When the man didn’t continue, he said, “And…?”
“And…she loves you, too.”
Yes, damn it. He knew that, but hearing it said by someone else sent his heart to skittering about in his chest. “Foolish woman that she is. But at least there are two people in this world who don’t hate me.”
“There’s Mrs. Chesshire and Annie, and that dear girl you rescued and brought here. Offered her a safe haven when she had none. You are not half the monster you would like us all to think.”
“Nice of you to say. However, I don’t want these people to love me. I don’t want you to care what happens to me.”
“Why not?” Simmons stretched out his legs, crossed his ankles, as if settling in for a good conversation. “Why not marry her? She cares enough for you to help you. To be loyal to you. An understanding woman is difficult to find. Any fool can see she is that.”
Amazed at his insight, Blair gazed at the sharp crease in the man’s black trousers, the high shine on his shoes, and gritted his teeth. Tell him. He has to know. And clearly he would approve.
“We have talked about it,” he said softly, glanced at Simmons, and saw approval on his face. “A special arrangement. I am… We will have the ceremony here as soon as the reverend can call on us.”
“Very good, sir. I approve wholeheartedly.”
The man would not approve if he knew the special arrangement of which he had spoken, but Blair decided not to discuss that with anyone. It would be clear soon enough to those who lived at Fairhaven, and it was no one else’s business.
“I will not hurt her. We are going to be very careful. I presume I can count on your assistance in that matter.”
“Of course.”
“Will you stand up with me?”
“Yes, of course.” Simmons smiled at him. “I am so happy for you, and her.” Simmons cleared his throat, and Blair glared at him, ignoring the tears glistening in his eyes.
“If someone could help, would you be willing to try? Could you at least—”
“I don’t need help. I can manage.”
“If you say so.”
“Now, unless you want to be talking to a naked man, you’d best leave.” He untied the sash of the gown and began to unbutton his pants. “Would you have Grady or Annie bring up some hot water?”
“Of course. Is there anything else I can do? I mean for the marriage ceremony.”
“Yes, please do not mention it to anyone. I prefer to make the announcement with her by my side.”
“When would that be?”
“Soon, very damn soon.”
****
With angry swipes Rowena mopped up the spilled coffee and tossed the rag in the sink. Directing anger at Blair was pointless. It was not an anger at his actions, but rather at his refusal to let her help him. Perhaps men just had a difficult time with that. At times she wanted to wrap him in her arms, soothe him like a mother with a child who is throwing a tantrum. That was not a good idea, but she could stand beside him. If only he would let her.
Annie bustled into the room while Rowena stared into her cup. Drawing up short, she put a hand to her chest. “Ah, Miss Rowena, you startled me. I thought you were in bed yet.”
“Is Lizza still asleep?”
“Yes’m. I came to carry hot water to his lordship. He wishes to take a bath. Imagine, the middle of the week, and all. He can’t possibly be going to Hays in this weather.”
“No, I would not think so.”
Annie stared at her shoes.
She ached to tell Annie about their marriage plans, but thought it better if she and Blair told everyone together, so she did not explain. Waited for Annie to continue the conversation.
“I am sorry. I heard the ruckus. It must be hell—oops, sorry, ma’am—loving a man such as Blair Prescott. I’ll never understand the English way, with their royalty and the upper class. His lordship indeed. He needs to embrace the western ways here and come down off his high horse, if you’ll excuse me saying so.” At times her Scots roots came through, though she was trying very hard to adopt the western way of speaking as well as of thinking.
Rowena had never heard Annie criticize Blair. He had, after all, rescued her and Nellie from the filthy back streets of Glasgow. But she held her tongue, for clearly Annie had a need to continue.
And so she did, as if someone had wound her up. “I’d rather do the cooking than anything, but cleaning this god-awful place falls to me. Cobwebs in the corners, dust everywhere, and the rooms are cold and damp. A good old-fashioned woodstove would do the job better than these fireplaces. Look at how warm the kitchen is. I’ll admit, I do enjoy the idea of an indoor water closet. Never had such in any place my family ever lived. And oh, I do so enjoy the big bathtub. Might his almighty high lordship hire a housekeeper, and I would be pleased to cook.”
