by Croft, Rose
“That’s low, John. I was drunk, and you knew it.”
“Fuck!” he barked out in frustration. “I’m sorry. You’re right, but you were so funny and beautiful that I couldn’t hang up, and you were teasing me, too. I knew you were drunk, but I still wanted to talk to you. I always want to talk to you. I just want to be with you.” He then said, “I don’t sleep with every woman I meet. That shit does not turn me on, by the way. I’m not just someone’s fuck toy. It works both ways, you know. And, I damn sure haven’t thought about anyone else since I saw you sitting all prim and proper in that bar.”
His admission made my stomach rumble like a volcano about to erupt, but I had to protect myself. “Hey, don’t worry about it. How you conduct yourself is really none of my business.”
“Oh, here comes the big withdrawal again,” he said.
“I’m not doing that,” I denied. I was doing that. I knew it. It was like a defense mechanism that I’d carefully constructed over the past few years.
“Then be honest with me. Why do you keep talking to me? Is it because you realized you love playing PlayStation so much that you are using me to play?”
“Yes, that’s it. Thanks for helping me find my inner video game obsession.” We both laughed, easing some of the tension. “Look,” I began, throwing caution to the wind, “I like you. I like you a lot, actually. I just need time. This situation is new to me. Can you understand where I’m coming from?”
“Yes. I will give you all the time you need, Rose. I’m here for you. Thank you for admitting that.” Again, there was a sincerity in his tone, and didn’t I already admit his baritone voice rubbed me the right way? “You’re not drunk are you?”
“No.” I smiled.
“You’re not going to change your mind and say you hate my guts, are you?” He was teasing me.
“I won’t if you don’t decimate me again in baseball. That was not fun.”
“Okay, baby, I won’t. Let’s play again. I want to hear another reveal.”
Why even play again when I knew I’d probably lose? I guess deep down, I wanted to share more. What? I didn’t know. And, I was finding that I was somewhat competitive. “I feel like I’ve said enough, but all right. Let’s go.”
We played again. It was much closer this time, but I lost by one run. “Dammit!” I hated to lose.
“Don’t get mad. You played really good that time. Seriously, I was lucky to win. But, you have to tell me another secret, Rose.”
“Um, let’s see…” I thought for a moment, questioning myself with what I’d actually tell him. My fears, my weaknesses. Did I trust him? “I’m terrified of flying.”
“Oh.” His voice dropped in what seemed disappointment. “So that probably means you wouldn’t be eager to fly up here sometime. What caused it? Did you have a bad experience or have you always felt like this?”
“I had a really bad flight a couple of years ago where we hit some severe turbulence. I mean so severe where people were taken to the hospital with broken bones and other injuries when we landed.” That experience nearly traumatized me, too. Again, why was I unloading this on him? However, I didn’t feel as embarrassed as I thought I would. I mean, I’d already flashed him my boobs and asked if he wanted to titty-fuck them, so it was only upward from there, right?
“Oh, sweetheart, I can’t imagine how terrifying that would be. I’m sorry. Did you get hurt, too?” His voice was so calming. I was about to lie back on the couch and tell him everything.
“No. It just messed me up mentally.” I bit my lip feeling vulnerable. “You fly all of the time?”
“Yeah, we travel all over the country. I fly somewhere at least once a week usually more.”
“You never get nervous?”
“No, but I’ve never dealt with a bad flight like you did.”
“You’re so fearless.”
“Well, thanks. But that’s not necessarily true.” He sounded hesitant, unsure. “I do have a big fear and, again, this is going to be embarrassing to admit.”
“Oh no. What is it? It can’t be that bad.” I couldn’t imagine him ever being afraid.
“Yes it kind of is, and I really can’t explain it.”
“It’s okay. I won’t judge you.”
“I have a big fear of clowns,” he admitted on a breath.
“That’s okay. I don’t like clowns either. Who does?”
“It’s not just clowns. It’s mascots, too. It’s not that I only dislike them. I mean I break out in a cold sweat when I see either, almost as if I’m having a panic attack.”
I was trying not to laugh as I had a mental image of this huge, larger than life baseball player frightened by someone dressed up in a costume. “Don’t you see mascots at the games?” It seemed like the games I watched there was always a mascot scaling the stands and taking goofy pictures with fans.
“Yes, but I told my club they can’t be in the vicinity of me, or it will affect my game. I even had that stipulation written up in my contract. As long as they stay far away from me, I’m okay.” He must’ve heard me snicker. “You’re laughing at me.” His voice seemed deflated and my heart fell.
“No I’m not,” I wished I could reach through the headsets and hold him. Inflate his ego. “When did this start?”
“As far back as I can remember. I would go to birthday parties at places like Chuck E. Cheese, and I would cry wanting to leave. I was basically buried in my mother’s arms the whole time.”
Imagining him as a scared little boy did something inexplicable to me. “Oh, I wish I would have been there. I would’ve protected you.”
“Then, I would almost go to one of those places with you if I could feel your arms around me and bury my face in your chest.” His voice was whisper-soft like he was reminiscing about his favorite memory. “It would almost be worth it.”
