by S. C. Wilson
A couple clicks of Jesse’s tongue were all it took to get Buck moving forward. While she was glad to finally be heading back, there was only a slight sense of relief. Jesse’s mind continued to race, cluttered with all the possible scenarios she had concocted. The main source of her anxiety came from wondering whether or not Abby would be waiting for her. It was quite possible she had hurt Abby. Not returning last year had hurt her, too. Will she even be in Ely? Is there a letter waiting for me?
Those thoughts, and more, tortured her throughout the entire four-day journey.
Edith smiled when she saw Jesse walk in. “It’s so good to see you again.”
“Good to see you too, Edith.”
“I’m sorry but all my rooms are takin’ for this evening. But I can reserve ya a room for tomorrow night.”
It hadn’t crossed Jesse’s mind Edith might not have a room. “I see. You know any place else I could stay?”
“Well, they’re building a new hotel down the street, but it won’t be finished for several months. You can stay at The Foxtail, but you’ll be payin’ for more than just a room. You’d get a bedmate, too. Um…you’re more than welcome to stay in the barn tonight, if you’d like. I’m sorry, I know it’s not the best, but you’re welcome to it.”
“I’ll take it,” Jesse said without considering the other option. She pulled the saddlebag off her shoulder and opened up the flap. “Here’s the salve I promised you,” Jesse said, handing over a tin.
“I was almost out. I don’t know what’s in it, but it does wonders. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. I’m glad it helps. You have a letter for me?”
“No, I don’t. Sorry. I haven’t seen Abby in quite a while. Last summer she came by all the time wantin’ to know if I’d seen you.”
“There was no way I could get back here. I had too much to get done before it got cold.” Jesse felt bad lying, but there was no getting around it.
“I did give her your gift,” Edith said, smiling.
“Did she like it?”
“She did, but I could tell she wished you were the one giving it to her.”
Jesse stood quietly, hanging her head, dejected.
“Just give it time,” Edith said. “These things have a way of working themselves out.”
If it were only that simple.
After collecting her supplies and payment for her pelts, Jesse went back to the barn to get some much-needed rest. Several hours later she woke. Too restless to stay cooped up in the barn any longer, she walked out to the well. She wetted her hair, slicked back her bangs under the wide brimmed hat, and headed toward The Foxtail.
Jesse ordered a shot, and looked around for Abby. The sun had set and the place was already crowded. With nerves on edge, the rowdiness of the place was the last thing she needed. It made her uncomfortable and if she hadn’t had a good reason, she wouldn’t have been there.
Lena approached as Jesse received her shot. “She ain’t here. She’s down in Big Oak.”
Jesse opened her mouth to respond. Before she could speak, Lena continued.
“Do you have any idea what a fool you are? It’s so obvious she has feelings for you. If I were you, I’d get my ass down to Big Oak. If you leave now, you can catch her at The Drake.”
“I don’t even know where that is,” Jesse said.
“Just follow the road south.”
Jesse tipped her hat in thanks. She tossed a few coins on the bar, slammed back the shot, and hurried out the door. Back at the hotel, she saddled Buck, jumped on, and tore off down the dirt road.
The full moon lit the way. She rode fast and hard, despite her uncertainty about the trip. During the two-hour ride, she tried multiple times to convince herself to turn around and go back. This could only cause more heartache for the both of them. She continued southward, spurring Buck along at breakneck speed, fully aware of the pain that was sure to come.
The Drake was easy to find. It was the busiest place in Big Oak when Jesse arrived. From the sounds spilling out into the street, she could tell the place was in full swing. Jesse pushed through the door, took a seat at the long, mahogany bar, and ordered a shot. The place was even louder than The Foxtail with singing women, shuffling boots, and red-faced men arguing over poker games gone bad.
Three more rapidly downed shots calmed her nerves. The warm glow of alcohol relaxed her as it spread through her body. One of the scarlet ladies took a seat uncomfortably close to Jesse, hoping to make some money off of the new patron. Jesse didn’t look up. She knew the swindle. She motioned the barkeep to bring them a round.
