by Caldon Mull
“Anythin’ you need.” he gulped. “You jes’ ask…”
“Connie… left me last week. She done pick up a habit an’ she decided the whole mommy shit ain’t fer her. She’s gone Hollywood beat an’ lookin’ fer scripts to make her a star. She left me with Fabian an’ signed over all the rights like he was nuthin’ to her.” Kyle sighed “I want you guys to be his guardian, maybe all of ya’s… I wanna know he’s gonna be in good hands.”
“Done.” I shrugged and stepped forward to take the papers, “Tank an’ me we’ll sign joint so there’s kin and care in the deal.” Kyle’s hand gripped my wrist, his skin was painfully hot.
“You sure, Big Guy?” he whispered “You do this for me?”
“Without a moment’s doubt.” I grinned at him, reassuringly “You good with this, Tank?”
“Yeah.” Shane nodded, eyes streaming tears “I’m good with that. Whatever I can do for him, I’ll be there.”
“He’s big for his age…” Kyle chuckled “… gonna be like you, I guess. Looks a lot like Andy, though. He’s a good kid, doesn’t know where his mommy went but ain’t complaining… Petey’s looking after him now.”
“He’s a great kid, Nancy’s bringing him over now.” Pete gulped and nodded seriously “You wanna sign now?”
“Yeah.” Kyle shivered “While I’m still in ‘sound mind’, I guess. It ain’t gonna be long, though. I c’n see the quacks gathering outside an’ I’d like to say somethin’ to each a’ you guys a’fore it’s too late.”
It took us about five minutes to sign and initial on all the pages and Pete took out his actuary stamp and all was done and legal. We filed out as Nancy brought the toddler in and the doctors swarmed into the place we had just left. One of the nurses stopped Nancy, but the doctor said that Kyle had been under treatment for over twenty four hours and couldn’t infect anyone else. Apparently the STSS he had was working inward, and he was past being infectious to anyone else.
The nurse nodded and ruffled Fabian’s head and clucked “such a shame”. The toddler looked up with his emerald green eyes, and his shock of golden blonde hair askew from the ruffling and I was struck at his calmness. He knew something was going on, but I imagine he was still working it out. He didn’t look at all distressed, only curious.
“Hey kid.” I smiled at him “Don’t be scared.”
“I’m not.” He said in a small voice “Is daddy OK?” he added.
“I think he might go away for a long time.” I found I couldn’t tell him anything else “But he’s asked me and your Uncle Shane to look after you for the mean time.”
“Oh.” He thought about this while Nancy and Cat hovered. “Okay… I guess…” They bustled him inside and we paced for awhile when Fabian was lead out by the nurse and Bobby was called in. I perched Fabian on my lap and waited for my turn.
“Daddy looks tired.” Fabian looked at me again.
“It’s the fever, It’s making him hot and sleepy.” I squirmed as he snuggled on my lap and rested his head against my chest. I draped my arm around him and waited for Bobby to come out. He shook his head slowly as Shane walked past him, and he pressed his thumbs against his eyeballs, as I’ve seen him do so many times when he was too moved to speak.
When I was asked to go in in a little while, I bundled the sleeping boy to Nancy went in to say goodbye to my first love.
I can’t tell you about that because it was something he wouldn’t want me to talk about. I don’t need to tell you what was said, what memories we swapped or what promises were made. When I left him, he was… happy. Whatever battle he still had to fight was waiting for him, and if he didn’t make it… he had done everything that he could do to make sure his own were cared for.
Kyle Summers died two days later, from organ failure associated with low blood pressure brought about by STSS. When I think of him now, I don’t really think of the Man I said goodbye to in the hospital bed. The young man whose son I would raise for him, whose mind and body I had loved for the last four years. When I think of him now, I think of the beautiful youth running through the Storyville wilderness, wild and untamed… just like the first time I met him.
I think of the touch of his hot skin in the summer sun, the smell of his hair in my face and the taste of his sweat on my tongue after a long, slow day of fucking. Sometimes, even when my mind is not thinking of him specifically, a scent or a taste would bring back a time with him so clearly that it is almost like he’s right in front of me.
