by Zoey Gong
“Is that what they have done?” I ask. “Foreign powers have joined forces against us?”
I expect Guozhi to lie to me, to give me more false reassurances. And I think he considers it, but he seems to change his mind.
“War will probably come soon,” he says. “But you need not worry about your safety. War will never breach the walls of the Forbidden City.”
I am afraid, but I cannot act so, or the emperor will refuse to tell me anything more.
“What should we do, then?” I ask.
“There is nothing the women of the harem can do,” he says. “But as empress, it is your responsibility to keep the women calm and reassured. It will not do to have the women in hysterics. I need to focus on matters outside the inner court.”
“Yes, of course,” I say. “I understand. But if there is any way we can help, please tell me. If we should donate to help the families of the men who have been pressed into serving in the army, we would gladly do so.”
Guozhi considers this for a moment. “Yes, I think this is a fine idea. You should gather as many funds as you can. Honghui will collect them.”
I bend my knees and bow. “Thank you, your majesty. I would hate to feel useless at such a time.”
“It would be far better for me if you remain as you are,” Guozhi says. “Time in the inner court, nights with my ladies, these are times when I do not wish to be bothered with business affairs. Keep the women reassured so they do not pester me about such matters.”
“Yes, your majesty,” I say. “Thank you for agreeing to speak with me.”
He nods and dismisses me. I back out of the room and let out a breath I must have been holding for some time.
China is at war! And against many foes. Despite the emperor’s words, I do not believe that this is a small matter easily overcome. The fighting might not breach the walls of the Forbidden City, but should the emperor be defeated, what will become of me, his empress? Of all of his women?
I place my hand on the wall to steady myself. The fear makes my knees weak. I feel helpless. Gathering funds will do nothing to help keep us safe should the worst happen. What should I do?
I hear the door to the audience hall open and close behind me and I stand up straight and continue my walk down the hall toward my waiting sedan chair.
“Lihua!” I look back to see Honghui coming toward me.
“I am not of the mind to talk about fundraising at the moment,” I say.
“I’m sure,” he says. “I had a feeling you were not fooled by my brother’s words.”
My stomach sours. “Things are worse than he said, then.”
“Very,” he says. “We have a large standing army, yes. But the foreigners are not fighting on land, not yet. They have ships, lots of them. The coastal towns are being devastated.”
My hand goes to my mouth and I have to lean against the wall again. People are already dying in this conflict and I had no idea. Father had talked about moving to the coast, to one of the shipping docks where there was more work. Surely, after all the money Mingxia gave them for me, they did not go through with that plan. But they could have moved anywhere!
“Please,” Honghui says, placing a hand on my arm. “Do not cry.”
I pull my arm from his grasp. “I’m not crying. I’m angry! I’m… Fine, yes, I’m afraid. But why wasn’t I told? Why has Guozhi still not told me the truth? There must be something I should be doing. The shipping ports are not far from Peking. What if we are invaded? Should we not move somewhere safer now, just in case?”
“Yes,” Honghui says. “You should be moved. I told my brother that you should all be sent to the Winter Palace, up north in the city of Jehol, but he has not listened to me, not yet.”
My mouth gapes. Even though I said it first, I did not expect Honghui to agree with me. I thought he would tell me that I was overreacting. I rub my forehead, feeling faint.
“But what can I do?” I ask. “I—we, the women—we cannot just leave. Guozhi would not allow it.” I almost have to chuckle to myself at the memory of me climbing a tree to escape the Forbidden City. I wonder if I should attempt it again. Get myself out if no one else. No, I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t leave the others behind.
“No, but you can prepare for the worst,” Honghui says. “Pack a trunk with your most essential items. Your clothes, your jewels, anything small of great value. A trunk that you could grab at a moment’s notice should you have to flee.”
“You cannot be serious,” I say, even though I know he is. But the idea that we might have to leave Peking suddenly is too terrifying to think about. “The women will panic if I order them to pack trunks for an escape.”
“That is why you must not tell them,” Honghui says, his face stern.
“I cannot leave them in the dark—”
“Yes, you can,” he says. “And you must. And if needs be…you have to leave them behind.”
“What?” I’m almost disgusted by the suggestion—even though I thought something not too dissimilar only moments ago. But I would never have said such a thing aloud! “No! I can’t—”
“You are the empress,” he says. “You are worth all the others put together.”
“That is not true,” I say.
“To the foreigners, it is very much true,” he says. “They don’t understand our ways. They believe that a man—even a king—has only one wife. In their eyes, you are the only woman who matters to Guozhi.”
“I don’t understand,” I say. “What is your meaning?”
“If the foreigners were to get their hands on you, it would be very bad for all of us.”
“Get their… What? You mean kidnap me?”
“Yes,” he says. “Or take you hostage in some other manner.”
“But I still don’t understand. What would taking me hostage accomplish? I’m not involved in any of this. I have no say over politics or war.”
“Guozhi would never let anything bad happen to you,” Honghui says.
