by Sarah Gates
When she got home, Anna was going to take a long, hot shower with the music pumped up. Then she was going to walk down to the local shop, buy the ingredients for one of her favourite recipes with her own money, and cook it. Not having to manoeuvre around any other women would be bliss. If he wasn’t working, she’d call Ben and yell at him. The Twitter account was not yet forgotten or forgiven.
‘Luke, tell us: which lucky lady is going straight through to the finale?’
Anna closed her eyes for a brief second, preparing herself. Before she could open them again, Luke had called Jessica’s name. Just one more name and she’d be free.
Anna wouldn’t miss the cameras, but she would miss Luke. She wanted to know all his emotions. She wanted to make him happy. She loved him. She was in love with him and now it was time to say goodbye. She bit back tears and looked directly into his eyes.
‘So it comes down to Anna and Liu Kun. One of you will be leaving tonight. Luke, tell us: who do you choose to join Jessica in the finale?’
Luke looked at Anna and she opened her eyes wide, mouthing just one word to him: Please. If the cameras caught it, they would think she was begging to stay on the show. Begging for Luke to choose her. Only he would understand what she really wanted.
A strange expression that Anna couldn’t decipher crossed his face. After this he would pick a partner. Maybe he would even propose in the finale, just like the crew wanted. And she would never see him again.
‘Luke? Who do you want to stay?’ Mason prodded, although Luke had probably been instructed to wait. None of their emotional reaction shots from earlier would compare to the footage the crew were getting now. Anna couldn’t hide any more. In the face of actually saying goodbye to the man she loved, she’d reached her limit.
‘Liu Kun,’ Luke choked out. ‘Will you join me in the finale?’
Anna didn’t see the other woman’s reaction. She couldn’t tear her eyes from Luke, even as he looked to the other woman and they shared their moment. As Liu Kun left and Mason gave his final spiel, not an inch of her body moved. She’d forgotten how to operate anything but her eyes as she memorised every inch of Luke’s body. Especially his face.
Only when Mason prompted her to move did Anna do so. She stumbled forwards to say goodbye to Luke. It couldn’t feel like just the two of them on the beach. Not with the lights so bright it felt like an indoor studio. But despite that—and despite their words the last time they’d seen each other—Anna found herself rushing into his arms.
‘I’m going to miss you,’ Anna whispered into his ear. Luke wrapped his arms around her waist.
‘Anna.’ His voice stammered and he stopped, squeezing her tighter. It felt like there were mountains of words left unsaid between them. What do you say in that situation? None of it was normal.
‘Good luck.’ She forced herself to take slow, even breaths. With a swift movement, she placed one last kiss on Luke’s cheek and pulled away. Anna rushed through the trees, towards the road, before the crew had time to catch up and lead her away.
* * *
Anna stared straight ahead, not seeing the cameras, the crew or the leather interior of the black sedan. Her mind was occupied with Luke’s face as he’d called Liu Kun’s name. The man had been drool-worthy in his fitted Hugo Boss suit. It made her wish she’d given in back at the hotel. Perhaps she could’ve slept with him and still walked away with her heart intact?
‘Anna, can you tell us how you’re feeling?’
Now she would never know. She’d never know what he looked like with those pants pooled on the floor. The idea sat uncomfortably in Anna’s stomach. If she opened her mouth, she feared loud sobs would emerge instead of words. So she kept her lips sealed.
‘What do you think about what happened tonight?’
Of the director, producer and cameraperson opposite her, none showed any sign of empathy. Anna concentrated on keeping her face blank. She knew enough about reality television shows to know this was the emotional goodbye interview that marked the end of her journey on the show, and a spike in ratings for Love Elimination if her reaction was tearful or spiteful.
‘Did you expect to be going home tonight?’ Joe asked, his voice growing impatient even as he fought to sound conversational and kind. While he was talented at managing the show and keeping everything running smoothly, he really wasn’t made for this. Instead of wanting to confide in him, Anna was perfectly happy to ignore him.
