by Mallory Funk
“I just feel so numb,” I whisper so low that they might not have heard me, but when they look at me with sympathetic eyes I know that they did.
I just turn my head away. I can’t stand to see that look in their eyes.
Chapter Twenty One
Aiden ‘Steal’
Two weeks later.
It has been two weeks and I don’t think that I am any closer to getting Olivia to forgive me.
The day after we had rescued them, my mother Lily had walked up to me at the house and gave me the biggest lecture I have ever heard from her.
There was a lot she had to say to all of us and, if she wasn’t my dad’s Old Lady, I don’t think she would have gotten away with it.
By the end of it, everyone felt even more guilty and terrible. Torch had immediately come right up to me and asked if I felt like a five-year-old boy getting yelled at by his momma, and I had to laugh and nod my head in agreement with him.
We had all promised to make it up to Olivia. We just were unable to figure out a way. Whenever she would bring Hale to the club, she was like a lifeless zombie unless the women were talking to her, but there was still no spark in her eyes and I hate myself that I had a hand in taking that away.
Today I’m with Hale while she is working. This is her first day back at work. As far as the hospital knows, the doctor just took off and never came back to work. There was always a lot to be done at the hospital and she was going to be gone for a twelve-hour day.
I decided to put the sandbox that Olivia had bought together. Hale watched me the whole time and didn’t waste any time playing in it once I was done setting it up.
“Daddy?” he asks after a few minutes of playing. I am sitting on the steps of the patio watching him play. I will never take these moments for granted. I had almost lost them.
“Yeah son?” I look up from his toys to his face, and he’s looking at me with questions in his eyes.
“How come mama is mad at you?” he asks so innocently.
“I said some mean things to mom that I shouldn’t have and I’m trying to figure out how I can make it up to her,” I tell him. I don’t want to tell him the whole truth because I think he would be too young to understand, but he knows that something isn’t right with his mom and dad.
“Does she know that you are sorry for being mean?” he asks curiously, tilting his head to the side in question.
I nod my head. “Yeah, son, she knows. I’ve told her many times.”
I think that’s the end of the conversation when he doesn’t speak for a few minutes.
After a few minutes, he finally says what’s on his mind. “Mama always says that it’s better to show someone how sorry you are, and show them how much you love them, instead of just telling them.”
I look at my son in surprise. You would think that he didn’t know anything like that, but my woman had raised him right and it’s one of the reasons I love her.
Show her that I love her and that I trust her, I think to myself.
I have been telling her over the last couple weeks how sorry I was for coming to the wrong conclusions, but she would just roll her eyes and walk away.
I need to start showing her.
The first thing I need to do is start on supper. I usually buy supper on the days she works since I’m not that great in the kitchen, but I could try.
How hard could it be?
Olivia
Working all day at the hospital has me beat. Krista had a lot of questions about where I have been and what happened, but I didn’t want to discuss too much with her. We weren’t close enough that I could trust her enough to tell her about Elliot and the Vicious Snakes.
She knows that Hale’s dad is part of the local MC, but I don’t know if she would blame them for everything that had happened.
Either way, I decided that I couldn’t take that risk.
By the time I got home, I was tired and all I wanted to do was have something to eat and head to bed.
I wondered for a minute if I could get Steal to stay longer so that I could go to bed early, but that required more conversation than I was willing to have with him.
Walking into my door, I had to do a double take and make sure I was in the right house.
The house was spotless and I could smell something coming from the kitchen. I just assumed Steal had ordered supper like he usually does since he told me that he’s not that great of a cook.
Lily was standing beside Steal at the stove, and Hale was colouring at the table looking content with what he was doing.
“Hello?” I said. I couldn’t help that it came out sounding like a question.
They both turned around and seemed startled by my presence.
“Olivia, you’re home,” Steal says looking at me with a soft smile on his face.
“What’s going on?” I ask looking at the stove.
Lily looks at me with a smile on her face, and a little bit of laughter in her eyes.
“Well, my boy here wanted to do something nice for you and cook dinner, but after he realized he didn’t know how to cook anything he called me in a panic. So, I have been showing him for the last couple hours the basics on cooking,” Lily states.
I swallow the lump that’s in my throat. “Y-You cooked for me?” I ask hesitantly.
Steal’s eyes go soft and he smiles. “Yes, of course. We can’t eat take out all the time. It’s really not good for you.”
“Okay, well just let me get changed and I will come out for dinner,” I say looking for a moment to myself. They both nod their heads at me. I turn around and practically run into my bedroom.
I feel tears prickling in the corners of my eyes.
No, no, no… It’s just a simple meal and gesture. It doesn’t mean anything, I chant in my head.
I’ve been numb for two weeks and haven’t felt anything besides anger when it comes to anyone that isn’t Hale. I’ve tried to hide it when I’m with the girls because they haven’t done anything wrong, but I don’t think they believed my acting for a second.
