“Have you talked to Justin? Is he doing okay?” I asked. She frowned, looking slightly surprised. “He didn’t call you on your birthday?” she asked.
“He texted me.”
“Oh,” she said, the puckered position of her mouth lingering, then falling back into a frown.
“He’s mad, isn’t he?”
“I don’t think he’s mad,” she sighed. “I’m just not sure how to explain his feelings. I think that maybe he’s having a hard time understanding,” she said. Meaning he didn’t get why I decided to stay with Ryan after I found out he slept with Katie, then still hung around once I found out she’d had his baby. “Maybe…consider how you would feel if the situation were reversed,” she sighed again. “And then have a conversation with him. The two of you should really sit down and talk about everything that’s happened recently.”
Everything, I thought. Yikes. That word made me wonder if everything hadn’t gone back to normal for Justin after Christmas. If that was the case, then I wasn’t so sure I could have a conversation with him yet. Especially about everything. I would have to tell him about my ring, and I didn’t want Justin to hate me for moving forward with Ryan.
***
I promised myself that I wouldn’t worry until I had to, but I couldn’t help it. Truthfully, I had been since I heard Valerie unload her ultimatum. Thinking about what Ryan would decide possessed my thoughts. It was eleven-thirty. I’d been lying in bed for an hour and a half and realized there was no way I was going to be able to sleep. I needed to see Ryan.
I quietly snuck downstairs and left my parents a note in case they woke, and then drove to Ryan’s house in Harmon, still in my pajamas. I used the key he had given me for my birthday to let myself inside. The familiar scent of his house escaped, rushing against me as I opened the door, making me feel even more desperate to get to him.
I stopped in the doorway of Ryan’s bedroom and looked at him. As I watched him lying there curved on his side, his arms wrapped around his pillow, I felt completely at peace, but the feeling faded once the thought of having to be without him for three months crept back in.
Not talking, not touching. I closed my eyes and breathed out, trying to free some of the pain I felt, allowing my tears to fall freely down my face.
I wanted to break down, I wanted to run to his side and beg him not to let me go—not to separate us. We could live without the money and land. We wouldn’t need any of it as long as we had each other. But I couldn’t do that to him. He was already struggling.
I slipped beneath the covers and slid my body behind his, his warmth inviting me to come closer. My arm curved over his side, I pressed my face against his neck and breathed him in. The scent stung me, sending a scorching ache down my throat, burning its way through the rest of my body. The thought of losing him hurt so much. I loved him, and every part of me needed him to stay with me.
Ryan turned over and faced me. My heart impatiently pounded as he wiped away my tears. His eyes concentrated on mine. Peering into them, I knew he’d made his decision.
Ryan’s fingers intertwined with mine and we both held on, desperately clinging to the moment, to each other, as we both feared what would happen next.
Maybe he was right. I mean, who gets everything they want without sacrificing something? I just hoped he wasn’t sacrificing the wrong thing.
***
Ryan had talked to his father after Valerie left Saturday night. He didn’t agree with what she was doing, but confirmed that she could do exactly what she’d said and there was nothing anyone could do about it. John said he would talk to her, but all three of us knew it wouldn’t do any good.
I knew I’d be sacrificing my dignity by going to see Valerie, but felt if I could convince her to let it go, it would be worth it. I was so desperate to keep this from happening that I convinced myself there was no way she could go through with separating us. There was no way she hated me that much, so much that she was willing to forgo Ryan’s happiness and punish him for wanting me and not Katie.
I was expecting a housekeeper to answer the door, so when Valerie swung it open I was caught off guard. She was wearing a pale pink fitted dress, holding a glass of red wine in the hand that wasn’t wrenched around the door handle, making it clear that she wasn’t going to invite me in.
She had a slight smile on her lips as she took in my hysterical appearance.
“I see my son has made his choice,” she said, pleased.
My eyes soaked her up as I stood there. There had to be a soul hidden inside that perfect shell of hers. Even murderers had souls. They proved it by asking for forgiveness. Valerie was human; she had to have a soft spot in there somewhere.
“Shouldn’t you be in school?” Valerie asked as I stared at her, contemplating how to begin—what I should say to make her change her mind. What was it that she needed to hear in order to call off this whole ridiculous thing ?
“I’d hate for your parents to be visited by a truancy officer at their place of business. How would that look to their patients? If they can’t make sure their own child is in school, how helpful could they be to someone who really needs it?”
I ignored her words. Although I wouldn’t be surprised if she reported me the moment I left.
“Don’t do this. Please,” I breathed, tearing up again. “Don’t separate us. He’ll have a relationship with Jacob. And Katie. I promise you. I’ll make sure of it. I’ll do anything else you want—just don’t keep us away from each other.”
