by Caldon Mull
A half-hour later, I plodded into the Hospitals residents section. A pretty nurse smiled at me, I grinned back and asked for Doctor Mason, no I didn’t have an appointment and please could I have an invoice for yesterday’s House Call. Within ten minutes I was lying on a plastic covered table with a cold spotlight in my ass.
“Hmm, Andronicus you’re almost good as new.” He leaned back, clicking off his lamp. “Finish the suppository course tomorrow and I’ll waive the anti-biotics and just give you a shot instead. No use interfering with a working formula, I’ll just help your body do its job.”
“Thanks, Doctor I appreciate it.” I watched him prepare the syringe in horror. “Yeesh, Doctor, are you sure you’re not going to dig that into my bones? I don’t think my flesh is that deep.”
“Don’t be silly Andronicus, your buttocks are nice and meaty and p-perfectly adequate.” My eyes burned as I suffered the injection.
“Owww... So Doctor, what brought you to Storyville in the first place? You don’t look like you were born and bred.”
“No... no. I followed my brother out here. He got a job in The Company on contract while I was still an Intern, the hospital had a vacancy and I applied a year later. Been here ever since.”
“My ex-fiancé has a position in Accounts. I followed her. That was nearly two years ago. Where does he work?” I sat up and closed my buckle, tugged my jeans straight.
“He doesn’t.” Doctor Mason sighed, seemed to deflate. “About two years ago he suffered... an injury... similar to yours. He had just got a p-promotion, he was very good at his job. He... they found him in the building after hours.” His eyes had closed and he was packing his instruments away, methodically, by touch. “He had managed to crawl to Security and they rushed him to the hospital. He wasn’t as ...robust...as you and he was ...p-permanently damaged. I had to fit him with a colostomy bag myself. He never spoke of the incident and a week later he was discharged. I came home two days after that to find he had taken his own life.” He pushed his glasses up his forehead and rubbed the bridge of his nose savagely. “I tried to find out what happened, but I was stonewalled. I’m not even allowed on the p- premises anymore. I wrote... to the p-President of The Company so often... and he p-promised to assist in any way he could, but it didn’t help. They have their own law down in the Compound, even he doesn’t reach into there.”
“I’m sorry, Doctor.” I whispered “I shouldn’t have asked.”
“I’m glad you did, Andronicus.” Doctor Mason snapped his bag shut with a sharp ‘click’ “Everyone seems to know about the bright young staff that come in, and then have an ‘accident’ and leave suddenly. No-one talks about it and The Company seems to have a lid on all the information. All the knowing in the world won’t bring Dougie back, I just want it to stop. He wasn’t the first I had treated, but he was the worst. Give fickle Fate its due, he was the one I would have given anything to p-protect, and he was the one I couldn’t.”
I watched him struggle with himself, finally lose the battle. “You wouldn’t be p-prepared to give a deposition would you?” He smiled nervously, blinking back tears. “It could help to bring this to an end, you know.”
I sighed, thinking for what seemed like an eternity. “No.” I said finally. I dropped my head and watched his pale fingers clenched and trembling on his medicine bag. “There are so many anti-disclosures, protections and disclaimers in all of our contracts it would never, ever get any attention in any court. Not in twenty years, not ever. By the time the lawyers have picked through every single clause, the deposition itself is completely and utterly forgotten and completely incidental to the fact that I have broken contract by recording a deposition. I cannot take that chance, I don’t want to be raped twice, Doctor... Sorry.”
“It’s an Indecent Assault only. P-possibly sodomy, if there is some proof of penis penetration, which I couldn’t find with this case. Andronicus, these are criminally minor charges.” Doctor Mason corrected me in a ragged breath. “Rape involves the involvement of a Penis and a Vagina. That carries a Life Imprisonment. It is strange to think how one carries the p-possibility of a suspended sentence, and the other one the minimum of chemical castration. The Law in this country isn’t as fair as it should be, so not Rape.” His disappointment was thick and bitter in the room. “I imagine the attack didn’t cost Dougie his life, after all he was a suicide... I’ve heard it all before, Andronicus. All the twisted defensive reasoning in the world and I can’t bear to watch the trickle of brutalized innocents p-passing through my hospital emergency room any more. I’d swore I’d leave here if that ever happened again, but it seems I’m trapped into just watching the callous result, and eating myself alive without knowing who, or how... or why.”