Annie continued to ramble on while dipping hot water from the stove’s reservoir and filling two pails for Blair’s bath. Rowena only half listened.
When the buckets were full, Rowena stood and grabbed the bail of one. “Here, let me help you.”
“Oh, not necessary. Easier to carry two, balances me out.”
Rowena grabbed the second bucket. “Well, then I’ll just take them both. You can get on with your cooking. I imagine everyone will be hungry for a sumptuous tea this afternoon.”
Smiling, she left the kitchen to Annie’s continued protests. Aiming for trouble again, she supposed. But one way or another, Blair was going to grow accustomed to her presence in his life. She would wear him down. Possibly before he could arrange for their wedding ceremony and his insistence on the peculiar arrangement. The way the weather looked, that could be a while.
Carrying two buckets of water up the long staircase was more difficult than she’d thought. It hadn’t occurred to her how hard it would be to keep her long dress and petticoats out from under her feet while both hands were busy. She finally resorted to placing the water buckets a few steps ahead, lifting her skirts and going up, continuing that to the top, where she stopped to rest. By then she was having trouble carrying them at all, but she was determined.
At Blair’s door, she set the buckets down, tapped twice, then leaned against the heavy panel and tried to breathe. The walls swirled away, his face appeared, then everything went black.
Blair caught Rowena as she toppled into his room, lifted her into his arms, and carried her to the bed. “What in the world, woman? You should be in bed. Are you all right? What happened? What did you do, carry that water all the way up the stairs? Damn that Grady. I’ll have his hide.” He fingered a loose strand of pale hair from her damp forehead. Gazed down at her lashes that fluttered when he spoke her name, and kissed her cheek.
“You should be in bed, you beautiful, crazy woman.” A red-hot passion gripped him. “Oh, God, Rowena.” He gathered her close to his chest and held her there. “What am I going to do with you? With us?”
“Love me,” she murmured, mouth warm against his throat.
“I do love you. More than I can tell you. But it’s so difficult. I am not the man someone like you deserves. Please understand, my love.” He kissed her temple.
“Lord Prescott, did you…?” Simmons burst into the room.
Blair quickly lowered her onto the mattress, straightened her clothing, and turned. Simmons stopped, a bucket of water in each hand. “Oh, sir, I apologize. I thought…” He dropped the buckets, splashing water over the expensive oriental rug and his pants’ legs, and fled.
Rowena giggled and gave a lively bounce. “What do you suppose he thought?”
“Stop that, right now.” But her laughter was catching, and soon he chuckled.
“Did you see his face?” She burst into full-blown laughter.
“Rowena,” he said softly, touched her cheek with the tips of his fingers, as if she might break.
“I know, Blair. You make me feel loved, cherished. I didn’t know it could be this way. You, sir, are the man I deserve, and then some.”
<
br /> Again he touched her cheek. “Are you sure you are all right? I would hate for something to develop and us out here with no doctor.”
“I have never felt better in my life. I never knew I would fall in love again.”
“Again?” He lowered himself beside her. This was news.
“Oh, it was a long time ago, and I was very young. But then, well, let’s say that it did not work out. I grew older and older. Finally I decided I was meant to be a spinster. Even thought of going into the convent, but the sisters were so mean spirited at St. Ann’s that I did not think I would enjoy that.”
“Oh, love, I cannot imagine you as a nun. Never.”
“What, you think I’m not worthy?”
“Not that at all. I think you are too full of mischief. And you enjoy the sort of loving that isn’t allowed in a convent. Truth be known, I can see where Tyra gets her—what is it the westerners call it?—orneriness.”
She punched his shoulder gently. “Is that right? I will have you know I am the picture of decorum.”
“Oh, you are?” He laughed again. “I just realized something.”
“What’s that?”
