by S. C. Wilson
Abby wiped away the tears running down Mabel’s cheeks. “I was hoping I was wrong about him. I’m so sorry.”
“I really thought he was different. I went to find him but he was gone. I was sitting out back when Jules came out and saw me crying. I told her. She said there is this guy that could make my problem go away—said he was inside. He told me all he needed was a hairpin and just like that my problem would be gone.”
“Why didn’t you wait and talk to me?”
“Because I knew you would try to stop me. If I kept the baby, you’d want to help me raise it. I couldn’t put that burden on you. It wouldn’t be right—”
The door opened and Lena entered with the doctor. He set his bag down and told everyone to leave the room.
The women waited outside the door, pacing nervously, cringing every time they heard a scream from within. Abby felt guilty each time a thought of Jesse crept into her mind. She was starting to like Jesse already, and that concerned her greatly.
Jesse’s night was filled with screams as well, but hers were also filled with fire. Just hearing the name Granite Falls brought back horrible memories.
Jesse was thankful when sunlight came and chased away the nightmares. She dressed quickly and checked out, saying goodbye to Edith. Concerned about Abby and her friend, she decided to stop by the saloon before leaving town.
The Foxtail was silent; nothing like it had been just a few hours earlier. Jesse was greeted by a man stacking clean glasses behind the bar. “Can I help you?” he asked.
“Is Abby around?”
“Sleeping, I suppose. Come back later.”
“Can I leave her a note?”
“Be my guest.”
Jesse was about to scrawl something when she saw Lena walking wearily down the stairs. “How’s Mabel?” Jesse asked.
Lena walked over to Jesse and whispered, “She’s better. Doctor got her bleedin’ under control and gave her laudanum. Said as long as infection don’t set in, she should pull through.” She glanced toward the bar making sure the man didn’t hear.
Jesse whispered back. “Is Abby with her?”
“Yes, won’t leave her. Been by her side every minute.”
“Can you tell her I came by and I’m sorry I missed her?”
Jesse left with assurances from Lena she would pass along the message. After going to the trading post to pick up her supplies, she made her way out of town.
After a quick nap, Lena returned to Mabel’s room. Abby was sleeping with her head on the bed beside her lifelong friend. She raised her head when the door squeaked, briefly disoriented as to place and time. “What time is it?” she asked, voice dry and raspy.
Pouring a glass of water from the ewer on the bedside table, Lena said, “Almost noon. Jesse came by to see you. Asked how Mabel was doing.”
Abby jumped up, trying her best not to wake Mabel. “How long ago was he here?”
“Hold on now,” Lena said, lightly pushing her friend back in the seat while at the same time pressing the glass of water in her hand. “Drink this. It was a while ago.”
“Will you stay here with Mabel until I get back?”
“You know I will.”
Abby checked herself in the mirror, arranging her hair before hurrying out the door. She knew she was probably too late, but hustled over to the hotel anyway.
Edith could see the disappointment on Abby’s face when she told her Jesse had left. “He sure is a nice young man. Said he’d be back next year.”
“I know, but a year is a long time.” Disappointed, Abby went back to the saloon and resumed caring for Mabel.
Jesse spent the rest of the summer preparing for the long winter on the mountain. In addition to the usual meat processing, hay bundling and wood chopping, she decided to take on a few new projects.
She took an axe to the wall separating the cabin from the lean-to. Swinging it dead center, she chopped out a doorway opening. After felling a few trees, she hewed them into planks and made a Dutch door, which she attached with four hand-carved hinges. On really cold days and nights, she could open the top half of the door so Buck could benefit from the heat of her fire. Plus, she wouldn’t feel as alone as she had last winter when Buck was completely closed off from her. He’d be easier to feed this way, too.
She hewed more timber. This time she used the wood planks to enclose the lean-to and construct a large door. After she finished the shelter, she paused, hands on her hips, to admire her handiwork. Not only would the small barn keep Buck much warmer, it would also better protect her firewood from the elements. Finally satisfied, she gathered up her tools and headed inside the cabin, whistling as she went.
One late evening, while sitting in front of the fire, she came up with an idea for a project to help pass some time during the long winter. She had gotten quite good at whittling over the years. Now, as she stared at the nondescript piece of wood mounted on the stone face in front of her, a thought came to her. Carving the mantle was the perfect thing to do to keep her busy. It wasn’t really a necessity, but she thought if she could keep her hands occupied, then maybe her mind wouldn’t run away like it had last winter. That experience had been mind-numbing, and she was going to do her best to avoid going through that again.
The warmth of the fire made her mind drift. She thought of how much she had enjoyed her time in town. The sights and sounds of the saloon played through her head. A beautiful voice sang, the mere thought bringing a smile to her face.
Will l ever see her again? Jesse wondered as she dozed off to sleep.
Chapter Fifteen
1863
The subzero temperatures and heavy snowfall that winter were more extreme than any Jesse had experienced. Although she was more prepared than ever with her stockpile of wood, she was forced at one point to strap on snowshoes and venture into the deep snow to chop more. She burned through more firewood than she thought possible. The cold was relentless, unforgiving.