“That’s… I don’t…” I take a breath as I try to understand what Honghui is telling me. “If something were to happen to me, Guozhi would simply replace me, just like how I replaced Caihong.”
“Not in a case like this,” he says. “If he were to let the foreigners have you, it would be a great disgrace. He would be seen as weak and heartless by the foreigners if he did not protect his wife. Even more countries might join their cause if they think that Guozhi is that cruel.”
I shake my head. “This is madness! Guozhi would never risk losing a war become of me. If I were Caihong, an empress he truly loved, maybe. And while the emperor says he loves me, I know it is not true.”
“He…he has told you that he’s in love with you?” Honghui asks, his brow furrowed. There is a confusion, a sadness on his face.
“I do not think he means it,” I say. “I think he has affection for me. That he cares for me. But love? No, not really.”
“Hmm.” Honghui looks away for a moment and I wonder what he is thinking. I was already his brother’s wife when we made love. Why would his brother’s declaration that he loved me seem to bother Honghui more than me being his brother’s wife?
“Besides,” I go on, trying to steer the conversation back to where it needs to be, “even if he did, I am only a woman. He would not risk his country to save me.”
“Perhaps,” Honghui says. “But we must be prepared for any possible outcome. If keeping you safe is one less way the foreigners might gain an advantage over us, then that is what we must do.”
“Fine,” I say. “Then what should I do? Guozhi will not hide me elsewhere. You already said as much.”
“Not yet,” he says. “But should things take a turn for the worst, he will. And you must be ready to leave at a moment’s notice.”
“I will do as you suggest. I will prepare for departure.”
“But don’t tell the other women,” he reiterates. “We cannot have the palace fall into panic and chaos.”
“But, m
y ladies. My friends—”
“No one!” he says.
What he asks is impossible. If I have to flee, I would not leave Wangli or Yanmei behind. But there is no sense in arguing.
“As for the money—”
“What money?”
He looks at me for a moment, waiting, and then my face blushes.
“Oh, yes. The money I am supposed to be raising for the families of soldiers. In truth, I only came up with the plan as an excuse to take to Guozhi about what was going on.”
“Good,” he says. “Because none of that money will go to the people.”
“Why?”
“My brother will use it to fund the war.”
“Oh,” I say. “Should I just do nothing, then?”
“Gather as much as you can,” he says. “And hide it. Keep it on you, hide it in your trunk. Bury it in the garden if you must. If you have to flee, you might wish you had that money available to you instead of given to the people.”
There is urgency in his words. An urgency motivated by fear. I only now notice the beads of sweat on his forehead, the wild look in his eyes, his unkempt hair. It is as if he has not slept in days, and he probably hasn’t. This is all new information to me, but Honghui has been privy to this information from the beginning. He has watched this situation go from bad to worse—and he’s not confident about what will happen next.
From the day I set foot in the Forbidden City, I have been afraid. I have lived every day with the possibility of being discovered and being put to death. I never imagined that the biggest threat to my safety might come from outside the palace walls.
I know I should go. Start my preparations for having to flee. Find a way to save my friends. But I am hesitant to leave this spot. Right now, I feel frozen. As if the war, the danger, isn’t here yet, but will storm through the doors as soon as I step back inside the inner court. As long as I stay where I am, I feel as though I can keep that from happening.
Honghui seems reluctant to leave as well. But we cannot stand here forever. He reaches up and touches my face.
“Whatever happens,” he says, “I will keep you safe. I promise.”
I shake my head. “Don’t say that. Things are so far out of our control, we should not make promises we might not be able to keep.”
He starts to protest, but I step to him, pulling on the collar of his robe to bring his face to mine. There are no more words to say. No more promises to make. Whatever happens next will happen whether we will it to or not.
But I am not without hope. As I take in Honghui’s scent, his touch, I remember that not all is lost. The war has not yet reached us, and even if it does, China is a vast country. We could flee the city and no one would ever be able to find us. Honghui and I could run away together… Finally be together…
He pulls away from the kiss first.
“I must get back,” he says. “Guozhi needs me. I think that we should try to negotiate, come to some sort of peace terms. But his other counselors…” He shakes his head. “They seem to welcome war to our shores.”
“Go, then,” I tell him, stepping back. “Do not worry about me. Not now. I can take care of myself.”
He smirks and taps me on the nose. “I believe that. I have a feeling that even if all of China should fall, somehow, you would still be left standing.”
“Let’s hope it does not come to that.”
His smile falters at the reminder of our grim situation. He gives me a small bow and then returns to the audience hall. I take a few calming breaths and continue toward my waiting sedan chair. I have much to do and no idea how much time I have to do it.
9
“Close the door,” I tell Jinhai after I invite him and Suyi to my bed-chamber. I am pacing, wringing my hands. I cannot prepare to leave on my own. My servants must help me. Even if I were to try and prepare in secret, they would notice when things go missing.
“What I have to tell you must be held in the strictest confidence,” I tell them.
“Of course, your majesty,” Suyin says. “We would never—”
“No,” I say. “I am serious. This is not like past times where you whisper secrets among your closest friends and make bargains for information. If this information gets out, I will not be able to protect you from the consequences.”