Valerie laughed. “You’re offering to help me?”
“Yes,” I felt my throat tighten around the word, barely able to shove it past my lips.
“I don’t need your help. Ryan’s doing what I want. I’m getting my way, Annie. Why would I choose your way when I can have my own?” She raised an eyebrow, awaiting my answer. I hated her in that moment. I’d never wanted to hurt another person so much in my life. I smashed my mouth closed so that all of the horrible things I was thinking couldn’t fly out and cause her to do even more damage. I considered my words before speaking again. I needed to make them count.
“I know what you’re hoping for, but this won’t break us,” I threatened her.
“We’ll see, dear.” Valerie’s red mouth formed a wicked smirk. “Here’s to seeing less of you in the future,” she said, raising her glass of wine before closing the door in my face.
I’d known better than to go to her. She was right. She was getting her way and now I had to worry about what kind of shit she was going to pull once she had Ryan and me apart.
38
Ryan and I spent our last night together before we had to separate at The Metro Hotel. I wasn’t nearly as excited about being here with him as I was the first time, since I was on the verge of heartbroken.
Ryan had written letters for me to keep while we were apart. I gave him a watch, which seemed ridiculously inappropriate after he handed me love letters. I wouldn’t have given it to him at all if I hadn’t had the good sense to have it inscribed, making it more personal, although not as personal as love letters. Ironically, I’d had his mother’s words inscribed on the back.
True Love Never Dies
Those were probably the truest words his mother had ever spoken. I didn’t tell Ryan I’d gone to see Valerie because I knew it wouldn’t change anything and I didn’t want to upset him, not tonight.
He loved the watch and promised he’d never take it off. “It has one of those fancy settings that I know nothing about, but the salesman set the alarm to go off at 12:01 when day ninety begins.” The next time we’d be allowed to see each other. Ryan kissed me. “I can’t wait,” he breathed.
The rest of our night moved in slow motion. Everything seemed to linger, allowing me to capture each moment and lock it up tightly in my memory.
“I want to love you like this forever,” Ryan murmured. “I’m going to love you like this forever.” Every inch of me knew he meant it.
I hardly slept at all. My eyes were puf
fy from crying so much after Ryan fell asleep. I lay awake watching him, listening to him breathe, missing him already and preparing myself for the possibility that he may not come back to me once he left in the morning. I knew better than to underestimate Valerie. I knew she had probably already begun scheming, dreaming up a plan to get Ryan and Katie together while I was out of the way.
I finally drifted off, but started to cry again as soon as I woke. Ryan tried to comfort me, but I was inconsolable. He drove me home and walked me to my front door. He kissed me one last time. “I love you so much.” I was angry that I couldn’t see him clearly, because of my tears. “We’ll be together again before you know it.” Ryan smiled, lighting up his magnificent face.
“I love you,” I somehow managed to get out. My brain was screaming for him not to leave me, begging him, but I never would have been able to ask that of him.
The loss I felt as I watched Ryan drive away scorched my already raw insides. Being away from Ryan was going to be complete torture for me and Valerie knew it. This was her sick brand of vengeance. I would always hate her for doing this to us, no matter how it turned out.
I had taken the t-shirt Ryan wore yesterday when we left the hotel because it smelled like him. I knew it wouldn’t take long for the scent to fade, but it would comfort me for a while anyway.
Ryan asked me to get something of mine for him to keep. I gave him the pillow I slept with. “I know the pillowcase doesn’t match your linens,” I began apologetically.
Ryan kissed me. “I don’t care that it doesn’t match, Reynolds. I just care that it belongs to you, that I can have this piece of you with me at night.”
I went inside my quiet, empty house and stood in the foyer taking in for a moment just how alone I was before I trudged upstairs and spread the letters Ryan had written me over my bed. He’d asked me to wait to read them. He didn’t want me to waste time on them while we were together last night. He wanted us to focus on each other instead.
“These are meant to remind you of me once we’re apart,” he’d said. “They’ll remind you of everything—all the promises we’ve made and how much I love you.”
It was so hard on day one to imagine reaching day ninety. I heard Ryan’s voice in my head telling me that this would all be over soon and we would be back together before we knew it. That sentiment resonated in my brain, giving me hope that our relationship might actually survive.
Thanks so much for reading! If you enjoyed this book, please consider writing a review.
Breathe, the conclusion to Sway, will be available in February 2014. You can find sneak peeks and other info on my blog and facebook page. Links to both are on goodreads.
goodreads.com/author/show/7201327.Jennifer_Davis
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davisjennifer.blogspot.com
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SWAY (Part 1) Page 26