“I am actually enjoying myself. I cannot remember the last time I felt this good.”
Tears filled her eyes and she cupped his face.
“Rowena, don’t cry. What is it?”
“I want you to be happy, so much it hurts me here.” She clenched a fist over her heart, sucked in a sob. “I guess that’s what love is.”
Silence covered him like a cloak, and he stared at her. He was so frightened for her, yet so sure he needed her more than he needed to take his next breath. Took her fist in his hand, pulled it to his lips and kissed the fingers tenderly. He could not speak. Sat there gazing down at her and hanging on to her hand. She was his connection to reality.
She moved over, patted the bed. “Lie down beside me. Rest. You are still exhausted, as am I. Just lie here.”
He toed off his boots and did as she asked, gathering her in his arms and closing his eyes.
“Rowena?” he murmured.
“Yes, my dearest.”
“Promise me that if I have a nightmare and begin to thrash around, you will not awaken me, or touch me. Just move away until I wake up on my own, no matter what. Do you promise?”
She kissed him on the cheek. “Yes, I promise. Now go to sleep. You are safe, and so am I.”
The water in the forgotten buckets was cool when Rowena awoke some time later and crawled off the bed. Blair continued to sleep. Long dark lashes spread over the dark circles under his eyes, his sensuous lips relaxed. In sleep, the tortured appearance of his features smoothed out and he looked angelic. Well, more like a dark angel. She giggled inside herself.
In a small way she understood his suffering. She had not gone through anywhere near as much torture as he had in that dreadful war, yet sometimes the memories of the dark cell, the hard stone floor, the strips of thin leather lashing her back, smothered her so she could hardly breathe. Her body would quiver, her back feeling once again the whip that had left her scarred. Her knees that ached from kneeling for hours to atone for a sin she had not committed. She choked and resolutely cut off those black recollections.
Yet multiply her experiences by thousands and it would scarcely equal the horrors Blair must have endured in the war. She would not leave him until it was the only choice left for both of them. There had to be something she could do. But for the life of her she could not think what.
She poured the cool water from the two buckets into the tub and took them downstairs. When he awoke, she’d see he had hot water for a bath.
Had she sinned with this man? Possibly, though it was only the once and they had not done more than pleasure each other. Still, if the nuns were to be believed, anything that felt that good must be a sin. But Blair had said they had not “done it.” He surely would not lie to her about something so important. Even Marguerite shook her finger and frowned darkly at the mere mention of what men did to women. Yet she could not wait until she and Blair could enjoy such married freedom in their bed. Blair loved her, and she loved him. For the first time in her life she felt like a real woman instead of a penitent child.
If only she could do something for him, help him unlock his mind and drive away the demons that haunted him. Perhaps their love would help. And somehow, someway, she’d get him together with Hildegarde Smythe.
****
Three days later, the sun had melted most of the snow, the roads were a sea of muck, but passable. Buggies, wagons, and horses traveled to and from Victoria, and Rowena wanted to join them. She hunted down Grady and asked him to take her to town.
“Ah, we’ll have to ask the captain.” He grinned.
“Must you insist on your western humor?”
“Of course, your ladyship. However, I was simply addressing him by his Zouave rank. Any soldier deserves that.”
His reply shut her up momentarily. “Nevertheless, I don’t have to ask Blair before I can go to town.”
“You may not have to, but he near skinned me when I had you out in the storm. We’re getting along pretty good, considering he’s an officer with a title.”
Lips compressed, she stared him down, noting the twitch around his lips. The man was much too happy of late. Obviously he and Blair had come to some sort of agreement.
“Then you may ask him while I go dress for town.”
“Pretty dang sure of yourself, ain’t you?”
“No, I really ain’t.” She flounced from the kitchen and hurried upstairs to change clothes. Nellie had stitched her two new dresses, one for town wear, the other for afternoons.
When she came back down, Blair waited at the door, dressed in tight black breeches, knee-high black boots, a boiled white shirt open at the throat, and a black vest. He took her breath away.
