“You remembered.”
“Of course I did.” He watched her silently as she settled herself onto the bed. She swallowed down the Advil and half the glass of water, then took a tentative bite of her sandwich. It was perfect.
He bent to press play on the DVD player and walked over to the door. “I’m going to head out. Let me know if you need anything.”
He turned to leave.
“Wait.” Cowboy did as he was told, turning back to face her. “Will you stay and watch it with me? I don’t want to be alone just yet.” She felt like she’d been alone virtually the entire time she’d been back in Willow Creek, and she didn’t know if she could stand it tonight. She wanted to feel like that other version of herself, the one Cowboy managed to see when no one else could. But she didn’t know how to be that person without him.
He stood there for a minute. Finally, he came around to the other side of the bed, kicked his shoes off, and settled into the spot next to her.
They sank deeper into the pillows as the movie played. Harper devoured her sandwich as she watched Chad Gates return from the army and desperately avoid the life his parents had laid out in front of him.
She and Cowboy never spoke, too caught up in the story playing out in front of them. They’d made it to her favorite part, the scene where Chad sang “Can’t Help Falling in Love” to Maile and her grandmother, before Harper’s eyelids started to grow heavy.
“Cowboy,” she muttered sleepily.
“Yeah, Midge?”
She yawned and looked over at him. “Even after everything, you were never a regret.”
The corner of his mouth curved softly. He scooted to the middle of the bed, held his arm out, and gently pulled Harper against him. In her half-sleeping state, she readily snuggled into his side, her head on his chest and arm draped over his stomach, before she finally succumbed to sleep.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Harper slowly pried her eyes open, her retinas filling with the dim light of the early morning sun. Lying on her side, she glanced at the clock on her bedside table, but her extreme nearsightedness made it impossible to make out the blurry numbers. She guessed it had to be no later than seven in the morning. Hard to believe, seeing as she felt like she’d only just closed her eyes moments ago.
She closed them now, considered falling back to sleep until the memory of the night before unraveled behind her lids. Her eyes shot open again, and she slapped her hand to her forehead. Her fight with Sadie. Getting drunk at Wade’s. Cowboy taking her home.
Oh no. Had she really begged him to sleep with her last night?
Cowboy pulling her close as she fell asleep to the musical stylings of Elvis Presley. Her heart drummed inside her chest. Would she roll over to find an empty bed? She didn’t know if she could handle that. Not again.
Carefully, Harper turned to look over her shoulder. Air filled her lungs as she took in the man almost twice her size behind her, his arm draped over her waist and holding her close to his chest. She hadn’t noticed the contact or the heat of his body when she woke, but they were unmistakable now. And it felt perfect.
She rolled over beneath his arm to face him and studied the serene look on his face. She was close enough that she could make out every detail. His long, blond lashes, the darker stubble across his chin and jaw. The small scar at the edge of his lips that was virtually unnoticeable when he smiled. And Cowboy almost always smiled.
She’d never seen him like this, asleep and defenseless. He was beautiful even in all his rugged masculinity. God, a girl could easily wake up to this every day.
Cowboy inhaled, his eyelids fluttering as they blinked open. Two gorgeous blue eyes met hers, and his pupils widened ever so slightly. Then his lips curled into the cutest grin she’d ever seen.
“Hey,” he said. His voice was deep and gritty from the lack of use, and Harper felt something quiver low in her belly.
“Hey.”
His grip on her waist tightened, and his eyes searched her face. “How are you feeling?”
“Fine. I think most of the vodka wore off before I fell asleep last night. And the Advil probably helped, too.”
“Good.”
“Thank you for taking care of me last night. And for staying with me. And I’m sorry for”—she cringed, and blood flooded her cheeks—“throwing myself at you.”
He shook his head adamantly. “No, don’t ever apologize for that. Besides, it’s hardly your fault. I’m quite irresistible.”
She rolled her eyes, but a small giggle still managed to escape.
His hand left her waist and moved to brush a wayward strand of hair from her cheek. He took a deep breath and sighed. “I should get going. A bunch of us are taking off for the next week to take Cole hunting before the baby comes, and we’re supposed to leave in an hour.”
Harper heard the disappointment in his voice and was more than a little alarmed at how much it matched her own. “Sure.”
Cowboy rolled onto his back and grabbed something from the table by his side of the bed. They sat up, and he handed her the glasses he must have removed after she’d fallen asleep. She put them on and took in the room around her with new clarity.
“Thanks. I’ll walk you out.”
Cowboy slipped his work boots on, and they made their way down the hall.
“Hey,” he said at the front door. “Don’t beat yourself up about Sadie. She’s your sister. Whatever is going on, you two will figure it out eventually.”
Harper nodded. She knew he was right, though she hoped they’d figure it out sooner rather than later.
He pulled the door open, allowing the morning light to fill the hallway. An early morning chill crept in and wrapped around Harper’s bare legs, and she snuggled deeper into the warmth of her navy sweatshirt.
“Have fun hunting.”
He looked down at her, more than a head taller than her when she was barefoot like this. He hesitated. “Do you think you and me could talk when I get back next weekend? Maybe even get some dinner or something?”