“Well...” I walked past him to the door, stood with my hand on the handle, squared my shoulders. “I’m afraid I cannot help you Doctor Mason. I really am sorry about your brother, I am. I know what he went through and I can’t say I would ever wish it on anyone.” I heard his deep sigh from behind me. I stood where I was, torn between wanting to tell him everything and walking out. My brain raced, suddenly things were very clear to me. I decided.
“By the way, Doctor” I spoke to the door. “I seem to have lost something in your office, I imagine it fell out of my bag when I was signing my Invoice.” My voice quavered, I cleared my throat “If you do find anything, please make sure it gets back to The Company. It’s their property and I’m not supposed to have it. Could you please keep how you came by it in the Doctor and Patient Confidentiality relationship? I’d appreciate that, and trust in your discretion.” I finally opened the door and stepped out.
I walked past the nurse and a blocky looking intern and reached my car in the pouring rain, having made sure they had heard me. I stood for a few moments with my forehead pressed against the roof, breath steaming in the cold air. I pressed the central locking button on my key ring and reached into the glove compartment, retrieved the plastic sealed package there and sprinted back to the reception, air burning in my lungs, tape burning against my chest inside my bomber jacket. I walked past the intern again, shaking my head “...forget that too, if it wasn’t screwed on...” He smiled at me and I turned the corner to see Doctor Mason and the cute nurse riffling through papers on clipboards. He looked up at me with a guarded expression.
“Could I have my Invoice for this visit please, Nurse... Tilly” I smiled at her and she nodded. While she fussed with the printer behind her, I put the tape on the counter in front of Doctor Mason. I pushed it over to him with my index finger, looking into his eyes. “I seem to be forgetting everything these days. You must have increased your proscription dosage.” Doctor Mason slipped the tape over the counter and onto his clipboard in a single, fluid motion and covered it with a stack of loose papers. He walked back to his office without saying another word.
Nurse Tilly giggled by the printer, back to the front counter. She heard what she heard, but she saw nothing that went on between us. The dot-matrix printer screeched into life and five minutes later I was sitting in my car with the signed duplicate folded in my breast pocket. As soon as I could breathe, I started the car and went shopping.
I got back Home an hour later and packed away the groceries, threw casserole ingredients into the ceramic slow cooker and set the timer for dinner. I topped up the jenny, and curled up on the settee with ‘City and the Stars’ by Arthur C Clarke. Today was today, and I was done with it. I don’t know how long I drifted in the shiny silver world of the City, where everything was ordered and ‘unusual’ was only ever by design, but I put the book down after awhile and wished that some measure of that world were here, now.
There was a noise in the drive as Michel returned with Dean. They laughed and chatted as they came into the room, loaded with parcels and a rucksack each, saw me and fell quiet.
“What?” I snapped “Have I grown another head? Can’t anyone laugh anymore? Is there a new tax, or something?” They shuffled around from foot to foot, some
thing was up.
Eventually Michel muttered “You tell him.”
“No, you tell him yourself. It was your idea, bonehead.” Dean peeked through his fringe. “No, no... you tell him. You know how secrets drive him crazy.” Michel muttered again. “No, you...”
“You...”
“TELL ME WHAT, YOU MORONS!” I yelled. I couldn’t stand it, anymore. “Okay... Okay.” Dean muttered grinning “But you gonna take the fall for this.”
“No, you...” Michel snickered.
“You...” Dean burst into giggles “You owe me five bucks anyway, he cracked in under five minutes.”
I groaned “Would someone pleeeeeaaase tell me what’s going on.”
“Ok see, Michel got something he wants to give you. This is got nuthin’ to do with me. I go on record,’kay.” Dean heaved some of the slipping parcels up and staggered into the kitchen.
“What, Cooties?” I sniffed. Dean guffawed in the kitchen amongst his unpacking noises. Michel dropped the parcels and slung the rucksack off his back, knelt and unzipped it. “C’mere Andy.”
