“Or very stupid, I know, I know.”
Raelya laughed and shook her head. “I do not buy that you are stupid.”
“Darn it. I guess that means you won’t let me get away with pissing off the centuries-old werewolves anymore, will you?”
Raelya laced her arms around me and hugged me. “It would be wiser of you to avoid that.”
I sighed exaggeratedly. “Okay, I guess I can do that. For you. Because you asked nicely.”
Raelya squeezed me and I hugged her arms to my chest. “How sweet of you.”
I suddenly tensed. “Raelya…”
“Yes?” Her voice was low and cautious.
“I don’t know what to do.”
“About what, Dakota?”
I sighed. “About us.”
Raelya hesitated briefly then asked very quietly, “There is an ‘us’?”
I dropped my head. “I don’t know. I mean… of course there is an ‘us’. We’re something, aren’t we? We’re friends. We’re pack. We’re… obviously something more than that.” I gripped her hand and turned to face her. “I like you far too much to deny that.”
Raelya nodded slowly then glanced aside. “But you are in love with Amorie. So we are not… together.”
My heart hurt again. “Yes.” I admitted painedly. “But I do care about you and there is obviously something very strong between us.”
Raelya nodded again. “It is the bond you formed with me.”
“The bond?”
“When you claimed me this morning.”
I furrowed my brow. “Okay you’re gonna have to explain this.”
“When we struggled for dominance… It was not just your wolf being more dominant than mine that decided it. You know? You are very dominant, but I am not so submissive that I thought you would overtake me so quickly.”
“I’m still not clear on how all the dominance stuff works anyway.”
Raelya nodded. “But you know it determines pack hierarchy and that dominant wolves protect everyone less dominant than them.”
I nodded. “Mmhmm.”
“But it can do more than that. When we test ourselves against one another for dominance, there are connections that we form. Many wolves you test yourself against will simply submit to you because they are more submissive by far and they have no desire to dominate you. Others will fight you and some of those will have hard feelings for a while if you should win.”
“I get that. I’d have had a fit if Jack had dominated me.”
“Despite all of his flaws… That is possibly part of why he didn’t.”
I frowned. “I fought him.”
“I know, but he is very high in the pack. It is unlikely that you are more dominant than he is, Dakota.” I grumbled and Raelya poked me. “He is, as you say, centuries old. Do not be upset by this. It is only truth. And you should not be mad that he did something right. If bending your will to him would have caused unrest in the pack, it would be good of him to let you have time to accept him. That is one thing he did right in all of this.”
I grumbled further. I didn’t want to accept that Jack had virtues. He was a misogynistic bastard and I wanted to hate him right now, not hear what he’d done right. “So what does this have to do with a bond and me claiming you?”
“There are other kinds of bonds that can form between packmates. Particularly… A dominant wolf can claim a less dominant wolf as their own. Somewhat like… a miniature pack within the pack.”
I blinked. “So like… a faction?”
Raelya crinkled her nose. “We try to avoid looking at it that way. It is not about division. It is more about… closeness, friendship, families even. The wolves who bond in this way are very close and they usually work very well together.”
“Okay. So you’re saying I did this to you?”
“Yes. You claimed me, and a bond was formed. It was… fairly obvious that this would happen given how close we have been.”
I smiled mildly. “So other wolves… can they tell this?”
“Not so simply. It is not something you can see or smell. But others can tell it from your behavior with one another.”
I nodded slowly. “Okay. So I claimed you and we’re like a mini-pack within the pack. I can accept that. But I don’t know what to do about—”
“Dakota,” Raelya cut me off gently. “There is nothing you need to do. I accept that you are already taken. I… I can not say that I would not have liked it if I had found you first.” She blinked her eyes softly, fluttering her eyelashes almost shyly. “I care about you very much. But as long as I can be your friend, and as long as we can still be close with one another… I can accept that it is not so.”
I sighed and slumped against her. “Thank you for understanding, Raelya.”