I grab everything I need for a shower and make my way to the bathroom. I shut and lock the door and then turn the water on quickly. I get undressed and step into the shower. I can feel the need to cry, and all it took was some simple gesture for me to feel something.
I let myself fall to the floor and cry for the first time since I have been home.
I know that I love Aiden and that’s why what he said hurt so much. The looks he sent me on a daily basis were enough to get me weak in the knees.
I went from caring for and raising my son without him to him being the man that I could picture a future and life with.
I don’t know how long I stay in there, but the water eventually turns cold when I quickly wash up and head out to the kitchen.
When I get there, Lily is gone, and the table is set. Hale is in the living room playing with his toys and Aiden is sitting at the table looking at the hallway that I was in, like he was waiting for me.
I offer him a small smile. “Sorry about taking so long. I didn’t know you would be waiting for me.”
He eyes are soft and looking at me when he speaks. “It’s okay. I fed Hale and I wanted to wait for you before I ate. It should all still be warm.”
I just nod my head. I’m too emotional to speak. I silently sit down at the table. This is the most I have felt in the last two weeks. I just need to eat and go to bed.
For the last two weeks, Hale has been in the bed between Aiden and me. I know he’s very scared of what happened, but I think Aiden and I also don’t want to let him out of our sight.
I quietly start eating and I can feel Aiden’s eyes on me the whole time. I know he wants to say something and has wanted to ever since they found us, but I have shut him out every time.
“How was work?” He finally breaks the silence.
It’s an innocent enough question.
I nod my head as I’m taking a bite. “It was fine. Long day since I haven’t been back in a
couple weeks.”
“That’s good. I hope you didn’t work yourself too hard. Maybe you should rest after we eat,” he suggests and I’m quick enough to agree.
I need to spend some time by myself.
“I was thinking maybe we should get Hale back into his own room again. He seems to be doing better now that he has spent a lot of time with both of us,” he says once I don’t reply.
I put my fork down and take a breath. “Yeah, sure we can put Hale in his room tonight and see how it goes.” He probably just wants to get away from me and is looking for a reason to not sleep in a bed with the cold woman I have become towards him.
He nods his head back at me with a small smile on his face.
See? He wants to be far away from me. If it wasn’t for Hale, I’m sure he would be miles and miles away.
Chapter Twenty Two
Aiden ‘Steal’
I watch her as we eat the rest of our meal in silence. I can see the emotions running across her face, and now I have hope that I can fix us.
She looked emotionless when she walked into the kitchen earlier. Then, when my mom had told her that I wanted to make her supper I didn’t take my eyes off of her. I saw the tears threatening to break free.
When she ran into the bedroom and then the bathroom, I wanted to go after her and that need came over me more when I heard her crying in the shower.
My mom put a hand on my shoulder to stop me each time. She told me that I needed to give her time. This was the first show of emotion we have seen that wasn’t directed towards Hale.
I fed Hale and he asked why his mom was sad and I was thankful my mom was there to answer that one. She told him that she’s sad about what happened or almost happened to them a couple weeks ago.
It’s hard to explain to a kid what’s going on, but we tried as best as we could. He seemed to understand, but you can see that he was worried about his mom.
My mom left and told me not to push her too hard. As long as I see more than anger in her eyes, I think it’s progress.
I hope that I can show her how much she still is and will always be mine.
When we decided to put Hale in his own room tonight to see how it would go I could sense some disappointment from her. Part of me thinks that she doesn’t want me to share the bed since Hale won’t be there, but there is no doubt in my mind that that’s where I will be.
Whether we have Hale in bed or not, I will be sleeping beside my woman. She can argue with me all she wants. It will be better than this quiet, dismissive behaviour.
Once we get Hale ready for bed, he seems fine to sleep in his own room. Olivia makes her way to our room, and I take the time to lock up the house and make sure that everything is turned off before also making my way to the bedroom.
When I get into the room, Olivia is facing the wall. As soon as I open the door she turns to see me enter the room.
“What are you doing in here? There’s a perfectly good couch in the living room,” she says on a sigh.
“I’m going to bed with my woman. There’s no way that I’m not sharing our bed together,” I say as I start stripping my clothes down to my boxers.
I climb into bed before she can say anything.
She turns around to face the wall again. “I’m not your woman,” she says it so quietly that I don’t think she meant for me to hear.
I turn on my side so I can face her even though all I see is her back.
“No matter what, you will always be my woman. I was an asshole and I hope I can find a way to get you to see how sorry I am because it’s killing me not to have you in my arms right now,” I say softly. I have never felt so vulnerable in my life than I have felt with this woman.
She turns to look at me, and I’m not prepared to see her eyes red and puffy from crying and her face filled with tears. I want to wipe them away, but I resist the urge and clench my fists.
