by Sabrina York
Caris sighed. “That’s what I keep telling myself every time I reach for something else.”
Elena laughed. “I believe I’m finished.”
“So am I. I did most of my shopping for you and Dom the other day.” Aside from shopping for the baby, she had bought a small gift for Mandy, which she planned to send along with the money. She had only to get to a bank to purchase a countercheck.
They moved to the registers, where a sizeable line waited to pay. “Did you buy an outfit for the Christmas party?” Elena asked.
“I bought a pair of slacks and a red sweater the other day.”
Elena shook her head. “It’s formal, dear. We’ll stop at the end of this section. That shop had a darling outfit in the window.”
“But—”
“No buts. If you don’t like the dress, we’ll find something else.”
Caris sighed as they reached the register. She recognized the determined glint in Elena’s eyes. It was the same one Dom had when he wanted to get his way.
After paying for the toys, the women balanced their purchases and walked down the mall to the shop where Elena noticed the outfit. Caris’s mouth fell open when she saw the red satin dress with the white velvet collar and sleeves. It would have been plain if not for the luxurious materials.
It didn’t take any convincing for her to step into the store and ask to try on the outfit. The sales clerk went to the back room and returned a few minutes later, holding a dress in her size.
Caris went into the dressing room and slipped off the jeans and sweater she wore. The satin material slid across her skin in cool waves. The bodice hugged her figure to the waist before flaring out in a skirt that went to her ankles. White velvet piping that matched the lacy cuffs and collar lined the hem of the dress.
She stepped into the store to get Elena’s reaction. “What do you think?”
Elena nodded with approval.
She returned to the dressing room and slipped out of the dress. She jumped when there was a knock at the door. “Yes?”
“Do you have a long slip, Caris?”
“Uh, no.”
Elena handed a black slip under the door. Caris slipped it on and blushed. The cut of the slip was daring, with plunging padded cups made of lace that removed the need to wear a bra underneath the slip. The straps were thin and adjustable. The silk clung to her skin, and the hem fell to mid-calf. It was a wicked contrast to the severe Victorian-style dress.
She slipped it off and back on the hanger before she dressed and took her purchases to the front. She was nervous and excited as they wrapped the dress and slip. Caris had never been to a formal party, and she couldn’t wait.
Wednesday started badly and stayed that way. Caris knew something was wrong the minute she entered the kitchen for breakfast. Dom and Elena sat in grim silence. Three magazines and two papers were scattered across the table, where the food should have been by that time of the morning.
She fastened Jessica in the high chair without either of them speaking a greeting to her or the baby. “What’s wrong?” she asked as she went to the cupboard.
Elena made an unintelligible sound and waved to the pile of periodicals spread before her.
Caris returned with a jar of peaches, but didn’t take time to mix a bottle. She reached for a magazine and frowned when she realized it was a gossip publication. She looked at Dom when he took hold of her wrist.
“Brace yourself,” he said. His eyes reflected a mixture of outrage and anger. “Those bastards, coming onto my land,” he snarled.
She was completely confused when she picked up the magazine. Caris gasped when she saw a picture of Dom and Lisa standing together. A picture of her had been squeezed into the corner, accompanying the headline “The Playboy and the Nanny”. Her hands shook as she flipped to the centerfold and found the story.
Caris dropped into a chair after scanning the first paragraph. The article spoke of Dom and Lisa’s long-standing relationship and engagement, before proceeding to tear Caris to shreds for being the other woman. To back up the claim, there were pictures of she and Dom in various compromising positions—all taken within the last few days.
Her stomach churned when her eyes fell on a picture of the two of them outside near the hot tub. The next photo was of them lying together in the snow, with Dom on top of her. The article’s formatter had expanded the shot to take up a fourth of the slick page. She closed the magazine with a small cry. “The rest?”
“More of the same,” he said grimly. He picked up a copy of a more reputable celebrity magazine that had squeezed in a story. It was less trashy, but no less condemnatory of their relationship, or of her. She was the scarlet woman in the little melodrama.
Caris’s head spun as she realized her face had been plastered all over three international magazines. The two newspapers also had worldwide distribution. What if the wrong person—like Mrs. Whitney or the judge who gave custody to Brendan—picked up a copy? Even worse, what if Brendan read it? He wouldn’t sit by and let her enjoy her new life with his family.
He would tell Dom. Once Dom knew, that would be the end of her charade and her presence on the M & M. He would send her packing, and she would lose Jessica again. This time, she would also lose people she now considered family. Elena wouldn’t be able to help her. Dom would hate her for finding out that way.
She looked up from the magazine. “We need to talk, Dom.” She shot a look at Elena and Jessica. “In your study.”
He nodded and pushed away from the table. Caris bounded from her seat and followed him after receiving an encouraging nod from Elena. When she entered the study behind him, she closed the door.
“Don’t panic,” he said. “It will blow over.”
She shook her head. “Are you kidding? We’re the story of the year.”
A small smile curved across his face. “No, we aren’t. Lisa used her contacts to get more coverage than this deserved. Someone will replace us by the next issue.”
“They made me a whore.” She paced around the office in a state of agitation. “I get all the blame for breaking up the two of you.”