“Of course.” She hugged me softly. “I want you to be happy.”
“I want you to be happy too.”
“I am. I am very happy to have you as a friend.”
I smiled up at her. “I’m happy to have you as a friend too.”
18
Truth & Reconciliation
I spent the day hunkered down in Raelya’s room, watching TV and eating. She stayed with me, occasionally venturing out to refill our plates from the leftovers down stairs. She seemed to enjoy letting me show her my favorites, so I had decided to introduce her to Sherlock. She enjoyed the witty, clever humor, just as I thought she would. As for me, I never got tired of Benedict Cumberbacht and Martin Freeman. At one point, I wondered idly how long it would take for me to show all of my favorite shows to Raelya in their entirety. The thought made me smile because however long it was, well, we had enough time.
I was resting next to Raelya on her bed a little after sunset when my phone rang, playing the catchy pop song I’d chosen for Amorie’s ringtone. I stared at my phone for a few seconds, gathering the courage to answer it. I took a deep breath and tapped the screen to connect the call. “Hey, Amorie.” Raelya kindly paused the show and slid off the bed, stepping out into the hall.
“Can you meet me at the Brasserie?” Amorie purred into the phone.
Northshore Brasserie? That’s in Knoxville…”
“Well, so am I.” I could hear the grin in her voice, and it only made me feel worse about myself. Great. As far as I was concerned, I owed Amorie a hell of an apology for how inappropriately close I had gotten with Raelya this morning, wolf-feelings or no wolf-feelings. And what had Amorie done? Amorie had gone out of her way to surprise me by making the time to come see me a night earlier than we’d planned.
“Wow. That’s great.” I did my best to put my heart into it. I didn’t want her to think I didn’t appreciate her.
“Oh. It is inconvenient for you, isn’t it?” Her tone was hesitant and edged in potential disappointment.
I pushed my feelings aside as hard as I could and beamed at the phone with full force. “Not at all! It’s just that… I don’t have any nice clothes with me. And I hate to think you came out to see me already and I’m an hour away.”
“I should have called earlier and let you know I was on the way, but… I just wanted so badly to surprise you.”
“I’m definitely surprised, and…” I sighed and let a warm, honest smile creep onto my face and into my voice. “I can’t wait to get there so I can see you. I’ll call a cab and I’ll have to go by my place to change—”
Amorie groaned impatiently. “I do not wish us to have to wait so long.”
I grinned despite myself. “Then why don’t you meet me at my apartment instead. We can order in, and I won’t have to spend half an hour trying to look presentable enough for fine dining.”
“You are comfortable inviting me to your home now, little wolf?” Her voice was soft and hopeful.
“What? Of course I am.” I hopped up and started stuffing my stray clothes back into my bag.
“Well, as I recall, you did not want me to know where you lived at first. I have tried to be respectful of your feelings, ma chérie.”
<
br /> “Very sweet of you, but we’re a bit past that now. I trust you.” My stomach sank. Now if only you could trust me.
“I am so very glad to hear that.”
I swallowed the sick feeling and zipped up my bag. “I’ll text you the address okay?”
“Wonderful. I will see you soon.”
I stared at the phone for a long moment after the call ended. I felt like a total ass. I should have told Amorie I wasn’t worth her time. I should have told her that I was only showing up so I could tell her the truth and that when I did, she wouldn’t want to be with me anymore.
I called a cab, shouldered my bag, then stepped out of Raelya’s room. I found Raelya and Elisa in the living room, and said my goodbyes. Raelya frowned and asked if I needed a ride. I told her I’d already called a cab, and thanked her for the offer. Raelya nodded, putting on a smile. “All right. Have a good weekend then.”
I smiled back. “Thanks Raelya.” I thought for a second then added, “And hey, I’ll call you if I need a ride home, okay?”
Raelya smiled at that then shooed me off.
On the way, I thought about what I was going to say, how I would approach telling Amorie what a terrible person I was, and how much it was going to hurt when she left me.
