by Kate James
“I’ve lived with it. Never knowing with one hundred percent certainty if she was still living or not. Hoping month after month, then year after year that the police were wrong. That one day she’d come back to us. But she never did...”
“It must have been dreadful for you to live with that uncertainty,” Shannon responded. “How did Dylan take it?”
Sawyer seemed surprised by the question. “Oh, he was so young. A psychologist I consulted advised me to keep things as normal as possible for him. I told Dylan that Mommy had to go away. He seemed to accept it, but then the nightmares started.” Sawyer turned away and shook his head. “I suppose even at that age he knew. A few months after the police told me they presumed Jeannette to be...gone, on the recommendation of the psychologist, my mother and sister helped me pack up her belongings. Having everything around probably kept her alive in Dylan’s memory...and made it harder on me.
“At first, I insisted that we keep everything in storage, just in case... I ended up donating all her belongings to charity.” He turned back to her. “I’m sorry. That was probably more information than you wanted.”
“No. That’s okay,” she told him, her own voice not quite steady.
“The police looked at me as a suspect in her disappearance,” he said.
Shannon could see in his eyes—more brown than green now—the torment that still caused him.
“I know they’re looking at me now in Dylan’s disappearance, too.” He made a sound of frustration. “Maybe I’m even the prime suspect because it’s the second time a member of my family disappeared.”
Shannon opened her mouth but had no response, because his assumption was correct.
He held up a hand. “You don’t have to say anything. Intellectually, I know the odds and I can’t argue with it. Emotionally? It’s a different matter. Most importantly, they’re spending valuable resources eliminating me as a suspect. I’d like them to get on with it and clear me, so they can focus all their energies on finding Dylan and determining who is responsible.” His voice faltered and he lowered his gaze.
“You can’t give up hope,” Shannon said, more sharply than she’d intended.
Sawyer’s eyes, when he raised them, were dark and gleaming. “My question about your parents. When they did hear... How does a parent handle that? I...I don’t know if I could.”
His voice faltered on the final words. It was more than Shannon could tolerate. She rose and sat on the chair next to him and laid her hands on his shoulders. “You have to stay positive,” she implored.
He stiffened for a moment, then lowered his forehead against hers.
Not knowing what else to do, she closed her eyes and rubbed his back, much as she would to comfort a child. She felt a connection to him, but it was so fleeting she wondered if she’d imagined it.
He straightened and raked his hair back, while Shannon returned to her own side of the table.
“I’m sorry about dumping all of that on you.” He seemed to take in his surroundings, as if he’d only now recognized that he was sitting in a public place. His gaze returned to Shannon and she felt that link with him again.
A moment later, he broke eye contact. “Listen, I appreciate what you’re doing.” His eyes softened. “I really do.” He stood and regarded her with sad eyes. “My life is shambles right now. I don’t know how to do something normal like have coffee and a conversation. I’m sorry, but I have to go.”
CHAPTER SIX
SHANNON FELT BAFFLED and unsettled as she drove away from the coffee shop. With the resources available to the SDPD, combined with the expertise of the FBI, they had to be able to find Dylan and return him to his father. What was the point of being a police officer, if you couldn’t help in situations like this?
She checked her rearview mirror, signaled and made a quick U-turn. It was her day off, but she wanted to see Logan.
There had to be something she could do.
“Do you have a minute?” Shannon asked from the doorway of Logan’s office.
His surprise at seeing her was evident, but he gestured for her to enter and have a seat. “What’re you doing here today?” he asked.
Shannon noticed a loose thread at the hem of her shirt and fidgeted with it. When she glanced up, Logan was watching her intently. She wondered if she’d made two colossal mistakes in the same day, but there was no taking back her meeting with Sawyer and no avoiding her discussion with Logan. “I know I’m not on the Dylan Evans case, but I was wondering if there’s anything new with the search.”
“Nothing of substance. Are you asking because of Charlie?”
“No,” she whispered.
Logan pushed back in his chair and rested one ankle on the opposite knee. “We’ve already established that the missing boy hits close to home for you. You need to be honest with me.”
“This isn’t about Charlie,” she asserted. “Or not entirely. I... I’m concerned about Dylan. He’s been missing for over two days. That’s not a good sign.”
Logan tapped his fingers on his thigh. “You’re right. It’s not. But we’re doing everything we can to find him.”
She nodded. “If Darwin and I had gotten there faster, maybe...”
Logan rose, moved around his desk and sat down in the chair beside Shannon’s. “You know better than that. You’ve been here long enough and you’ve had enough training to appreciate that based on Darwin’s reaction, whoever took the boy was at least an hour and a half ahead of you.”
She felt the tears stinging her eyes and was horrified to think that she’d embarrass herself by crying in front of her captain again. She lowered her gaze. “I can’t help feeling I failed.”
Logan leaned forward and rested his forearms on his knees, forcing her to make eye contact. “You did everything by the book.”
By the book maybe, but could she have done more? She was afraid to say anything, since her emotions were a maelstrom, rioting just under the surface and threatening to break free. She pressed her lips together and glanced away.