I stepped over and looked into the bag. On top of his gym towel was a small, dark lump. He reached in and pulled out a kitten, bedraggled, eyes only just open. It stuck its front legs out and hissed with its toothless mouth. It was so tiny, even spread out, it fit in his palm. “I found it on the steps outside Dean’s place, it was about to wash into the drain. I dried it off at Dean’s place. I wanted to give it to you.”
“It’s... it’s a cat.” I took the tiny thing in my hands, its legs wobbled as it tried to stand. I put my other hand over it, stopping it from wiggling and falling.
“I told you!” Dean bellowed from the kitchen. There were clinking noises as he checked the slow cooker “Hey, that smells good, Hmmm” he muttered. The world spun for a few moments, I held the little cold thing in my hands, it curled up in my palms. “You brought me... a cat.” I blinked.
“Uhhh, yeah...” Michel’s grin froze. “... a little half-drownded, bitty one.”
“Damn it, baby” I grunted and lifted the thing up to eye-level. It opened its smokey-blue kittens eyes briefly, then closed them again “How you gonna feed this thing? It don’t look like it’s been out of pussy for more than a couple hours.”
“Aw, big guy,” Michel rose from his haunches and peered into my hand at the furball “His eyes are open, he’s a couple days old at least. Probably the mommy and the rest of the litter got flooded out.” his eyes flicked to my face “I got a doll baby-bottle and some milk cereal too, an’ a wool blanket for him to sleep on and some cotton wool in case he takes a dump.”
I stroked it with a finger tip. Its little ribs felt like fish-bones. “It’s... a cat.” It rolled onto its side and stretched while I stroked it. My hands must have been warm, it lay like that and slept.
“It was gonna die.” Michel insisted. “I couldn’t jus’ let it. Can I at least try?”
Dean crept out of the kitchen, wiping his hands on a dish towel, apprehensive. He craned his neck to where we were standing, huddled around the smudge on my palm. “No canip-shin yet.” He muttered under his breath “Guess you gonna keep it. Damn! Now I owe you that five bucks back.”
I sighed, looked at the miserable little thing. Before I knew what I was doing, I had leaned over and kissed Michel on the mouth. His lips parted and he kissed me back gently, open mouthed, closed eyes.
Dean’s voice from the dining room said “Aggkh! Fag stuff!” then it disappeared back into the kitchen muttering pleasantly “Baby... big guy, there’s like, sex or sumthin’ tonight... Cool.” He burbled to himself happily unpacking dinner plates “I guess that answers that at last... yup, they done it.” Another glass clink of the slow-cooker lid “Hot Damn, this is good! Mustard and peppers, I guess...”
I broke the kiss and rested my forehead against his. “You’re scaring the kid.”
“Don’t care.” Michel whispered, nuzzling my cheek.
“You brought me a cat.” I kissed the end of his nose. “I brought us a cat.” He smiled, eyes closed.
Part Two – The Fourth Chakra
The fourth Chakra is located behind the heart, toward the back and middle of the chest. It is represented by the colour green and by the twelve petal lotus. It is the source of energy for compassion, unconditional love, devotion and clarity. - January 1994
Chapter Eleven
I don’t know how I heard the sound, it couldn’t have been all that loud. I tugged my arm out from under Dean’s head gently and rolled Michel’s head off my chest and crept out of bed. I padded over to the little box in the room where the kitten was wobbling on his blanket, mewling. I ducked into the kitchen and poured some kettle water into a bowl and dipped the doll’s bottle into it for about five minutes. I spooned some instant cereal into the warm water and mashed it up. I remember cats having a bad reaction to cow’s milk from somewhere.
The soy and protein shakes from my gym menu should do just as good and be safer for it... him. As soon as it was luke-warm I padded back to my room, and picked up the small body and popped the teat into its mouth. It suckled heartily, curled in my hand, paws stretched either side the bottle. I held my hand against my chest so it could hear my heartbeat while it fed. I yawned while the kitten fed, content.