I guess that’s why we have sex with people we like or with people we love. It’s like the time that we spend with them is etched on our souls, sometimes lightly… sometimes forever. All five senses are conspiring to remind you of the good times you had with them, to comfort you when they are no longer there. Kyle was my perfect day, he taught me to learn how to feel, he taught me to face the world… he forced me to re-evaluate my relationship with myself. He started me on the road to healing myself and even though he’s gone from my life, there is still a wild and happy place he left inside of me that I go to often, even now.
When I ever feel love in my life... and I do now a lot, it is because Kyle Summers showed me how. I owe him for my life, I owe him for the quality of my life, for the feelings he brought to life in me. For me, Kyle is never really gone... I use a part of him every day that I hug Fabby or pat Bobby-Lee’s ass on the way to the dinner table, or peck Cat on the cheek as she leaves for work or kiss Parson’s bald spot after he’s beaten Dan Hawks at scrabble. How can you miss someone who is so much a part of you? I’ve spent more time in my life missing parts of my own self than I miss Kyle... because he has never left me. Kyle changed me, and I changed myself enough to be with him, for all the time we had together. While I still live, it is enough.
As to the rest of it, Shane and I flew back to Storyville at the end of the week. Linda wasn’t as pleased to see Fabian as Shane and he thought she’d be. In fact, things got steadily more awkward for Fabian at his first pre-school term where his more numerous and fiercer cousins saw him as an ideal punch bag. While I was happy that he was coping, I noticed darker clouds on Shane’s brow.
One summer night late, he came down to the bunker where Fabian had taken to joining me after his dinner and sleeping on the bed while I carried on working through the night. He didn’t look happy.
“Andy?” he bunched himself through the hatch. Outside was close and humid and patches of sweat were staining his vest and short “C’n I talk?”
“Yeah, Tank.” I put down my stylus and swiveled on my chair. “W’assup?”
“Ummmm, Andy…” Shane looked at the bunk where Fabian was curled into a little ball with his teddy, sound asleep with a little smile on his face. He always smiled when he had good dreams, which was often. Fabian could never hide a feeling even if he tried, you could see it instantly and honestly. To this day, Fabian is completely and utterly incapable of lying.
“Yeah?”
“Ahhh… I want to send Fabby to a good school. He starts in few years time an’ I given it some thought. I… uhhhh…”
“Yeah?” I wondered why Shane was so round-about, he wasn’t usually that way. “Spit it out.”
“Andy, Linda was arrested this afternoon for drunk driving.” Shane sank into one of the foam chairs and waited for it to finish collapsing. “She’s ‘bin getting’ worse this last while and this is the last straw.”
“Shit! Tank, I hadn’t ‘bin paying attention.” I leaned over and patted his stiff shoulder.
“Nah, she’s ‘bin hiding it, even from me.” He sighed, and rubbed his face “But I’m gonna stick through with her, and most like take her to rehab until she can stand on her own two feet. But, I don’t want Fabby here, Andy. I wanna send him to a good school, ‘an I want him to get away from his cousins and I want him to have the sort of chances Kyle was getting in the city. Where do you recommend?”
“I can think of a few places, I guess… home in Washington.” I shrugged “You think that’s wise?”
<
br /> “It kills me to say so, Andy… but I do. If Fabby is gonna hang around here, then he’s gonna be like me or like any o’ the Summers boys… ‘an… ‘an I don’t want that for him.” Shane sighed and looked over at the boy again, a warm smile crept over his tired, pale face. “I’ll miss him somethin’ horrid, I guess I’ll be visiting him often. I’m rollin’ in cash now, and it’s lookin’ like that ain’t gonna stop soon.”
“Well, I’m nearly done with this lot of work and Cappy and Cat are havin’ their wedding soon, so I c’n take him back with me at the end of the month… find a good school for him. He’ll be with me and Cappy and Cat and Michel and Marcie and it shouldn’t be too much a change for him.”
“Marcie? She and Mano hook up?” Shane grinned with relief… I could see which side of the family Fabian got his emotional honesty from. “It’s good that he’s happy.”