“Shannon, I need you to be the very best officer you can be. It would be counterproductive for me to tell you that you did well if that wasn’t the case. Look at me,” he instructed, drawing her attention back to him.
“I’m deeply sorry about what happened to your brother. This is the last time I’ll say this, but you should’ve told me about him. I want you to understand why. No one would be unaffected by a child’s disappearance. For you, those feelings are compounded and could—I’m not saying they did—but they could impact your performance. Don’t keep salient facts from me again. Are we clear?”
“Yes. So noted,” she managed. “Is there anything wrong with me monitoring what’s happening with the case?”
“Not from the department’s perspective.” Logan sighed. “On a personal basis, I can’t see that it’s good for you. I’ll leave it to your judgment.”
“Thank you.”
Logan got to his feet. “Go home. Try to put it aside.” He placed a gentle hand on her shoulder before moving behind his desk again.
Shannon walked out of Logan’s office, knowing that what he asked of her would be impossible. And she knew there was no way Sawyer could put it aside for even a heartbeat.
* * *
SHANNON HAD JUST returned from a long walk with Darwin when her personal cell phone rang. It was Sawyer.
“I’m sorry I left you at the coffee shop the way I did,” he said. “Especially after you were kind enough to get in touch with me. I can’t seem to say or do anything right these days.”
“That’s okay.” Nobody could expect him to think clearly with what he was going through.
“I just want you to know that it matters to me that you care,” Sawyer continued. “It gives me hope that it’s not just you, but that everyone who’s looking for
Dylan cares, too.”
“They all do. I can promise you that.”
“And thank you for telling me about your brother. I wish you’d never had to go through that, but knowing you did... Talking to you helped me, because you understand in a way that not many people could. I just want to tell you how much I appreciate that.”
She felt a tightness in her chest. “I’m glad it helped. If you want to talk, feel free to call anytime.”
After they said their goodbyes, Shannon got a Coke from the fridge and took Darwin out to the back patio. As the first stars blinked awake in the darkening sky, she hoped that wherever Dylan was, he was safe and would soon be home with his father.
She hadn’t known what to expect when she’d encouraged Sawyer to call her, but he took her up on her offer.
During the next week, she and Sawyer spoke every day and sometimes more than once. She knew he was receiving official updates from the department, but she tried to fill in as many of the details for him as she could—without going too far.
And provide support, to the extent that she was able to.
She felt him gradually opening up to her in his sorrow, and she despaired that she couldn’t provide him relief from the agony he was living with, since the investigation kept coming up empty.
Each day that passed, she struggled with the ethical dilemma of developing a relationship with him. There wasn’t any plausible reason to suspect he had anything to do with his son’s disappearance, but in the absence of evidence pointing to anyone else, he hadn’t been completely eliminated.
Shannon tried to tell herself that she wasn’t attracted to Sawyer. How wrong would that be, to fall for a man under these circumstances? She berated herself for taking advantage of his weakened state. Would he be talking to her, if not for her connection to his son and the bond—as tenuous as it might be—because of Charlie? She kept reminding herself that she should maintain an emotional detachment.
But she was incapable of doing it. She was drawn to Sawyer in a way she couldn’t remember being drawn to any other man.
Layered over the question of ethics was the self-reproach of not telling Logan what she was doing. Yes, he’d okayed her sitting in on the briefings and keeping herself up-to-date on the investigation, but what would he say if he knew she had feelings for Sawyer Evans?
She took a sip of her beer and eyed Logan on the other side of the table. It was the K-9 Unit’s monthly Friday night get-together at The Runway, a bar close to San Diego International Airport. Logan’s girlfriend—fiancée now—worked as chief of security and loss prevention at the airport. Shannon remembered how intimidated she’d felt by the highly competent, drop-dead gorgeous Ariana Atkins when she’d first met her during a police investigation at the airport six months ago. No question she respected Ariana. Was probably a little awed by her. But since Ariana and Logan had gotten together, she’d had a chance to know her on a personal level. Now she considered her a friend.
Shannon watched as Logan slid his arm around Ariana’s shoulders and whispered something in her ear that had Ariana blushing. Who would’ve thought that the professional, unflappable Ariana—who’d helped them bust a major smuggling ring operating at the airport—would blush? Then again, who would’ve thought the tough and emotionally reserved Jagger would fall so hard?
Maybe she was just a little envious of the obvious love Ariana and Logan shared. What they had was the love of a lifetime. She glanced around the table. She could say the same about Rick and Madison, and Cal and Jessica. Cal and Jess had just gotten back from their vacation. They still had that honeymoon glow about them, and it had nothing to do with the light tans they’d acquired aboard the cruise ship.
Although Shannon had been in relationships before, she could safely say she’d never been in love. With a certain wistfulness, she turned her attention back to the interplay between Ariana and Logan.
“Is everything okay?”
Shannon jerked slightly and turned to her left. Madison Vasquez, the veterinarian responsible for the SDPD’s canines—and K-9 Unit sergeant Rick Vasquez’s wife—was watching her with concern.