The Dutch door had been one of the most vital improvements she had made to the cabin. Had Buck not had access to the heat from her fire, he would have frozen to death.
She fed Buck extra hay to help regulate his temperature. With the hay supply dwindling and bag of feed long gone, she had to ration his bundles. A few handfuls of hay a day weren’t nearly enough, so she battled through the elements to bring back strips of birch bark. She’d seen the deer eat them before. Hopefully, they would ease Buck’s hunger.
Her own food supply diminished as well. She rationed herself to a miniscule amount of food every other day. Jesse did whatever she had to do to keep them alive through the most brutal winter she had ever encountered.
Jesse carved away at the mantel through the long snowbound days. She talked aloud to Buck, whose head usually stuck through the opening of the double door, asking him for his opinions. To an outsider, she may have appeared mad. In reality, talking with the horse calmed her, and made her feel less alone. Stroke-by-stroke, each notch and groove was done with patience and precision until finally a scene emerged. A beautiful panorama showcased a central lake; framed by tall pines, elk, bear, and beavers which roamed its shoreline.
The unrelenting snowfall finally subsided. The sun attacked the drifts engulfing the cabin, and melted the sheet of ice covering the barn door.
Jesse stepped off the porch, weak and anemic from the sedentary months confined with little food. She stood with her face skyward, breathing in the fresh spring air, despite the fact the sunlight stung her pallid face.
Relief at being able to let Buck out of the dark barn faded when she saw the severity of his withered flanks. She took Buck’s face in her hands, putting her own against his soft velvety nose. She inhaled deeply, relishing his smell.
With an arm around his neck, she said, “Oh, Buck, I’m so sorry. What do you say we go and find you some grass, boy?”
Both of them had shed a scary amount of weight over the winter. Buck recovered fairly quickly. It would take Jesse several months to regain all she
had lost.
As the huckleberry blooms turned into small green berries and the half-moon returned, it was time once again for her to make the dreaded walk to the stream and slice off the three inches of new hair growth. She made quick work of it, wanting to be finished and to move on to other things. Jesse, her gaunt reflection less recognizable than ever before, watched her freshly shorn locks washing away in the current.
Jesse and Buck made their way down the mountain for the third time, no longer needing the old markings in the tree bark to find the way. Mind free to contemplate other things, her thoughts turned to Abby, and whether or not she would see her again.
The first thing she did upon their arrival was head to Edith’s hotel.
Edith smiled, trying to contain her alarm at Jesse’s appearance. “Hey Jesse, welcome. I was hoping you’d come back. Looks like winter was a rough one for you.”
“It’s good to see you again, Edith. Worst winter of my life. I’ve never seen so much snow.”
“Well, I’m glad you’re all right. Let’s go inside. I have something for you. Miss Abby left it for you a couple of weeks ago. She sure is a pretty little thing. I think she’s sweet on you.”
With a playful grin, she handed Jesse a folded piece of paper. As she took the note their hands clasped briefly. They seemed more like old friends than people getting to know each other.
Jesse went to the room. She sat on the bed and read the letter.
Jesse,
I hope this letter finds you well. I have thought about you often and have replayed our evening together over and over in my mind. I was told you came to see me the next morning and I feel terrible that I didn’t get to see you. I have never met someone with a kinder soul than yours and would love to see you again, and learn more about you and your life. I have had many sleepless nights because I was so worried about you all alone out there in the harsh weather. I will be in town until the end of June, so please look me up when you get in. I hope to see you soon and I won’t have any peace until I know you are safe.
Sincerely,
Abby
Jesse was conflicted. Her mind told her to go to the trading post, get her supplies, and head home; her heart, on the other hand, told her to run straight to The Foxtail and find Abby. She was drawn to the woman for reasons she couldn’t understand. She knew the right thing to do was leave Abby alone. Underneath the layers of clothing, she wasn’t the person Abby thought she was. The last thing she wanted was to give Abby hope they could ever be more than friends.
The paper crumpled slightly when Jesse tensed, startled by a knock on the door.
Edith came in bearing a pitcher of water. “Here you go. Thought you might want to wash up before you see Abby.” Edith winked.
“No, I don’t have time for that. I’m heading out as soon as I take care of business in the morning.”
There it was. Her answer was unforced and reflexive, made instantly and without thought. It wasn’t what she wanted, but leaving without seeing Abby was the right thing to do.
“Well, that’s a shame. I know she wanted to see you. Been coming by a lot lately to see if you were here.” Edith set the pitcher down and exited, saying over her shoulder, “I just cooked a nice piece of venison. Come on out and get some.”
The meal was awkward, with Jesse and Edith dancing around the Abby issue. When they finished, Jesse excused herself and returned to her room. It was a warm night and although risky, she decided to sleep without clothes. She had just started to drift off when there was a knock at the door.
“Jesse, you in there?”
Jesse leapt off the bed and frantically began wrapping her chest. In her emaciated state, it was barely necessary, but she did it anyway to be safe. “Yeah, Abby. Give me a minute!” Jesse called out. She hopped on one foot and then the other, scrambling about and trying to get her pants on.