“Thank you, handsome,” the harlot said.
“Welcome,” Jesse said before gulping the shot. She slammed the glass down and turned to look at the woman. Jesse was stunned. This was no woman. This was a girl. Jesse guessed her to be around sixteen, if that. Her heart sank. Knowing this girl had to resort to this lifestyle at such a young age crushed Jesse’s spirits.
The girl slammed back her shot. She coughed, acting as if it burned her throat. Jesse didn’t fall for it. She knew it was tea, but she played along with the ruse.
“That’s some strong stuff. You all right?”
“I’m fine,” the girl said as she placed her hand on Jesse’s leg. She leaned over and whispered in Jesse’s ear. “So, handsome, would you like to take me upstairs? You know…I can make you feel good.” Her hand climbed higher on Jesse’s leg as she spoke.
Jesse grabbed the girl gently by the wrist and lifted her hand off of her leg. She held it. “What’s your name?”
“Sarah.”
“That’s a beautiful name. That was my mother’s name, too.” Jesse reached in her pocket with her free hand. She pulled out some money and placed it in Sarah’s hand. “I don’t have a lot of money, but take this.”
After looking at the money in her hand, her eyes met Jesse’s. Not once has a man given me money for nothin’. “What’s the catch, mister?”
“No catch. I wish I could give you more, but I need the rest to settle some business when I get back to Ely.”
“What’s your name?”
“Jesse.”
Sarah stood up next to Jesse. “Well, Jesse, thank you,” she said as she put her arm around Jesse in a crude hug.
Jesse felt so relaxed she paid no attention to the arm resting across her shoulders. “I wish I could do…”
When the piano man played the opening chords, Jesse turned toward the stage. As Abby made her way out, Jesse glanced over at Sarah. “ I don’t m-mean to be rude, but I came here to see this—b-but don’t take off,” she said, her words beginning to slur.
As Jesse and Sarah sat together at the bar, Mabel spotted them through the crowd. “How could he?” she said, mumbling under her breath. She knew how Abby felt about Jesse. Having the nerve to show up here after all this time was bad enough, but for Jesse to sit there with Sarah’s arm draped like that was adding salt to the wound. She had the urge to walk across the room and slug Jesse in the gut. She held back, and instead, stood there glaring as she waited on Abby.
Abby finished her song to the usual explosion of applause and whistles. She took her bow and made her way toward the back of the saloon.
Sarah caught Mabel’s scowl. She turned to Jesse and blurted out, “It was nice to meet you, but I have to go. I’ll get in trouble if I’m not making money upstairs.”
The girl hurried off before Jesse could speak. Jesse stood on wobbling legs, the result of too much alcohol on an empty stomach. She came close to making a spectacle of herself by falling flat on her face. Recovering somehow, she managed to regain her composure and stagger her way out front, grateful to breathe in the fresh, smoke-free air.
Jesse wanted, more than anything, to talk to Abby, but knew they would both be better off if she left. She fumbled to untie the reins, swaying on unsteady feet. A loud eruption of cheers came from inside the saloon. She paused with a foot in the stirrup, holding onto the saddle horn, waiting for the spinning to slow bef
ore hoisting herself up. Out of the corner of her eye, she caught sight of Abby making her way down the steps. The look on Abby’s face told Jesse everything she needed to know.
Well, this isn’t going to be good.
Jesse heard the sound echo down the street before she felt the sting of the slap. It was hard to save any kind of face balanced on one foot, the other lodged in the stirrup.
Abby fired off, “You never came back, and for all I knew something bad happened to you. I can’t stand not knowing if you are dead or alive. I figured it would be easier to just let you go and pretend you were never coming back. What do you do? You show up here. Not only do you show up, you try to leave without even saying a word! Who does that?”
With both feet firmly planted once again, she let Abby rant. She felt Abby had every right to be upset with her. Even though the words stung, she stood and listened until she lost her balance and had to grab onto Buck to keep from falling.
Abby finally asked the obvious. “Are you drunk?”