Dom reached out to stop her pacing. “We know that isn’t true. Lisa and I had ended things before we ever…” He trailed off. “Come to think of it, we haven’t really done anything.”
“Tell that to the people who saw those photos.”
He frowned, and his eyes darkened. “Are you ashamed to be seen in poses like that with me?”
She paused, staring up at him. “Of course not. I’m only ashamed of the image those media people are trying to give me. They twisted everything, Dom.”
He nodded and hugged her. “That’s their job. Most people realize that. We’ll get fifteen minutes before the world moves on.”
She laid her head against his chest, aching to make a confession. She wanted to pour out her fears to him, but was afraid of how he would react. If he sent her away, she wouldn’t know what to do. She didn’t think she could live without her daughter, or Dom and Elena. She needed them. She needed him.
Caris lifted her head and looked into his eyes. “Do you still want to marry me?”
He arched his brow. “We don’t need to get married to justify our relationship.”
“I know. It isn’t about that.”
Dom appeared unconvinced. “Do you want to get married?”
She nodded. “Yes.”
He stepped back and crossed his arms over his chest. “Why?”
She bit her lip, wondering how honest she should be. “I want it all.”
He looked confused. “I’m sorry?”
“I want what I’ve seen these last few days.” She looked down. “I want to be part of your family. I want to be here next year, and the next, and the year after that.” She sighed. “I want to be Jessica’s mother.”
He blinked and opened his mouth. Then he closed it with a snap, seeming to be debating with himself. “This is sudden, isn’t it? You seemed repulsed when I proposed.”
“I was
frightened, not repulsed.” She shrugged. “The story will lose momentum if we show we aren’t having an affair.” Caris wanted the story to die as quickly as possible. More than that, she wanted to ensure Dom wouldn’t be able to arbitrarily send her away if he discovered the truth. She ignored the twinge of conscience that told her it was wrong to marry him with a lie between them. “It will be expedient.”
His laugh sounded cold. “Pardon my lack of enthusiasm, but I never thought I’d get married because it was expedient.”
She saw the genuine hurt in his eyes and stepped forward to wrap her arms around his waist. “That’s not the only reason. I do want to marry you.”
“So you can have Jessica.” He sounded bitter.
Caris bit her lip again. “I can’t deny that she is part of my reason for accepting, but…”
“What?” he prompted after a long silence.
“I don’t know what kind of wife I’ll be, but I promise I’ll do my best to make you happy.” Caris framed his face in her hands. “You’re the only man I could imagine taking such a risk for.”
He sagged a little, but his expression remained distant. “Do you love me, Caris?”
She hesitated, and then asked, “Do you love me?”
Dom nodded, looking as if the admission hurt. “You must know I do. That’s the only reason I would ever marry you. I want to know you feel the same way.”
For some reason, she couldn’t bring herself to say the words. It was the ultimate surrender, and she wasn’t ready to lay herself completely bare before him. “I—” She swallowed. “I don’t know how I feel. I think I…”
He stared at her for a long time without speaking. His face reflected his pain. Slowly, his expression changed to acceptance. “That’s all you can give me, isn’t it?”
She honestly tried to say the words, but they refused to come. Finally, Caris said, “For now. Is it enough?”
Dom exhaled a ragged breath. “I guess it’ll have to be.”
“Then you’ll marry me?”
He nodded.
Caris laid her head on his chest again. “We can go to Vegas.”
Dom pushed her away to look into her eyes. “No. This is the only wedding I’ll ever have. I don’t intend to sneak around to accomplish it. We’ll be married right here.” His posture and expression clearly relayed he wouldn’t budge on the decision.
“On the ranch?” Caris frowned.
“That’s how I always imagined it.”
Despite her serious thoughts, she found herself smiling at the thought of him imagining his wedding. She thought only young girls did such things. “Have you given it a lot of thought?”
He blushed at her teasing tone. “My grandfather and grandmother were married in the parlor. I want to continue the tradition.”
“What about your parents?”
His mouth tightened. “They eloped when Mom got pregnant. Dad rarely came near the M & M anyway, so they wouldn’t have gotten married here. Mom loved it though, so he gave it to her in the settlement.” Dom rolled his eyes. “He still wanted to take care of her.”
“Your father was an old-fashioned guy, huh?” Caris asked sarcastically, remembering how he had left to marry Brendan’s mother when she “accidentally” got pregnant by her married lover.
He shrugged. “Do you mind if we get married here?”
She shook her head. “Can we get married soon? I don’t want to wait.”
He frowned. “What’s the rush?”
“Please, Dominick.”
He sighed. “It will have to be after the holidays.”
She bit her lip, trying to figure the timing. With Brendan out of the country, it could be days or weeks—if ever—before he saw the article. Though that was rational, her instincts urged her to marry Dom as quickly as they could arrange it. “How about after Christmas? I know your company shuts down, so we could go away for a honeymoon the week following.”
He seemed surprised. “You want a honeymoon?”
Caris nodded. Actually, she didn’t care, but hoped it would entice him into agreeing. She shuddered when she realized how manipulative she was being. She didn’t want to be that kind of person, but she had no choice right now. “I want you all to myself for a few days.”
