Then I hear what she called baby C. She must have him confused with another kid. I guess it happens, but I don’t especially like it. I walk over to sit down by him. There’s a lot of changes just in a week. He’s still so tiny, but even I can tell his color and other things are better. I wish like hell we could take those damn wires and tubes out. I reach my hand in to place my finger against his tiny palm. He tries to wrap his around it, he can’t, but the slight movement makes me smile.” I look down at the note card in front of his case-like thing. They call it an incubator, but I don’t really care for that term.
Dominic West.
My heart stutters. She named our baby after one of my men. It’s a good name, a really fucking good name. It’s one I would have picked. Nicole had to know I would. Why did she change it? I want to ask, but right now just knowing she did is enough. I sit and talk with my son the rest of the time, apologizing for being an asshole and promising to do my best to get his family back together. I missed the little guy. How does someone so small own all of you even before he takes a breath?
I’m too wound up when I leave the hospital. I need to check on Nicole. I know she might not want to see me, but I know Dance and Carrie are spending the weekend at Dance’s mom’s house. I don’t want her to be alone and sick. I run by the store and pick up some Sprite and canned soup, store it in my bags and head out.
I pull into the driveway thinking back to that first day I met Nicole. Her sassy mouth and the way she put those barely there shoes on her feet. As I walk towards the small paved step, in front of the kitchen door, groceries in hand, I recall that first kiss…that first taste of her. The way her ass felt in my hands, the way her mouth attacked mine and her breath against my skin. The woman owned me from that minute on and not one second since then have I ever wanted anyone else. She’s it for me. Fuck, she always will be.
I knock on the d
oor, wondering if she will answer it. She had to have heard my bike. I’m about to give up and leave, when it opens. Nicole is standing there with her hair a mess, her eyes watery, her nose red and her face flushed. She’s wearing a giant gray t-shirt that comes to her knees that says, Country Till I Die on it—which really doesn’t sum her up at all. I smile as I take in the shaggy socks on her feet. Some things never change.
“Dragon? Is everything okay?” She asks, surprised to see me.
I feel like a fool for standing there and I’m unsure of what to say, so I hold up the Sprite and the bag I’m carrying, like a dumb ass.
“I thought you might be hungry.”
She freezes for a minute and looks at me. She’s studying me, I’m not sure for what. I hope she finds it. I need for her to find something in me she wants.
“The thought of food makes me cringe, but I wouldn’t mind some Sprite. My stomach is a mess,” she says backing away from the door.
I feel like I’ve won a victory, just being able to get through the door. I hope like hell I get the chance to win another one.
Chapter 32
Nicole
The last thing I expected to see was Dragon standing at my door. I’m sick as a dog, I can barely breathe, I’m depressed because I couldn’t see the baby tonight and I look like hell. When I opened the door and Dragon was standing there, part of me wished a giant hole would swallow me up. I would have rather looked good, but I feel so bad I can’t drum up the energy to do anything about it.
I’ve missed him. Is it possible to be mad at someone and want to kill them, yet hurt from being away from them? It feels like a piece of me is missing, and I don’t have the strength to turn him away tonight. Instead, I stand back and open the door wider. He comes in with a lopsided grin, but it has none of the cockiness that Dragon usually has. He goes into the kitchen, finds a glass and puts some ice in it, before filling it with soda.
His large hand brushes my forehead as he hands me the glass.
“You’re burning up, Mama,” he whispers and his breath fans my hair. I close my eyes, absorbing his touch. God, I miss him.
“It’s just a cold.”
He kisses the top of my head and my heart literally hurts. It’s an exquisite pain.
“Have you taken anything to bring the fever down?”
“I was getting ready to.”
“I’ll get it. You go lay down on the couch.”
“But…”
“Do it, Mama. Let me take care of you tonight, please? No strings, I just need this.”
Something about the look on his face and the change in his tone, grabs my attention. I nod and go back into the living room. I curl up in one corner with an afghan over me and take another drink, before sitting it down.
In a little while Dragon comes in the living room carrying a tray.
“Dragon, I told you. I’m just not hungry.”
“We’ll try and get a little down you. You don’t want to get sicker. Dom needs you.”
I freeze. Dragon hadn’t really been back to the hospital since I put Dom’s real name up.
“I didn’t realize you knew,” I say and I’m thankful for my fever because I probably would have flushed with guilt otherwise.
“I just found out, why did you change it?”
Confession time. Who said confession was good for the soul? Because they’re stupid. Still, I might as well bite the bullet.
“It always was Dominic. I was mad at you and I knew you hated those names,” I shrug.
“It’s a good name.”
“I’m really sorry about Frog. His sister seemed to be having a hard time.”
“Yeah, she is. He was all she had.”
“We should reach out to her,” I tell him, totally ignoring that I’m already putting us back together in my brain.
“Believe it or not, Skull has.”
Interesting, but I find myself hoping that works out.
“I’m sorry I was childish. I should have told you the baby’s name.”
“I was stupid, so I figure you had a right to be childish.”