How had she not noticed it before? The fumes alone could ignite should someone strike a match.
“Don’t know! Never been d-drunk before. Believe me, Abs, this isn’t easy on me either. I know it was wrong to come here, but I wanted to s-see you again. I should go.”
Abby’s heart softened a bit. No matter what, she couldn’t stay mad at Jesse. “You are in no condition to ride back to Ely tonight. Listen, I have one more song to do. Will you please just wait in my room for me?”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea. Coming here was a mistake. I’m s-sorry.”
“Jesse, please,” Abby said, pleading.
“I suppose I could s-stay a while. Where’s your room?” Jesse fumbled with the reins.
“Give me those,” Abby said, smiling inwardly as she took the reins away from Jesse and tied Buck to the hitching post. “It’s upstairs, first door on the right. Do you need help up the stairs?”
Jesse laughed. “Abs, don’t you think if I can climb Mount—”
“Shhh,” Abby said, interrupting as she put her fingers on Jesse’s lips. She knew alcohol loosed lips. “Just go to my room. I’ll be there shortly. And don’t talk to anyone.”
Jesse nodded, realizing what she almost blurted out. It was a sobering revelation. She staggered her way up the stairs and opened the door to Abby’s room. She took methodical steps across the floor in an attempt to avoid stepping on anything. Finally at the bed, she took a seat and laid her hat to the side. Good Lord, look at this place. The condition of the room stunned her. It was in total disarray. There were clothes strewn about everywhere: on the bed and flung over a chair, not to mention those on the floor she had to dodge. Abby’s vanity table held several fancy little bottles, some lying on their sides, all covered with face powder. The scene frustrated and confused her. Abby seemed like such an organized, put-together person. It didn’t make sense.
The chaos made her uneasy. Jesse had become somewhat of a perfectionist over the years. Everything had a place, and she liked having everything neatly organized. For some reason, structure made her feel safe and calm. Without it, she felt out-of-control.
Ignoring the clutter the best she could, Jesse walked over to the full-length mirror. She combed her hair with her fingers. The messy room loomed behind her in the reflection. Then she spotted it. The dress, periwinkle blue, was as beautiful as she had imagined it would be. She retrieved the dress and returned to the mirror. She held it up to her body, letting it hang below her chin. She couldn’t help but fantasize about how she might look in such a beautiful garment. Don’t do it. You’ll get caught. Besides, she was at least five inches taller and knew it wouldn’t fit anyway.
Again she was distracted by the bedlam around her. Jesse put the dress back. She pushed some of the clothes out of the way and fell back onto the mattress. Grateful to have a solid surface beneath her while she waited, she mulled things over while listening to the sounds of Abby’s voice drifting up through the wood planked floor.
That’s it. Jesse couldn’t take it anymore. She stood up and began folding the clothes, stacking them neatly at the head of the bed. The dresses went on hangers. She righted the overturned bottles on the vanity table, and continued straightening up until she heard Abby coming. Her approach was easy to make out as the catcalls of men followed her as she made her way up the stairs. “Jackasses,” Jesse muttered under her breath. She took a seat on the bed next to her hat, head still spinning, and rubbed her hands together trying to clean off the face powder residue.
Abby walked in and locked the door behind her. She moved Jesse’s hat aside and sat next to her on the bed. It was obvious, but Abby asked anyway. “Did you clean my room?”
“Thought I’d help you straighten up.”
It bothered Abby, but she tried to downplay it. “You didn’t have to do that. I am quite capable of cleaning up after myself. Look, you got my powder all over your lap.” Abby started wiping it off Jesse’s leg.
Jesse’s body tensed involuntarily as soon as Abby began dabbing off the powder. She felt like a little girl again, being reprimanded by her mother when she had misbehaved. Then she was overcome with a warm sensation. It wasn’t from the whiskey; it was having someone doting over her again. This simple act of kindness meant so much more to Jesse.
“Sorry, I didn’t know it would upset you.”