“Good morning.” She offered her hand and he took it, lifted it to his lips with a slight bow. Her skin tingled pleasantly with the lingering kiss.
He glanced up, caught her gazing at him, and smiled, a soft expression that went all the way to his eyes. “I will accompany you to town, if you don’t mind. I have a list from Annie, who requires some supplies before we get snowed in again. And, as you recall, we need to ask the reverend when he can marry us.”
Filled with excitement, she stood on her tiptoes and kissed the tip of his chin. “What if we could just do it today? In town. Go get Simmons and Annie, and let’s. Oh, Blair, let’s.”
He appeared confused, glanced all around. “I had not thought of doing that. Are you sure? I mean, we have not planned anything, nor have we told anyone. You haven’t, have you?” He touched her lips with the tip of his finger. “Haven’t said a word?”
“No, no, I have not. Let’s tell them now. Then we can get the carriage instead of the buggy and carry everyone to town who wants to see us get married. Oh, Blair, let’s do it before another storm comes in. Then it might be weeks before we can get out again. It’s time we shared a bed.”
He tilted his head and studied her, his eyes sparkling. “Are you absolutely sure? And you will hold to your promise?”
“Yes, yes.”
Lifting his shoulders in a huge sigh, he grabbed her around the waist and twirled in a big circle. “Okay, love. Have it your way.” He set her down while she squealed with delight, then took her hand and led her to the kitchen, where they were sure to find Annie. Word would flash through the castle like wildfire once she knew.
They caught up with Simmons coming out of the breakfast room, and Grady rushed in the front door announcing that the buggy awaited. Blair shouted over his shoulder. “Change of plans. Would you mind terribly exchanging the buggy for the carriage? I think we’re all going to town. Rowena and I are getting married, and we want you all there.”
“Why, Captain, what good news. I’ll go and do that right now.” He grabbed Blair’s hand, shook it hard, pounded on his shoulder, smiled at Rowena, took her hand and kissed it, then ran out the fr
ont door.
Rowena laughed, and so did Blair. “It appears that Grady approves,” he said.
Even Simmons joined in the hilarity by revealing his teeth. Annie came from the kitchen. “What is all the excitement?”
“Blair and I are getting married, and we want you all to come to town with us. Now, it’s such a beautiful day.”
Annie squealed. Nellie and Lizza came in from the sewing room and had to be told what was going on. Lizza hugged Rowena and shyly put her arms around Blair’s waist for a quick hug. Simmons continued to beam.
Within a half hour the carriage was ready and everyone piled in. Simmons rode up front with Grady, and everyone else crowded inside, Annie, Nellie, and Lizza stuffed into one seat, Blair and Rowena in the other, all snugged under carriage rugs.
Blair slipped his arm around Rowena, and she lay her head on his shoulder, her world filled with joy. “I wish Tyra was here.”
“Me too. Perhaps we can find her in town.”
“I hope so. Oh, and Marguerite. We must stop and tell her so she can come.”
The carriage moved out, wheels sucking in the deep mud, the team struggling to get moving. A cold wind seeped around the lowered curtains, but everyone was warm and cozy.
Blair brushed his cheek against the top of Rowena’s head and closed his eyes. If there was a God, he prayed he would let this day be free of demons, of doubts and terror. Let this woman he loved have her wedding without witnessing what he could become if the ghosts decided to sneak into the church. He would try to welcome them as guests and not let the darkness in.
After much ado in Victoria, and with half the town in attendance including Tyra and James Lee, Blair and Rowena were married in the Episcopal church, to the delight of everyone including the regal and handsome George Grant, who offered them a honeymoon night in the Manor.
Blair was ready to refuse but, seeing Rowena’s expression, could not bring himself to do so. It was not a good idea, but he accepted and vowed to remain awake so as not to frighten her with one of his night terrors. All trooped off to have dinner at the High Plains Restaurant. The establishment was thrown open to all attending the wedding, with Blair paying the bill.
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