Harper’s heart skipped a beat then started hammering wildly in her chest. This wasn’t just a friendly hangout he was asking for. He was asking for another chance, for everything she swore she would never give him again.
She felt like she’d been fighting the way she felt about him since she left Willow Creek. But he’d somehow worn her down over the last several weeks, like a series of waves gradually washing away her resolve like grains of sand on a shore. And after the events of last night and the joyful calm she’d felt waking in his arms, she wasn’t sure she could fight it any longer. Or if she even wanted to.
Harper nodded. “I think I’d like that.”
Cowboy grinned. He took a step closer, placing his hand on her neck and bringing his lips to her forehead.
“I’ll see ya, Midge.”
“Bye, Cowboy.”
Harper forced herself not to watch him leave by closing the door between them. She leaned back against it.
She was totally screwed. Somehow, Cowboy had managed to squeeze his way back into her life, filling up every crack and corner until there was no getting rid of him no matter how hard she tried. And, as she leaned against the door and smiled despite herself, she felt certain that she didn’t want to try anymore.
A throat cleared, and Harper nearly jumped out of her skin. Up at the top of the stairs stood Sadie, with arms crossed and a murderous glare.
“Geez, Sadie. You about gave me a heart attack!” She brought her hand to her chest. “What are you doing here?”
“I came to change clothes before I go to school. Sorry to ruin your morning-after glow.”
“My what?”
She rolled her eyes. “You’re such a hypocrite. All your talk yesterday about making it special, and you go have sex with Cowboy?”
Any happy feeling Harper had about the night before vanished as her sister scowled at her. “It wasn’t like that.”
“You said there was no chance for you two t
o get back together.”
“I did say that.”
“So you can’t be with him, but you can have sex with him? Yeah, that sounds real special.” Sadie turned and ran down the hall to her bedroom.
“Sadie!” Harper raced up the stairs. The bedroom door slammed, and Harper huffed as she nearly crashed into it.
She knocked hard. “That’s not what this was, Sadie,” she called through the door. There was no answer. She banged at it but still heard nothing.
“Just let me come in so we can talk.” She let her hand fall to her side and laid her forehead against the door, defeated. “Please, Sadie. I—I think it’s time I tell you the truth about what happened between me and Cowboy.”
DAY 105
Cowboy sat at the edge of the bed, in the dark, with his head in his hands. A light breeze drifted through the open window, carrying in the sweet, fragrant smell of gardenias, but what comfort they usually brought was lost on him.
How could he have been so stupid to think…he didn’t know what he thought when he got up the nerve to go see Alan Gardner in Augusta, but he hadn’t expected to be turned away by the man at the front door. He never should have—
“Cowboy?”
He lifted his head from his hands just as Harper’s small bedside lamp cut on, casting the room in a warm yellow glow. He hadn’t even heard the door open, and he had no idea how long she’d been there.
“What are you doing here? Grams will freak if she wakes up and finds out you snuck—” She came around the bed and froze. He could only imagine how he must look to her, his shirt wrinkled and his hair wild from where he’d been running his hands through it constantly. He raised his eyes to her and could feel how swollen and wet they still were.
She sat on the bed next to him. Her hair was up in a pink hair clip with tiny pieces down around her face. She brushed one behind her ear then placed a firm hand on his shoulder.
“Cowboy, what’s wrong?”
He took a shuddering breath. “I went to see him.”
“Who?”
“My dad…my real dad.”
“Alan Gardner?”
He nodded, wiping at his eyes. “I drove all the way to Augusta, showed up on his doorstep like an idiot.”
Harper shifted beside him. “What happened?”
“I told him I was his son, and he told me to get lost.”
“He what?” There was the same anger in her voice he’d heard during their fight the day before, this time magnified.
“He has a family now, a wife and a kid in college.” He met her eyes for the first time. “He knew. He knew my mom had gotten pregnant, and he told her he didn’t want anything to do with me. That was why he left town.”
“Oh, Cowboy.”
“All this time, I thought she kept it from him because he was just the first in a long line of flings, but the truth was, he never wanted me.”
She squeezed his arm. “I’m so sorry. It’s all my fault. I never should have told you to go see him. You were right. It was none of my business.”
He sobbed, his head dropping even lower.
Harper gripped his shoulder, and, in a flash, she straddled his hips and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him close to her.
Any other time, he and his body would have thoroughly enjoyed having her draped so intimately over his lap, but at the moment all he could do was return the embrace. He nestled his face into the crook of her neck and sucked in a deep, clawing breath.
“Why didn’t he want me?”
“Because he’s an idiot,” she soothed. One of her hands was running through his hair, the other in circles over his back. “He has no idea what a sweet, hardworking, amazing man you are. If he can’t see that, if he doesn’t want to figure that out for himself, then that’s on him. Not you.”
Harper leaned back and took his face in her hands. She placed a light kiss on his forehead then sat back. She wiped the tears from his cheeks before caressing the stubble covering his jaw. He nuzzled into her touch.