“Yes.” She took another sip of her beer. “Why do you ask?”
Madison’s eyes were probing. “I’ve known you since you joined the K-9 Unit. What is that now? Eight months?”
“That’s about right.”
“You’ve always struck me as focused, with a laser-sharp mind and a terrific attitude.”
Shannon felt heat rise to her cheeks. “Um, thanks. That’s high praise coming from you.”
“Don’t thank me yet. You look distracted tonight. Unhappy.”
She exhaled heavily. “It shows?”
Madison squeezed Shannon’s arm and nodded. “Do you want to talk about what’s bothering you?”
Shannon cast a furtive glance at Logan. When she looked back at Madison, she realized her tactical error.
“Work-related problem, then?”
“Yeah. No. Not really.” Her eyes shifted to Logan again. He was laughing at something he, Ariana and Cal had been talking about. “It’s nothing. I can handle it.”
“Uh-huh. I hope you know you have friends here.”
When Logan’s phone rang, they all fell silent. He had a brief conversation, obviously with Dispatch.
“Yeah. Got it. We’re on it.” He sent an apologetic look around the table. “Sorry to cut our evening short, but Rick and I have to go.”
“Aw, man,” Rick complained halfheartedly.
“Sorry, pal. The Vice Squad got a tip that one of the drug cartels has something big going down across the San Ysidro border tonight. The rest of you enjoy the night out.”
Jessica grinned at her husband. “How nice! You can stay with us for girl talk.”
Cal shot his wife a pained expression. “You sure you don’t need me to come in on whatever’s going down, Jagger? Scout and I can track any fleeing suspects,” he suggested hopefully.
“No. You and Shannon can stay.” Logan chuckled. “Not up to the company of four beautiful women?”
Cal grimaced. “I think I just remembered something I need to do.”
“What?” Jessica asked with a skeptical look on her face.
Cal grinned sheepishly. “I’m sure something will come to me on the drive home. Will you be okay getting back on your own, Jess?”
Jessica laid a hand on her protruding stomach. “I think I’ll manage. I’m also happy to be the designated driver if anyone needs a ride, since I’m not drinking.”
“Okay, but if you feel anything, even a twinge, you promise to call me?”
“Yes, I promise.” She smiled at him. “I’m a doctor. You can rest easy. I’ll know when it’s time.”
“Glad that’s settled.” Rick pushed his beer away, rose and kissed Madison in a way that Shannon was certain would’ve made her toes curl if she’d been on the receiving end.
“Is it okay if...?” Madison asked Rick.
He touched his lips to her forehead, then tenderly ran his hand down the length of her curly red hair. “Sure.”
“What was that all about?” Ariana asked after the men had left.
“Well, this isn’t exactly how we’d planned to announce it,” Madison said, her face glowing as she pressed a hand to her flat stomach. “We’re expecting a baby!”
“You guys didn’t waste any time!” Ariana remarked, and was the first to hug her.
With a chorus of squeals and excited congratulations, Jessica and Shannon hugged Madison, too. Madison smiled widely at Jessica. “You aren’t going to be the only designated driver in the foreseeable future. Rick and I think it’s wonderful that our kids will be so close in age.”
“To Madison, Rick and their soon-to-be new addition,” Shannon said, and they all raised their glasses in a toast.
&nbs
p; The usual questions were asked about Madison’s due date, if they knew whether they were having a boy or a girl and how she was feeling. When the pregnancy topic was exhausted, Madison turned to Shannon with an appraising look. “So, is there something you’d like to discuss, while it’s just us girls?”
Shannon’s mouth dropped open and she snapped it shut again. Everyone’s attention was now on her. She thought about denying it, but she knew there wasn’t any point. “I met someone I like.”
“You’re seeing someone? That’s terrific!” Madison said excitedly.
“Not really seeing. Just...sort of.”
Ariana leaned forward. “You’re seeing someone ‘sort of,’ but you don’t look happy about it. We’re all good listeners, if you want to share. Lord knows, we’ve each had ups and downs with our guys.”
That elicited nods and chuckles from Madison and Jessica.
Feeling uneasy, Shannon took a sip of her beer. “First of all, like I said, I’m not actually seeing him. And I don’t think he’s interested in me...in that way.”
Ariana gave her head a little shake. “He’d be crazy not to be, but what makes you say that?”
Shannon felt warmth seep through her at the words of support. “It’s...complicated.”
“I’m sure that whatever it is, it’s not insurmountable, if you’re interested in him,” Madison said.
Shannon considered the wisdom of opening up to her captain’s fiancée, the unit sergeant’s wife, and her colleague and trainer’s wife. How much more exposed could she be?
But she valued and respected each of the women around the table. Their reaction would be a good indicator of what it might be like to have a conversation with Logan about this.
If it came to that.
She took a fortifying breath. “The man I’m seeing is Sawyer Evans.”
Judging by the looks on the other women’s faces, Shannon knew she’d shocked them.
“The man whose son was abducted?” Ariana finally asked.