Something Like Peace

by Kris T. Bethke

  “Good luck,” I said, meaning it. I stirred the simmering red sauce, homemade so I could control the sodium, and judged it almost done. I just needed to cook the pasta and make a green salad. “Dinner’s in thirty minutes.”

  He waved me off, and I laughed as I shook my head. I busied myself with dinner preparations, and when it was ready, I went in search of Vincent to tell him to give it up for the evening and come eat. I ran into him in the hallway just past the living room as he was coming out of the office. The shit-eating grin he was wearing told me all I needed to know. Vincent had somehow worked his magic in the time it took to watch a sitcom.

  And we had a fully casted movie.

  Chapter 12

  “Are you staying in my room?”

  The question jolted me out of my rhythm, and I stopped pacing and mumbling to myself to look at Vincent. We’d begin filming tomorrow, and everyone was set to arrive this evening or early tomorrow morning. I had the shooting script in my hands, and I was committing my lines to memory. As a kinesthetic learner, I always did that best while I was moving and talking out loud. Usually, there was no one around to bother. Vincent had said he didn’t care what I did. I had a suspicion he found it funny.

  “What?” I wasn’t sure I heard him right.

  He leveled his gaze at me, his expression calm and neutral. “Are you staying in my room? I need to know if you’re moving to one of the guest rooms while we’re shooting. Because if you are, one of the guys is going to have to bunk with you, or they are going to have to share with each other.”

  My heart started to pound. Why was he bringing this up now? He hadn’t thought of it in the past three weeks while we were finalizing all the details? Not once while he’d been sorting out lodging arrangements between this house and the fifteen-room Inn twenty minutes down the coast? Then again, maybe he hadn’t because it sure hadn’t crossed my mind.

  I squinted at him. “Do you want me to move into one of the other rooms?” I asked cautiously, wondering where he was going with this.

  His expression didn’t change. “This isn’t about what I want. This is about what you’re comfortable with.”

  Oh. My breath whooshed out in relief as understanding dawned. He was giving me the choice to decide. Because if I slept in the master bedroom, then there was no denying who I was with. There would be no hiding the fact that I was gay. Months ago, in Vincent’s hotel, I’d told him I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do. But everything had changed since then.

  I smiled. “I’m staying with you.” Even as the words left my mouth, a rightness settled into my gut, a peace even, that told me my decision was the correct one.

  “Good.” Vincent’s pleased smile as he turned his attention back to his notes confirmed it.

  * * * *

  We had, essentially—when all was said and done—thirty-two days to shoot the movie. It was absolutely doable, though things would be tight. It helped that there wasn’t that much travel time involved. Everyone was here or staying close by, and the storyline took place over one weekend as the five friends went away together to mourn their loss. That meant few, if any, extras, and minimal costumes and makeup. We were short on both money and time, but as long as we all worked together, it would happen.

  And not one person who read the script didn’t immediately get on board with that plan.

  Melora Young, when she showed up three days late and apologetic, was like a breath of fresh air. Her positive attitude was infectious, and her arrival broke the tension that had been building on set. Alex and Spencer were utter professionals when the camera was rolling, but the rest of the time, they snarked and sniped at each other. Alex knew just how to push Spencer’s buttons, and Spencer fell for it every time. Their attitudes were already wearing thin, and I was ready to kick their asses.

  Or lock them in a room until they could fuck it out of their systems. At this point, I wasn’t sure which would be more effective.

  But Melora made things better, her bright smile a welcome sight, and she told both men they needed to knock the shit off, then hugged them both. She also volunteered to handle the makeup for anyone who wasn’t comfortable doing it themselves, and told Vincent he was the best director she’d ever had so if he needed anything to just ask. I tried, and failed, to keep the jealousy in check, even though I knew without a doubt nothing had ever happened between them.