“It’s not forgiveness that’s holding me back. It’s trust. Your lack of trust in me is what’s breaking me, and I don’t know if I can trust you again not to break me. With all the time we spent together, you should have known that I would never do something like that. I know how much you love your club and I would never jeopardize it. You should have realized that I had your back, but I know now that I’m just the woman who had your kid and not your woman. I know the difference now,” she says and gets up and walks out of the room. A couple seconds later, I hear the bathroom door close and the lock click.
I lay flat on my back and close my eyes.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
How do I show her that she’s everything to me? She’s been my woman ever since I laid my eyes on her again.
Chapter Twenty Three
Aiden ‘Steal’
Olivia spent a lot of time in the bathroom. I closed my eyes and pretended I was asleep when I heard the door open. I wanted to see what she would do. If she decided to sleep on the couch then I would move her and sleep there myself.
Sure, it’s not my ideal situation, but I have to do something.
She came into the bed but stayed far on the edge. It wasn’t until I heard the sound of her breathing evening out that I knew she was asleep.
Once she was asleep, I grabbed my sweats and my cut and walked over to the clubhouse.
I needed to do a lot of thinking. If it’s the trust that needs to be fixed then I will find a way to fix it. She’s mine whether she wants to admit it right now or not. The second she agrees, I’m giving her an Old Lady’s cut and putting my name on her.
I’m not going to go another second without my name tattooed on her. I had her cut requested to be made already and my dad just smirked at me knowing that it was going to happen.
Once I get into the club, I sit at the bar beside Pyro. I’m not in the social mood so I think I’m safe sitting beside him until he speaks.
“Rough night?” he asks with a knowing smile.
I glare at him and take the beer that the prospect hands me. I chug half of it down before I even bother replying.
“You could say that.”
He lets out a chuckle. “Figure out how to win your woman back?”
I shake my head. “Fuck, I don’t know what to do,” I say as I rub a hand over my face.
I spend a couple hours drinking a few beers and then head back over to my family. I tell myself that it’s just in case Hale needs me, but I know that’s not the reason I’m heading back over there.
I walk into the house and lock the door back up. I check on Hale on my way to bed and he’s sound asleep. I take a moment to stare at Olivia in bed and I can’t believe how beautiful she is. I know that I will do whatever it takes to get her back.
I cannot lose her.
Olivia
I wake up the next morning in Aiden’s arms. I felt him leave the bed last night, but I didn’t hear him come back. I want to pretend that I’m sleeping a little longer so that I can stay in his arms.
My head is on his chest and I can tell he’s asleep by the way he’s breathing. He does have a good hold on me and it feels nice to be in his arms. I can’t help the tear that runs down my cheek.
Ever since last night, I haven’t been able to stop the tears from coming.
I feel him twitch in his sleep, and I take that as my cue to get up and move out of his arms.
I don’t look back to see if he’s awake. I just grab a sweater, throw it on, and leave the room.
I start getting ready for work. I take my time in the shower and half way through, I start to feel sick. I don’t bother turning off the shower before I open the curtain and start throwing up.
It’s just my luck to start getting sick at the same time that I have to go back to work.
I make sure that I’m done throwing up before I go back in the shower and wash up.
I don’t feel completely better by the time I’m ready for work. I still feel like I might get sick here and there.
Hale is up eating his breakfast with Aiden and the smell of the bacon he’s eating
gets my stomach rolling again. I run back into the bathroom and start puking.
Aiden comes to check on me, and I’m sure that if my hair was down he would be holding it. I feel a cool wash cloth on my forehead that feels like heaven.
I mutter a quiet thank you before I start puking again.
“I don’t think you should head into work, babe. You don’t want to get any of your patients sick and you don’t look like you could move from that spot any time soon,” he says, and I nod my head in agreement.
I really would hate to get anyone sick. Since I work in the E.R, I deal with a lot of people with an increased risk of catching what I have.
I grab my phone from Aiden. I don’t know how he grabbed it so fast, but I don’t bother questioning it.
I call work and tell them that I can’t come in since I’m puking. I hated doing it since I had only just got back to work.
Aiden leaves the room to check on Hale, and my eyes latch onto an unopened box of tampons.
Oh fuck.
I can’t believe that I didn’t think about my period. I had so much going on with the being held against my will thing, and avoiding conversation with any Vicious Snakes, that my period didn’t even dawn on me.
When I know that I’m not going to puke anymore, I brush my teeth and head back into my room to change. Since I already called work and let them know that I wasn’t coming in, I might as well take the day to see if I’m actually pregnant.
I change into a tank top and leggings since I won’t be leaving the house today and put my big comfy sweater back on from this morning.
I text Ella and ask her to bring me what I need. She replies that she will be here within the hour with Stacey.
I don’t think that I have ever been more thankful to have those two as friends right now.
When I get out into the living room, Aiden is getting Hale ready to take him to the club and, I’m assuming, work today.
“Don’t worry about Hale today. Just get some rest. We will see you for supper. I will call and see how you’re feeling and then we will decide what to eat,” he says. When I don’t say anything, he looks at me so I just nod my head.