by Croft, Rose
As we pulled up to the house, I looked around as I saw so many cars parked along the street. It reminded me of one of the several Ramirez family parties that they had hosted. There was always a family barbecue, and it seemed the whole family and neighborhood showed up.
I remembered the huge celebration that they had for us after we announced our engagement. This place always reminded me of happy times, and his family was the sweetest—they always accepted me as one of their own. I could almost hear the mixture of Tejano, country, and classic rock music that was constantly playing in the backyard.
But in reality, it was silent. Loren took me inside. I recognized some of his cousins standing around and they hugged me while we cried. I was in the living room and glanced over at the couch and saw Araceli sitting with her sisters and two daughters. She was holding a picture frame in her arms.
I walked over and touched her shoulder. She looked up and smiled at me through the tears. “Rose, mi hija.” She called me her daughter and laid the frame in her lap and wrapped me in her arms. We held each other and cried.
As we finally pulled apart, I glanced down at the picture and nearly lost it again. It was Carlos’ high school graduation picture. He seemed so happy and confident in the photo.
His aunt, Tía Elena, stood up and motioned for me to sit down next to Araceli. I did. Carlos’ sisters came over to hug me, and the crying ensued. Later, as we sat, we began sharing funny stories. No one mentioned anything about what had happened.
Finally, Araceli eyed me with concern and told me to eat something. I wasn’t hungry but knew she would pester me until I consented. I walked into the kitchen that was crowded and noticed that there were dishes of food everywhere. There were even people making tamales as I looked around.
I grabbed a plate, but I stared out through the screened door that led to the backyard. I saw Alex standing outside talking to his younger brothers Andres and Cesar. I laid the plate down and went outside.
Alex had a beer bottle in his hand. When he saw me, he pulled me into his arms. Then, I hugged his brothers. We tried to keep the conversation light, avoiding the elephant in the room. Later, Andres and Cesar walked off.
After a few moments of silence, Alex, who appeared as if he had probably had a few beers pierced me with his soulless, dark eyes that were red-rimmed and haggard. “I found him dead with a Glock and an empty bottle of Jack Daniels.”
“What’s a Glock?” I asked and realized tears were slipping down my cheeks.
“A gun, Rose.” His tone was as flat as his expression. “He’d blown his head off.”
I couldn’t take the bluntness of his words, and the imagery in my head from what he said made me ill. I leaned over the side of the porch and vomited.
He put his hand on my back comforting me until nothing more came out. He stood silently beside me while I kept my hands on my knees. “Hey, are you okay?”
After my stomach settled, I wiped my mouth and shakily stood up. “Yeah, can I get some water?”
He came back with the water and led me over to a bench to sit down.
I stared at the giant oak tree over by the fence remembering Carlos down on one knee proposing, promising me he’d always be there for me. I cried frustrated beyond belief wanting to rail about the tragedy of this situation. “Why would he do this?”
Alex stared off in the distance. “I don’t know. For the last few years he would go through weird phases, but recently those phases seemed to get worse.”
Now, looking back, I could admit something was off. “We used to go out all of the time and have a lot of fun. But after the engagement, he never wanted to leave the apartment. I just assumed since we were getting married it was normal behavior for couples.”
“He’d also been drinking a lot over the last couple of months.” Alex pulled another sip from his bottle and continued to stare off into space.
“Really?” How did I not know that? He always had a cup in his hand, but I didn’t know he was drinking alcohol. God, I was so naïve.
“He hid it well but I knew.”
I swiped tears off of my face. “You know, he would sometimes say things like ‘what would you do if I died?’” I paused and shook my head, mad at myself for not being proactive, for not knowing that my fiancé was suffering. “I thought he was just joking. You know he kind of had a fucked up sense of humor. Like you.”
“I know,” Alex agreed quietly.
“I think he was also down because he hadn’t found a position as a school counselor. He had interviewed several times, but received no offers.” I pulled on my hair in frustration. “I should’ve seen the signs. I should have tried to get help for him.”
“How Rose? A therapist?” He questioned sarcastically and took another sip of his beer. “That’s not how it works in our family. We handle our own problems.”
“It’s my fault. I should have been with him last night.”
“Don’t blame yourself.”
“How can I not?” I started sobbing again. How did I not know that he was suffering? I must be the most horribly, uncaring person in the world.
How could I not blame myself? I asked myself again as we took the limo to the cemetery. When I’d spoken to him, I knew in the back of my mind something was off, but I did nothing about it. If I would have been there that night, I could have prevented it from happening. I could have saved him, but instead I was out getting drunk and partying.
Present Day
“Crown and soda,” I said to the blond bartender who was leaned over on forearms. She stared, smiling for several seconds longer until I guess it dawned on her that I’d ordered.
She face palmed her forehead. “Oh, right. Crown and soda.” She stepped to it, whipping around to find the purple-labeled bottle. I thought she might throw her hip out the awkward way she was butt posing. Duly noted. You have a nice ass. As nice as it was, I wasn’t here for an ass fiesta. I wasn’t exactly drowning my sorrows either, although I was fucking disappointed I’d pulled a hamstring the other night and wouldn’t be able to participate in the upcoming All-Star game.