“Yeah, turns out she’s on the same campus and they bumped into each other one day during recess. Things kinda picked up for them where it left off.” I smiled at Shane “Two Tarheels making good half a continent from home.”
“Thanks, Big Guy… I ‘bin thinking about this fer days now, an’ I’m sure now that this is right for him.”
“An’ thinking ain’t yer strong point Tank, you much better at fuckin’…” I grinned at him.
“Andy!” Shane scowled “Watch yer mouth in front of the kid!”
“Heh!” I grinned at him “Listen to you… all daddy now, who’da thunk!”
“Hey, Big Guy!” Shane grinned slowly “So are you now, you also the daddy an’ don’t you dare deny it!”
“Shoot, you’re right Tank.” I was stunned with the sudden realization “I’m also the daddy.”
“An’ don’t you dare forget it, neither!” Shane grinned lewdly “Now you wanna come upstairs quick an’ be mine? I reckon I best play to my strong point afore I have to go and do some thinkin’ with Linda.”
Fabian and I left Storyville for Redmond about a week later, after tidying up. We took a slow drive and retraced the route Michel and I had taken before. I was pleased to see construction starting on some of the sites I had identified on the last trip back home and Fabian had a ball, he already loved the big trees and the deer crossings and was as animated as I ever saw him.
At night he slept peacefully. He didn’t seem to be taking his move too hard. I knew he was tough and right big for his age, but his little soul was a gentle one and Shane had it right, he would grow and change to suite his environment until he was just another Summers kid, something that Kyle had resisted most of his life.
So it was up to me to do what was best. Cappy an’ Cat and Michel and Marcie welcomed me back home and I couldn’t tell who was more pleased to see Fabian of all the people at dinner that night. The girls clucking like hens around him and Parsons trying to teach him scrabble already. When he dozed off, I bundled him over my shoulder and took him to my old room in the South Wing. Parsons had prepared my Father’s old room next to the library, and from what I saw of the wardrobe and drawers he probably intended for the move to be a permanent one because all my stuff had been packed into it.
I sat on the bed and stared at my shoes for awhile. The cat was curled up on my bed, purring softly to himself. Michel had shipped him up shortly after he had moved in, and he had a new habit of finding my stuff and sleeping on it. I scratched between his ears, and he yawned hugely. He loved this old place with all the interesting stuff… and he and Bess had apparently explored every inch of the place by now. It was confusing having ‘cat’ and ‘Cat’ in the same house, but Michel had decided to call him ‘The cat’ now, and it worked just as well, I guess. He batted at my fingers, rolling onto his back indicating his tolerance of my caress had not yet been exceeded. “Stupid cat.” I whispered as he stretched hugely and then promptly curled up again “Taking napping to new levels of purr-fection.” He didn’t appear to appreciate the pun, ignoring me. Then I walked through to see if Fabby was OK and watched him sleeping peacefully in the dim glow of the nightlight.
Then I walked through to the library and unrolled the blueprint on the light table and brought through my new P150 laptop and started to trim the edges of the design.
“Hiya girl!” I greeted Bess as her nails clicked on the floor behind me, tail wagging. I kicked off my loafers and she stretched out over them like she was used to, and promptly fell asleep under the desk. Time passed as I absorbed myself in the task.
“Nice.” Michel’s voice startled me “What is it?” He walked into the room carrying two over-sized mugs of coffee. He sat down and pushed one over to me. His hair was tousled and there were faint scratches on his chest and back. I could imagine what he and Marcie had been doing until recently.
“Um... yeah.” I gestured weakly and took the cup. “Neat.” He grinned at me “Couldn’t sleep. What is it?”
“It’s a blueprint for a satellite. They going to sling it around the sun to pick up speed and then it is on to Saturn where they’ll be taking pictures of the Moons there. They haven’t named it yet, but it’s probably going to be after an Italian astronomer. The top portion is a separate piece some English guys are doing, so I can only guess how that would fit in.” I gestured.
“Uh... It’s not helping if you running away from Cappy, y’know. I seen you like this before, what with Kyle on top of all of it.”
