by Cane, Laken
I stopped searching the ground and stared at him, horrified. “God, Wyatt. I’m so sorry.”
He said nothing, but the female, Avery, clenched her fists. “He wouldn’t have died had the beta aided us instead of being so wrapped up in protecting you.” She sneered, but tears stood in her eyes. One of their own had died there tonight, and they were hurting.
One of our own.
It seemed that I kept taking one step forward and two steps backward with my pack. They were never going to accept me at this rate. And maybe that was because we both knew I didn’t really belong with them.
I finally spotted my blade and slid it into its sheath, then began walking back to the detective’s driveway, subdued and quietly upset. The wolves were right to be angry. And I had to wonder why it was that my first instinct was to worry more about the humans than my own kind.
Especially when, as soon as they found out about us, the humans would make it their one purpose in life to wipe us all the hell out.
Chapter Fifteen
Rick and Joe were standing in the street, waiting for me. In Rick’s eyes I saw relief follow swiftly by a half-irritated sort of acceptance, but in Joe’s eyes there was only satisfaction.
I couldn’t help but grin to see them both. No, they weren’t wolves, but they were my people. My tribe. And in a few seconds, they both returned my grin, and neither of them shrank from me when I wrapped my arms around them and pulled them into a hug.
“Careful there, boss,” Joe said. “I’ve got a machete.”
I laughed. “Yeah you do.”
Rick pulled back to search my face. “You’re cut up, Kait.”
“I’m okay.” I felt the healing wound pull tightly when I smiled. “I’ll heal.”
He only nodded.
Behind me, Wyatt cleared his throat. “We need to get Brian’s body back to Shadowfield.”
Rick looked at him. “What are you?”
I turned sharply to Wyatt and held my hand out. “Wait—”
“Wolves,” he said. “We are wolves.” And he lifted his chin, straightened his back, and stared the detective down. God, the pride in his fierce wolf stare.
And at that moment, I felt it, too. Rick and Joe were my people, but so were these wolves. Pride shivered through me, and without thinking, without hesitation, I gripped Wyatt’s arm with the hand I’d held out, only seconds before, to stop him.
“Wolves,” I whispered, and finally, I turned to look at the two human men—Joe with his sharp, bloody machete, which he’d lifted to lay across his broad shoulder, and Rick with his suit and his gun and his cold cop eyes.
There wasn’t any surprise in either of their stares.
“Damn, Kaity Bug,” Joe said. “I knew it.”
I laughed, and even I heard the relief, pride, and the tiny, tiny droplet of fear and shame that yet lingered. “You didn’t.”
“Well, no,” he admitted, then shrugged. “I just knew you were special.”
Honestly, that brought tears to my eyes.
Rick said nothing, but he pulled an honest to God handkerchief from his pocket and began swiping at the blood on my face. “Come back inside. I’ll patch you up.”
“Can’t,” Wyatt said, speaking for me. “Neighbors are watching. Someone called the cops. We need to get out of here.”
We all heard the sirens, though who was to say they were coming for us? The city was loud with the sound of sirens and full of constant emergencies. We weren’t going to be high on their priority list. Still, Wyatt was right. We needed to go.
There was a dead wolf who needed returned to his family. And there was a mutant vampire I needed to catch.
Eli strode toward us, dressed in a pair of borrow pants two sizes too small for him. He came straight for me. “Turn your nose up if you must, Kait Silver, but when my alpha gives me an order, I will follow that order to my death.”
I nodded. “I know, Beta.” But I wouldn’t apologize, because his actions meant Avis was still out there, killing people. I didn’t say that, either, because he knew—and he was as angry at his alpha as he was at himself. “You won’t be hunting with me again, though,” I said, instead.
“I’m good with that.”
“The alpha won’t let her hunt alone,” Avery muttered. “He thinks she’s the—”
“Shut your mouth, wolf,” Eli growled.
She shut her mouth.