The hour-long drive dredged by miserably. I was restless with anxiety, despising the wait more and more the longer it lasted.
When I finally stepped out of the cab, I spotted an expensive-looking black sedan parked near my place. Then I wished I could go back to the miserably slow car ride. But I couldn’t, so it was time to get this over with.
Amorie stepped out of the sedan with a large, white paper sack dangling from her arm, and the smell of steak and garlic hit my nose from ten feet away. My stomach twisted even further. She’d brought me dinner.
Amorie was always beautiful. I’d never seen her dressed in anything less than extraordinarily fine clothing, and her hair was always perfect. Tonight was no exception. She wore a fitted black dress that hugged her curves from her breasts to her hips and ended at her knees. Her silky black hair was pinned up in the back, and her delicate curls cascaded about her shoulders as usual. She strode over to me gracefully and slid an arm around me, pulling me close. “There you are little wolf.” She leaned in and kissed me softly which I returned helplessly, almost desperately. I didn’t want to lose her; being with her felt so right. Why couldn’t I remember this feeling when Raelya was around?
I pulled back reflexively and took a step toward my building. “Come on. Let’s go in.” I grabbed her hand and headed for the door.
Amorie furrowed her brow but followed me into the building and up to my door. I fished out my keys and let us in. As I stepped into the little loft that had been my home for the past several years, I couldn’t repress a shiver. The apartment felt even more dead than it had when I’d packed. Abandoned. Cold. Empty.
I frowned and glanced around, but nothing seemed out of place. Amorie closed the door behind us and crossed to my little table to unburden her arm. “Is something wrong?”
I nodded. “Yeah, just…” I took a few steps into the center of the room and glanced around me. “This place feels so empty.”
Amorie tilted her head. “Oh?”
I shook my head. “Nothing. I think it’s just because I haven’t been here in so long.”
Amorie nodded. “Ah. A house is not a home, as they say.”
I tilted my head. “Does it really work that way?”
“It well can, even for the Unawakened. We tend to put ourselves into the place we call our home. If we stop, it can be noticeable.”
“That makes a lot of sense.” I shivered again then did my best to swallow my nerves. “So, Amorie…”
“Yes, little wolf?” Amorie reached into the bag she’d brought and pulled out a couple of foil-wrapped plates-not take-out trays, actual plates-and set them on the table before pulling out an expensive-looking wine bottle.
I stepped over to her and took her hands, pulling her away from her preparations. “We have to talk.”
Amorie frowned sadly. “Something is wrong.”
I sighed and dropped my eyes. “Yeah. Something happened.”
Amorie squeezed my hands. “Dakota, whatever it is, we can work through it.”
I forced myself to meet her eyes. “I cheated on you.”
Amorie closed her eyes for a moment then opened them again steadily. She looked hurt, but I could tell she had already sensed it. Amorie was too good at reading people. She’d just been trying to get me to come out with it. “Tell me what happened.”
I pulled my hands free from hers and paced across the room. “I was rooming with Raelya.”
Amorie sighed softly. “Of course.”
I winced. I really didn’t want Amorie to hate Raelya. I didn’t want the two people I cared for the most to be at odds. “And it was fine until after we went out for the run, then when we came back in, we decided to sleep in wolf-form. We were just cuddling. It’s… wolf stuff—”
“Dakota, I understand that werewolves are very… tactile creatures. You are not the only werewolf I have ever known.”
I nodded. “Yeah, but that’s not all it was. We slept like that for a while and it was fine, then I had that nightmare…”
“And you called me…”
“And we, uh…” I blushed.
“And…” Amorie sighed. “And I left you wanting, and you were there with her.”
I dropped my head, feeling utterly wretched. “It’s not like I just went after her instead. I went back to bed and just went to sleep. It was the next morning. I woke up and realized that I was way too close to her and I was really turned on, and… I stopped before anything really happened, but that’s no excuse. I wanted it and I came really close to acting on it.”