I let that comment go. How did you respond to that? Although I was kind of on board with his face nestled in my breasts. “So, you’ve never had a mascot inadvertently approach you at a baseball game?”
“Yes, there was one incident my first year in the league. We were standing around in between innings, and there was this mascot race. I had my back turned looking in the other direction playing catch. Then, a few minutes later I was retrieving a ball and unknowingly backed into one. I turned around and it freaked the shit out of me. I started pushing and punching it. I guess I was in a fight-or-flight mode. Needless to say, I had it on the ground punching like a maniac. My teammates pulled me off the mascot, and I got thrown out of the game. It was so fucking embarrassing, and people were laughing and booing me. Unfortunately, there are several videos on YouTube. Look it up if you want a good laugh,” he said in a self-depreciating tone.
I felt sorry for him. I’m sure he took a lot of hazing from that. I deperately wished he were here, so I could wrap my arms around him. “I’m sorry that happened. Dealing with fear is a real thing. And, people who have never experienced true panic over something don’t understand it. Do you need me to be there to protect you from those evil mascots?” I teased, trying to lighten the mood.
“That would be nice, but how would you get to the games if you’re too afraid to fly?”
We both laughed sadly at our dilemma.
It was mid-August, and our team was still in basically a tie for first place in the division. Hopefully, we could gain some of kind of leverage and lock up the division by the end of September. I knew the school year for Rose was about to begin.
She said the staff would have to report back to school the following Monday. We’d spent every single day around my schedule for the past two weeks either talking on the phone, texting, or playing our video game. By this time, she was a legit competitor in the PlaysStation world, and that made me proud.
We would also talk about my baseball games. Rose’s knowledge of baseball impressed me. Of course, the game wasn’t rocket science; however, she’d come a long way from calling a dugout a cave. She also knew when to respect that I was upse
t if I had a bad game. However, I tried to control my emotions if I lost. That definitely was not her fault, but she understood. I couldn’t explain how touched I was by this.
Our conversations were becoming very profound as we learned more about each other personally. However, she was still reserved and I didn’t know why.
Sometimes, we would playfully banter and send each other pictures of ourselves—nothing sexual. Basically, we were giving each other a photo recount of our day. She was feeling more comfortable with me, and we even video chatted, but there was no show and tell.
Of course, seeing pictures of her always made my mind drive down the road to happy ending town. If she knew how many times I’d had a party with my hand, dick, and her pictures, she would probably never speak to me again. And, forget about all of the imaginary pornos I’d created on a daily basis in my mind with her being the star.
God knows I wanted more intimacy, as intimate as I could be when we lived almost one thousand miles apart, but I was trying my damnedest to be on my best behavior. And, I really wanted to earn her trust. That was my number one focus with her.
It was late Wednesday evening after our game at home, and I knew tomorrow we would have an early afternoon game. Soon after we would leave to play a series in Houston over the weekend. Perhaps, just perhaps, I could convince her to drive down to see me play since she didn’t have to fly. It was a little over a four hour drive from Dallas to H-town.
I would bring it up to her again. I’d already put the bug in her ear, but she kept debating back and forth. Maybe she was nervous to be around me. But, I wasn’t going to give up on her. I was basically head over heels, and we hadn’t even kissed.
Then, I thought I would call in reinforcements to see if I could put my plan into action. I called Andrew hoping he would be on board with this plan and drive down. Maybe he would be agreeable because I had never seen him so happy in his life. I knew Loren and he were inseparable. I’m pretty sure there would be a marriage soon because she was the only girl he’d ever loved.
He answered, “What’s up?”
“How’s it going?” I was going to try to lay off the teasing.
“Great.”
“How’s Loren?”
“She’s good.”
“Hey, do you have any plans this weekend?”
“No. Why?”
“I was wondering, well hoping, that you two would like to drive down to Houston and spend the weekend there and come to my games.” I was holding my breath, hoping he would agree.
“Let me ask Loren. She’s right here.” I heard her say she would love to, but would have to see if she could get someone to cover her shift at the restaurant.
“Okay, would you have her check? And, can you let me talk to her for a minute?”
“Why?” he questioned skeptically.
“Seriously, Andrew? I need to talk to her about Rose.” I shook my head. Yes, that’s how low I’d sunk in trying to win over Rose—one step away from begging her friend to convince her to see me.
Then I heard Loren’s voice. “Hey.”
“Hi Loren. Can I ask a huge favor?”
“Sure.”
“Do you think you’ll be able to take off work this weekend?”
“Yeah, that should be no problem.”
“All right, cool. Could you call Rose and convince her to go down there with you?” My voice sounded very desperate, but I gotta do what I gotta do. “I need your help, and I know she’ll listen to you. I need to see her.”
“Yeah, I can do that.” She seemed confident it would happen.
“If you did that, I would forever be in your debt. I can’t get her to come see me. I know she’s terrified to fly. And, I have a feeling she wants to see me, but something else is holding her back. Your girl’s an enigma, Loren.” What the hell? Was I talking to Dr. Phil right now? May as well be. Loren probably thought I was p-whipped, when in reality the only “P” I was with Rose so far was PlaysStation-whipped. But, I thought about the other “P” all the time.