“Avis fucked you up,” he told me. “Do you want to take time to sh—”
“No,” I interrupted quickly. I just wasn’t ready for him to say the S word in front of Rick and Joe. Not yet. Just…not yet.
“I’ll meet you there,” Joe said. “You know I’m hunting with you, right?”
I sighed, somewhat regretful that he was human. “I’ll leave you in the dust, Joe.”
He grinned and hefted his massive machete. “I know. But I’ll follow you, Kait. And if you’re lying half-dead in a dark trench somewhere, I’ll find you. Eventually.” He lost his grin. “I swear it.”
“Dammit, Joe,” I whispered, as weepy as an old lady. I clasped Rick’s hand for a few seconds, then climbed into the car. I needed to get to the woods of Shadowfield, shift, and get my emotions under control. I didn’t tell anyone to be careful. Avis would take some time to regroup, I was nearly certain. She’d clawed me up, it was true, and badly, but I’d damaged her, as well.
Vampire—sort of—or not, she was going to need some time.
No one said a word all the way back to Shadowfield. I stared out the window as Eli drove, my stomach hurting as I witnessed my beloved city being battered by evil. I clenched my fists, suddenly raging. I was tempted to tell Eli to stop and let me out, but he’d have argued, and besides, I wanted to be with the alpha when he saw his dead wolf.
In my old pack, it wouldn’t have hurt my alpha to have lost a wolf. It would tear Jared up. And I would be there with him, though he might not want me to be.
He was waiting when we pulled into Shadowfield, standing with a long line of wolves behind him, waiting. Eli parked my car, and when I didn’t move, he surprised me by patting my knee. “It’ll be okay, Kait.”
“One of our wolves is dead,” I murmured. “That’s not okay.”
“It wasn’t your fault. Jared won’t blame you.”
I pointed my chin at the wolves behind him. “They will.” I met Jared’s stare through the window, and though his expression didn’t change, his lips tightened and his eyes went so carefully blank that I knew he was hiding an enormous amount of emotion.
Zach stood beside him, frowning, and then he broke from the little crowd and walked toward the car. Jared didn’t try to stop him.
Eli opened his door. “Come on. You can help me carry Brian to them.”
I jerked my head around to look at him, my breath whooshing out. “I can?”
Wyatt and Avery had already left the car and stood at the back, waiting by the hatch. I wanted to help Eli carry Brian’s body to their alpha, but that wouldn’t have been right. I didn’t know him, not really. I wasn’t his friend. Wyatt and Avery were.
“Let them take him,” I said.
He nodded. “Jared is right. You’re a good person.”
Eli and I bracketed the two warriors as they carried their brother to the alpha, and Zach halted before he reached us to watch us come. There was a question in his eyes, and I gave him a nod to let him know I was okay, despite the way I looked. And even before we reached the knot of wolves, I could hear the soft cries of a woman.
“Bring him inside,” another woman said.
Jared stared down at the body for a few seconds before nodding. “Take him home,” he told Wyatt and Avery. “Eli, Kait. With me.”
Zach didn’t ask if he might accompany us—he simply walked beside me, his shoulder brushing mine, offering his support, should I need it. Jared didn’t take us to his house but to his office in the admin building.
The room was bright and warm, but the pall of death and rogue vampires hung heavy in t
he room. Finally, Jared looked at me. “How did he die?”
“I wasn’t there,” I said. “I was battling Avis Vine in another location.”
He scraped his cold stare over my wounded face. “Eli,” he said.
Eli tensed. “I wasn’t there either,” he said. “I was chasing after Kait. I attempted to protect her and failed to protect the ones who needed it a whole fuck of a lot more than she did.”
Jared narrowed his eyes and took a step toward Eli, his rage flaring to life. Both men were hurting, and both of them would express their pain as anger.
Damn wolves.
I did something then that I shouldn’t have done. Knowing didn’t stop me from doing it, though. I got in the middle of a couple of angry, powerful wolves. “Listen to me,” I said. “Brian’s death was the fault of the bloodsucker who killed him. Not yours, and not Eli’s. And from now on I’m hunting alone.”
