by C. L. Taylor
‘Mummy!’ She holds out both hands, clawing the air to reach for me.
‘She needs me, Max,’ I say. ‘Look at her face. You have to let me go. Please.’
‘It’s OK, Li-Li,’ he says softly. ‘Everything’s all right. Mummy and Daddy are just having a little hug. Aren’t we, Mummy?’ He squeezes me so tightly I can barely breathe but I force a smile for my daughter.
Mary catches my eye.
‘Help me,’ I mouth, but she glances away.
‘OK,’ Max says. ‘Enough with the chat. Mary, could you put Elise in the car seat in the back of the car, please?’
‘No.’ I bend my knees to try and slip out of Max’s arms but he tightens his grip around my shoulders.
Mary gently touches a mittened hand to Elise’s cheek. My daughter snaps her head away angrily and continues to scream for me.
‘The car seat, please, Mary,’ Max says again.
Mary’s gaze flicks from Elise’s face to Max’s and then to the car. She doesn’t look at me.
‘Mary, don’t do it! Please.’
Max laughs tightly. ‘Remember what I told you about Jo? About how manipulative she is? How everything that comes out of her mouth is a lie? She hurt Elise. That’s why the police are after her.’
‘That’s not true! You know I wouldn’t hurt Elise, Mary. You’ve seen her with me. You know how much she loves me. None of this is my fault. Just like what happened to Niamh wasn’t your fault. I know you blame yourself for leaving the door open but you mustn’t. You couldn’t have known what would happen. There’s no way you could have. What Liam did was unforgiveable. And I hate him for what he’s done. And you hate me. I understand that, but please, please, Elise hasn’t done anything wrong. She’s innocent.’
Mary doesn’t move a muscle.
‘She’s an innocent little girl,’ I shout. ‘Just like Niamh. If you let her go with Max she’ll get hurt. He’s dangerous! Please, Mary. Please. You can stop this. Please!’
‘Come on now, Mary,’ Max says. ‘Just put Elise in the back of the car.’
Still Mary doesn’t move. Her coat is clinging to her body and her blonde hair is flattened to her head. There’s only a couple of feet between us and the waves. Why isn’t Mary saying anything? Why isn’t she helping me? Surely she can’t believe what Max is telling her.
‘Mary,’ Max says. ‘Jo’s not like you. She’s not a good mother. Look what she’s done to Elise’s hair. She’s hacked it off. What kind of mother could do that? You wouldn’t, would you? You’d never do anything as awful as that.
‘Jo was right about one thing,’ Max continues. I can tell he wants to scream at Mary to put Elise in the car but he’s holding back. He expected her to comply, not freeze, and now he’s worried about her doing something stupid. ‘Elise is innocent. She’s an innocent little girl who doesn’t deserve a life like this where she’s dressed as a boy and she’s doesn’t know where she’ll be living from one day to the next. She needs her home. Security. Safety. I can offer her that, Mary. I can look after her. I can give her everything she needs.’
As he continues to talk, I slowly, slowly bend my right arm and reach my hand into my pocket and wrap my gloved fingers around my phone. I lift it out of my pocket as carefully and as subtly as I can. I rub my thumb over the screen and down over the buttons. 1 … 2 … 3 …
I move my thumb down. 6.
And again. 9.
999. That’s emergency services in the UK but I’ve got no idea if it’s the same in Ireland. I could chance it. I could press the button three times and scream that there’s an emergency on Clogherhead beach but Max would hear me. He’d snatch Elise and drive off before they get here. And that’ll be it. He’ll take her back to the UK. If I go after them I’ll be charged with child abduction. I’ll be lucky if I ever see her again.
‘Mary,’ I say. ‘Mary, you need to listen to me. Everything Max is telling you is a lie. I’m not a bad mother. My husband set me up to make me look like one. He planted drugs in our house and he rang the police to say they were mine. I was arrested and Social Services were informed. Max trashed the house before their visit, to make it look like I couldn’t look after Elise. Then he … he broke in one night and stashed some money he’d stolen in my baby’s memory box. Henry. The baby I carried before Elise. He died when I was four months pregnant. That box contained priceless, precious memories of our little boy but Max doesn’t care about that. He defiled Max’s memory when he shovelled his dirty money on top of the only things I have to remember—’
‘It was for Elise,’ Max hisses, his lips pulled back tightly over his teeth.