“Nah, it’s not that, buddy. I’m fine with what happened to Momma, and then to Kyle and I haven’t really had any problem with Cappy, now that I think about it. ‘Xcepting maybe his right hook at Black Bear’s.”
“Oh? You sure? ‘Member... I used to jack off in the next room listening to you guys.” Michel sipped from his mug, his dark brows brushing the lip of the cup.
“You didn’t!” I grinned “You stinker.”
“Yep, yep, I am... but tell me, are you running?” Michel grinned back but his eyes held a shadow of concern. “Hidin’ in your work?”
“Hmm... maybe a bit, buddy. But truth be told, I am happy that Cappy is still around after all that, an’ I ain’t blaming him for what he done. Truth is, they good together and I love them both.”
“Cat know about you two?” Michel sighed and reached for my hand. I squeezed it lightly back. “I think we on a ‘no ask, no tell’ arrangement with Cat. If she did know, it wouldn’t make any difference, and if she didn’t know, she wouldn’t care. I also think she wouldn’t care if she did know. She ain’t the kinda girl who would be hung up on Bobby an’ me sharin’ a bit now an’ then, long as most’a him is hers.”
“Have you, since...” Michel’s brows beetled.
“Nah. I probably save if for... a week in the mountains, come spring.” I grinned “I think we leave it for occasions for now. I don’t want him comparing too often. Face it, Stud… all of us are just ordinary guys, always will be ‘an to start thinking otherwise is gonna screw with our brains more’n necessary. I reckon I’m keeping anything else we do to one side, rather than try and go against the grain.”
“Ah!” Michel grinned “Wise move. Tell me, bud... what’s the deal with Fabby?”
“I keep him here, school him with us and Tank pops up once a month or so to spend some time with him also. I ‘bin trying to track down Connie, so I can get both signatures on the legal guardian form for Tank ‘n me.”
“Any luck?” Michel unconsciously rubbed at his nipple, it beaded a drop of clear liquid while I blinked.
“Nah. She’s not on the circuit an’ her agent ain’t heard from her in two weeks. I’m beginning to worry, some.”
“Well, just so you know that as long as he’s here, he’ll be fine.” He yawned and stood to leave.
“Thanks, Mano. I know that this will be his home, from now on. No matter what, Fabby will always be loved here.” I watched him walk back to bed, and then shut down the laptop and went to mine, feeling lonelier than I had ever felt before.
Chapter Twenty Two
It was some months later that I got to take stock again. It
had been my design work on the space probe had been accepted, two more Lodges had started construction and Bobby and Cat had been hitched, wed and bed and had popped her first child. My new cousin had been named ‘Caith Lee Hoskins’ after much squabbling about names. Cat won that one, with Parsons and I looking on in mild bemusement. Fabby had been accepted into a Redmond Pre-School and was as happy as a pig in mud. I found myself watching him catch the school bus at the bottom of the hill from the front porch, smiling to myself remembering how Petey and I were in similar situations about twenty years back.
Cat had been awkward in her third trimester, and had taken to stomping around the house, railing against being grounded and taking her temper out on anyone in reach... except Fabby. The House men-folk found sending messages through him far more comfortable than facing her directly. Each of us camped out in different sections, Parsons on the porch with his scrabble tiles and a dictionary, with me holed up in the Library and the computer equipment bank I had put in there, Bobby re-building the out-buildings around the sandpit, and adding more. The only other unaffected critters in the house were The cat and Bess, who came and went as they liked, undisturbed by the moods and moving freely between the zones camped out by their human-folk.
Of the humans, Michel and Marcie were an undeclared neutral ground, and all of us were thankful that Bobby and Michel could go off somewhere for a beer, or Cat and Marcie could go off and do girl-things and talk about their men-folk. All-in-all the relationships, while passionate were good natured and the ‘family’ worked well. When Pete and Nancy were up visiting his
Dad, we had a big roof-wetting party for Michel’s studio. Everyone was there, even Cat spent some time with little Caith, sneaking away to nurse him every so often but there nonetheless, the rest of the kids running around with Bess creating an awful ruckus. I caught Parsons smiling to himself as he watched the pandemonium of kids exploding in the Garden.