  But even still, Alex and Spencer’s constant bickering was quickly wearing thin. Brandon purposely avoided the pair whenever he could, and though he was the most obvious about it, he certainly wasn’t the only one. When they really got going, they could clear an entire room. Once, when Alex accidentally punched Spencer during a fight scene, I thought it was going to come to real blows. But for the time being, things had calmed, and we were all working as a more cohesive unit.

  My boyfriend, on the other hand, was barely surviving on three hours sleep and caffeine. I tried not to nag. I tried to remember he was a grown adult and could make his own choices. But with each day getting progressively worse, and knowing we had almost an entire month to go, I had to put my foot down.

  It was late by the time he finally joined me in the bedroom. Normally, I would have gone to sleep as soon as possible. But I’d been waiting up for him, and seeing me sitting up with the light on startled him. He nonetheless gave me a wide, tired grin.

  “You okay, baby?” he asked as he toed off his loafers and started undoing the top buttons of his shirt.

  “Yeah, I’m fine,” I assured him. We were both too tired to do anything, but that didn’t stop me from appreciating his body as he stripped, or feeling the pang of disappointment when he covered up in sleep pants and a T-shirt. “I’m worried about you.”

  “There’s nothing to worry about,” he said, climbing onto the mattress where I’d flung back the covers. He curled into me as I pulled the blanket over us, burying his nose in my hair and inhaling deeply. “I’m good.”

  “You need an assistant to take some of the load off you,” I said, hugging him tightly at the same time. “Stress is bad, remember?”

  He chuckled, then tipped his head to look me in the eye. “Stress is part and parcel with the work we do. I could have seventy assistants and I’d still be stressed out.”

  “Yeah, but you’d be less stressed, and that’s the important part.”

  Vincent nodded. “You think one of the PAs from the show would be willing to travel out here?”

  I shook my head. He quirked an eyebrow. “No, I meant…I’m sure someone would. And it’s maybe not a bad idea. But I was thinking an assistant director, not just a production assistant.”

  It was Vincent’s turn to scowl. “Who would I get on such short notice? And who would do exactly what I wanted them to? This is my baby, and I’m not going to just let anyone get their hands on it.”

  He was more possessive about the movie than he was about me. I could have been upset about that, but mostly I found it ridiculously endearing. I shook my head again, kissed his cheek, then whispered in his ear, “Lucas Logan.”

  Vincent jerked back, and I watched surprise and interest cross his features. Eventually, he spoke, choosing his words carefully. “I wasn’t aware Logan was interested in directing.”

  “He is. He just hasn’t gotten much opportunity yet.”

  “He is good at taking direction,” Vincent mused, considering.

  “And I know for a fact he’s not doing anything right now. Actually, he’s bored out of his skull while A—his partner is, um, away on business.”

  Vincent rolled his eyes. “You’re less subtle than either of them, but everybody knows Lucas Logan is head-over-heels in love with Aaron Zeller. And that Aaron loves him back. It’s really not a secret.”

  “Aaron’s doing a TV movie, so he’ll be gone for another few weeks,” I said bluntly, now that the cat was out of the bag. “Lucas is bored, and he’s actually interested in getting on the other side of the camera. Learning from you would go a long way for him.”

&n
bsp; Vincent tilted his head to the side, and I let him think. I could already tell what his answer was going to be. I just needed him to get there himself. After a few more minutes, he nodded once and kissed me hard.

  “All right. Call him in the morning and get his ass out here.”

  I grinned and turned off the light.

  * * * *

  Things settled into a routine, as much as filming ever could, and I found it a lot easier to navigate the fourteen-hour days. I wasn’t always needed in front of the camera, and there were days between shooting for me. But there was always something to be done behind the scenes, even if it was just helping to make sure everyone was fed.

  I’d never done anything quite this small. With six actors, fifteen crew members, and two directors, everyone was chipping in where they could. Well, except Alex and Spencer, who were steering clear of each other when they weren’t on camera together. I had wondered, once I met them in person, how they were going to play their story as lovers convincingly. On paper, or seeing their talents before, I could picture it. But after they got to set and I saw how they actually acted with each other in person, I couldn’t imagine how they’d be able to put that aside in front of the camera.