“She has a lot of layers, John. I know. But, don’t give up on her.”
I smiled knowing that was the truth. “Thanks, sweetheart.”
She said bye and gave Andrew the phone back. “Are you having trouble closing the deal and need Loren to help you?” He teased.
“We don’t want to go there, do we?” Andrew didn’t exactly follow the yellow brick road when it came to Loren.
“No, we don’t.”
We soon hung up. Then, I texted Rose: Turn on your game.
A few minutes later, she responded with the thumbs up emoji.
“Well hello my beautiful Rose,” I said after we were logged on.
“Hi. Oh good, you’re happy tonight because you won.” She exhaled an overdramatic breath trying to be cute. She was cute, better than cute, way better than cute. I knew there was a better word for it, but I couldn’t think of it at the moment.
“Yeah, it doesn’t suck. You ready for me?”
We played for an hour. It was late, and I had an early game tomorrow. Before we logged off, what started off like a reminder slowly escalated into begging like a Pavlovian dog. “Please, consider coming to Houston to see me. I miss you so much. I promise I will be on my best behavior. I just want to see you in person. Loren and Andrew are probably going, so you could go with them.”
“Oh, they are?” She seemed receptive to that idea. “Okay, I’ll think about it.”
“Will you think about me tonight?”
“Yes,” she whispered and I felt my confidence grow…along with my erection.
Friday evening was our first of three games in Houston. Rose had never given me a definitive answer on whether she would go or not. I was trying not to get angry over her indecisiveness. Andrew told me this morning Loren was still trying to find someone to cover her schedule and not having any luck, so I guess no one was showing up. So glad I got my hopes up for nothing.
I was frustrated in everyway possible, but I had to channel my energy in a productive way. Who was I kidding? It pissed me off royally. I almost felt like my chest was being pressed by a bar holding three hundred pounds. Not good, John. It was a weird and scary feeling. Regardless of my personal issues, I had a job to do. And, I was paid very generously to conduct myself in a professional manner.
After the game, I was in the locker room trying to find some comfort in our win. I was somewhat appeased by the way I played tonight. When I had showered and dressed, I saw some of the guys tooling around in the clubhouse—getting massages or doing post-game stretches, which was typical. Normally, I didn’t mind hanging around. But, tonight I just wanted to go back to my room and be alone.
As I stepped outside the back entrance of the stadium where other wives, girlfriends, and family members were gathered, I began to feel envious of those players who had someone waiting for them.
“Yo bro, you played a great game. Why the long face?” I heard over to my left and saw Andrew smiling with his arm around Loren.
That somewhat cheered me up. “You made it.” I strode over there and hugged them both. Then I punched Andrew in the arm. “I didn’t think you were coming.” I had to bite my tongue to keep from asking where Rose was.
As I was talking, I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around and stared in shock. “Rose? Rose?” I couldn’t believe she was standing in front of me. I could’ve devoured her at that moment, but I controlled myself.
But, it didn’t stop me from instinctively lifting her petite frame crushing her against me. “You little jerk!” I growled in her ear. “You were fucking with me this whole time, weren’t you?” God, she smelled intoxicating and felt so wonderful in my arms. I ran my mouth along the side of her face and pecked her on the lips and set her down with my arms still around her.
I wasn’t about to let her go. As I stared down at her, I was mentally touching every part of her. She looked gorgeous as usual, with her hair back in a ponytail and her glasses. She wore flavorful lip-gloss because I
could taste it on my lips. She had on a T-shirt with our logo on it—a very fitted tee with a V-neck, accentuating the perfect fullness of her lovely breasts. And she wore tiny denim shorts that showed off her shapely legs with a wedge shoe giving her a little more height. Wait. Since when did I give descriptions of what girls wore? Oh well…
Damn, my body was ready to be on top of hers—stat. I had to get it under control, or she would probably kick me in the nut sac if I were too aggressive.
Andrew slapped me on the back. “Hey, do you have some free time before curfew? We could go eat somewhere?”
I literally needed a spatula to scrape my eyes off her. “Yeah, sure.”
We followed Andrew and Loren. I reached for Rose’s hand and squeezed it into mine. “When did you decide you were going to my game?”
“Yesterday. Loren told me she had the weekend off and wanted me to come with them.” She looked down at the ground, but I could see her lips quivering fighting a smile.
This was apparently a group effort to be assholes to me. “I hate all of you.” I eyed them in mock disgust.
Of course, Andrew, the ringleader had to say, “I’m sorry man, but you are such an easy target.”
“And you’re a devious asshole. Loren, are you sure you want to be with someone so malicious? I mean there is something seriously wrong with him.”
Loren stopped with her hand on my brother’s arm. “Yeah, I already knew he was the devil. I guess I can’t help myself.” Loren’s eyes reflected a gallery of love emojis as she gazed at my brother. Andrew pulled her into him, and they were locked in a long, heavy kiss.
I rubbed my face and rocked on my heels. Rose stared at the cars exiting the parking lot. What seemed like the longest five minutes of my life passed by. “Are we gonna eat?” I asked. Someone had to put his foot down.