Jared’s pupils contracted and for a second, there was such blackness in his eyes that I believed he might start killing people—starting with me—and not stop. “Do not,” he bit out, “get between me and my wolves.”
I moved hastily out of his way. Let them kill each other, if that’s what they needed to do. I’d had enough. I needed to shift, heal, and get back out there. I frowned, suddenly remembering that Joe was supposed to meet me. The second I thought it, though, my cell vibrated.
I turned my back on Jared and Eli and read the text from my mother.
I just heard. Are you okay? I’m outside keeping Joe company until you get here.
Relieved, I tapped out a quick reply. I’m okay but having a delay. Be there soon. Tell Joe?
I didn’t want her to know I was going to shift before I went hunting, because she’d only worry. Zach was so quiet I’d almost forgotten he was in the room, but when I looked at him, he gestured toward the door. Without hesitating, I dropped my phone back into my pocket and gave him a nod. I was more than ready to exit the testosterone-laden room.
“Kait,” Jared said, as I put my hand on the doorknob. “I want to talk to you.”
I yanked open the door and strode out, Zach at my back. I didn’t answer him, so Zach answered for me. “Come find her when you’re done being an asshole.”
But it didn’t bother me that the alpha was an asshole. Most alphas were assholes. It bothered me that he obviously didn’t think of me as one of them. He didn’t want me sticking my nose in pack business. And he for damn sure didn’t think of me as his equal. To him, I was just another of his wolves, and he’d proven that.
That was why we hadn’t had sex, despite the fact that I’d thrown myself at him. He’d told me I wasn’t ready. Ready to…what? Accept him as my lord and master?
Fuck that.
It royally pissed me off that I cared so very much, when he cared not at all.
Chapter Sixteen
The vampires had screwed up my happy home. I wanted to be back there with Lucy and Ash, walking into my office with the snarky Max, and fighting over pastries with Joe. After I left Shadowfield, I’d stop by my place to change clothes, pack an extra bag to stash in my car, and just…be home for a minute.
I didn’t give my wolf a lot of time to run through the woods—there was too much to do. I healed the wounds Avis had given me, and then I washed away the blood in an icy stream that ran through the woods. The worst of my injuries had been the magic she’d sent into my bloodstream with her claws, and my demon blade had neutralized that. I would need to tell Jered and Lennon about the discovery. It was one more important piece in the puzzle that was Avis Vine. If Lennon could create an antidote to counteract the poison, it could save a life.
I’d left my clothes and blade with Zach, but when I returned from the woods, Zach was gone and Jared had taken his place. I was clothed only in pale moonlight and shadows, but unlike Zach, Jared didn’t turn his back when I stepped from the trees, naked and wet from my quick wash in the stream.
“I promised him,” he said, quietly, “that I was “done being an asshole.” I’m sorry, Kait.” He held out his hand, offering me my blade.
I hesitated, then pulled my unbound hair over my shoulders to at least hide a little of my body from his stare, then walked to him, took my knife from his hand, and turned away to dress. “What happened, Jared?”
He was silent for a few seconds, but I didn’t turn to look at him as I quickly dressed in my tattered clothes. Finally, he spoke, and though his voice was calm, they were laced with pain. “Brian wasn’t the only wolf to die tonight. I found three others after you left. Three of my scouts. It shouldn’t be so easy for the vampires to kill us.”
“Shit,” I whispered, yanking on my boots. “Jared, when Avis cut up my face, her claws released a poison into my bloodstream.” I put my hand over my holstered blade, ashamed that part of me was reluctant to tell him how I’d beaten it for fear he’d want to take my knife. “My demon blade counteracted it. They’re killing us with magic. That’s why it’s so easy for them.”
He wasn’t convinced. “Avery and Wyatt were hurt. Avery was not only clawed but bitten. They’re alive.”
“I doubt all the vampires have the power. If they did, we’d all be dead.”