‘You stole it! That’s why Paula came after me. That’s why she threatened me. You put both our lives at risk for what? Ten thousand pounds that you stole from a loan shark. And you call yourself a good father?’
‘I want her to have a good life.’
‘She had a good life!’
‘Really? You really believe that, Jo? You think keeping her locked inside day and night is a good life? You think getting off your head on pain meds and leaving her at nursery, pissing herself and crying, is a good life?’
‘I was trying to get better. If you’d just have been a bit more patient with me—’
‘What? What would have happened? I’d have watched you swan off to Chester with my daughter, that’s what would have happened. You threatened that I’d never see her again!’ Spittle sprays out of his mouth and dampens my skin as he shouts in my face. It’s just like the argument in the living room all over again. Elise is wailing, my heart’s beating so hard in my chest I feel sick and I’m shaking all over, but I can’t stop now. I can’t back down. I can’t. I won’t let him intimidate me.
‘That’s why you planted the drugs, isn’t it? To stop me from moving to Chester. To teach me a lesson. That’s it, isn’t it? You wanted control back. Didn’t you? Didn’t you, Max?’
‘Yes,’ he snaps. ‘Yes, I fucking did. And it worked, didn’t it? Because who did you call? Me? Who did you beg to sleep on the sofa so you felt safe? Me. You were a wreck, Jo. You are a wreck. You’re weak, you’re flaky and you’re unstable. When I wasn’t around, you had to ask your best friend to stay over.’
‘Because I was scared after you ransacked the house and tipped rubbish everywhere before the Social Services visit. And it was a good job I asked Helen to stay over, because you broke into the house and hurt Elise.’
‘I didn’t hurt her! I grabbed her because she was climbing out of the cot.’
‘She had bruises all over her body, Max.’
He shakes his head. ‘You can’t blame that on me, Jo. I barely touched her. We both know that you’re the one who hurt her. Why else would you run off instead of taking her to the safeguarding team at the hospital?’
‘I’m calling the guards.’ Mary rounds the boot of the car, hand in hand with Elise. The car’s blocking access to Main Road. She’ll have to lift Elise over the boot to get her to safety and then clamber over herself. ‘They can decide who the child should be with.’
‘No!’ Max hurls me away from him with such force that I sprawl onto the sand. A wave crashes over me as I scramble desperately to my feet.
‘Stop!’ Max grabs Mary by her shoulder.
She turns to face him, tucking Elise behind her. ‘Get your hands off me.’
‘Mrs Byrne.’ He shakes his head. ‘I just want my daughter. That’s all I want.’
‘Well, you can’t have her. If you’ve any sense you’ll get in your car and you’ll go.’
‘I’m not going anywhere without Elise.’ I can hear the warning sound in his voice as I creep up behind him, stepping lightly so I don’t attract his attention.
Mary’s gaze flicks towards me, subtly signalling with her eyes that I shouldn’t move, then she reaches into the left pocket of her coat and pulls out her mobile phone. With her right hand she pushes Elise out from behind her and to one side.
‘Hello, is that the—’
‘Give me th
e phone,’ Max says.
‘Please! Come quickly. We’re at Clogher—’
There is flash of grey as Max’s arm swings through the air. Mary lurches backwards. She twists away so the phone’s out of Max’s reach but, as she turns, the heel of her shoe catches on a small rock and she tumbles onto the sand. Max dives for her outstretched arm and the phone and there’s a flurry of movement as she tries to fight him off. I rush forwards and grab hold of the back of his jacket but, before I can pull him off her, Mary shouts, ‘Jo! Take Elise! Take her and run!’
Chapter 66
‘Hold on!’ I scream. ‘Elise, hold on and don’t let go!’
My daughter wails in terror as she squeezes her thighs around my waist and digs her nails into the back of my neck. I’m holding her in front of me like a monkey carries its young, supporting her weight with one hand so I can use the other to grip the rock. There’s less than a metre of exposed rock between the stone wall and the sea. I’ve minutes, if that, to reach the low section of wall before the water does and scrabble over it and into the field. The alternative would have been to run along the beach or scramble over the car bonnet to get to the road but Max was already getting to his feet when I lifted Elise off the sand and into my arms.