It shouldn’t be taking so long to get to the airport. As time passed and Anna leaned her head against the window, spotting the occasional landmark under streetlights, she realised that they weren’t even driving in the right direction.
‘Where are you taking me?’
After a moment of silence, Joe spoke: ‘We’re going to keep driving until we get our footage.’
‘You’re kidnapping me.’ It wasn’t a question and they didn’t answer.
‘Luke is a wonderful man and I hope he finds his true love, whoever it may be,’ Anna said, pulling her lips into a sad smile. It was forced. She definitely didn’t have a career in acting on the horizon if the café didn’t work out.
‘How does it make you feel, thinking of Luke with another woman?’
‘I wish him all the best.’ She sounded like a Hallmark card, but it was better than letting the nation see her shattered heart. Anna had fallen for him—and now she could go home and analyse those feelings. In private. The logical part of her brain thought that the feelings would fade away without the show forcing them together with its romantic dates, candlelight and flowers. Hoped they would.
The director frowned. ‘Cut the crap, Anna.’
‘That’s all you get.’ Anna spoke slowly and carefully, thinking about each sentence before saying it aloud and testing whether it could be edited to sound like the heartbroken or angry interview they wanted. ‘I’m just going to keep repeating myself until you let me go home. So please, just call it quits and put me on a flight.’
‘We can’t do that,’ Joe said. ‘Just give us one sentence of how you’re really feeling.’
‘I’m happy to be going home,’ she deadpanned.
‘Anna, you have a decision to make. Option A: you give me a good, heartfelt interview right here and now. Option B: I call Kate and you give her a good, heartfelt interview. Option C: Kate fails—either because you don’t speak to her or because she refuses to get the answers out of you—and I fire her.’
That got Anna’s attention. But as hard as she stared into his eyes, she couldn’t tell whether he was serious or bluffing. She considered disregarding her sister’s wants and needs just as Kate had betrayed hers during filming.
‘Fine,’ Anna conceded. She took a deep breath and thought about how her whole self ached. ‘I’m going to miss Luke. A lot.’
‘Okay. That was good, Anna. Thank you,’ the producer said. ‘Now can you tell us how you felt when Luke called Liu Kun’s name instead of yours?’
‘It hurt.’
‘Did you expect to be going home tonight?’
‘I don’t know.’ It was part truth. Although she’d begged Luke to send her home and although she was sure it was the right thing to do, part of her expected Luke to keep her there anyway.
‘Were you nervous before the elimination?’ the producer asked. Compared to Kate, he was a terrible producer. His compassion was entirely unbelievable.
‘No.’ They made that stupid circling motion until she kept speaking. ‘I tried not to think about it. There’s no point stressing over something that may or may not happen, right?’
‘Did you think about what it may be like if Luke proposed?’
‘No.’
‘Why not?’
‘I guess because it’s all so surreal. Who expects to have their perfect proposal on a reality television show?’ She stumbled over her words.
‘Have you been in love before?’
‘Once,’ Anna murmured. Before Luke, she’d dated a series of losers—until she decided to g
ive up on men. But without being cheesy, she understood the songs about love now. Particularly the ones about heartbreak.
‘Did you fall in love with Luke?’
Anna closed her eyes for a fraction of a second. She didn’t want to cry in front of the cameras. Not now, when she’d come so close to maintaining her composure throughout the season.
‘Yes,’ she whispered honestly.
It was too late. A tear slipped from beneath her eyelid. It was followed by another, and then another. Anna wiped at them, but her mouth still tasted like salt. She had failed.
CHAPTER
21
With Kate still on set, the apartment was empty. Not that Anna spent any time there—every moment was committed to her café and forgetting Luke Westwood. So she cooked. Meringue, mousse, cheesecake, tarts, macaroons … She produced high-end deconstructed desserts for the menu and smaller baked goods for the cabinets. After months of uncertainty, Anna locked in a menu. She didn’t include a single thing she cooked while on Love Elimination.