Amorie tilted her head. “So, you stopped before you could act on your desires, and… you still feel you have cheated?”
“It’s not the same as sleeping around on you, but hell, if I’d seen you like that with someone else, I’d have lost it. So yeah. Close enough.”
I looked up and Amorie was suddenly in front of me. I hadn’t heard her cross the room. She put a finger under my chin and forced me to meet her eyes. “Dakota, you are very sweet.” My eyes grew wide with surprise as she kissed me softly. She pulled back and slid her arms around my waist and pulled me against her. “I appreciate that you wish to be faithful to me in spirit as well as in body, but…” She thumped my head sharply.
“Ow!” I rubbed my head which stung slightly from her miniature assault.
“If we want this to work, we must maintain reasonable expectations of ourselves and of each other. And Dakota, my love, the standards you are chasing are simply not reasonable.”
I frowned. “Sure they are. Plenty of people are monogamous and faithful.”
Amorie arched her brow at me. “Even if such things truly were common, our situation is not the same.”
I slumped against Amorie and let her hold me up. “If it’s what I feel I should do, does the situation really matter?”
Amorie squeezed me gently. “It does, little wolf.” She pushed me to straighten again and looked me in the eyes. “Listen to me. You are a werewolf.”
“I noticed.”
Amorie smirked. “You are a very new werewolf. You have many feelings to come to terms with, and your situation is quite unusual.”
“How so?”
Amorie blinked at me pointedly. “Dakota, your memories were altered and you forgot what you were. You spent a decade separated from your wolf. You did not have all those years that most werewolves would have to get used to their wolves, to come to terms with the difference between the wolf and the human.”
“How does that matter? It’s still my responsibility to control my behavior.”
Amorie shook her head, sending the little curls that hung down by her face to dancing. “Dakota, no. You are not being fair to yourself. You are asking yourself to instantly control something t
hat every single werewolf must take time to learn to cope with. That is more than anyone could reasonably ask you to do, and it is far more than I am willing to ask of you.”
I blinked at tears in my eyes. “I don’t deserve you, you know?”
Amorie leaned very close until our lips were almost touching. “Fortunately for us, that is not for you to decide.” She kissed me gently and I wrapped my arms around her tightly and kissed her back, slowly and passionately, as the tears in my eyes found their way down my face. I pulled back from the kiss slowly then laid my head down on her shoulder and held her close.
“So you aren’t hurt?” I whispered, barely hopeful.
Amorie petted my back soothingly. “I am not saying that it does not hurt a little to hear of how close you and your packmate have become. And I can not pretend that I am not a little bit jealous of her. But I do not feel that you cheated on me.”
I squeezed her so tightly that I expected her to protest, but being undead meant breathing was less urgent for my girlfriend than for most people. “I’m still sorry, Amorie. I’m so sorry that I hurt you even a little. I never wanted to do that.”
“If it makes you feel better, I forgive you.”
It did, at least a little. I kissed her shoulder. “Then, we’re okay?”
Amorie laughed softly. “I certainly hope so.” I leaned back and met her eyes and did my best to smile. Amorie did a better job at it than I did. “Come, let us put this behind us and have dinner before it is cold.”
I raised an eyebrow. “You’re eating too?”
Amorie swayed her hip to the side and gave me an utterly delicious expression.
“Oh. Right. Heh.” I shivered mildly as I followed her back over to the table. We put my two little chairs side by side and settled down close together. Amorie opened the wine for me and poured me a glass which she’d apparently also brought from the restaurant. The wine was incredible, sweet and heady, and the first glass did wonders for my knotted stomach and helped to ease the tension from my neck. I uncovered the plates to find steak and garlic mashed potatoes. Amorie knew what I liked and she’d brought me plenty to eat. Donating blood made me hungry, so it was for the best.
Hunted (Auralight Codex: Dakota Shepherd Book 2) Page 13