I can hear him behind me now, breathing heavily, swearing each time he slips and falls. He’s faster than me, much faster, but my trainers give me a better grip on the slick, wet rocks than his smart office shoes. I’ve been over them with Elise several times before – I know where to place my feet to stay upright, and when I need to jump because the crevice between the rocks is too deep.
‘Mummy!’ Elise screams as a wave crashes against the rocks, showering us with seawater. The shock of the icy-cold water momentarily takes my breath away but I don’t stop running. The surf is so close now, one huge wave is all it would take to whip us off the rocks and pull us out to sea.
I shift my daughter in my arms and reach my left hand out to touch the wall that separates the beach from the land. It’s over six feet high and the stones are damp. My trainers would slip if I tried to scale it and there’s no way I could safely lift Elise over the jagged stones on the top. Further down the beach, about fifty metres away, the wall dips – it’s only about five foot high. If I can make it I should be able to throw Elise over. There’s a grass verge on the other side that should break her fall. I don’t care what happens to me. I just want my daughter to be safe.
‘Jo!’ Max shouts. ‘Jo, stop!’
His voice cuts through the howl of the wind and the roar of the sea. I glance over my shoulder to see how far away he is.
Shit.
He’s gained on us.
He’s pulled off his shoes and socks and he’s running in bare feet, his eyes trained on the ground as he leaps from rock to rock. He senses me watching him and pauses, poised to jump, and looks up.
The coldness in his eyes makes me catch my breath. He’s never going to give up. If I get over that wall he’ll come after me. If I fly back to England he’ll follow me. Wherever he goes he’ll spread lies about me and turn people against me. Even if I do find somewhere to hide with Elise I’ll spend the rest of my life looking over my shoulder, wondering how much time I’ve got until Max finds us.
I turn to continue running but, as I do, another wave crashes against the rocks. It rises up, up, up, curving over us like a rainbow, almost in slow motion. There is no time to run or shout. No time to pray or scream because, as quickly as time slowed down, it speeds up again. There is silence, just for a second, then my feet are swept from beneath me as the wave crashes over our heads.
The sea doesn’t roar when you’re underwater. It hums, a deep bass-baritone sound that envelopes you and pounds at your body, your head, your eardrums. I am suspended, weightless and, for a split second – less than a heartbeat – a strange feeling of calm washes over me. It’s over. I’ve lost. I’m going to die and there’s nothing I can do about it. Then my lungs start to ache and I feel something twist in my arms. Elise! I open my eyes and see … nothing … just the thick, murky, brown fog of the sea. I can feel the current pulling at Elise, trying to wrench her out of my arms. I tighten my grip but I can feel her slipping out of my grasp. I kick again, frantically. My lungs are burning. I need to breathe. I need to get to the surface. But which way is up? I can’t see anything. Still the dark, swirling water surrounds me. The compulsion to open my mouth and suck it into my lungs is too strong. We’re going to drown.
I can’t do it. I can’t keep holding my breath. I can’t keep fighting. I’m sorry, Elise. I’m so sorry. I said I’d keep you safe and I failed. I’m so sorry. I have to take a breath. I have to—
Bam! As quickly as the wave snatched us up, it drops us back down, smashing us against the rocks before it retreats back into the sea.
A violent, dagger-like pain rips through my left shoulder. But it’s not the pain that makes me cry out in terror. My daughter is lying limply against my chest. Her eyes are closed. Her lips are blue.
‘Elise!’ I shake her. ‘ELISE!’
She doesn’t move. She doesn’t respond in any way.
‘Elise!’ I shake her again. Her skin is grey and feels deathly cold. ‘Elise! Open your eyes!’
Still she doesn’t move.
‘Elise.’ I can barely move but, somehow, I manage to twist her onto her side and hit her, hard, on the back. She can’t die. She can’t.
‘Elise!’ I hit her again.
She coughs. It’s the tiniest of sounds but it’s there.
‘Elise!’