She bought cushions, vases, fake flowers and candles; most from op shops, but some from actual stores. The café was hip, trendy and completely finished, with the last of the kitchen and heating system installed under her watchful eye. With one last flourish, Anna hung her framed liquor licence on the wall. The place was ready for opening night. The last piece of the puzzle had recently fallen into place: the café’s name, Desserts For My Father.
The only thing that wasn’t ready was Anna. She was distracted. Advertisements for the show were everywhere. The Sydney photo shoot was put to good use, because Liu Kun, Jessica and Luke were on every bus stop, billboard and online news page. Even going out of her way not to see them, Anna spotted one every few hours whenever she left the house. On the day of the Love Elimination finale, she rushed home, trying to avoid each one and pretending not to know it was airing that night.
When she got back to the flat, Kate was there.
‘Sorry for bringing Mum on the show!’ her sister hurried to say for the hundredth time. Her texts and emails had all started and ended with ‘I’m sorry’ since the day they’d filmed at the apartment.
Anna dumped her bag on the counter and flopped down in a stool. She didn’t even feel angry any more. All she felt was tired. Her lower back ached from lifting trays and her eyes were bloodshot from lack of sleep.
‘It’s fine. You’re forgiven,’ Anna mumbled. ‘Let’s never talk about it again.’
She wasn’t mad. She understood being manipulated by Joe and the producers, and it helped that Kate was no longer working for Love Elimination. Despite being the one to save the day by having Anna step in, Kate had been let go in the media maelstrom that followed the family date. Her own lover had fired her. Now both sisters were heartbroken.
‘Shouldn’t we talk about this?’
‘I really don’t want to,’ Anna said. ‘Not because I’m still angry or anything. I just want my sister and best friend back.’
‘I thought Ben was your best friend?’ Kate teased.
‘Oh yeah. My bad.’ Anna grinned.
‘Okay.’ Kate’s forehead creased. ‘Are you hungry? I bought Thai and there’s enough for three here.’
‘Ravenous.’
Kate arranged the plastic containers on the counter. When they’d both piled their plates high, Kate grabbed them and carried them to the couch.
‘Can you get us each a glass of wine?’ she called over her shoulder as she picked up the remote. By the time Anna joined her with their drinks, the first strains of the Love Elimination opening sequence began to play. Luke’s face filled the screen and Anna’s heart stuttered.
‘No, Kate. I don’t want to watch this.’
‘It’s the finale.’
‘Exactly. I don’t need to see Luke profess his love for another woman.’ It was the closest Anna had come to confessing her feelings to her sister, though she knew Kate had probably seen every bit of footage from the show—including Anna’s farewell interview.
‘Trust me, Anna. You need to watch it.’
The music died out and the title screen was replaced by Luke’s face. From there, it wasn’t a conscious decision—Anna couldn’t look away. She wanted to reach through the screen and touch him.
Luke was just as handsome on the television, even if it didn’t pick up all the nuances of his face; like the shadow of unshaven facial hair or the defined muscles beneath his suit. Every expression was forced—from the pensive gaze as he looked out from his balcony somewhere in Bali where the finale was filmed, to the smiles as he shared one last date with each woman in the luxurious location.
Anna watched as Liu Kun and Jessica received last-minute advice from the experts, mostly urging them to express their love before it was too late. The women wrote speeches and delivered them with tears. Luke told them how special they were and Anna’s every instinct told her to leave the room, but the sight of Luke held her there; as did Kate, who kept murmuring ‘trust me’ over and over again.
Finally the time came for Luke to decide. The gorgeous garden was lined with tulips. Anna’s favourite flower. Anna couldn’t help wondering if it was designed for her, thinking that she would be the final woman standing. And if that was true, was it Luke’s doing or an assumption by the crew?