  I was glad to be wrong. Their chemistry was explosive.

  But off camera, they now stayed far apart, which meant sometimes when we could have used two sets of hands, we got only one. We all dealt with it, and it was making for a fun, amazing, if exhausting experience.

  The days were flying by and we were already halfway through the shooting schedule. The addition of Lucas had made a huge difference. Whenever Vincent didn’t need the second camera, he sent Lucas and some of us out to get additional footage and scenes. Lucas was attentive to what Vincent wanted, and they had been working together long enough that Lucas knew how Vincent did things. That really helped, and when we’d taken half a day off the day before, I’d sat with Vincent while he reviewed dailies.

  “This is really good stuff,” I murmured, not wanting to break his concentration but wanting to weigh in. Vincent nodded and lifted his arm so I could snuggle in closer. The perks of having a laptop in bed with my lover.

  “That was me,” Vincent said, reaching for the touch pad with his free hand and pausing the scene. He toggled over to a different window and let that play for a few minutes. I watched as Brandon confronted Lena about her pill addiction, feeling it in my gut as they both broke down. “And that was Lucas.”

  I blinked at Vincent. I was shocked.

  Vincent just laughed. “Yeah, pretty seamless, right?” he asked with a grin.

  I nodded. It had the same feeling as Vincent’s work, the same kind of camera work and shot choices. Now that I knew Lucas had been behind the camera, I could see the differences. But if I hadn’t been looking for it, I wouldn’t have known.

  “That’ll make editing a hell of a lot easier,” I agreed.

  “I’m going to have to invest in better computer equipment. I’ll be cutting this movie together myself.” He looked up suddenly, like he just remembered something. “I’ll be staying here after you go back to work. At least for a couple of weeks. I’m going to put this movie together.”

  Just the thought of him being so close to me warmed my heart, even knowing that I wouldn’t be able to see him often. Work would keep me in Seattle. The two-hour journey was not exactly something I could make every day.

  “When I have days off, can I come see you?” I asked, hopeful.

  Vincent’s scowl was adorable. “You better.”

  Pleased, I settled against him and waited for him to queue up another scene.

  Chapter 13

  Dusk was falling, and because there was no fire restriction right now, Vincent was building a bonfire above the high-tide line on what was considered his private beach. We had only one scene left to shoot, a short one, but Vincent wanted it to take place around a bonfire. And though the wind would make the sound crap and we’d definitely have to ADR our lines, it was worth it for the gorgeous picture. He’d purposely scheduled this scene for last to include the fire in the wrap party he had planned. Milo was currently cooking up a storm in the kitchen, and once we were finished filming, we’d party on the lawn and enjoy both the beach and the house. It was chilly outside, but nothing a thick sweater couldn’t handle.

  “Drop it,” Vincent said, straightening and pointing at Lena. She had a twisted piece of driftwood in her hands. “Can’t keep that. Picking up driftwood is illegal.”

  Lena set it down, but she gave him the side eye like he was pulling her leg. “That doesn’t make any sense.”

  “Yeah, I don’t know why either. But it is. Leave the driftwood on the beach,” he directed, then raised his voice. “Let’s go, people. Let’s get this movie fucking done!”

  A cheer went up as everyone moved into place. I stayed where I was on the periphery. I wasn’t needed right now. This was a goodbye scene. Each of the characters had wrestled with their demons and were ready to put them to rest along with their beloved friend John. They were going to say goodbye to him, and it wasn’t until the end that I would join them, sitting around the bonfire with them.