I shot a text to Andrew.
How far out are you, bro?
Since I came home for a few days to see family, Andrew told me he was coming back from Austin and Loren was meeting us here. Thank God they finally got over their angsty drama and got together.
Andrew: About 30 min. Have you seen Loren?
“Here you go, babe. Let me know if you need anything else.” I looked up at blondie while she laid a napkin down and set my drink on top. She plopped her elbows on the bar, resting her chin on her hand. No offense, but didn’t this girl need to get her ass in gear. The bar was packed, but here she was, watching me like she wanted to know my life story or something.
“Thanks. You look like your swamped.” I watched as people around me were shoulder to shoulder, raising their hands, staring at the bartenders hoping to get someone’s attention. I even tilted my head at the guy who was giving blondie a death glare for ignoring his order. He’d only called out to her five times.
“Okay, sir I’ll be right with you.” She mouthed the word sorry and moved on to her disgruntled customers. I scanned the area looking for Loren. Didn’t see her. However, my eyes shot back to a vision that just slid into a booth over to my left. She had black hair that was pulled back in a bun and wore glasses. Her skin was pale and her full lips were red. The contrast between her dark looks and light skin was stunning.
She also had nice full tits, and I could see the beautiful slopes of them in her V-neck top she was wearing. She appeared very prim and proper as she sat with her studious look, but her lips and body looked like they were ready to sin.
I saw her wave to someone and was almost disappointed thinking she was waiting on a date. However, I saw a brunette sit down across from her. I went back to watching my dark-haired angel, willing her to look my way. Finally, she did, and her eyes met mine. We stared. I smiled. She looked away.
She was in conversation
with her friend, but her eyes came my way, again. And, again, our eyes held. But, again, she broke contact. I glanced over at her friend, and it finally registered it was Loren. Score.
Loren’s friend looked over; I kept my eyes on hers. Andrew wanted me to find Loren. Found Loren. Now, I was ready to take a search and rescue mission with her friend.
Her name was Rose and she was more interested in pursuing a search and destroy mission…of my ego. Not a great start. That was a bit surprising. Usually, when ladies found out that I was a professional baseball player, they seemed very interested. I honestly didn’t know if women liked me for me or my status.
Then, I pissed her off with the compliment I thought I had given her. She dressed my ass down for it. I was somewhat angry. I knew I would have to take a different approach with her. She was making me work for it, but it was somewhat refreshing actually.
When I finally had the chance to sit beside her, you would’ve thought I was a hormonal teenager the way my body reacted. I saw the paleness of her legs in the shorts she had on. And, I grabbed her thigh…I normally didn’t believe in something so stupid as someone feeling an electric connection when touching, but I swear I could feel some kind of current pass through me as I felt her skin. She trembled too. I wanted to do so much more than touch her leg.
I was definitely getting mixed signals from her. She’d watched me, but then acted like she wasn’t interested. I touched her and felt her reaction, but she tried to remove my hand. And, I wouldn’t budge.
But then again, I could’ve been totally off base with her. Why was I being so overbearing with her? That wasn’t my style, and I told her to stop fighting me? What the hell was that? I never pursued women like this—to the point of bordering the line of sexual harassment. Jesus, I didn’t need the headache of a potential lawsuit. But, here I was, acting like the obnoxious athlete she probably thought I was.
Then, the fans began recognizing me. I knew she was turned off by that too; however, I had to be agreeable even though it annoyed me. That came with the territory of being a professional sports figure—people were showing their appreciation. As long as someone wasn’t out of line or trying to provoke me, I didn’t mind. I was very fortunate to have a large fan base, although, I wasn’t crazy about a stranger sitting on my lap and trying to attack me.
Rose didn’t seem exactly receptive to the idea of being my girlfriend. I didn’t plan on saying that either, but sometimes my mouth and brain weren’t on the same page. Regardless, she was a challenge, and I was game.
I didn’t know if she was going to take my phone number, but she did. For a moment there, I doubted my skills after tonight. But, I brushed it off…she took my number…that was usually code for it’s on. I was certain she would call. My instincts were usually right. I walked around the bar and found my brother and Loren.
Saturday morning I woke up, went to the gym to do a light work out, and performed some hamstring exercises. Later, I went back to my place to make myself lunch. I checked my phone. She hadn’t called. Yet.
Throughout the day, I received texts and phone calls from friends and girls wanting to do something, but I declined. I knew Rose would call, so I wanted to be available when she did. The later it got, I realized she wasn’t calling me tonight. I ran a hand through my hair.
Andrew and I were watching a movie. He seemed somewhat surprised that I had opted to stay home. I kept checking my phone and noticed he would glance over and had a little smirk on his face. “Still waiting on that phone call, bro?”
“Shut up. She’ll call.” Rose would call me, right? Of course she would.