Liu Kun was rejected quickly. Her farewell interview was barely audible. The poor woman genuinely cared about Luke and she was a good person—one of the few people Anna had considered a friend on the show.
‘I really, really don’t want to see this,’ Anna told her sister, though she couldn’t look away from Jessica negotiating the cobblestone pathway through the garden. It was seriously magical, even if the producers had been working on the set for months.
‘Yes, you do.’ Kate grabbed Anna’s hand and clung to it.
And so Anna watched as Jessica, in a beautiful cobalt blue dress that flowed down her body like a waterfall, stood before Luke with just enough room between them for him to bend down on one knee.
His speech was fluent and littered with compliments, as if he were reading from a script. Except that the words sounded like his own. With that realisation, a tightness pulled at Anna’s chest. Had Luke told them all that he loved them? But this was reality television—she had to doubt everything she thought she knew.
After a typically dramatic pause, Luke finished his epic speech. ‘I’m sorry, Jessica. After being on the show, I know what I want.’ He took a deep breath. ‘I haven’t fallen in love with you, or with Liu Kun. I’m sincerely sorry for wasting your time.’
With that, Luke walked off the set. There was no tearful goodbye from Jessica—the woman was angry.
For her part, Anna was confused. She turned to Kate. ‘What just happened?’
‘He’s in love with you, Anna. I’m sure of it. That’s why he dumped Liu Kun and Jessica. The only part I don’t get is why he sent you home. But I’m sure there’s a reason.’
‘He sent me home because I asked him to.’
‘You did what?’
‘I wanted to come home.’
‘Why would you get yourself eliminated? The man is perfect for you, and he’s clearly head over heels for you.’ Kate rarely raised her voice to Anna, even as a child. But she did now.
‘He said he loves me,’ Anna whispered. Her whole body ached when she thought of that moment.
‘So, again, I’ll ask: why on earth did you leave?’
‘Because we’d never work out! We’re completely different. He travels non-stop. He lives in the snow in a hundred different countries. My café is here, and I just wanted to come home to it.’ Anna swallowed hard. ‘Besides, I didn’t want to be followed by the cameras or plastered over every magazine and morning show in Australia.’
‘Firstly, being all over the media would’ve been a good thing! You’d have your man and be in prime position to promote your café. Which you would’ve come home to just a week later, by the way,’ Kate said, jutting her finger across the couch. ‘Now, don’t
you think it’s time you start taking chances on men again? I know you’ve had a crappy run and that Mum fell apart after Dad died. I get that now. But Anna—it’s time to start living.’
‘That’s not what this is.’
‘Yeah? Did you even bother to talk logistics with Luke? Figure out how it might work?’
Anna hesitated.
‘No, I didn’t think so.’ Kate exhaled loudly. The fight seemed to leave her body. ‘You should go to him. Ask for a second chance.’
‘And do what with the café?’
‘Postpone the opening.’
‘It’s next week, Kate.’
‘So? What if he’s the love of your life—your soul mate?’
‘It’s a television show, Kate! Whatever I feel—felt—was the result of Stockholm Syndrome.’
‘As if you were locked up! Don’t think I didn’t know: you were sneaking around with Luke the whole time. All those meet-ups on the beach? The time he walked you back from the pub? Plus you had your phone and a full kitchen. It was barely any different from you being at home,’ Kate said. ‘Your feelings for him aren’t going to fade, if that’s what you’re thinking. You won’t be able to talk yourself out of them.’
‘Even if they don’t, the café is my dream! It’s been my dream since I was a toddler, helping Dad from my stool. I shouldn’t have to explain myself, Kate! How hard did you work to get into the television industry? You’re one of the youngest producers the network has.’
‘But I would throw it all away for love. True love.’
‘You’re a romantic! That’s probably why they assigned you to Love Elimination in the first place. But I’m not like that, Kate.’