My eyes must have given away my surprise, because he smiles sardonically and then shakes his head.
“I knew better, Mama. You’d never betray me. I was scared you were hurt and opening the door to see what…,” he shakes his head. “My big mouth just reacted first and my brain didn’t catch up. I’m sorry.”
It’s silent now and more than a little awkward. I move the spoon around. I manage to get down a spoonful or two of the soup, but that’s about it. Dragon gives me that look, so I put the tray on the coffee table and compromise by showing him I’m eating a handful of crackers.
He shakes his head, but his lips curve into a mocking smile. It’s a good smile, his eyes crinkle at the corners.
“I’m sorry I shot you,” I say when I finish eating and go back to just my Sprite.
His smile grows. His eyes light up. Have I mentioned how much I love his eyes?
“I can’t believe you shot me.”
“I may need to take gun classes.”
“Oh, hell no. You could have shot off my balls that last time. I think you need to stay away from guns—for everyone’s safety.”
“That wouldn’t happen if I were trained,” I defend.
“We’ll see. Here take some ibuprofen and let’s see about getting your fever down,” he semi-orders, reaching to the forgotten tray to give me the medicine.
I take it and turn back to the TV.
“I remember the first night I came here and you were covered up in that afghan.”
My eyes lock back on his.
“I had no idea then just how much you would rock my world, woman. I just knew, I needed you like my next breath.”
“Dragon…”
“That’s even truer today, Nicole. I might be an idiot, Mama. I know I’ve cut you deep. I’ll try and fix it, but you need to know that I love you with everything I am and if I fuck up, it’s not because I don’t care.”
“Dragon, what’s happened to you? You’re getting practically mushy, better watch it, you’re losing badass-biker status,” I try to joke because his words touch me. They’re not enough, but they do smooth over some of the hurt, and I’m too sick tonight to try and shore up my defenses against him.
“I’m pretty sure that happened when I let your fine ass talk me into putting on that fucking monkey suit.”
“Ugh. If I’m honest, you look damn good in a suit, but I missed my man in his jeans and cut.”
“Thank fuck.”
It was my turn to smile, which wasn’t easy because I was trying to breathe through my mouth.
“My head is woozy.”
“Come here and lay in my lap and watch TV. Try to nap, you’ve run your system down trying to be everywhere, so soon after having surgery.”
“I should call and check on Dom.”
“He’s fine baby, I just came from there, remember? Our boy is a fighter.”
“Dragon…”
“I’m not asking for nothing, Mama. Well, that’s not true, I’m asking for a chance to prove to you I get what you’re saying. That I will do better, but for tonight just let me be close to you and take care of you.”
I should tell him to leave, that what he wants is dangerous. I should tell him there is a lot of trust to rebuild. I can’t. I’m too tempted. So I twist and turn to my side, laying my head on his lap. My eyes go to the television, but I’m not really watching. The sound is so low, you can barely hear it anyway. In a minute I feel Dragon’s fingers comb through my hair and my eyes close at the pleasure of it. I have missed his closeness so much. I had faced the rest of my life without him and, until this moment, I never allowed myself to contemplate ever having him back. The force of emotions that hit me cause moisture to gather in my eyes, but I choke it back. I can’t deal with any of that right now.
“Don’t blame me if I drool all over your jeans or if you get sick,” I mutter, annoyed with myself for being weak.
“You sure aren’t sounding like the Dragon who thought I’d be the perfect Twinkie to add to his collection.”
“That Dragon was a stupid prick. Luckily the taste of your lips, woke my ass up quick.”
“So, you admit that’s what you wanted from me?” I prod with a giggle, because he’s always denied it.
“Just until I had a taste of you. From that moment on, you were mine.”
“I’m pretty sure you can’t own people, Dragon.”
“I disagree, you’ve pretty much owned me from that first day, Mama.”
I smile and close my eyes, enjoying the feel of his fingers and the sweetness of just having him here with me.
“Where do you think we would have been, if we hadn’t met that day at the gas station?”
“I probably would have been hooked up with Lips and felt empty as hell.”
“Lips?” I ask and try to tap down the twinge of jealousy that flairs. (It might be a big twinge.)
“She was a Twinkie, but different from the rest. I respected her. We got along well enough, I had been thinking on it. Just never really cared enough to make a move.”
“Well…that sounds…fun.”
“I didn’t want to be that man.”
“That man?”
“That sixty-year-old who was still sharing women with his brothers and crawling between the open legs of some chick, not because she gave a fuck about me, but just because she wanted to make it with a member of the Savage crew.”
“Wow, Dragon, you paint a pretty picture.”
“Mama, until you came into my life, I never realized what happiness was, let alone love.”
I soak in those words. I drink them in deep.
“Are you feeling okay after the surgery?” He asks softly.
“Yeah, sore and stuff, but they tell me that’s normal. All things considered, I’m doing really well.”
“My woman’s a fighter, it’s where our son gets it.”
“I figured that trait was pure stubbornness. That is definitely a West family trait, sweetheart.”
Loving Nicole: Savage Brothers MC Page 16