Dom sighed. “If it’s that important to you, we can pull it together in time.”
“Thank you, darling.” The endearment felt rusty on her tongue. She snuggled closer to him, resisting the urge to cry. She had just become engaged to the man she loved. The moment should be pure happiness, without fear or scheming overshadowing it. She should look back and remember it with pleasure, rather than recall the hollow ache in the pit of her stomach that told her she was cheating Dom and herself.
The next two days were a mad rush around the McNeil household. Caterers and florists were in and out with food, flowers, and decorations. A rental company brought a stereo system and folding chairs for the entertaining parlor, along with two buffet tables that included heating and chilling compartments.
Elena was in her element. A sparkle appeared in her eyes, and there was a spring in her step. She walked around the house with a militant air, issuing orders to everyone but Jessica. By Thursday night, the house was transformed into a winter wonderland.
Caris wandered through the rooms of the lower level, admiring the painstaking decorations used give the entire house the atmosphere of Christmas. Wreaths and holly hung on every door and across the walls. Garlands of greenery were twisted around the banister of the staircase, and twinkle lights were entwined through each spindle.
Each doorway held a sprig of mistletoe, and Dom was taking horrible advantage. He often lurked under it, just waiting for her to come by so he could sweep her into his arms for a long kiss. His eyes still held a hint of pain, but, except for traces of grimness, he was his usual self. His only concession to the existence of the media scandal was hiring a team of professional security agents to scour the property every hour. So far, they had expelled two photographers in the past two days.
When she went up to bed, Caris had a difficult time falling asleep, as she had for the last two nights. Since practically forcing Dom into agreeing to the marriage, she had wrestled with her conscience. She agonized over her actions, knowing how hurt he would be if he found out she was Jessica’s mother after they were married. He would think she had only married him to keep her baby. The more she thought about it, the more she became convinced that she couldn’t marry him without telling the truth. Yet, hiding the truth was her primary reason for marrying him. Wasn’t it?
She sighed and turned over, pounding her pillow into a ball. She tried to clear her mind of heavy thoughts by focusing on tomorrow night’s festivities. Once all the guests arrived and ate, there would be a gift exchange done by a drawn number. A few party games would precede a round of singing Christmas songs. The guests would finish the evening with dancing. Somewhere in that time frame, she knew Dom would announce their engagement and invite those in attendance to their afternoon wedding on the following Tuesday.
Friday afternoon, during a pause between crises, Dom pulled Caris aside and into his study. As soon as he closed the door, he drew her in his arms for a long kiss. His mouth was firm against hers, and his hands slipped under the soft wool of the iced-cherry sweater to explore her flesh.
Caris tried to control her galloping heart as his hands slid across her skin. Her lips were soft and pliant under his, and she could barely think straight. If not for him lifting his head, she couldn’t honestly say she would have stopped their interlude. She wrapped her arms around his waist and propped her chin against his chest to look up at him. She smiled. “What was that for?”
“I missed you.” He pulled her a bit closer and cupped her buttocks through the khaki slacks. “A lot.”
Heat suffused her cheeks as she felt his erection pressing into her hip. “I can tell just how much,” she said in a husky voice.
Dom continued to hold her for a moment before he took a step back
. “I thought, since we’re going to tell everyone tonight…” He trailed off and reached into the pocket of his sinfully tight jeans, washed to a dull blue. He pulled out a small black box. “You should probably have this.” He opened the velvet box to show her the three-stone diamond ring.
Caris gasped when she saw the white-gold ring. The three square-cut diamonds nestled side by side. She didn’t know anything about jewelry or stones, but the diamonds were pure white and sparkled in the light, which she thought was a good thing.
At her silence, he frowned. “I liked the symbolism of the three stones, but if you want something else, we can exchange it after the holidays.”
She continued to stare at the ring without speaking.
“Caris?”
She burst into tears and buried her face in her hands.
Dom touched her shoulder. “Do you hate it? You don’t have to wear it even for tonight. We don’t need a ring to make the announcement.”
Caris shook her head and took a deep breath, trying to speak. “I—” She swallowed the tears down and cleared her throat. “I love it. I’m just…I don’t deserve this, Dom.”
His posture grew less rigid when he laughed. “Don’t be ridiculous. You deserve the best of everything.”
She shook her head. “No. You don’t—”
He lifted her left hand and slid on the ring, ignoring her feeble attempts to draw away. “It’s a perfect fit. See? The ring was meant for you.”
She gazed down at the ring on her hand, surprised at how comfortable it felt on her finger. As Dom had said, it did seem like the ring was meant for her, but she knew she couldn’t accept it with a lie hanging between them. She licked her lips. “I have to tell you something before—”
The door opened, and Elena poked her head in. “There you two are. I need you in the kitchen, Caris. Dom, you need to help set up the chairs. Those men just left them in stacks against the wall.”
Dom sighed. “Sure thing, Mom.” He leaned down to whisper in Caris’s ear. “You can tell me later tonight.”
Caris reluctantly nodded and followed him from the study. She stopped long enough to show Elena the ring and receive a tight hug.