She coughs again and thrashes from side to side, her arms whirling and jerking like a puppet. Her right hand smashes against a rock and she screams in pain. There’s no time to comfort her. Another wave is approaching, bigger, more powerful than the last. There’s no way we could survive if it crashes over us. I have a choice to make – die with Elise or give her to Max and pray he doesn’t hurt her again. I can’t do that to her. I can’t let her suffer like that. But what’s the alternative? If I do nothing I’m sentencing her to death. I touch a hand to my coat but the mobile phone in my pocket is long gone, swallowed by the sea. I close my eyes. Please, I pray silently, please let the call have connected on the beach. When I open my eyes again I scream my husband’s name.
‘Take Elise! Quickly! Quickly, Max.’
Suddenly he is beside us, sopping wet and grey-faced. He reaches down for our daughter and I use what little strength I have left to grip her around the sides and push her up and away from my body and into his arms. I just want her to be safe. I’ve only ever wanted her to be safe.
Max cradles her to his chest. Fear fills his eyes as he looks out to sea.
‘It’s coming,’ he shouts as he takes off, his bare feet skidding and slipping over the rocks. ‘I’ll get her over the wall and then I’ll come back for you. I promise.’
I try to sit up but my left arm is floppy and useless and I can’t move it. Pain ricochets through my body as I twist to my left, grip the rock with my right hand and haul myself into a sitting position. Max has reached the wall with Elise. He’s lifting her up and over the spiky stones that stud the wall. I don’t hear her cry out as she lands. I can’t hear anything other than the roar of the sea and the sound of my own heartbeat thudding in my ears. I shift onto my knees and crawl forwards, my left arm hanging loosely at my side. I have to get to the wall before the wave hits.
‘Max!’ I scream as he grips the spiky stones with both hands and jumps so one foot is flat against the wall. ‘Max! Help me!’
He glances back.
‘Max!’ I reach out with my right hand. ‘Help me!’
His face seems to soften, just for an instant. He’s going to come back and get me. He promised. He wants Elise with him but he won’t leave me here to die.
‘Max!’ I shout again. ‘Please! Elise needs me.’
The softness in my husband’s face vanishes and he turns away. A split second later and he’s gone, up and over the wall.
He’s gone to check on Elise, I tell myself as I twist round to see how far away the next wave is. He could still come back for me. But the wave is already towering above me like a great grey scythe. I close my eyes and wait for it to fall.
Chapter 67
Max jolts in his seat as the plane touches down but it’s not relief he feels as he flashes a reassuring smile at his two-year-old daughter sitting beside him, it’s fear. Nearly 48 hours have elapsed since he snatched his daughter to safety but he can’t wipe the image of Jo’s face from his mind. After he’d dropped Elise over the wall he’d looked back, expecting to see Jo scrambling after him. He hadn’t expected to see her sprawled on the rocks, staring at him with a look of desperation on her face and fear in her eyes. He was torn. Elise was lying on the grass on the other side of the wall, wailing with shock. She was safe. Jo wasn’t. A great grey wave was thundering towards her, growing taller and taller with every frantic beat of his heart. He could make a dash for it. He could slip and slide his way across the wet rocks to pull her to safety. But if he was too slow the sea would claim them both. Elise would lose both of her parents, orphaned six months before her third birthday.
When Jo screamed at him to help her all the hairs went up on the back of his neck. She thought she was going to die. He could see it in her eyes.
‘Help me!’ she’d screamed as she’d reached out a hand. ‘Help me, Max!’
But it was too late. In the time he’d taken to reach a decision the wave had risen like a wall above her. He didn’t have time to promise that he’d take good care of Elise. He only had time to jump.
As soon as his feet hit the ground he was up again, with his daughter in his arms, and he was running. Running along the wall, back to the car. He half expected to see Mary Byrne still lying on the sand where he’d left her but she was gone. The sea was lapping at the wheels of his car so he’d jumped in, fumbled Elise into the passenger seat and fastened the belt over her lap, then he was off. He heard police sirens wailing as he sped up Main Road and out of Clogherhead but there were no blue lights behind him and no roadblocks sealing his exit. He drove all the way to Dublin without stopping and checked himself and Elise into the first hotel he found.