  Lucas ambled over and stood next to me, as superfluous as I was for the time being. I couldn’t tear my gaze away from Vincent. The man was in his element. He didn’t even need his notes. He’d seen this scene in his head from the first moment he read the script, and he knew exactly where he wanted everyone. Once he had given his direction, he got the cameras placed as well. They didn’t even try for sound, as all the mics would pick up was the wind, and they were ready to go.

  “So,” Lucas said softly, standing close so he could be heard, “you’re coming out, huh?”

  I thought back over the last month and how great it had been not to hide. I looked at Vincent, watching him take in the scene before him, the firelight dancing on his beautiful face, seeing the passion in his eyes even from where I was twenty feet away. I could do nothing but sigh in contentment, that feeling of peace that I so often got expanding and filling up my chest.

  “Yeah.”

  Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a strange expression pass over Lucas’s features, and I turned quickly to try to figure it out. I didn’t know how to interpret the look of shame and hurt that was there and gone, but I knew it was somehow my fault. I stepped in closer until we were shoulder to shoulder.

  “Lucas, you know that…” I shrugged, swallowed, tried to find the right words. Then I gave up and just spoke from my heart. “My situation is completely different than yours. I’ve been doing this for more than twenty years, and I have no aspirations of that leading-man status. Besides, the way things have changed for Geary means that things will be changing for me.”

  “I know,” Lucas said, his tone saying he did, but that he didn’t have to like it.

  “This isn’t, I don’t know, a reflection on you or your choices. You’ll come out when the time is right for you and not a moment before. Even if that time is never. And that’s the way it should be, public figure or not.”

  He was quiet for a long moment. “And it’s right for you now?”

  I didn’t even have to think about it. “Yeah. It is.”

  “For Vincent?”

  I shook my head and bumped him with my shoulder. “For me. Vincent’s just a bonus.”

  Lucas gifted me with a smile, then he nudged me forward. “Your bonus is ready for you. I’m gonna call Aaron before it’s party time.”

  Lucas turned and trudged up the beach, walking farther away from the action. I watched him for just a second before turning and heading toward the fire. I passed behind Vincent as I approached, and reached out to squeeze his fingers before moving to the empty spot on the log. Vincent gave me a questioning look, but I just smiled. He nodded, knowing I’d explain later.

  I knew what was going to happen in this part of the scene. Vincent had described it in loving detail. So I sat and waited, looking around at these people who had become my friends. Even the fi
ghting duo had wormed their way into my heart. It made things bittersweet, and gave poignancy to the scene.

  Settled, Vincent called for action, and the other five people raised their beer bottles.

  “To John. May we make him proud.” Alex’s voice was reverent. Spencer took his hand. Melora leaned into Brandon, who had an arm around Lena.

  “Cody, go,” Vincent directed.

  The Steadicam operator stepped into the circle and slowly panned around, catching each person’s face. Finally he settled on me, and I did everything I could to convey the warmth and affection I felt for them, and the sadness at having to leave, in my expression. Then I got up slowly. I took one last look around. Then I stepped over the log and walked down the beach.

  I counted out a hundred paces before I turned and peeked over my shoulder. Vincent was holding up his arm, his sign for me to come back. It was late and this far away from the fire I was chilled, so I jogged my way back. The instant I was within hearing range, Vincent let out a whistle.

  “And that’s a wrap, you fools! It’s in the can!”

  The cheering was raucous and surprisingly loud for such a small group of people. I couldn’t stop grinning as I ambled closer. Vincent was directing them all to scatter, and to see that the equipment was packed away before the party got going. Milo was already bringing out his buffet to the long tables Vincent had set up on the lawn, and torches were being lit all around the perimeter. Between those, the lanterns, the bonfire, and the glow of the house, it was lit up and gorgeous.

  “Think we can trust them to put everything away?” Vincent asked, sliding one arm around my waist.

  I shot him a look of surprise. I didn’t think Vincent was capable of letting someone else supervise such an important task. “Yeah. Lucas will make sure it’s done right. What’s up?”

  He tugged me gently, turning me northward. “Walk with me.”