The dinner had been a smash. Hearty, double thick casserole went down a long way, two glasses of Shiraz each and an early night, warm and under the covers while the rain pelted down onto the roof. It hadn’t been awkward when I suggested we all bunk down together. For the most part all of us had taken the edge off each other. If Dean was uncomfortable with involving more than one person in his sleeping arrangements, he’d never let on. As for Michel, that was more difficult to gage. I think he was happy to share himself between two others because it meant he didn’t have to concentrate fully on any one other thing. This was as new to me as it was to him, I think but it did spread the load of what we needed from each other to a more comfortable intensity. The kitten burped and stopped wiggling, asleep. I gently folded him into the folds of his blanket and left the bottle next to him and crept back into bed over Michel’s curled body.
I lay nestled between them and tried to doze, failed. I think this was easier now because we were completely cut off from the rest of the world, hurricane-deluge blanketing the town, cutting us off from the silly pettiness of the rest of the valley’s social norms. Dean made a happy sound and curled against me, hugging my chest. I kissed the top of his ruffled hair absently and ran my fingers through his hair. His silky sleep shorts rubbed against my leg, I could feel his hard-on rubbing against the outside of my kneecap. I absently pressed his spongy heat with it and wondered what Doctor Mason was going to do with the tape I had left him yesterday morning.
In retrospect, what I had done was incredibly stupid, but it had seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well, yesterday was yesterday, today was today. Last night I had told Dean over supper in as simple words and without much detail what Paul had done to me. Michel’s lips were thin while I told Dean, but he seemed to have much less of a reaction to my attack as he had earlier. Dean nodded and listened, not judging or responding much either way. It was one of his gifts, I guess. We had settled the kitten and discussed what we were going to call it, without reaching any definite conclusions. Then we had watched a movie, snuggled up together with some popcorn until ten before we started to head to bed. I made a joke of tugging them both into my room, but honestly I wasn’t going to sleep alone just yet, and neither of them had made any protest at all. If they had discussed me earlier among themselves, they hadn’t let on.
Dean stripped to sleeper shorts, the first time I had seen him wear anything but a jockstrap and hopped into bed while Michel and I fussed about the kitten before stripping to our shorts and climbing in next to Dean.
After some fuss and re-arranging, I got the middle spot and both spooned in beside me. Dean stroked my chest absently for a few minutes before falling asleep. It was like he had a
switch. It amazed me to watch. Michel was more restless.
“You don’t mind the kitten, then?” He whispered while Dean’s breathing slowed. “Nah. Bit of a surprise though.” I snuggled him, while he ran my hair through his lips.
“Honestly, why did you bring him home?”
“‘Cause he was going to drown. Because he got a rough start, maybe because I could do something about him. I don’t know, really. All of those things.” Michel shrugged with his right shoulder.
“Gravel paths...” I sighed.
“What?” he propped up on an elbow and rubbed his cheek against my chin. I nuzzled him back.
“I build a great gravel path.” I chuckled “Whatever else I can’t fix, I can always build a great gravel path. Around the house.”
“Oh. Right.” he leaned back into the pillows, stifling a yawn. “We’re Ok, then?”
“We’re solid, stud.” I grinned, listening to his voice getting slower, the pauses longer. Just when I thought he was asleep “Andy...?”
“Hmmm?”
“No use being afraid of something that didn’t happen. When you ready... do me like that.”
“What?”
“No, I’m sure. I’m tired of bein’ afraid. Jus’ do it, whenever...” his voice trailed away slowly and I was sure he was asleep this time.
The thought kept me awake, and kept waking me all throughout the night. By the time kitten was hungry I was all slept out and jittery. I thought it was about time for a distraction.
I pulled back the cover and watched Dean’s body in the dim grey light. I slipped my hand down his ribs and hooked a finger into the elastic waistband of his shorts at the hollow of his hips, tugged. His stiff cock bobbed free, and slowly I peeled the shorts back, over the smooth skin of his ass and his ripped thighs. We had started quite a few mornings like this, and even if he wasn’t quite awake, his body remembered me. He settled onto his back and his thighs parted. I leaned forward and took him in my mouth, savouring the stickiness in his cock-eye. He moaned softly, instantly awake.