They exchange glances and then nod. “Yes, my lady,” Suyin says. “You can trust us.”
“I know, but I cannot take any chances. I must be clear about this. Not a word.”
They both agree and step a little closer to me. I lower my voice to a whisper. “We must prepare to flee the Forbidden City.”
Jinhai gasps and Suyin whimpers.
“Because of the war?” Jinhai asks. “What is happening?”
“What do you know?” Suyin asks.
“Are we safe?” Jinhai asks. Their voices rise with each question.
“Shh! We do not know who might be listening at the door. Please, lower your voices. Yes, it is because of the war. We are safe here, for now. But Prince Honghui thinks that we might need to leave soon. We are too close to the sea here. The foreigners, they have ships and are attacking the coast.”
“The prince?” Suyin asks. “What of the emperor? Surely he would know better.”
I shake my head. “I do not believe the emperor is being completely truthful with me. He acknowledges that the war is getting worse, but he thinks we are still safe within these walls. And maybe we are. I don’t know. But Prince Honghui thinks we need to be prepared for anything, including fleeing the city if we must.”
Suyin has her hand to her mouth, chewing her thumb. Jinhai is shaking but trying to remain calm. Whatever they are thinking, they are at least scared, as am I.
“Why did the prince tell you this?” Jinhai asks. “Why do his words contradict the emperor?”
“Yes, why do you believe him over the emperor?” Suyin asks.
I can feel heat rising in my cheeks. I was always very careful about sneaking out at night to see Honghui. But still, I have wondered if my servants knew that I was up to something. They are very observant and know me better than anyone. It would not have surprised me if they at least suspected my relationship with Honghui. But apparently they know nothing about it.
“I do not think that Honghui is contradicting his brother,” I say. “He is only telling me what the emperor will not. Guozhi thinks that if the women of the harem find out just how dangerous the war has become, they will panic. And I think he is right. The women will be terrified.”
“I don’t blame them,” Suyin says. “I am terrified!”
“Which is why you can’t tell anyone.”
“Then why are you telling us?” Jinhai asks.
“Because I need your help. Things could change at any moment. We might need to flee with almost no warning. We need to pack the essentials now so that we can grab them and leave within minutes. You should pack bags for yourself as well.”
“I see,” Jinhai says. “So that if we have to leave, we aren’t scrambling around wasting time or end up on the road without the bare necessities.”
“Exactly,” I say, grateful he understands me. I take Suyin’s hand. “I do not tell you any of this to frighten you, but to help you prepare. I cannot do this without you, and I would never leave you behind.”
“But what about the others?” Suyin asks. “Wangli, Yanmei—”
“I have been giving it some thought,” I say. “We should pack extra items. Enough for four or five ladies. Clothes and toiletries. We will not be able to pack their own items without arousing suspicion, but I have more than enough things for a dozen women. But we cannot tell the others in advance what might happen.”
“I think Wangli already knows,” Suyin says. “The letters from her mother—” She shakes her head. “They carry no good news.”
For a moment, I consider bringing Wangli into my confidence. But I quickly dismiss the idea. Even telling my servants is a risk.
“The emperor has told me that I
need to reassure the harem, keep the women calm. I will do my best. But we must prepare should the worst happen.”
A few tears run down Suyin’s cheeks and she hiccups. “I am so afraid.”
“We have nothing to fear in this moment,” I say. “The emperor still seems sure of victory, and I hope it is so. If that is the case, we might pack a few bags and cases for nothing and will have to unpack everything later. It doesn’t hurt to be prepared, but we could end up in sore need if we ignore the worst possibilities.”
“If we flee, where will we go?” Jinhai asks.
“The Winter Palace,” I say. “I have never been there, but it is to the north and is apparently well-fortified. It is farther from the coast than we are now. Hopefully we will be safe there.”
“It’s an old military outpost,” Jinhai says. “They call it a palace, but it is hardly as comfortable as we are here.”
“As long as we are safe, we can forgo a bit of comfort,” I say.
“What should we pack?” Suyin asks.
“Clothes, certainly. And a lot of them,” Jinhai says. “Gowns for four or five ladies will take several trunks alone.”
“I think we should pack light,” I say. “We don’t know how much we will be able to take with us. You should pack the plainest, simplest robes. Thin ones so that we can fit as many as possible into each trunk.”
“The headdresses of course,” Suyin mumbles to herself, counting items on her finger. “The phoenix crown…”
“No,” I say. “No, none of that. We must pack only what we need to survive. Clothes, shoes, some food for the journey. We don’t really need much more than that. This is not a pleasure holiday.”
“You’re going to end up looking like a peasant,” Suyin scoffs. I laugh. If only I could tell her I really was a peasant.
“A peasant who is alive,” I say, rubbing her arm. “But we should take a lot of cash, and jewels. Who knows if we might end up somewhere that we will have to purchase goods.”
“We should spread it out,” Jinhai says. “Put the money into a lot of smaller purses and spread them out. Just in case some are stolen or lost.”