Abby stood with her ear to the door, trying to figure out what was causing the commotion inside the room. Her imagination quickly got the better of her. Perhaps Jesse was not alone. As lurid images began forming in Abby’s mind, Jesse opened the door.
Abby walked in, uninvited, and draped her arms around Jesse’s neck. She squeezed tightly and glanced around the room. “Jesse, I have been so worried about you. I thought for sure you would freeze to death out there. It looks like you haven’t eaten in weeks.”
“It’s good to see you too, and I’m fine,” said Jesse.
Breaking the embrace, Abby stepped back, looking Jesse directly in the eyes. “You’re not fine at all. Your pants don’t even fit anymore. You need to eat some—”
“I’ve been eating plenty. Just finished having a bite with Edith.”
“I hear you’re leaving in the morning. Don’t you think you should stay in town and recover?”
Jesse found it hard to look directly into Abby’s eyes. “I’ll be fine. I have a lot to get done and need to get home.” It sounded like a hollow excuse, even to Jesse’s ears.
“Jesse, you’re not going to get anything done if you don’t take care of yourself first. You look so tired.”
“I am, but I’ll be better after a good night of sleep,” Jesse said, stifling a yawn.
Abby’s tone softened. She sounded vulnerable as she asked, “Can you at least stay one more day?”
Jesse had never felt so torn. “…I guess so.”
“Good.”
“But I have to leave day after tomorrow,” Jesse said in a resolved tone, forcing herself to meet Abby’s gaze.
“I understand. Since you’re staying, can we spend the day together?”
Jesse felt the same longing she could hear in Abby’s voice. “Yes, I’d like that. What did you have in mind?”
“You’ll have to wait and see. I’ll be back in the morning,” Abby said, eyes sparkling. “I have something I want to show you.”
“I’ll see you in the morning, then.” Despite her deep reservations, she was already looking forward to it.
They said goodnight and Jesse watched as Abby walked down the hall, not closing the door until she was out of sight. She leaned her back against the door and let out a sigh. Jesse had no idea how to sort through the feelings running through her.
Jesse slept soundly, but anxiety flooded her mind the moment she woke up. It felt like a big day. It was a big day. Jesse got dressed and headed out. She ran into Edith.
“Morning, Jesse. How’d you sleep?”
“Just fine, thank you. How are you this morning, Edith?”
“Right as rain. Look, Jesse, I have to confess. I’m the one who told Abby you were here. I know I ought not be meddlin’ in your affairs, but I couldn’t let you leave without seeing her. Abby is a wonderful woman, and she deserves a good man. I can tell she really cares about you.”
“I don’t care that you told her. I care about her, too, but Abby and I are friends. Nothing more.”
Before Edith could reply, Abby rode up on a beautiful white horse.
“Morning, you two!” she said from her saddle.
“Morning,” Edith said.
“Morning, Abby.” Jesse scratched the horse behind the ears.
“Jesse, this is Titan. You ready to ride?”
“Yeah. I’ll go get Buck.”
Once Jesse headed off to the barn, Abby leaned in the saddle, and whispered to Edith. “Thank you again for coming to tell me last night.”
“Oh, now,” Edith said, “you don’t have to thank me. I know he’s sweet on you, you just have to give him time to realize it.”
Abby leaned back and shrugged her shoulders. “Well if he is, he sure is good at hiding it.”
“Just be patient, dear. Love works in mysterious ways. Is that fried chicken I smell?” Edith sniffed the air.
“Yes it is. I’m going to try and see that he at least eats good while he’s in town.”
“I noticed the weight loss, too. Must have been one hell of a winter for him.”
Jesse trotted Buck out of the barn. “Ready when you are. Where
are we going?” Her eyes sparkled in the sunlight.
“You’ll see, just try to keep up,” Abby said. She gave Titan a nudge to the flanks. His hooves kicked up dust as she rode off.
Edith looked up a Jesse. “Well don’t just sit there. Get goin’.”
Jesse smiled down at her. She pulled her hat down lower to keep it from flying off and called out, “H’yaw!”
Buck had no problem catching up. The two rode out into the country, side-by-side. Abby’s riding skills impressed Jesse. She had no problem getting Titan to leap over fallen trees or splash through streams. Conversation flowed easily during the ride, and even the quiet stretches were enjoyable. Jesse knew from the position of the sun the trip took them a couple of hours. It felt like minutes.
They dismounted, patted the dust off themselves, and secured the horses to graze. Abby asked Jesse to help her spread a blanket under a massive oak tree. The small clearing next to the river was absolutely spectacular, surrounded by lush vegetation. Across the river an enormous waterfall danced off the granite bluffs. The sounds seemed to serenade them.
“How’s Mabel?” Jesse asked.
“She’s fine. It was a long road, and for a while we weren’t sure she was going to make it. She’s tough, though. Women in her profession usually are. She did love the father. He said all the right things to her, and she fell for every word. She truly believed he loved her and wanted to marry her someday. Turns out he was just using her—just like I thought. When Mabel told him she was carrying his child, he left and hasn’t been back.”
“How could anyone abandon their own child?” Jesse shook her head.
“You’d be surprised. A lot of men don’t want to be tied down with a wife and children.”