He should have been embarrassed, crying in front of her like some sad little boy. But he didn’t care. Not when literally the only thing running through his mind was how good it felt to be near her, to feel her in his arms while she tried to comfort him.
He blinked and released a humorless chuckle. “God, you must think I’m pathetic.”
“Trust me, that’s not at all what I’m thinking right now.” His eyes met hers, and they shone back with a mix of so much warmth and affection and something else, he felt he might catch fire. It was the same look she’d given him in the bed of his truck by the lake, the same one he’d seen several times since then. He still couldn’t make heads or tails of it and was desperate to figure it out.
He cupped her cheek, running his thumb over her lips. “Then what are you thinking?”
Her face flooded with red heat, and she looked away. “It doesn’t matter right now.”
“Hey, I did your dare,” he said with a gentle smile. He drew his finger from her cheek down to her neck before tracing her exposed collarbone. He stared, taking in her shorts and thin cami for the first time, and a fresh wave of consuming fire crept through his veins. “That means I’m entitled to a question, right? So I want to know: what are you thinking?”
She hesitated. “I’m…I’m thinking about how lucky I am to know you like no one else does. I’m thinking about how much I’m going to miss you when I’m in Boston. And I’m thinking…”
“Yes?”
“I’m thinking…that I love you.”
He retreated an inch, not sure he’d heard her right. She loved him? In all his life, he couldn’t remember a woman ever saying those words to him. They were the words he’d feared more than anything the last four years. The three words he still didn’t understand, didn’t believe were real. They were hollow, empty. They meant nothing.
Then why the hell did they feel so good coming from her lips that he thought his chest might explode?
“Cowboy?” she whispered, biting her lip.
Slowly, he ran his hands over Harper’s hair, gingerly removing her pink hair clip and letting her blond strands fall around her face. He drew his fingers through the curtain of hair and cupped the back of her neck. He could think and overanalyze later—and, knowing himself, he probably would. But right now he wanted to soak in this moment, soak in her words.
She loved him.
He pulled her in for a kiss so hard, so reckless, that both of their bodies shook with the power of it. Her lips parted beneath his, and his tongue sought hers out, desperate to never let go.
Her fingers raked through his hair and over his T-shirt while his hands traveled up under the back of her cami, anxious to take in every inch of her as he pulled her into him, pushing her weight higher up his lap. She gasped against his lips, and Cowboy let out a stifled groan.
Harper pulled back, her fingers catching the hem of her tank top before she lifted it over her head. She tossed the top away, and her hands settled on his shoulders.
She was, unquestionably, the most breathtaking thing he’d ever seen, and he wanted so badly to explore every inch of that milky-white skin. His chest rose and fell with clipped breaths as he studied her, and his eyes grew cloudy. He raised his palm to her cheek.
“Are you sure?” he whispered.
She nodded.
“Say the words.” Before it was too late and he lost any control he had.
“I’m sure.”
He grinned and placed a light kiss on her lips before laying a slow, careful trail of them down her neck. He kissed her collarbone, her shoulder, her chest. Harper’s breath caught with each one, and her head fell back with a muted moan.
Cowboy gripped her thigh with one hand, the other arm wrapped around her hips, and stood. He kissed her lips again as he gently laid her down on the plush bedsheets.
Chapter Twenty-Four
“So you didn’t have sex with Cowboy last night?”
“No.”
“But y
ou and Cowboy have had sex.”
Harper nodded. “Once.”
Sadie’s attention fell to her lap. She’d been sitting cross-legged on the bed while Harper told a watered-down version of what happened that night with Cowboy. She’d left out the part about his dad and some of the steamier details she didn’t want to share with her baby sister.
Sadie glanced up then back down at her hands. “Was it…good?”
Harper thought Grams might roll over in her grave if the old woman knew she was talking to Sadie about this. But Harper wanted her to know the truth, not just about Cowboy but about how important sex was in general.
And how easily it could be ruined.
“Very good,” she said. “But that’s probably because he was sweet and gentle and knew how to make it…easier for me. It also helps when the two people really care about each other.”
“You said you loved him.”
Harper nodded.
“What went wrong?”
“I thought he loved me, too. But it turned out I was wrong.”
“How do you know that?”
Harper looked away from her sister. She couldn’t let Sadie see how much the truth still hurt her, even now. “Because when I woke up the next morning, he was gone. I didn’t see him for almost two days.”
“Idiot,” Sadie muttered, shaking her head. Then her back straightened. “Cowboy, I mean. Oh, Harper, I’m so sorry. I can’t even imagine how that must have felt.”
“I was devastated. I’d given him everything, thinking he was the one, and it turned out it didn’t mean the same thing to him.”
“I’m sure that’s not true.”
Harper’s shoulders stiffened as she was assaulted with the memory of a dark night and a pretty brunette in a pink floral dress. “Let’s just say he made it very clear he didn’t feel the same way. I left for school soon after.”
“He never called you after you left?”
“I blocked his number.”
Sadie sighed, watching her fingers fidget in her lap. “I knew you left because of him. But when you never came back, I thought maybe you were happier without us. That you wanted to stay there forever.”
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