“It’s fine,” Abby said. With Jesse’s body so tense, it was easy for her to feel the hard muscles underneath the pants. She smiled inwardly. “There, I got most of it off.” Without waiting for a reply, Abby continued. “Jesse McGinnis, you make me crazy. I know we barely know each other, but I felt a connection with you from the moment we met. There is just something about you. I don’t know what it is. I told myself months ago that I need to get over these feeling I have for you, and I was doing that. I even started seeing someone a few months ago.”
Jesse’s heart lurched at this unexpected news. “You’re seeing someone? Are you in love with him?” Jesse asked, trying hard to hide how much it bothered her, searching Abby’s eyes for the answers.
“I care about him. I never kept my feelings for you from him. We talked about it a lot. Things just started to happen and over the past few months, I let myself get close to him—then you showed up tonight. I thought I was falling for him, but when I saw you again…” Abby’s voice trailed off as she searched for the right words. “You have this invisible hold on me. You have since the first time I saw you. I honestly feel there could be so much more between us if you would just give us a try.”
“I do care about you, don’t ever doubt that, but I have nothing more to offer you than my friendship.”
“You know, I can still feel your lips on mine,” Abby said. “You can’t deny you felt something when we kissed. Why can’t you give us a chance?”
Momentarily speechless, Jesse’s heart skipped as the memory of that kiss pulsed hot through her veins. Never had she known true regret until she heard the words falling from her mouth. “You deserve a normal life with someone who can make you happy, and I promise you I am not that person. I do want and appreciate your friendship, though, and I hope I don’t ever lose that.”
Abby could tell by the set of Jesse’s mouth nothing would be gained by discussing it further. Although she didn’t understand, she knew she wouldn’t be able to change Jesse’s mind, despite knowing they desperately wanted each other.
Jesse stood, retrieved her hat and said, “I’m gonna go.”
“Jesse, please. We haven’t seen each other for a year. Besides, you have had way too much to drink tonight—just spend the night here.”
“What about him? What will he think if I stay here?”
“He’s out of town until tomorrow evening. Besides, you and I are just friends, right? So what’s the harm? Stay here tonight and sober up.”
Abby had a point. Jesse relented. “Thanks for letting me stay,” she said, plopping down in the chair and kicking off her boots. “I’ll sleep here.”
>
“You don’t have to sleep in the chair. We can share the bed. You and I both know nothing will happen.”
Too tired to argue, Jesse stood up. Abby tossed the pile of neatly folded clothes off the bed and onto the chair. Jesse looked at the pile and hid her annoyance as she climbed back onto the bed. She leaned against the headboard.
Abby slipped behind her dressing screen, draping her dress and then a laced corset over the top. She reemerged wearing nothing but a sheer silk robe. She then lay next to Jesse. “I’m sorry I slapped you. I had no right to do that. My emotions just got the better of me.”
“I’m sorry, too. I shouldn’t have tried to leave without talking to you. I was afraid I would just make things worse. What do you say we forget the whole thing?”
“Let’s. Thank you so much for the wonderful birthday gift. It’s beautiful. Edith did a wonderful job. She told me you picked out the silk. Somehow it made turning twenty-five not feel so bleak.”
“I’m so glad you like it,” Jesse said.
“I love it. You know, I really do try to understand your lifestyle, even if I don’t act like it. It’s just hard when I’ve never seen what you go through.” Abby rolled over, placing her leg over the top of Jesse’s.
Jesse could tell the move was inadvertent. It unnerved her a bit, but she decided not to draw attention to it. She took hold of Abby’s hand as it found its way to her chest. In an attempt to stop Abby’s fingers from exploring further, Jesse held it in place. Abby was none the wiser as to why she did it.
Jesse’s caressed Abby’s forehead with her free hand. “Tell me about this man you’ve been seeing.”
“You seriously want to talk about that right now?”
“Yes…well, no. But I think we need to talk about it at some point, don’t you?”
Abby sighed. “I’ve known Sam for about two years. He’s Boone’s business partner. No one knows we’ve been seeing each other. Mabel doesn’t even know. We are keeping it private.”