“I’ll talk to Lennon.” He blew out a breath and ran his hand over his face, then reached out, grabbed my upper arms, and dragged me to him. “Fuck,” he whispered. “You could have died, Kait.”
I stiffened in his arms immediately, but God, I wanted to melt against him, into him, around him. He felt like heaven. He smelled like heaven. And I knew from experience that he tasted like heaven. “I thought you didn’t care.” I tried to sound dry and snarky. I didn’t succeed.
He squeezed me so tightly I couldn’t breathe. “It isn’t that I don’t care about you. It’s that I care too much. I don’t know what to do with that.”
“Why is it so hard?” I asked.
He sighed. “You do not want to be an alpha’s woman, Kait. You want to be…”
“What?” I asked, breathless.
“Alpha,” he said. “You want to be alpha.”
“And you can’t be with me because you don’t want to fuck an alpha?” I was going to make him say it.
“There can’t be two rulers of my pack, Kait. When we fuck, it will be because you are ready for what comes after.”
“I’m hot for you, Jared. I don’t want to marry you and I don’t want to steal your pack. I don’t even like most of those assholes.” Still, I didn’t step away from him. I didn’t back out of his arms. I knew he couldn’t take the responsibility of his pack lightly. He’d been born into his position, and alphas were a whole different animal than regular men—or women. I understood that part, honestly, I did. I would have been the same way if I’d ruled a pack.
But I didn’t understand one thing. “Why can’t you just have some fun, Alpha?”
He didn’t laugh. “I can’t lose myself in you for a night and not want you forever.” He slid his fingers to my hair and tugged until I looked up to meet his stare. “And neither can you.”
“What do you want?” I whispered, my heart aching. “What do you want me to do?”
“I want you to accept me as your alpha. Not just your wolf’s alpha.” He lowered his face until his lips were so close they brushed mine when he spoke. “Yours.”
An alpha’s mate took vows to submit to her—or his—alpha’s rule. His word, in the end, was the only word that mattered. The pack was his pack. She helped him, took care of him and his household so he could better rule his pack—and yes, the pack was deferential to the alpha’s mate. They were respectful. And, if she were anything like my ex-alpha’s mate, they feared her. But only because she belonged to the alpha.
If his mate saw something she didn’t like happening in the pack, she could bring it up, but she couldn’t change it. She could not get between an alpha and his pack, which I had already infuriated Jared by doing earlier.
Could I bow to my alpha, my husband, my mate?
Hell no.
And I understood what Jared was feeling, because I felt it, as well. If I’d ruled a pack, I would have made sure the man I married understood that I was the ruler. If he tried to take that from me…
I clenched my fists and a growl rose within me. Yes. I understood. But I wanted this alpha. I wanted Jared. Not just in bed, I had to admit, though I’d told him that was all I wanted. He knew better. He knew I wanted him the way he wanted me. As more than just a fuck.
I was extraordinarily drawn to him, which made me think that there was more at work here than mere physical attraction. My wolf wanted to submit to him. She wanted to live for him. And that scared the absolute crap out of me.
I realized at that moment that my mother was only ever free, only ever herself, after my father’s death. His death had nearly killed her, because he had been the only thing in the world that mattered to her. He’d dominated my childhood and wasn’t it the truth that I barely remembered her there?
I loved my mother. So much. But I absolutely did not want to be like her—at least not the way she was with my father.
I moved my face slightly, sliding my lips against his. I opened my mouth, touching him, tasting him. And there was nothing better to me or to my wolf. He pressed his heat against me and deepened the kiss, and I was so taken by him, by his dominance, his heart, and his sex, that I almost said yes. I almost said yes, I will be your mate, I will let you rule me and my heart, and I will belong to you.
The alpha of the Gray Shadow Pack hadn’t gotten down on bended knee and offered me a ring, but he’d just asked me to be his mate. And no matter how I felt about anything else, that was…that was huge. And I would never forget it.
But I could not accept.
Because he would not accept an alpha as his mate, and I wasn’t changing who I was for him, or for anyone.
Not even for my insanely upset wolf.