The next day was a repeat of Saturday. Wake up. Worked out. Checked my phone. Checked my phone, again. Checked my phone. I was beginning to have doubts. Maybe she wasn’t going to call me. Dammit, I should’ve taken her number.
When I returned to the loft later after having lunch and running errands, I saw Andrew again at his computer engaged in something on the screen because he didn’t even look up when I entered. I snuck up behind him and started reading. It was some sex scene. “Whoa, is this how you get-off now?”
He jumped and shut the laptop and wheeled on me shoving me back. “What the hell?”
He was furious. It didn’t take much to piss off my brother. “Lighten up.” I added, “Are you writing a porno now, bro?” Andrew wrote screenplays, indie movies.
“Shut up, dumbass. I’m editing a book for a friend.”
“Alrighty, then.” I waved him off and went to my room. I checked my phone for the thousandth time. Again, I had received several calls, but none of them from Rose. I tossed my phone on the bed and took a shower.
Later, I joined Andrew on the couch and watched some documentary about drug cartels since I had nothing better to do. And, why was my brother here anyway? “Why aren’t you with Loren?”
“She’s spending the day with Rose.” Oh.
And while I pondered his statement, my phone signaled. It was a text that only showed a phone number. It simply said: Hi!
I smiled. I had a feeling it was Rose, and I was going to give her shit about it for making me wait a full fucking day before calling me.
Me: Who is this?
Rose: Who do you think this is?
Oh this was good! I was going to piss her off.
Me: Bella?
I then heard the ding, and when I opened the message…“Fuuuck,” I groaned as I saw her full cleavage showcased by the cut of the top with the message:
Figure it out. This is a test and so far you are failing.
There was no doubt it was Rose.
I knew Andrew was watching me with interest.
And, I knew how I was going to respond.
Me: Ah, I know. Hellooo Tiffany.
I chuckled at my cleverness.
“I guess you finally heard from her,” my brother said. I nodded with eyes glued to the phone.
Rose: Here’s another clue.
She sent me a picture of Loren.
“She’s with Loren.” I typed a reply.
Me: Loren?!?! Why the hell would you send me a picture of your tits?
Andrew side-eyed me. “No shit, Mr. Dumbfuck.”
Rose: Oh my God! Seriously? I laughed out loud.
Me: I’m just fucking with you Rose. I knew that rack belonged to you.
Dot. Dot. Dot.
Rose: I’m falling all over myself from your vast vocabulary.
Me: I could be more descriptive if you’d like.
I waited a few minutes and didn’t get a response. Did I offend her? Come on, she’s the one that sent a provocative photo.
Me: I hope I didn’t offend you, but you did send me the picture. And when can I see you again?
Rose: Idk. I’ll get back to you.
Me: This is my last night in town…
Rose: Sorry. I’m busy. Have a nice life.
Me: Wtf? Why did you text me then?
Rose: Because I’m buzzed and bored. Don’t worry. I won’t contact you again! Bye Felicia.
“Shit.” Was she serious with this? I tossed my phone aside. She bye Felicia’d me. I hated that phrase.
“What’s wrong?” Andrew seemed like he wanted to burst out laughing.
“She doesn’t want to see me tonight. Apparently, Loren and her are having a little party.”
I cursed and grabbed my phone again, saving her as a contact.
The rest of the evening I was in a foul mood. Who did that girl think she was? I didn’t need this shit. I had no time for games. I kept checking my phone every time it chimed.
I decided to go to bed, but I wasn’t tired. I was still irritated and puzzled by my exchange with Rose. Why in the hell did she text me if she didn’t want to see me? Why did she take a picture of her cleavage and send it to me? I kept referring to her photo throughout the evening.
Regardless of my anger at her, I was hard. Her tits were truly amazing with her small figure. As I lay down in my bed, I pulled up the picture again t
hinking I would rub one out and go to sleep.
Then, my phone signaled. It was Rose. She was…FaceTiming me? I accepted.
“’S’up, Rose?” Her face was up against the phone. Her full red lipstick covered lips looked larger than life.
“Hi,” she breathed and the video blurred with condensation.
“Hey, could you back your face up. It’s too close to the screen,” I suggested feeling like I was a dentist or something staring at her mouth.
She moved back and the fog cleared. “Is this okay?” She pouted and posed. What the hell?
Now I saw her beautiful face. “Yeah, that’s better. Why’d you call me?”
She smiled dreamily. “Oh, I don’t know. I guess I was…lonely,” she said in a slurred voice.
She was trashed. Fuck. “How much did you have to drink?”
She giggled, pinching her fingers together. “Just a little champagne.”
Her raven hair was down and fell in beautiful waves around her arresting face. She had her glasses on too. God, she was so sexy. But, she was very drunk.
“I think you need to go to bed.” It was the right thing to say, but I didn’t want to end the conversation. I couldn’t stop staring.
“Well, I had a little idea…but I guess you don’t want to know. Goodnight John,” she said frowning. Her thumb inched closer to the screen.
“Wait!” I called out desperately before she dissed me again. She paused. “Tell me your idea.” I was curious to hear.
“I thought that we could…you know…role-play.”